


Of Love And Football

by TheRomanticist02



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - American Football, Although maybe Seth is really the hater here, Angry Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Bickering, Breaking Up & Making Up, Breathplay, Consensual Kink, Dark Past, Denial of Feelings, Discussion of Abortion, Dubious Consent, Everyone Has Issues, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fucked Up, Hate to Love, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Miscommunication, Mpreg, NFL, NICU nurse Seth, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Quaterback Roman, Raising Babies, Rough Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Tags May Change, They're husbands basically, Trust Issues, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2020-11-08 06:37:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 84,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20831024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRomanticist02/pseuds/TheRomanticist02
Summary: It's the story that nearly breaks the internet—one of the biggest scandals to hit 2019, and probably the biggest one others may argue.BREAKING NEWS: NFL PLAYER, ROMAN REIGNS, IS A FATHER.And maybe, under normal circumstances, these would be considered great news. But when said NFL player was involved in another scandal, and probably still is, because the birth of his child coincides with the scandal he's been involved in for months now, well then Seth can't help but think that maybe Roman Reigns is just a magnet for trouble—a complete bad boy who lives for the drama.Things can only get worse when Seth finally meets the King of Controversy in the flesh—as he's hit with a rollercoaster of emotion and realizes that denying his heart is no easy feat.Love is confusing. Relationships are hard. Fame isn't all that it appears to be. And football makes everything better.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, what am I doing here? Why am I writing this? Because it won't let me go, lol. I got inspo for this back when I was writing The Royals Consort and researching all the NICU staff and I came across a cute article. Anyway, I forgot all about the story but it's come back to me again. I'm really going to keep this one short and straight to the point but for me that's like conquering Mt. Everest. I'm hoping for 10-15 chapters, cause I already have the plot and shit and hopefully, it won't be 10 000 words per chapter cause then it'll still be way too long. I hope you'll like this as much as I do...at least when it all played out in my head, LOL.
> 
> Also, I always say this, I'm an accounting student through and through, I love business and economics. I know nothing about medicinal stuff or anatomy but I'll do the utmost best to research throughly (already have) and try to be accurate in what I write, excuse inconsistencies, please. I know some of you know best but don't be assholes about it (thankfully, I am yet to come across such a reader). And I dont know much about the NFL or football, I hardly even enjoy a good rugby match but again, I'll do my best. This is a fiction work, and I have decided to base Roman's career off of Green Bay Packers' Aaron Rodgers cause the internet says the Chicago Bears call him daddy, lol. And I'm down with that because let's face it, in the end, Seth will be calling Roman daddy-o, too. And I just really fell in love with him and the Packers when I was doing my research (sorry, Seth) lol. 
> 
> Oh, and by the way, this is MPREG...my fave of faves!!! Don't like, simple, don't read! Thank you.

A common phrase in the nursing world is that there is no typical day, and for someone who's working in the Nicu, Seth thinks it holds true for them as well. Everyday, he starts his twelve hour shift not knowing what the day will bring but hoping to end it with a sense of accomplishment. This may come in the tiniest, smallest, but most significant ways possible. Like an infant excreting their first poop. Or an 8 ml blood transfusion that can make a world of difference to a premature baby's oxygen saturation and heart rate.

As soon as Seth slides the doors to the Nicu open, he can hear alarms from monitors in one room. There's the sound of a woman crying in the next, another sound captures his attention, the beautiful sound of a baby drinking his milk, and a little cheer from who he guesses is Alexa as she rejoices over the fact that the little one has just finished his first bottle. It makes his heart smile, these are the moments that they all live for, all these tiny successes that too many people may overlook but that mean so much for anyone caring for tiny, fragile beings.

Seth often compares his job to riding a rollercoaster. There are many highs and lows that can change in a mere minute. This morning he was riding that rollercoaster with the family of a precious little girl who was struggling to keep her oxygen saturations within the required percentile. The blood of a preterm baby receiving extra oxygen must be maintained at about 88 - 85%, not higher, to prevent any complications on the baby. Little Aimee-Lee has managed to do just that for three days now, with oxygen levels within the required percentile. It was an emotional high for all of them, that's one obstacle the brave 28 weeker has overcome.

When lunch time comes around, Seth can positively say that today doesn't seem so bad. He always uses the opportunity of a break to get some fresh air though, and to remind himself that he's here, and human, and that some things are beyond his and his team's control. This is very important, because it's not always sunshine and roses in his department. After a quick lunch outside, he goes back to do a few rounds in the nurseries. There's a little boy who just graduated to Nicu level 1, and Seth was personally involved in his care during some of his more critical moments.

As he enters the little guy's nursery, he's pleased to find that it's his feeding session. He loves this part of his job too. "Maliya, hi." He goes to join the young woman, hovering above her respectfully, while watching her prepare to nurse her baby. "How are you doing?"

Maliya beams, all sun and the stars, glowing brown skin and all. You wouldn't say that she's the same woman who looked absolutely hopeless a few months ago, you wouldn't say she's the same young woman who'd looked like she aged a century. "Seth!" Her dimples make an appearance, she's smiling so hard. "Boy, am I glad to finally catch a glimpse of you. It's been a long while, and I wanted to give you the good news. Dr. Orton, the other one, not the cold-eyed one, but his husband. He told me that Brady is healthy to be discharged by next week. Well, we can actually leave, but they want to give me time to prepare for his discharge!"

"Maliya, those are great news! I'm happy for you both. Truly."

"Thank you so much, Seth. For everything. I, you guys took care of my baby. You never stopped being kind and supportive, even when I was being a persistent nutcase. I'll never forget what you did for us."

"Oh, stop." Seth sniffles, dabbing at his eyes, small chuckle escaping. "Look, you're making me all emotional and stuff. I don't want to cry."

"Sorry." Maliya caresses her son's smooth cheek. Her little Brady is such an eater, and with his fantastic weight gain, Seth can't say he's surprised really. "But I just wanted to thank you. From the bottom of my heart."

"Hey, this is what I am passionate about. This is what I love doing, I'll give it 200%. The reward is always worth it. I'm happy that I was part of your son's care team. It's been a pleasure to see him thriving. He's so stubborn, and we both know where he gets it from."

Maliya rolls her eyes playfully. "I'm glad he got that trait from me."

"Me too, Mal, me too."

"Do you...want to hold him? I can tell that he's missed you. Look at how he's wiggling around at the sound of your voice."

Seth is not sure if it's his voice per se but the little one does seem a little overexcited, and it's a beautiful sight to witness. And yes, he wants to hold her baby. He's missed this little one, that's another thing about his job, the attachment. Being fully attached is never wise but so is complete detachment, compassion and care is needed when caring for these vulnerable beings. Overtime, you learn to balance the emotions enough to not be completely heartbroken when it's time for a mother to take their newborn home. From time to time, Seth keeps in touch, finds out the progress and any milestones the babies have reached. He's made a few good friends from being in this profession.

"Maybe for two minutes." He tells Maliya, gently embracing her baby into his arms. Big brown eyes blink up at him, little Brady squirming in his arms. "Hey there, tough guy. I've missed you, yes I have. You miss me, too?" He queries playfully, scrunching up his nose. "Is that a yes I hear?"

"Oops, that's a definite yes." Maliya giggles when Brady releases gas in response to Seth's question.

"A definite, very blunt one. He has no filter, does he?" Seth asks, brushing beautiful blacks softly. "Is that on you again...or is it Jonathan?"

"Jon, obviously."

"Yeah, right." Seth chuckles, only for panic to set in a second later. The pager has gone off, another baby needs his attention. "Maliya, would you—"

"Yes, of course." She's already taking the baby from him. "Go do your thing, Seth."

Seth offers her a hint of a smile before rushing off toward the hospital’s corridors, emergency bag in hand. With the arrival of the newborn, he already knows what to expect. It's a premature baby that will require their attention, and support. A troop of doctors and nurses are already there, working on adrenaline, all of them with one goal in mind. They have a job to do, a baby to save.

"We’ve got an emergency admission. Twenty-nine weeker, born through an emergency c-section according to the previous hospital. The mother didn't make—” Ricochet, the charge nurse, is informing the team about their new patient. Seth tries to actively listen, Ricochet keeps spilling out information, speaking a mile a minute with everyone hard at task.

The doors to the Nicu slide open, adrenaline rush still pumping. Seth gathers a few bits about the little girl. Little baby Reigns born January 07 2019, at 06:55pm, to a twenty year old mother. Born eleven weeks early, the little one only weighs at two pounds, eight ounces. They get the baby on the warming table, Seth's heart clenches in distress as he looks at the unresponsive baby, he's not surprised when Ollie relays her low Apgar score, a terrifying one. She's all small body and blue lips. Eyes clenched tight, and her pallor very ghostly.

Dr. Woods-Orton bolts in right then, well not bolt, considering his current condition. But it is still quite an impressive waddle, and he is demanding that someone tell him something, give him an update. There is a glossiness in his eyes when he reaches where the fragile infant is, Seth thinks he may be getting a bit personal, but of course it would be hard for him not to. He's a mother to two year old twin boys and is awaiting the arrival of a little girl in less than two months, of course he'll view this in personally. 

Seth stands aside, reminding himself to remain calm, watching silently as they intubate the baby. "Rollins, your assistance please. I have no idea what this lady is doing." Seth hears Dr. Woods-Orton—_ Xavier_, he reminds himself—urge, voice wobbly with emotion.

"Of course," Seth replies.

"How long has she been out for?"

"Two minutes." He hears someone supply, it sounded like Alexa.

And _shit!_

The panic returns, strong and fast. It's even worse when looking at the small girl's delicate body. Xavier instructs him to do this and that, apply chest compression at about 80 beats per minute to a baby who's heart rate barely lifts to 60 beats per minute. Seth is shaking, almost thinks he's experiencing a seizure while connecting with the little baby's delicate skin. "Come on, little. Fight. Fight." He beseeches the baby, this part is always the hardest, always.

"Enough, Seth." It sounds harsh, but then again, with the critical matter at hand Seth understands. Xavier is calling out orders, moving around with ease for a man looking so heavily pregnant, while requesting doses of drugs to help resuscitate the infant.

Seth hands him the needle with an infant-sized dose of sodium bicarbonate so that Xavier can inject the drug into the umbilical line. "You're going to make it, aren't you, beautiful? Yes, you are. You're so strong, I'm proud." Xavier is speaking gently, probably distracting himself as he works against time to save the baby. Seth will applaud him for how he manages to bring himself down again when too worried, or stressed out. It can't be good for his own baby. It's a wonder his husband hasn't ordered him to stay at home yet, but Xavier's a stubborn one when he wants to be.

There's an eerie minute where they all hold their breaths, looking at the monitors to track baby's heartbeat. Fifty. Forty. One of the nurses fucks it all to hell, and helps to reapply chest compression to the baby. Fifty. "Come on, little one." Seth pleads, gaze glued to the screens.

Sixty.

"There we go." Xavier whispers, watching the little girl like a hawk.

Seventy.

The tension leaves the atmosphere, slowly. Seth can see a glimmer of hope in the eyes of his colleagues.

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

The monitor skyrockets to 107 beats per minute.

Seth could cry. His heart clenches to the point of discomfort, out of overwhelming emotion. Letting out a searing ball of air, his gaze finally goes to the little girl, and he's so happy to be able to whisper a grateful, "Thank you."

_ It's over. _

* * *

Baby Reigns does not make it out alive unscathed. It's a given, really. Born eleven weeks early, she will be spending quite some time in the Nicu before she can finally get to go home. For now this is her home. Nearly fifteen hours old and a long road ahead of her. 

Seth learns quite a few things about her though. About her lineage and where exactly she comes from.

It's the story that nearly breaks the internet—one of the biggest scandals to hit 2019, and probably the biggest one others may argue.

** _BREAKING NEWS: NFL PLAYER, ROMAN REIGNS, IS A FATHER._ **

It's when Seth had taken a fifteen minute break away from baby Reigns, whose side he hadn't left for the first ten hours of her life, to use the bathroom and get a bit of fresh air when the headline screams at him from a television in the canteen. From then on, it doesn't need a genius to fit the puzzles. Baby Reigns is daughter to Green Bay Packers' infamous Roman Reigns.

And maybe, under normal circumstances, these would be considered great news. But when said NFL player was involved in another scandal, and probably still is, because the birth of his child coincides with the scandal he's been involved in for months now, well then Seth can't help but think that maybe Roman Reigns is just a magnet for trouble because the quarterback has just dethroned himself on the 'King of Controversy' _ category—again. _

Not that it's a surprise, really. From their fans alone, Seth knows firsthand how immature anyone who associates with the Packers can be. Like the women he's seen wearing close to nothing on a less than 20 degrees weather during sporting events. Or the middle-aged men who screech that annoying, 'Go Pack, Go' 'fight song' every other second while spitting on your face as they reminisce about the past. There are too many things that Seth could mention but now is not the time.

The most pressing issue is that Roman Reigns is a new father, to an infant girl born eleven weeks early, weighing under 3 pounds. The pressing issue is that said little girl is not out of the woods yet. With jaundice and other health problems, it really will be quite a tough road to recovery. The most pressing issue is that Seth has been unable to leave her side for fifteen hours now, hating how alone and scared she must be feeling. The pressing issue is that her young mother is not available to nurture her, gone at a tender age, due to a freakish car accident. What's pressing is that her father is not here, to support her, and protect her. She's all alone.

Alone.

It hurts, and Seth is feeling a lot of resentment towards both her parents. He knows in the case of the mother he's being unfair. Young Cameron Lynn succumbed to life's misfortune, it was beyond her control—but that doesn't make it fair for her daughter who is currently fighting against the statistics. Her young, vulnerable daughter who will never get the privilege of knowing her mother personally. Instead, she will spend all the days of her life relying on strangers' perceptions of her mother and have to take their word for it.

Granted, young Cameron Lynn didn't have the greatest of reputations. Involved in a scandal with her baby daddy who very publicly denied having any romantic relations with her and accused her of being a 'money-hungry psycho', the young woman's tiff with Roman was a very public, very nasty one, probably because Roman had just come off a ten year relationship with another woman not even six months before Cameron announced to the world that she was five months pregnant, and carrying the quarterback's first child.

That was last year's scandal, it's the same one that Roman just outdid himself on by losing his ex-lover and gaining a new child in the process. The media is buzzing, and the infamous Roman Reigns has broken the internet—_ again._

Seth will admit that he's indulged himself on the scandal, and has tried to keep up. Last he heard, Roman was trying to pay her off, along with their baby, but she'd demanded more money and a brand new car. The same car (bought just two months ago) that just took her life. The irony of it all isn't lost on Seth. But he guesses in the end, Roman got what he wanted—to be rid of Cameron.

The same can't be said for his baby. She's a little fighter—a beautiful little warrior. Seth remembers a time when he honestly feared that she wasn't going to make it, he's never felt such an overwhelming fear before. The only thing that had been on his mind was for the little one to fight harder, because she couldn't die on them, on him. Of course he knows that when it's time, it's time, but he's never had a baby die in his care, with him present—and maybe it's selfish of him but he didn't want that on his conscience.

He's seen how badly it can affect staff. He's witnessed Alexa Bliss break down over a baby she'd formed a close bond with, witnessed a pained expression on Dr. Jax's face. That was just two months after he'd joined the NICU, but their expressions still haunt him. He hopes to never experience that kind of pain, the self-doubt, and self-blame.

"You know you've been at this baby's side for close to twenty-four hours now. You ought to go home, Seth."

A silent sigh leaves Seth, he looks over his shoulder to find Dr. Woods-Orton—_Xavier, _again he reminds himself—waddling toward him with a careful smile on his face. "You ought to take your own advice, doctor. You should've left for home an hour ago."

Xavier shrugs. Seth stands to help him settle on a cushioned chair in the room. Xavier groans while caressing his large belly, he's a beautiful mess at the moment, the glasses he has on add to it.

"I'm waiting for Randy, he's doing his rounds with a few patients."

"So he told you to wait?"

"Doesn't want me behind the wheel." Another shrug from the beautiful doctor, he looks bone tired, bags under his eyes and wrinkles on his forehead. Xavier really doesn't rest much. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea if Randy put his foot down.

"I can see why." Seth murmurs, feeling exhausted himself, and yawning. "I really don't think it's very wise of you to be working this hard this far up in your trimester, Dr. Orton."

"Dr. Orton, really?" Xavier laughs out loud. "Is that how you're choosing to clothe that insult you just hurled at me?"

Seth rolls his eyes, and protests with a chortle. "Xavier, please. You and I both know I wasn't insulting you. We both know how stressful this unit is, and I'm just saying, you're a doctor, you know that too much stress isn't good for the baby. I remember how stressed you were last night… With this little one."

A bemused pause, and then an exhale. "Randy told me the same thing…just last night."

"See, that means this is something you need to take into consideration. Especially because your husband and I rarely agree on lots of things."

"Don't remind me," Xavier lets out a hearty laugh, caressing his belly in tender circles. Seth can tell that the man's drifted off to the past, possibly remembering every encounter that Seth's had the displeasure of sharing with Randy. They're not enemies, but they're definitely not friends either. Hell, they're not even acquaintances, a surprise really considering how close Seth is to Xavier. Even though they do not qualify to be called best friends, they're still close enough. Not that it's hard to be friends with Xavier, he's a complete nerd, an adorable one at that, despite the fact that he is still five years older than Seth. Thirty, and still the coolest guy that Seth's ever met. "He still can't get over the fact that you couldn't tell a female snake apart from the male."

A sigh. Seth remembers that day like yesterday. He'd left the Ortons home seething, made worse by Randy's contemptuous sarcasm. So what if he had a pet snake and never bothered to determine it's gender? He was ten years old, and his mom thought getting him an animal he feared the most as a pet was a _ bright _ idea. It shouldn't be a surprise that he never interacted with the reptile much, but he was sad when it passed on...part of him had grown fond of it.

"What can I say? We're not all raised to be snakes."

If Xavier took offense on his husband's behalf, he doesn't show it. Not with the way he giggles like he finds something funny. "This is why I enjoy being in your company, Seth. Fuck, I love you."

"In a platonic way." Seth reminds him.

"But of course." Xavier still can't control the titters.

"We need to put it out there. You're married to a snake, he has this tendency of appearing out of the blue...and looking all predatory like."

"I concur."

"So how are my little champions doing?"

Xavier grins a beautiful smile, like he always does whenever asked about his little boys. He's taking out his phone, giving it to Seth to show him some pictures, Seth accepts it with a small smile of his own. "They're growing too fast. I can't keep up. Gideon hurt Adonis on the eye the other day. And he was shaking in his tiny boots by the time their father came around. He was scared of the naughty corner."

Seth chuckles, dabbing at his eyes. He listens voluntarily, happily, as Xavier goes on a babbling-spree while talking about the twins. Eventually it ends, much to Seth's dismay, when Randy makes an appearance telling Xavier it's time to go home. Seth agrees, not having much of a choice anyway, and sadly watches the two walk away.

Alone, with nothing but the beeping monitors and mellow swishes from the ventilators to keep him company, Seth is drawn to the gentle rise and fall of baby Reigns' delicate chest, under the soothing blue lights. The sight centers him, reminding him that the little one is still here—fighting.

Leaning back on the chair, and ignoring the ache along his spine and rear from sitting in one place for so long, his thoughts travel to the baby's father. In the eighteen hours since his daughter's birth, there has been no word, or trace of Roman Reigns. They've been trying to get hold of him for a while now, and Mandy had hinted that maybe he's not aware of what's happened to which Seth had breathed an annoyed snort.

There is no way in hell the man isn't aware that his ex-lover is dead, ain't no way in hell he doesn't know that his daughter is all alone fighting for her life in some hospital. With how quickly word gets out with the internet at your fingertips, news about Roman's latest scandal are all over the internet. He is easily the most recognizable NFL player, the most polarizing one, too. Seth won't get into his scandals, and just why he's so famous. His point is the heartless bastard is probably chilling somewhere, not giving a fuck about his preterm baby.

Seth can feel himself trembling with a blazing fury just thinking about it. How a grown ass man can be _ so...so...heartless. _ Yes, it's a known fact that he didn't want to be associated with his baby mama nor their baby but things are different now. Cameron is gone, a little soul needs him, she can't live as an orphan when one of her parents is still on this earth. Seth's not going to lie, he's always disliked Roman Reigns, there's just _ something _ about that man and no, Seth is not saying this because Roman Reigns usually has something to do with his favorite team losing. He's _ not _saying this because Roman Reigns led his team to a 45-0 win against his beloved Bears, it was an embarrassing time, and Seth remembers not even wanting to show his face around the hospital. One of Xavier's best friends, that he's become an acquaintance with, made fun of him the entire time. Seth wanted to kick Big E's dumbass into oblivion.

Like he's said, he doesn't necessarily dislike Roman for what he's accomplished, there are plenty of reasons actually, part of him doesn't even get the guy's appeal, and why people make such a big deal out of him. He's not even that good a quarterback, certainly not worthy of being in the top five list. And Roman is polarizing for that very reason, too many people don't agree on the same thing, but Seth's with the ones who have their eyes open, who aren't too stuck up in the man's ass like he's a god or something. He's certainly proving that he's the furthest thing from a saint.

Who abandons a newborn?

Fucking_ Roman ‘I'm a dick head’ __Reigns_, that's who.

"Careful there, princess. Don't break your jaw."

Seth lifts his head to find Alexa monitoring baby Reigns' wellbeing, while also reviewing her chart. When did she get here? He's too distracted. Seth sighs, encouraging his body to let go of the tension, and watching Alexa move around with silent grace. "Hi, babe."

"What's sneaked up your ass this evening?" Alexa questions, resting her hands on her waist, seemingly pleased with the baby's health thus far.

"Nothing." Seth shrugs, internally chiding himself for being so personally affected, this is why Dr. Orton (the cold one) always advises them to care about the patient but to not be too emotionally attached. It's easy for an emotionless bastard to say that Seth figures because when said patients are as young and innocent as the one before him, well then it's hard not to be attached. It's even worse with this one because she hasn't a single visitor, it's been twenty hours and not one—

"Seth seriously, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking about how selfish of a bastard this little girl's father is. Immature, I forgot to add that to the list too. He should be kicked off his team and lose all his endorsements and deals. What kind of human being is he? Twenty hours and still no sign of him. God, he's an asshole!" Seth shakes his head, anger reigniting by the minute. "Why hasn't he come for her? Who does what he does?"

"Why don't we go to the cafeteria for a while, have coffee, my treat." Seth issues no complaint as she leads him out of the Nicu ward. The hallways are silent, not a surprise really, it is just after midnight after all. "So what is all this about selfishness?" Alexa sips her coffee, all the attention on him.

"Well, it's like this—" Seth takes a deep breath and goes on his fifteen minute tirade. He can't be sure how Roman being a lousy football player slithers into his conversation but he doesn't stop, he can't. He voices his thoughts, informs Alexa about all the times that Roman's been featured in the media very negatively, very publicly and why he can see that there's truth behind some of the things that have been said about him. Alexa barely gets in a word, Seth is a babbling fireball.

Being so passionate about his dislike for Roman Reigns, Seth barely registers the ruckus that sounds behind them as he and Alexa make their way back to the Nicu ward. He's too busy talking, but he pauses when Alexa does, surprised why and about to question her when Alexa's eyes go wide as saucers, jaw not far from dropping to the ground.

"What is it?" Seth peers in the direction she's looking, and blinks rapidly, in disbelief.

"Well, what do they say? Speak of the devil…"

Lo and behold, Roman Reigns is here, in the flesh. Dressed in black sweatpants and a jacket, he stands out like sore thumb next to the significantly smaller nurses and doctors crowding him. One physician is rattling off information, while the others stare in wonder and smitten awe. It's disgusting, nothing about this guy even stands out. He's your average gorgeous (yes, Seth will be objective to admit that the man looks like he was carved with the gods) 'I have nothing else to offer besides my good looks' dumb jock who obviously plays for the big leagues. Totally not impressive.

"And right here, Mr. Reigns, Seth Rollins, he's stayed at your daughter's side since her arrival at St. Anderson's." Mandy Rose informs an indifferent quarterback.

Roman Reigns holds his hand out, big looking and all, and offers a hint of a smile. "Pleased to meet you, Seth Rollins."

_ Can't say the same. _Seth feels something bubbling within, and his anger cloaks him and this son of a bitch stood right in front of him giving him a goddamn grin like he's not bothered that for twenty hours his daughter has had to fight her biggest fight all alone. He doesn't know how fragile she looked, how she still looks. How heart wrenching it is to see her all hooked up to different wires. How she's on oxygen support because she's struggling to breathe on her own and all the bastard can come up with is a demeaning 'pleased to meet you, Seth Rollins.'"

_ The audacity! _

Seth glares, hoping with every hateful bone in his body that his stare down alone will send the man to the pits of hell. And no, he's not going to shake hands with a complete asshole. "Oh, look Alexa, the little boy's finally grown a pair and stopped running from his responsibilities." He snaps out viciously instead, meaning every word he's said.


	2. Chapter 2

Seth doesn’t really have a filter, he’ll be the first one to admit. Too many times in the past he’s found himself in ‘awkward situations’ because his mind tends to rush to his mouth with no warning. It’s something that can’t be helped, a little habit that he picked up later in life, that clearly isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Mandy Rose’s silent glare could kill him in an instant, Humberto’s jaw is going to hit the floor, Beth’s scowl makes him feel like a petulant child, but the two nightshift custodians look amused at least, with how red their faces are from holding back the giggles, so it’s not all so bad, Seth decides. Folding his arms across his chest, his attention goes back to the object of his anger. 

Roman Reigns is looking at him, the warmth that had been in brown eyes disappearing in an instant, in their place, stoicism. Seth has never seen anyone school his features faster, within an eye-blink. Wide stance in place, chin tilted up, Roman Reigns retracts his hand, he folds his arms, while they continue staring at each other silently. It’s not awkward at all strangely, it feels more like an opportunity given to Seth to fully scrutinize the big man in front of him.

Thick beard framing an impressive jawline (Seth did say he was going to be honest about the man’s beauty). Lush lips pressed into a thin line. Seth’s gaze trails further up. Freckles, barely noticeable on Reigns’ nose but there nonetheless. Vacant chocolate eyes. They have dark circles, from sleep deprivation probably. Maybe Reigns was out partying, and then flew right here afterwards...probably.

“Roman, honey. Please ignore my colleague’s  _ distasteful  _ comments. Seth has a reputation for being a classless act, you should see him out of his work clothes—  _ hideous.  _ That is all I am going to say.” Mandy’s nose scrunches up as she looks at him, contemptuously, like he  _ smells  _ or has some contagious disease that hasn’t been discovered yet.

Low giggling, and a moment’s silence from both him and Reigns, who is regarding Mandy with what resembles a hint of a scowl, before he clears his throat, murmuring, “Hey, it’s okay, baby girl.” Seth prevents a snort. What is this guy doing? Auditioning to be the next Derek Morgan? “Samson, here, clearly needs to release some steam and—”

“—oh, he needs to  _ release  _ something alright—” Mandy interrupts, and Seth isn’t far from wanting to strangle her. It’s a bad thought he knows, but the shallow blonde is testing his patience. “I’ll sign him up on some sugar daddy site, I’m sure there’s an old, wrinkly man out there  _ willing  _ to do the job, and help us all.”

“I think that’s quite enough, Ms. Rose.” Reigns speaks up, sternly, and the authority doesn’t make Seth uncomfortable in his nether regions, it  _ doesn’t.  _ Certainly not when the bastard continues composedly, “Simeon’s pulsing vein is on the verge of bursting. He clearly has a problem with me, and I would prefer we talked it out, like  _ adults.  _ ” Seth doesn’t miss the underlying condescending tone in his voice. It irks him, and he finds himself noticing just how  _ punchable  _ Reigns’ face is. “ So by all means, continue, Silas, I’m here now, how may I assist you today?”

“You can start by dropping the smartass act. It’s...how did Mandy put it... _ distasteful.  _ ” Seth replies, just as condescending. “I know you’re this bigshot in Green Bay, and everyone worships your overrated ass there but this is  _ Moline,  _ Reigns. You can’t come here and think you’re going to walk all over our heads because you’re a celebrity.  _ Respect,  _ Reigns, it’s not a foreign concept.”

“Funny you should say that. I was just about to give you the same lecture.”

“Good.” Mandy barges in, uninvited, making Seth scream internally. She was doing  _ brilliantly  _ as a silent spectator, like the rest of his colleagues, although they are still glaring, they’re not very pleased with him at the moment. Sue him for not being that far stuck up in Reigns’ Packers ass. “I mean seriously, Seth? To assume that Roman’s only big in Green Bay.” Mandy pulls a face again, a look of pity this time, like she feels sorry for him. Seth isn’t even offended. What would be offensive is if he and Mandy actually  _ agreed  _ on something. He’s glad to see that he’s still on the right track. “He’s like easily the most recognizable NFL player worldwide. He’s gorgeous, his skin is flawless, with beautiful lips that look  _ so  _ skilled, and sensual eyes. And  _ body, _ did I mention  _ body _ ? ” Mandy snuggles closer to a clearly uncomfortable Reigns, getting a feel of his bulging bicep.

“Personal space, Ms. Rose,” says Reigns, politely, although Seth thinks he’s counting to ten in his head, with that jaw tick that lasts for exactly ten seconds. “Any more tantrums, Samuel? No? Good, now if you would be so kind as to show me to my daughter’s room.”

“Of course, if you and Mandy are done eye-fucking, please let me know. I will be  _ pleased  _ to.”

Once more, jaws hit the ground. Seth keeps his saccharine smile, not removing his gaze from hardening eyes, they make him feel inexplicable things, delicious tingles that he’s never felt before, and he hates it. He’s never been one to admit defeat though, so there’s no way in hell that he’ll look away. Not from this one. Even as his cheeks grow hot, and the hairs on his skin stand, and the back of his neck, with a shiver racing down his spine. 

“I apologize on Mandy’s behalf.” Reigns murmurs with a dismissive nod toward the woman who doesn’t look at all embarrassed. She’s flattered it seems, and Seth doesn’t even know why. “Now if you would be kind enough to lead the way…” a hint of a smug smirk, the bastard even has the audacity to look Seth in the eyes as he continues, “ _ Solomon.”  _

Seth bristles, this guy is a dick, and it hasn’t even been five minutes! Yes, he realizes that he started...whatever this is but that’s just because he’s mad that a  _ grown ass man  _ hasn’t been there for his sickly infant daughter since her birth.  _ A whole goddamn thirty-two year old _ . And he hasn’t even apologized or explained the reason for his absence. “Right this way,  _ Ronald _ .” Seth whirls around, leaving without another word, as the others giggle like they’re watching their favorite telenova.

The beeping monitors welcome them, as well as the soft swooshing of the ventilator, the nursery gives off a peaceful aura, all dimmed lighting and simplicity. It’s enough to lure one into a false sense of serenity. There is a sick baby in this room, a baby with wires attached to her body and a breathing tube down her throat. 

“There’s nine other beds here.” Reigns states the obvious, breaking Seth’s thoughts.

“Oh, we share here. Ten incubators for level three Nicu, and then fifteen for level 2 and 1.” Alexa explains, pointing towards the vacant incubators. “Your daughter’s the only critical patient we have at the moment.”

“But isn’t she...don’t they get their own rooms? I think it would be more convenient—”

“We’re one of the best hospitals in Moline, Reigns. It doesn’t matter that the infants have to share nurseries,  _ service  _ is what we’re about. And your daughter has been in great hands so far...while you were god knows where, doing whatever you were doing, we were here, taking care of and stabilizing your daughter. Don’t insult us.”

“I wasn’t. I just thought—”

“Wrong. You thought wrong, admit and let’s move past it.”

“What are the blue lights for?” Reigns asks Alexa, dismissing Seth without even a glance in his direction.

Alexa clears her throat, glaring daggers at Seth, and he shrugs. What did he do wrong? Chide a man for undermining them by insinuating that they can’t care after multiple babies simultaneously? And the way Reigns had looked around, inspecting the room as if it held some sort of germs, with the way he had his eyes squinted. Snobbish. Just snobbish. Even the way he walks, talks, and acts as if important. It’s not helping how everyone around him keeps treating him that way, too.

“She’s undergoing phototherapy to treat her jaundice. Don’t worry the lights are not hurting her or anything. Phototherapy will basically help change the bilirubin in the skin into a form that will not cause deafness or brain damage. She’ll undergo treatment until the level of bilirubin has dropped to a safer level—we are conducting regular blood tests to measure her bilirubin level though. And this can take up to 48 hours, but it can be longer if bilirubin levels remain high.”

“She’s so small...about the size of my hand probably.”

“She looks it, you’ve got big hands.” Alexa replies, the softness in her tone meant to offer comfort in her own strange way. Seth knows her so much by now. “So that’s like a good thing, you see? Big hands means baby big, baby growing.”

“You sound like a Neanderthal.” Seth breaths out a laugh before he can help himself.

“Oh, shut up you!” Alexa giggles, dismissing him with a wave of the hands. “What I mean, Mr. Reigns—”

“Call me Roman, please. Mr. Reigns makes me feel...like you’re seeking employment, and I don’t have a job for you, except maybe that you take good care of my daughter.” 

Alexa giggles, and flicks her hair over shoulder, looking majorly self-satisfied. “Okay then,  _ Roman.  _ What I’m simply saying is baby Reigns is such a strong, fierce little girl—and we’re all proud of her here.”

“Has she eaten?  _ Can  _ she eat?” Emotional eyes seek guidance, if not for his eyes, then nothing would’ve given Reigns away, Seth thinks. His eyes reveal more emotion than his entire face and body language, even his aura is collected. Seth wonders how he’s doing it, because were it him, he’d be bawling his eyes out.

“She’s feeding through an NG tube at the moment. We’ve given her preemie formula, it has more calories, protein, vitamins, and minerals than regular baby formula or breast milk, and is designed to help preterm babies, like your daughter, to grow faster. I hope that answers your question.”

“Yes, it does…” Reigns eyes Alexa’s pink top. “Alexa. Thank you so much for your assistance. I’m appreciative of everything that you’re doing. That  _ all  _ of you are doing.” His compliments are like the sun, Seth can see them light up his colleagues’ faces. They don’t make Seth’s belly churn weirdly though, no they  _ don’t.  _ “That includes you, Seth Rollins.”

Seth blinks, taken aback, realization sinking in, and causing him to shift his weight from one foot to the other. He’s uncomfortable, and doesn’t know how to remedy that. Tucking loose strands of hair behind his ear (something he only ever does when he’s  _ insecure  _ ), and Seth isn’t given to being insecure. “So now you know my name?” it sounds snarkier than he’d intended, but he decides he doesn’t give a shit...damn this man for making him feel insecure.

“Sethiel?” the bastard queries, playful smile on his face. Seth hates to admit that it is beautiful, a sensual warmth to it, and that for a millisecond, he forgets how to breathe.  _ Beautiful jerk. _

“Very funny, Romulus.” Seth isn’t grinning as he ambers off, faking every bit of confidence, he is  _ not  _ grinning.

* * *

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?” Natalya asks Seth, rolling her eyes in that resigned manner that always means one thing—she’s not at all surprised that Seth is here, at 06:30 in the morning.

“My off days are over.” Seth informs his charge nurse, opening the fridge to store his lunch. He’ll buy breakfast, he didn’t have enough time to make it this morning.

“You’re not supposed to be here for at least  _ three days,  _ Seth. You worked twenty-four hours straight without rest.” Natalya reminds him, although Seth doesn’t really need one. “And you’re back here after two days. When do you rest?”

“Rest? I don’t know what that is.” Seth checks the time—06:39 AM. They have six minutes until their morning briefing. “Did you see the time?” he queries, in hopes of changing the topic, not that Natalya ever falls for it.

“Nice try.” Natalya opens the door, they walk side by side, greeting colleagues in the hallway. “Just this one time, Seth, and you’re not coming into work for the next two days. Baby Reigns is doing just fine, and we don’t have any critical patients at the moment.”

“You know better than anyone how quickly that can change, Nat. I’m just trying to help out.”

“While your personal life suffers.” Natalya counters, judgement in her voice. “You’re twenty-five, and you spend all your time here. Kids your age go out, have fun, sleep around, explore, get drunk.”

“Natalie Neidhart-Wilson.” Seth stops outside the meeting room, batting his eyelashes dramatically while clutching his chest. “You’re not trying to groom a wild child, are you? A bad boy, hmm?”

Natalya shakes her head at his dramatics, scrutinizing him from top to bottom, reminding him of the days his mother would the very same thing. He should call her later on tonight, find out how everything’s going on with her—and hopefully, he won’t have to suffer through an entire conversation about a new boyfriend. “Oh, stop it. I just want you to  _ live  _ a little. I don’t even remember the last time I saw you come to work  _ limping. _ ”

“You’ve never seen me limping at all, Nat.” Seth scoffs, standing aside to let another colleague through. “Besides, I have Bob. And he’s doing a great job, trust me.”

“Still doesn’t compare to the real deal.” Natalya counters, she was clearly expecting that response, because it’s the only one he ever gives lately. But it doesn’t hold any less truth, his sex life is amazing, thanks to his beloved Bob (also known as Battery Operated Boyfriend). At least with Bob, there’s no drama, no headaches, no stress. Seth is always happy, and carefree, and  _ alone.  _

“Haven’t had it in so long that I don’t care, Nat. Bob satiates me just the same, if not more. And no, nothing you say will change my mind on this.”

Natalya sighs. “You’re going to die alone, and I do not mean that positively so you can quit smiling. We all need someone, hon. And help, and company but most importantly  _ love.” _

“You love me, don’t you?” 

“Smartass.” Nat pulls the door open, there’s a silent ruckus amongst their colleagues, nothing serious, just Mandy Rose at it with Alexa again. Those two are always in competition with one another, well Mandy. She picks a fight with anyone she deems ‘unworthy’ of being in her presence but it’s worse with Alexa. Some of their colleagues have even dubbed their rivalry as the battle of the blonde bombshells (although Alexa’s platinum blonde hair is highlighted with streaks of pink). “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Natalya continues, and gently shrugs him away, releasing a low whistle to capture everyone’s attention. “Alright, people! Let’s begin, shall we?”

***

Seth’s had a pretty slow morning, which he concludes is a good thing. It included reviewing medication for his patients, double-checking physician orders, and making sure IV fluid, and oxygen settings were correct. And then he reviewed feeding and medication schedules for the babies who’re feeders and growers. They’ve all had their first feeding session at 09:00, and should be expecting their next one three hours later.

When 12:30 PM comes around, Seth is more than ready to take his break, to recharge. It’s cold outside, freezing actually, with the snow covering the outdoor food court in a thick blanket of white, but Seth still goes to join Alexa and the others at a cozy corner near the heaters. “Aleister says there’s a bad accident on John Deree just now. He says to be careful.” Ricochet cautions as soon as Seth occupies the vacant space next to Bayley.

“Oh, man, another one?” Bayley’s chirpy mood deflates a little, like it always does at the announcement of bad news. 

“Yup.” Ricochet doesn’t look up from his phone, typing away as he continues, “You’d think they would’ve learned not to speed after everything that happened with Cameron Lynn.”

“Not these nutcases who live here. They’ll literally speed past a bad accident, and not slow down.” Alexa scoffs, revealing her disdain for reckless drivers. This one time, she scorned her date for speeding, stalking back home in the blistering cold. It was a twenty minute drive by car, and even longer on foot. “Barbarians, the whole lot of them.”

Seth warms his cold hands by wrapping them around his coffee mug, preventing the chortles at Alexa’s passionate comment. He sits silently, losing himself to his thoughts, with the noise going on around him. His mind, for some weird, unknown reason, decides to settle on a certain Green Bay Packers quarterback. Maybe it’s because Seth hasn’t seen Reigns in over forty-eight hours...and again, for some mysterious reason, he’d expected to find the man at his daughter’s temporary home, keeping her company, or doing something, anything. He just expected Reigns to be there. He wasn’t. It irked Seth all morning, and he’s convinced himself that the irritation stems from Reigns not having learned anything from their previous encounter. He’s not here for his infant daughter— _ again.  _

Their lunch break is over, and they’re all heading back inside when a commotion beyond the iron gates capture their attention. Seth’s stomach starts to flutter with butterflies before he can even turn around to see what the fuss is all about, and the hairs on his skin stand as if he were touching static. He spins on his heels, and sure enough Reigns is here, a distance away. Seth boils hot on his behalf as he takes in what the quarterback is wearing. “Is this idiot looking to freeze to death?” he curses under his breath. Who the hell wears shorts and a tank top in this weather?

“Roman Reigns, apparently.” Bayley answers with a fond laugh. 

“Oh...I said that out loud?” Seth tucks loose strands of hair behind his ear, skin warming with embarrassment. Alexa is looking at him with a smug grin, like she knows something that he doesn’t and Seth would love to try and figure out what she’s on about but he’s glaring at Reigns, disbelieving to the fact that the idiot is indulging the crowd, who’re all dressed in warm clothing, and signing their autographs and taking pictures with them. “I’ve never seen anyone dumber in my entire twenty-five years of living.” 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re actually  _ worried  _ for him, Seth. Like you actually  _ care. _ ” Alexa stands next to him, they’re all unmoving, and Seth is finding it hard to remove his eyes off of Reigns. 

“Of course, I am worried, dimwit!” He snaps absently, still looking at Reigns...whose gaze has somehow found him too, and causing Seth to let out a small trembling breath, more like a gasp, with the wind knocked out of his sails. “He might catch a cold or even worse—flu. And then he’s going to have to be away from his child— _ again.  _ ”

“Oh...didn’t think of that.” Alexa’s cheeks are tinged pink. “I just thought it was you being concerned for your crush.” Alexa says it so simply, as if announcing that it’s another cold day in Moline. 

“W-What?” Seth, on the other hand, sputters, quickly looking away from Reigns. “Crush? Now you’ve done it. You’ve gone cray cray, babe.”

“Mhm.” Alexa studies her nails, and smirks. 

“It’s true.” Seth defends, feeling irritated that she’d even make the assumption. He doesn’t have a crush on Reigns. Sure the man is a sight to behold but he’s not very humble. Seth’s seen a couple of his interviews, and the way he walks around their hospital—commanding attention without a single word, excessively confident, and why wouldn’t he be? Everyone at the hospital is practically falling at his feet, for his disarming smiles, and impeccable manners (that the elderly women haven’t stopped swooning about). “I don’t have time for that honestly. And I’m offended that you think I’d develop a crush on someone that quick, Lex. His beauty means nothing to me.”

“So you think he’s beautiful?” Bayley asks this time. She’s beaming brightly at him. 

“I’m not blind, Bay. The guy’s drop dead gorgeous, I admit. But that’s it. I don’t have a crush on him.”

Both girls look at him, they always do this, when they try to convince him into dating some guy they think he’d look cute with, they haven’t been successful so far, they won’t ever be. Ricochet left a few seconds ago, still on the phone with Aleister, he’s obsessed with his brand-new husband. Seth wishes Alexa and Bayley would find partners, too. Maybe then they’d stop trying to hook him up with every Tom, Dick and Harry. 

“Alright, we believe you.” Alexa has a shit-eating grin stretching her lips, it’s ridiculous. 

“I mean—you know what, I’m not even going to bother with you two.” Seth huffs, walking away after giving the two women a nasty stare down. They’re both irritating as hell. Can’t you simply notice someone’s good looks without being attracted to them? This world confuses him with each day. 

***

Seth finds Reigns in the nursery, headphones covering his ears, sitting next to his daughter’s little home. He doesn’t know whether or not to interrupt. He wasn’t assigned to baby Reigns— no _ . Keilani,  _ he reminds himself. She has a name now, an identity. It’s a beautiful name, Seth has no idea what it means though. 

“Are you here for something or are you just planning my murder?” Reigns’ deep sultry voice captures Seth’s attention. 

“Oh, it’s definitely the latter.” Seth taunts, willing his heart to stop pumping so hard, Reigns’ dark eyes are on him, something in them that Seth can’t quite decipher. He looks amused, too. Seth’s happy he’s serving as amusement. 

“Found anything original in that beautiful brain of yours?”

“I—yes.” Momentarily, Seth pauses, taken aback by the compliment. Does Reigns really mean it? Or is he mocking him? Seth tucks his hair behind his ear. Great. The insecurity is back. “Where were you? In the morning, you were not here.”

“What’s it to you?” Reigns tilts his head to one side, cocking his eyebrows. 

“Just answer the damn question. You’re supposed to be with your  _ daughter,  _ at her side. She needs you.” Seth speaks slowly, looking into vacant dark eyes. When did that happen? And when did he get this close to Reigns? Reigns, who is now standing, a few inches apart. 

“You don’t gotta remind me of my responsibilities, _ Sidwell. _ ” Reigns speaks calmly, stepping closer in a way that’s very intimidating. Seth fights against that instinct to step back, and holds his ground. “I love my daughter and I’ll always be there for her.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.” Seth snorts, not impressed by the response. “Is it because you forgot your responsibilities again? Were you trying out the  _ talent  _ good ol’ Moline has? Maybe with Mandy Rose?”

“You’re going too far, Seth.” Reigns’ jaw ticks once. 

“Who is Seth? I thought I was Sidwell.”

Reigns doesn’t respond, for a while the nursery is absolutely silent, save for the beeping monitors and the ventilator. They’re looking at each other. Inscrutably on Reigns’ part and antagonistically on Seth’s. There are a lot of problems he has with Roman Reigns, and him sleeping around while his daughter lies in this hospital is one of them. “I was trying to find someone who’ll handle funeral arrangements for Cameron’s burial. She was an orphan, with no real friends. Happy?”

“Ecstatic!” Seth quips. “It’s nice to know that you’re not just about bedding different women every night.” He maneuvers past a brick-wall body, ignoring the shiver that taunts his spine. He bites his bottom lip, looking at Keilani’s chart. Her next feeding session is in an hour. Seth thinks he’d like to stay behind and see if anything will change. He wants to stay because he wants to see what Reigns looks like cuddling his child. He’s just...curious. Keilani is beautiful, despite the wires and breathing tube, Seth thinks he’s never seen a baby more beautiful...angelic. “She looks like you.” He reveals quietly, absently. “Your eyes, and brows. I know she’s still so young but it’s not hard to tell who she’s going to take after.”

“I...don’t understand you at all, man. You bipolar or something? Just three seconds ago you were cussin’ me. What’s changed?”

“Nothing’s changed. We argue, we move on. I don’t dwell in the past.”

Reigns’ left brow shoots up, bewilderment on his face. “The past, huh?” he starts to laugh, rich and deep.

“That’s what I said, Reigns.” 

“You’re a little shit, Seth Rollins.” What looks like fondness warms brown eyes, and they look so  _ golden,  _ Seth completely forgets how to breathe. He doesn’t even know why. He parts his lips, fighting to receive some air. “But you’re alright. It’d probably be different if you weren’t so beautiful.”

Does this man just naturally pass out compliments? Why? It’s weird. And Seth is not used to it. Well, he is. But usually, he just sticks the compliment back to the person’s face. He’s not one to be impressed by being told how beautiful he is. He knows it. But Reigns’ casual compliment makes him feel self-conscious. And he’s second-guessing again. Is he being mocked here? 

“I know.”

“Man.” A heavy breath leaves Reigns, he looks genuinely frustrated. “We’re back to the irritation again? I swear you change like a switch. Can’t you just not fight me on everything? The rivalry thing is overrated. Sure, I helped beat your team three years in a row but that’s—”

“If you still value your life, you will not bring football into this, Reigns. I am warning you.”

“Aiight, aiight. Damn, relax, dude. I don’t want you popping a vein or nothin’.” Two big hands lift in surrender. “I’m not trying to make you mad or anything. I mean you can always try and beat us this year.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not in front of my daughter.” It’s said so casually, and the jerk looks satisfied with himself, like he’s just made the best joke ever. He thinks he’s funny. 

Seth tries and fails to prevent a grin. It’s not intentional, the comical look on Reigns’ face defeats him. 

“And just like that his mood changes again,” says an amused quarterback teasingly. 

Seth wants to fight him. He laughs instead.

* * *

Baby Keilani gets to wear her first outfit seven days after her admittance to St. Anderson’s. 

Seth regularly visits her, call it an instant connection, but he never wants to leave without seeing her. Eventually, both Natalya and Ricochet agree that it’s best that she become Seth’s patient permanently (for the duration of her stay here). It’s a pleasure, and Seth readily agrees, he enjoys caring after her, too. It’s her father that is testing his patience though. 

Reigns is a detective, always asking one question or the other, peering over Seth’s shoulder and asking him if he’s doing the right thing. He’s making suggestions, to the point of being domineering, it feels to Seth. They’ve had a few spats, where Seth has found himself snapping at the Samoan quarterback to let him do his job. Because you certainly won’t see Seth screaming at him on how to play football (he does his coaching in the comfort of his living room but no one needs to know that) and lecturing him about his job so he's not expecting that crap from Roman. They got into an argument because of that this morning, and the man went out to blow off some steam. Seth wishes him good luck, there’s not much to do here during winter, unless he’s going to kick at snow particles. 

Because Reigns is not here, it means he’s going to miss out on dressing his daughter. Some part of Seth is happy because he’s not sure about Reigns’ sense of style and Seth doesn’t want Keilani wearing a hideous green dress or romper, or even worse a Green Bay cheese costume. So Seth took the liberty of buying her something beautiful, and unique himself. 

A gorgeous long-sleeve vest and pants, with a snuggly jacket and cute little hat and mittens. He bought the preemie-sized clothing from a site that makes NFL themed clothing for newborns and toddlers. The navy blue, orange and white are stunning colors on her. And he’s fixing her hat, ignoring the giggles coming from Alexa and Bayley. Xavier’s here too, frowning in disapproval. 

“This is going to be  _ golden.  _ I can’t wait to see the look on his face!” Alexa rubs her hands together gleefully, clearly looking forward to the drama that will most likely ensue. “Bayley you got that camera ready?”

“I still think this is so wrong.” Xavier folds his arms on top of his large belly bump. He doesn’t look the least bit threatening with how adorable he is. Seth tries to take him seriously, and ends up laughing. 

“I’m only recording this because the little missus looks absolutely beautiful. And I am proud of her. Her first outfit, and she’s this angelic.” Bayley looks at Xavier, to remind him that she’s on his side. 

“Nice to know not everyone’s heartless around here. Crap, her father’s back. I—” Xavier waddles to one corner of the room, busying himself with a useless task. “Don’t mind me, please.”

The nursery silences when Reigns enters. Seth looks at him, chews his upper lip, and waits, purposely turning blind to the man’s suspicious eye. “Is everything okay with my daughter?” it’s the first question Reigns asks, carefully walking to where his daughter lies awake in her little home. 

“Perfectly fine.” Seth replies, tone laced with challenge. “Take a look and see for yourself.”

The giggles start again. Bayley is recording discreetly. Alexa observes judgmentally, keeping her distance. Xavier’s curiosity has gotten the best of him, he can’t look away too. 

Reigns comes face to face with his daughter, his mouth hangs open, and then presses into a thin line. He directs his attention to Seth, silent as night, and Seth is starting to panic because maybe the man’s actually,  _ really  _ displeased. He’s not saying anything, and looks like he’s counting to ten in his head.

“It’s cute, huh?” Seth speaks after a long, stifling silence. “Bear Down, Chicago Bears!” he adds weakly. “These colors are really beautiful on her.”

“You...did this?”

“Yeah. You mad?” Why does he sound like a scared child right now?

“No.” Reigns shakes his head, as if trying to clear the trance he’s in. “Not at all. This is...beautiful. Thank you, Seth.”

“It’s a  _ Bears  _ outfit, Reigns.” Seth points out, feeling stupid for even doing so. “Shouldn’t you be mad?”

“Great!” Alexa snorts, rolling her eyes. “You dress his baby without waiting for him, in his rival team’s attire and then encourage him to get mad when he isn’t? Who  _ birthed  _ you?” she asks, horrified. 

“I wonder the same thing, too, sometimes, Ms. Bliss.” Reigns interjects, not removing his gaze from Seth. Seth who will admit he struggles to accurately decipher the ever cryptic expressions on Reigns’ face, his eyes. Seth must be imagining that little impressed smirk. “How nice of you to do this, Seth. But you and your team will still be calling me daddy come next season.”

Alexa and Bayley break into soft laughter. And Seth’s discouraging his brain from being onboard with what Reigns has just said. He pretends to be disgusted, faking a gag. “Keep dreaming, playboy.”

“You’re doing more than just calling me daddy in my dreams, pretty boy.” Reigns winks, shifting his attention to his daughter, silently telling Seth that he’s done with their conversation. 

Seth wants to ask what Reigns means by that. He doesn’t. His mind is creating every nasty scenario it can think of though. And Seth hates to admit that a shiver runs sweetly down his spine. He hates to admit that his nether regions throb uncomfortably. And he hates to admit the worst how he doesn't seem to mind at all. 


	3. Chapter 3

“And that’s it, we’re done. Why don’t you go and wash your hands?” Seth asks, rolling Keilani’s diaper to dispose off in the bin. She’s doing well, a week and two days old, and she’s graduated to level two Nicu. She’s off the ventilator but on cpap because of her frequent apnea bouts. Seth’s seen it freak Reigns out a few times, nothing visible on the exterior, but his eyes. They always betray his emotions. Seth always tries his best to reassure the man, but he ends up being awkward about it, maybe it has to do with how he always feels sick to his stomach when around Reigns. Like incessant churning, with his heart doing flips to his stomach, he thinks it has to do with the man’s scent...maybe. Which is confusing because everyone sings Reigns praises about how good he always smells, and while Seth does agree, being near the quarterback doesn’t make him feel any less sick. 

“That was, eh, quite the experience. I’ve seen movies where they literally like pee on you. It’s just like sweesh!” Reigns is back, looking like a child as he shapes a gun with his fingers, demonstrating to Seth how newborns pee apparently. Seth doesn’t want to smile at the sight of this big dorky man – it’s strange knowing him personally, he’s so very different from Roman Reigns the star quarterback, less aggressive, too smiley. That makes Seth sick too...annoyingly sick. 

“Only boys do that, Reigns – at least in my experience. And I’m hoping that the experience was a good one. You’ve yet to change her poop diaper.”

Reigns rubs the back of his neck bashfully, inserting his hands in his pockets right after. “I thought that was your responsibility, honey.”

Seth rolls his eyes _so_ _hard, so hard, _they go to the back of his head – literally. _This _is why he dislikes this man. “Don’t call me honey,” he snaps, insulted. “It’s basically bee vomit and I am _not _flattered. Also, stop acting like we’re married or –”

“You have to admit we’d make a pretty bomb couple were we married. Between your grouchiness and my pleasantness, I’d say we’re a power couple. We already work well together.”

“I – ” nothing. And this is what Seth hates. Reigns’ offhanded compliments and statements, even when Seth is trying to be snarky. Reigns’ comebacks (if Seth can call them that, the bastard quarterback is 99.99 % polite) always blindside Seth. And they make him insecure. He tucks his hair behind his ears. “No, we don’t. You’d have to be on _ my _level to actually work well with me, Reigns. At this point, you’re just a lousy quarterback.”

Reigns doesn’t reply. And for a moment, Seth wonders if he’s crossed the line. Sometimes his mouth just spills. It doesn’t care. It just dishes out whatever it wants to. Biting his lip, Seth looks at tiny Keilani, she’s wide awake, a little irritable today, so they paused kangaroo care – and she dropped on her weight. Dr. Jax is monitoring her closely though, and she doesn’t think it’s really serious, the nightshift staff will monitor her nutritional information, Seth’s already updated her chart. Beside him Reigns is yet to say something, and Seth doesn’t want to feel bad, he refuses – also, he’s not really good with apologies. But maybe he—

“Maybe you’re right.” Reigns interrupts Seth’s train of thought – _ thank god _– and says the words calmly, there’s an undertone of amusement in his voice. “I mean let’s get real, I’d have to be real short to be on your level, right? And I can’t crouch that low, look at you, man. You’re so cute, like a lil’ puppy – a baby.”

“You are not that much taller than me. Stop it!” Seth huffs an annoyed breath, wanting to smack Reigns’ amused grin away. _ Are his smiles always so beautiful? _Embarrassed by his train of thought, Seth quickly looks away. He irons out his pink scrubs, and chews the inside of cheek. Maybe he should go home. It’s 07:00pm. His shift ended thirty minutes ago. He’s not sure what he’s still doing here. Dinner with the Ortons had sounded appealing when Xavier offered but then Seth came here and Reigns was here and – 

“Nah, you just walk on your tiptoes around me.” 

Seth feels his stomach churn again, at the sound of that deep voice. He ignores it, looking at Reigns while shaking his head, bewildered. “What? No, I don’t. You’re being ridiculous. I am not short – or _ small,_” he adds because Reigns looks ready to say that. “You’re not that taller than me, just admit.”

“Prove it. Reach for my hand.”

“Reach for your hand?” again confusion, Seth blinks a few time. 

“Did I stutter?” Reigns has his right hand raised in the air, beckoning Seth to him with his left. “Reach for my hand, man. You’re not short, right?”

Seth laughs, not out of complete humor, but incredulity as well. Is this big idiot of a man serious? Like really serious? “Fine.” He finds himself giving in – _ what the hell, Seth? _– and humors Reigns. It’s a mission getting his hand to touch Reigns without standing on his tiptoes, so Seth tries that and still not that lucky. “Shut up!” he quips to a smug looking Reigns. “I can do it, I just –”

“What in the world is going on here?” another voice enters, disrupting their childish antics. Seth’s never retreated faster. 

“Oh hi, Lex. You’re still here?” Seth shrugs when Alexa regards him suspiciously, a little secretive smile playing at her lips. “I thought you left already.”

“Funny. Thought the same about you.” Alexa’s eyebrows raise, she steps forward. “Hi, Roman.” Her attention goes back to Seth. “Weren’t you going to have dinner with the Ortons?”

“I was. I mean I am. I just wanted to check on my patient before I left. And to sort out her chart for Sonya. You know Beth hates it when we do half jobs.” He’s explaining too much here. Seth can feel two pairs of eyes on him. His skin is growing hot. Hopefully nothing’s showing in the dim lighting. 

“It doesn’t take that long to do.” Alexa says accusingly, looking between Seth and Reigns. She still has that secret grin. What does it mean? “Aaaannyway,” she drags out, smacking her lips together. “I’ll drive you home since you didn’t catch a lift with Xavier. But it’s too late for you to join them for supper. Not later than seven, right?” 

Seth checks the time. It’s 07:15pm. Yeah, they definitely won’t let him in now. Randy’s very strict about time – and he’s a grump when it’s not respected. Seth will whip up something quick for dinner or maybe he’ll ask Alexa to stop on 44th Avenue at The Great Khali – a tiny Indian restaurant owned by a giant of a man with a heart sweet as candy. But Khali never talks much. His good nature and delicious food keeps his customers wrapped around his probably thirteen inch finger though. “Sure. I’ll be grateful.” Seth tells Alexa. 

“Great. Fetch your bag. I’ll be right here.”

It takes Seth less than five minutes to collect his bag. But when he enters the nursery that’s now partially filled with nurses and a new mother talking to Beth – their nightshift charge nurse – about her little man’s health, he still manages to find Alexa talking to Reigns. They’ve moved from his daughter’s isolette and talk near one of the windows, and if Seth notices just how close the two look as they talk like longtime friends – _ or lovers, _his mind supplies – well, he doesn’t need to acknowledge the tiny clench in his heart. He doesn’t need to need to acknowledge his reasons for practically skipping over to where the two stand, with hopefully unnoticeable fake nonchalance. 

“Hey, I’m back.” He smiles between the two. 

“Bummer.” Alexa doesn’t even bother to hide her disappointment. Seth keeps a straight face. He’s _ not _ affected, and he’s _ not _wondering just what the two were talking about that his best friend would be disappointed by his return. “Did you know Roman owns an animal shelter? It’s in Miami. Where the rest of his family is. And get this, the identical twins who play for the Miami Dolphins – they’re his cousins! I kinda get the resemblance now.” Alexa reveals chirpily, skipping around like a teenager. 

“I knew that.” Seth says, with a little irritation, barely noticeable but Alexa knows him too well, and her eyebrows raise. Seth pretends not to notice, mentally lecturing himself to calm the fuck down. He’s not sure why he’s even behaving sourly toward her. Maybe Reigns was right. Maybe Seth has bipolar issues and he’s not even aware. “That the twins are Reigns’ cousins, I mean. But not about the shelter. Quite impressive, I admit.”

“I can’t take the credit to be honest.” Reigns lifts his hands, looking genuinely offended by the compliment. “I have an excellent team back home. They do all the hard work. I just sponsor them. It’s not me, it’s them.”

“Whatever then.” Seth shrugs, nudging a dazed looking Alexa. What is it with these people and their infatuation with Reigns? “I’m ready to go home.”

“Of course.” Alexa laughs. “Roman, I’ll show you Larry Steve’s pictures tomorrow. And when you’re ready, you’ll meet him. He’s going to love you .”

Reigns smiles – it doesn’t look fake. “I wouldn’t go that far, sweetheart.” Seth barely prevents an eye roll. Sweetheart? So Seth gets stuck with bee barf terms of endearment and Alexa gets sweetheart? And he’s _ not _offended. No, he’s not. “Love is a bit of an exaggeration. At least for someone like me.”

“Oh, stop it. You’re amazing and you know it. Do you have any idea how many people love you?” Alexa says sweetly, poking Reigns’ shoulder in a way that irks Seth, as if she’s quite familiar with him. 

“The Green Bay population?” Seth butts in, it comes out snappy. “And even there, it’s just a portion of it. Like the cougars and teenage girls, right?”

“_ Seth. _” Alexa scowls, she’s even more offended than an indifferent Reigns. “That was rude. You don’t say things like that to other people – don’t care how much you dislike them. Or the team he plays for.”

“It’s not rude if it’s the truth.” Seth can’t get his mouth to shut up. It wants to spill. “He’s more famous for how disliked he is than he is for his crappy performance on the field. Oh, and I forgot to add in the women he beds – they form part of his popularity as well.”

“Hey,” Reigns shrugs, holding the contact with Seth – voice calm as ever. “Can’t argue with facts, right? I’m so crappy our team won the Superbowl last year. Of course, it wasn’t me, the team.”

“I don’t know much about football but you scored the most.” Alexa protests, and Seth can feel her glare but he only has eyes for an indifferent Reigns. 

“It means nothing. We’re a team.” 

“Still.” Alexa sighs, checking the time on her phone. “Don’t even know what got us talking about you. I was saying, tomorrow, you’ll see Larry S’s pics. We have to get going now. The sitter gets mad when I come home late, but so do my little family.”

Reigns nods in understanding, he hugs Alexa. She melts into it, literally burying her face in his chest. Seth looks away, feeling awkward and that clench in his chest again – it hurts more this time. Where is it coming from? “Of course, sweetheart. Say hi to the family for me. You said it’s, uh, Jax, am I right?” Reigns pulls back, seeking confirmation from Alexa, who nods. “He’s the one who likes to curl up in furry blankets?”

Alexa nods. 

“I saw a store that sells pet blankets down on...I don’t remember the street. With your permission, I’ll buy him something.”

Alexa starts to skip up and down like a little child, pale blue eyes widening, small hands shaking an unmoving, almost freaked out Reigns. Seth almost laughs at the sight. It’s funny how Reigns hates people invading his personal space but naturally gives out hugs – he’s done it to Alexa, Bayley, Natalya, Dr. Jax, heck even Xavier got one. And Randy was surprisingly okay with it. Seth thinks maybe he was star-struck. “Listen, you don’t even have to ask. That is purrrfect. Please go ahead. Jax will love you forever.”

A few more friendly – _ they’re just friends, _Seth doesn’t know why he keeps reminding himself that – exchanges, and Alexa is ready to leave. They’re both almost at the door when Reigns’ booming voice captures their attention. Seth’s heart starts to beat faster, he can’t have imagined Reigns calling out his name. But Alexa still has to nudge his side, and point him towards the man before Seth can get his feet to cooperate. 

“What is it?” he asks softly (totally not his style) once within an earshot. He’s standing in front of Reigns, clumsy fingers unsure what to do, and feeling uncannily out of place. Insecurity. He hates how that creeps up around this man. 

“Here.” In Reigns’ hands are a bottle of water and a nutrition bar. “I noticed you didn’t have lunch? Outside, you weren’t with your friends during lunch.” 

What?

Seth remains frozen, looking down at the light snacks in Reigns’ big hands and then him. Still total indifference, but the skin beneath Reigns’ eyes is suspiciously tinged a barely there tomato color. And his voice. He sounded out of place, too. Five seconds. Ten. Fifteen. Seth’s hands draw forward. He accepts. Their hands touch. And Seth _ doesn’t _ have to suppress a gasp. Not when he’s too busy _ not _discouraging a familiar uncomfortable sensation in his nether regions. “Thank—you.” His voice cracks, it’s thicker, the sound of someone who’d been holding in their breath for too long. 

“Hey, man. This crappy quarterback can at least do something good, right? It ain’t all about the women, and the bad performances.” There’s a hint of a smile on Reigns’ face – his eyes are vacant of emotion. Seth doesn’t know whether or not he’s joking. 

“Yeah...” Seth draws out, feeling – no. “See you around, Reigns.”

“For sure, man.”

When Seth leaves, breaking with each step, it’s _ not _because of what he said earlier. It’s not. He’s just...sick. Like he usually is around Reigns, and his nauseating scent.

* * *

Seth tries to be kinder following Reigns’ impromptu ‘snack-sharing’ kindness. 

Keyword is _ tries. _

Sometimes, Reigns doesn’t make it easy for Seth to be kind. For a host of reasons. Like when they were debating about their respective teams’ accolades over coffee at the hospital cafeteria yesterday. And how Reigns would rub in their wins in Seth’s face. And when Seth had mentioned their losses, the irritating quarterback retorted by saying that they still lose with style. They don’t just lose for the sake of losing.

There’s also the fact that the man has the patience of a saint. Seth thinks he’s too good to be true. With his calm demeanor, and stoic nature. Even when they’re arguing. And it rubs Seth off the wrong way. He’s not going to lie, sometimes, he presses Reigns’ buttons to see how far he can go without exploding. The same Reigns who worms his way out by offering his offhanded compliments. Seth is starting to think that maybe the man’s just unaffected by a lot of things. 

“Seth, honey. Are you still there?”

What? 

Oh yes! _ Phone, Seth! _

“Mom?” He shakes his head although his mother can’t see him. Jesus, why is that stupid quarterback always on his mind lately? _ Because your mom asked you about him, dimwit! _Seth sighs, yes she did. Reigns is famous – all over – but it’s even worse in their ‘small town atmosphere’ city. People line up outside their hospital, there’s the paparazzi, the local newspapers. Seth’s seen the mayor. He even asked for a damn autograph. The traitor. Last Seth knew, the short pudgy man was a Bears fan. It’s funny how quickly things change. “You still there?”

“Yes. Where’s your mind at, baby? I’ve been calling your name for the past thirty minutes!”

Now she’s just exaggerating. They’ve barely been on the line for ten minutes. But that’s just Sara Lopez-Rollins for you. Seth won’t even get started on her dramatics when he was a child. But she’s also the coolest, most open and loving person that Seth knows. His mother deserves all the stars and the moon. He lives for her. “Mom, you’re being extra—”

“Beautiful and funny? Oh, I concur, honey.”

She laughs while Seth sighs. “Anyway. You were asking about Reigns?”

“Roman, honey.” His mother corrects, and Seth can see her frowning a little. “It’s uncivilized to refer someone you’re so close to by surname. It feels detached. Call him by his name. Speaking of, have you finally watched the movie? It’s a really good rec, baby. I’ve been telling you for months now.”

“I did. I wasn’t that impressed.” He reveals honestly, laughing as her annoyed sigh touches his ear. “And Reigns doesn’t mind what I call him. It is still his name, isn’t?”

“You’re so hopeless. Remind me how we’re related again?”

“I came out of _ your _vagina.” Seth tells her, grabbing a carrot to snack on, after putting the chicken to roast in the oven. He sits on the one of the old stools in his modest kitchen and listens to her passionate tirade. 

“Tell me about it. You were big, also. Big head, and body – looking all sticky and cheese-like. It was _ the _most disgusting thing ever. And I told myself never again. That’s the reason you’re an only child.”

“I contest your last statement, mom. I think it’s the other way round.”

“Oh, shut it.” There’s shuffling in the background, and his mother laughs. Another voice reaches his ear, deep – no doubt a male human’s. Seth can hear her chase the person away, and then giggle like a teenager. “Baby?”

“You mean me or the dude you were talking to?”

“Don’t get smart with me.” It’s such a sassy response, Seth can hear it in her voice – confident like Rihanna’s (she always compares herself to Rihanna), her index finger is probably raised sassily. “Of course I mean you.”

“Who was that?”

“Ernesto.”

“Ernesto?” Seth quirks an eyebrow. “What happened to Ahmad?”

“Dumped his ass. The bastard cheated – emotional relationship – via texts with another woman.” She says it in passing, like discussing today’s weather or a new movie. While Seth, he’s pissed on her behalf. 

“Really? That bastard!” he almost breaks his back teeth in half chewing his carrot. “Give me his address, I’ll sort him out real quick, mommy.”

“Honey, don’t be ridiculous!” An amused laugh. “I left him. I don’t need to be doing anything else. It’s his loss.”

“I know,” Seth slumps forward. He knows his mother’s right. If she’s moved on then he can’t be pissed. But sometimes he can’t help it. Men are just _ grrr. _“I just, I don’t understand male humans sometimes.”

“You’re a male human.” 

_ Point out the obvious, why don’t you? _“I know that but my statement still stands.”

“Oh honey, you need to get laid.” His mother says simply, openly – like the two of them are best friends or something (they are). “When did you last have sex – and no I am not talking about Bob.”

“Don’t know.” Seth shrugs. “Five, six months?” It could be a year or more, when he really thinks about it. With that bartender Austin Theory – if he remembers correctly. It was good, but emotions were getting in the way – on Austin’s end. 

“Should I hire a gigolo, baby? Or do you already have someone else in mind?”

Immediately an image pops in his head – the coolest brown eyes, a gorgeous face, and sensual-looking lips. _ Abort, Seth. ABORT! _ God, of all the people why _ him? _Seth chews on a molested thumb, shaking his head franticly as if his mom’s right here with him, seeing everything all at once. Things that he doesn’t even know himself. That she’d probably know – and shed light on. “No, mom. Don’t be like that. I’m not looking for casual sex. I’ve got all I need in Bob.”

“Fine,” she sighs loudly. “Tell me about everything that’s been going on in your life, baby.”

Seth talks about work. Don’t ask him how it transitions into a fifteen minute one-sided speech about Roman Reigns and his annoying tendencies. 

***

The chicken is burned beyond recognition. Seth switches off the alarm – and then begins the tedious task of clearing the mess he’s created. It’s not his fault. It’s his mother’s. She’s the one who was insistent on Seth telling her more about Reigns, his character, if he’s as gorgeous in real life and if Seth has his number. She was disappointed to learn he doesn’t (what would Seth be doing with Reigns’ number anyway?). For a minute, Seth had been sure that she was trying her luck, to see if he’d hook her up. He wouldn’t. His mother is way out of Reigns’ league. 

Anyway, because Seth doesn’t have supper this evening, he decides to call the Ortons (or more specifically – _ Xavier _ ) to find out if it’s possible to join them. It’s 06:35pm and Seth lives ten minutes away from them. Xavier happily tells him that he’s more than welcome – as always – it’s his sweet nature. He’s the one male human that Seth would literally kill for, the only one he can really, _ really _stand. The others he tolerates. 

“I was speaking to Roman today,” Xavier reveals casually, at the dinner table, while helping a clumsy Adonis with his veggies. The little boy is a happy mess – all small white teeth and round cheeks – he’s the only toddler that Seth knows who enjoys eating vegetables. The same can’t be said for his twin brother. Randy is eyeing his toddler son with a stern look, and Gideon is looking back, green eyes resembling a puppy’s. He bites the broccoli – and frowns. “He couldn’t help singing you and the others praises. Particularly you, he’s very taken with you.” 

Seth clears his throat, snapping his attention to his friend, a bit surprised. What is it about Reigns lately? He’s inescapable. The news. The cozy coffee shop on Baker street. The gym. Everywhere. “Um, really?” Seth doesn’t know what else to say. 

“Yeah.” Xavier kisses Gideon’s rosy cheek – and the little boy melts. “I mean I know he’s not the first one to do so – you’re very good at what you do, friend. But I’m always amazed. Keep it up. Roman’s really impressed.”

“Thank you.”

“For the truth? Don’t be ridiculous.” Xavier giggles fondly, brown eyes alight with warmth and joy. It’s even worse as he looks at his little family – and the way he leans into kiss Randy’s lips, earning smoochy sounds from their children. Their home always exudes this heavenly warmth and positivity that Seth always has to remind himself not to get too attached. 

Xavier’s now in a deep conversation about an anime he was watching during lunch break, and although Seth knows that Randy could hardly care about it, the cold man still actively listens – he always does, and responds a few times (even if nine times out ten his responses are wrong). Seth observes the two, their household – without coming across as too creepy – and how strange their dynamics are to him. Part of him doesn’t get the appeal – of love, a family, children. And he thinks that that’s okay (his mom would start an entire debate with him on that issue), because it feels...weird, like a strange concept. 

He’d be lying if he said that his heart doesn’t warm up sometimes though, when he sees this picture in front of him. And sometimes, a foreign feeling of longing hits him. He’s just never sure whether it stems from craving company (and that happens rarely) or something _ more _like what Xavier has. 

The thought always startles him enough into backtracking though. 

He doesn’t want a relationship for a reason. And he’s been doing fine all along – he’ll continue to do just fine. Without the stress, and sadness, and anger and tears that he’s seen on Xavier’s face a few times. 

Bob’s the only romantic relationship he needs.

* * *

The first time Reigns assists to give his daughter a bath is when she’s three weeks old. 

Keyword is _ assist. _

Seth is doing all the work. Reigns looks like a terrified cat – a look he wears so well – and is worried about his careless fingers, and clumsy hands. Seth laughs because he’s seen Reigns handle Keilani a few times, and it’s the most beautiful sight ever. The little girl – still so tiny – always looks comfortable in her father’s arms, with her small, small body curling into Reigns, even inside his neck as if to breathe him in. She must be addicted to her father’s scent like everyone in this hospital is. 

A little weak wail from Keilani – and a gorgeous laugh from Reigns – and Seth is brought back to the present, to the little angel kicking her tiny legs forward. “I think she’s had enough.” Seth tells Reigns, attempting his very best to ignore the ‘sick’ feeling in his belly. Reigns is right behind him, almost touching his back, while looking over Seth’s shoulder, breathing down his neck – and sending very not so delicious shivers down a squirming Seth’s spine. “Personal space, Reigns.” Seth doesn’t dare look behind him and continues, “For someone who hates when people do that, you sure love not returning the favor. You’re breathing down my neck for the love of all things goth!”

Reigns chuckles, clearly unperturbed, and stands beside him. “Sorry. I forget sometimes.” He looks genuine. “All things goth, huh? That’s a new one.”

“Yeah, whatever. Why don’t you wipe her down. I’ll get her a new diaper.” Seth suggests, coaxing a nervous looking Reigns to hold his daughter. 

“Hurry back.” Seth hears and chortles. If Reigns is this scared of his daughter now, what will he do when it’s time for her discharge? Seth would be lying if he said the sight wouldn’t be a picture he wants to see. 

“Okay. Put it on.” Seth instructs Reigns once they’ve moisturized a whimpering Keilani’s soft skin. “The way I taught you, Reigns.” He adds because _ hey, _ this is a _ quarterback. _ Reigns was a _ jock _in high school. 

“Of course, honey.” Reigns winks, playful smirk pulling at his lips. Seth is three seconds from slapping it away. “Like this?”

Seth observes Keilani – and he smiles, before he can help himself. She’s adorable, beautiful bronze skin that resembles her father’s, soulful dark eyes that seem so wise even though she is only three weeks and three days old. A beautiful button nose she must’ve inherited from Cameron. And wisps of beautiful dark hair that she no doubt inherited from Reigns. “That’s perfect,” Seth murmurs. “Really good, Reigns.”

“It’s all on you, man.” Reigns shrugs – again, part of Seth swears that he looks offended by the compliment. Why? “She’s supposed to eat now, right?”

“Um – yeah.” Seth nods. For a second, he’d turned into Alexa, and gotten lost in Reigns’ eyes. He’s embarrassed just admitting it. “Let’s get everything ready first.”

***

“Lucky Mandy. She doesn’t waste time, huh?” Bayley is looking at her phone, saying the words to a bored looking Alexa when Seth sit down next to them. It’s lunch time. And today’s one of those busy days. Besides caring after Keilani, Seth has four more patients he’s looking after. One of them belonging to the same Mandy that Bayley’s on about. She’s not at work today – flu apparently. Seth wants to believe her but it’s a frequent thing with her. 

Seth is sipping his coffee – ever so slowly because yes it’s cold but it would be dumb to chug it at the back of his throat with how scalding hot it is – frozen fingers wrapped snugly around his Chicago Bears mug. “What is this about Mandy?” he queries curiously – well, not really – because Alexa isn’t dying to hear the latest gossip about St. Anderson’s staff apparently. Or maybe she’s just not that interested in Mandy. 

“Her and Roman went out last night.”

Seth nearly spits his coffee. He coughs, clutching his chest, with a giggling Alexa now rubbing his back. He shrugs her off, annoyed by the fact that she’s laughing at him. “For some reason, I knew you’d behave this way.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scowls at Alexa. 

‘Nothing, don’t mind me.”

Seth doesn’t want to drop it. He wants to know what she means. But Alexa’s already distracting herself on her phone while Bayley shoves the evidence of Mandy and Reigns in his face. 

** _Roman Reigns spotted looking cozy with mystery woman. _ **

The headline of the article stings. And for a second, Seth forgets how to breathe, hand carrying Bayley’s phone trembling just a little. _ How could you be so stupid? _Stupid? Stupid about what? He has no damn idea but he feels like an idiot. For some unknown reason, he screams internally at his idiocy. Reading the short article is torture. Seeing the pictures is worse. 

Reigns outside Kofi’s Kitchen. Seth knows the African restaurant all too well. In fact, Kofi’s a very good friend of his. They met through Xavier, who was taking cooking lessons from him. He tries, but Seth still notices the body language of the two – how Mandy’s practically clinging to Reigns’ side. How his arm envelopes her, shielding her from the cold. They look like a power couple. The same one that Reigns mocked him about a few weeks ago. “They’d make a beautiful pair.” He reveals absently, swallowing the lumps in his throat. He doesn’t know why he feels like crying. 

“What?” Alexa is honestly surprised, her nose wrinkles in displeasure. “Are you serious?”

Seth shrugs weakly. “Come on, Lex. Feuds aside...even you can see that they make a gorgeous couple.”

“They are not dating.” Alexa grits out, almost aggressively – and Seth doesn’t know why. “If he’s settling for this then he’s a shallow bastard.”

Seth almost laughs, because he shares the same sentiments, but part of him fears letting slip a few tears should he do that. So he settles for nodding his head instead. “To each their own, right? Maybe they have something – a common denominator that connects them – and who are we to say they don’t deserve each other?”

“So you don’t have feelings for him?” Alexa asks so freaking casually, risking Seth a heart attack. 

“N-No.” Seth will admit it takes a bit of time for him to properly organize his thoughts. “Reigns? Off all the male humans in the world? That’d be a major downgrade, please. I’d rather be stuck with Donald Trump for the rest of my life.”

Bayley and Alexa break into fits of guffaws. At least they’re happy. He’s still trying to piece whatever is breaking on the inside without revealing it to them. All this he does while also trying to place his feelings and just why that article and those _ pictures _just dwindled his mood faster than watching hetero pornography. 

“Ah-ah, it don’t get worse than Trump.” Alexa protests, and Seth has to admit that she’s right – but right now, in this moment, he’d gladly take that bigot of a man over Reigns. At least with Trump, he can place his feelings – disgust, and pure hatred and nothing else. With Reigns, all Seth can say is that he never wants to feel the way he’s feeling now ever again – stupid, naïve, hurt, angry, betrayed, mocked. It’s all a whirlwind emotions that he can’t place, has no idea where they come from, or why – or maybe he does but admitting will just – 

“No, you know what, I agree.” Seth hears Bayley murmur sweetly. “He can’t hate the guy that much.”

“Of course, I don’t.” Seth scoffs, the irritation rising by the minute – and god he wants to _ cry _ but he can’t. And these damn lumps in his esophagus are making it hard to _ breathe. Get a grip, Rollins. You’re better than this. You know better than anyone not to settle for trash. And male humans are trash. Reigns is no exception. You’re better than this. _ He takes a deep breath, and replies with a cool, “That would require emotional investment – and he is _ not _that special.”

“I disagree,” Alexa voices out and _ great. _She’s siding with the bastard quarterback a lot lately, spends more time with him, talks with him – about Jax, and Karma and all the other cats (whose names it took Seth a full week to know and Reigns two days apparently) and Larry Steve. He blinks to find Alexa and Bayley in a passionate talk about Reigns and Seth knows when to bail. Not in the mood for anything anymore, he gets up, and goes to trap himself in the toilets until lunch is over. 

At 06:00pm, he’s doing his final feed with Keilani just before he leaves. Like usual, Reigns is here, watching over his daughter. His presence is annoying, greatly disturbing and unwanted. It doesn’t help how he keeps trying to make conversation. Seth is not in the mood. All his answers end up being one-worded until finally it’s time to leave. He wants to stay a little while longer – like he normally does – but he _ can’t. _ He’s still beating himself up for his stupidity and it’s even worse when Reigns smiles kindly – _ all illusions, Seth _– and offers to walk him out. 

They stand outside the hospital, the snow falling in a heap of white around them. Seth draws his jacket close to his chest – and it’s pointless really, the cold is penetrating the polyester fibres with absurd ease. Seth keeps his gaze on the empty streets, doing his best to ignore a barely dressed Reigns (he’s in Nike shorts and a tank top again) while waiting for Bayley’s beat-up Chevy to make an appearance. 

“So what’s wrong, man?” Reigns asks beside him, with his usual calmness. 

“What?” Seth looks at him. 

“You’re moodier than usual. Did something happen?”

Seth peers over Reigns – who is all clear eyes and stoic – and drops the contact right after, looking anywhere but him. “Nothing that should concern you.” He replies evenly. The hand settling on his shoulder has him freaking out a little. “Don’t fucking touch me. I will castrate you with a rusty fork!”

Reigns’ eyes widen, incredulously at first – and then amusedly. He starts to laugh, like a child – all dorky and deep. Normally, Seth is endeared by the sight. Today’s not one of those days. It just adds to the pile of things that Seth’s already annoyed by. “I’m glad you find me amusing. You must be feeling impressed with yourself right now. I mean you waltz in our lives and expect us to fall at your feet.”

“Did I...?” Reigns pinches the bridge of his nose, long single blink narrowed in on Seth. “Did I do something to offend you?”

The question unravels everything all at once. 

“Oh please, you’re not all that. Believe me when I say nothing _ you _do could ever offend me. You’re just a dumb quarterback who probably didn’t even finish college and plays pro-football because you’re well connected. Your father played for the same team so of course it makes sense that they chose you as well. Why do you think people call you Booman Lames? You’re not all that. You’re mediocre at best – and that’s just putting it lightly.” Seth is heaving by the time he’s done but his mouth still opens and closes silently – it hasn’t said enough. There are too many things that want to spill out, that need to be revealed to this son of a bitch who walks around like he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to humanity. It’s probably the reason he’s such a fuckboy. Seth detests him. Reigns is everything that’s wrong with the world. 

“Booman Lames, huh?” Reigns looks almost hurt as he repeats with a hint of a smile. “I have to admit it’s more creative than the other ones I’ve heard.” He steps forward, attempting to touch Seth and – 

“Get your filthy hands off of me. I don’t want any nasty infections!” Seth screams – and it’s a good thing that they’re the only ones out here. Where the hell is Bayley? – chest heaving up and down. It hurts to breathe. He’s so angry. The audacity of this _ man whore. _

That gives Reigns a pause – dumfounded, chocolate eyes flashing hurt before transitioning to emptiness. His hand stops midway, jaw clenching once. He retracts and walks away – a step. Two. Four. Six. Casting an awkward sound in the snow. He stops a distance away, completely still, like a statue while Seth studies him, heart hammering hard in his chest. 

He comes back. Reigns comes back. All calm and collected. And then he does his own studying, brown eyes dragging up from Seth’s face to his feet and then back up again. “I want us to get one thing clear,” his voice is so cold – licking at Seth’s skin, and spreading inside his body like the lacy tide on a frigid winter beach. It chills Seth, and instinctively he takes a step back—afraid. “You do not speak to me like you just did. I don’t care how angry you are. You’re not going to raise your voice at me or talk the way you just did. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.” Seth chews the inside of his cheek, feeling everything inside him shrinking. He’s still going through a world of emotion – caused by him, and for the first time in his life, crying seems like a good idea. 

“Good.” Reigns rubs his eyes, studying Seth again – his voice is too controlled, like he’s trying to rein in his emotions. “You seem to have all these preconceived ideas about me, and that’s okay. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion – and to be honest, what you think of me is your business. I am not concerned about that. I know who I am, what I do – and why I do what I do.” Reigns continues, and his detachment makes Seth quail, wanting to fall at the man’s feet to apologize. Like hell he will! Not after Reigns made him feel so foolish, and, and – “And while I don’t care, Seth. Believe me I don’t. I still think that maybe we were getting a little too comfortable with each other – I blame myself for trying to be more than civil to you. I should’ve kept things professional and polite. And maybe it’s the reason we’re overstepping boundaries. How about this, I will suggest that you’re taken off my daughter’s care. Maybe Bayley can take over. I do appreciate all you’ve done for her so far though – always.”

Seth can’t breathe through the glass stabbing his throat but he’s nodding before he can help himself. It’s better this way. The less he sees of this man the better. The less interactions, the better for him. “I thought you’d never ask.” He quips – tone still somewhat respectful because he’d be lying if he said Reigns doesn’t look scary at the moment. 

“It’s settled then.”

They look at each other. Ten seconds. Fifteen. Thirty. A minute. It’s almost unbearable. The coldness of Reigns’ eyes. They cut through Seth’s skin and tortuously slash his marrow with chilling blows. He lets out an aching breath, jumping as Bayley hits the hooter. “Oi, Seth!” her bubbly voice penetrates the air. “Oh, and hi Roman. Jesus, it’s cold out here – you should go back inside. You’re going to catch a cold.”

Reigns laughs (it’s not his genuine laugh, Seth notices) and nods bashfully, big hand rubbing his neck like a teenage boy. “Anything for you, my lady.” Reigns’ cold gaze finds Seth again, causing Seth’s heart to pump fast and slow at the same time. His stare chills Seth with icy frost rendering him still – frozen in his tracks and unable to move. Behind Seth, Bayley is shouting something he can’t hear. “Seth,” Reigns says finally as farewell. 

“Goodbye – Roman.” And Seth can tell that he’s not the only one surprised that he called Reigns by his first name. He doesn’t give himself the time to think about it, taking mercy upon himself and running to Bayley’s rusty blue car. He gets in, saying something nonsensical to her and resting his head against the window. He thinks about what just happened. Some relieved part of him is thankful that he is finally Reigns-free. 

And then there’s the other part that..._ hurts. _ Like a dagger twisting deeper and viciously in his heart hurt – and Seth is finding it hard to breathe. _ This is for the best, Seth. He was already getting under your skin. And, and – remember? All those compliments. He gives them to everyone, too. He wasn’t really – _

“Hey, can you drop me off at Big – Daddy’s?” his voice cracks at the last note, and Seth sighs, rubbing his face tiredly. Gosh, he’s so irritable. 

“The nightclub? Wow, how long has it been, like six months?” Bayley’s surprise is evident. “We invited you last week and you said no. What’s changed?”

“My mom was right.” Seth says simply, biting his lip thereafter. 

Maybe he just needs to get laid – and Theory’s available. 

** _Adonis and Gideon Orton _ **


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)! Sorry for last week's silence. 
> 
> Anyway, I want to dedicate and send a HUGE thank you/shout-out to SassyPepper (on Ao3, didn't ask for permission to use her actual name so I won't, lol) for graciously volunteering to it's beta read (right?) my works and be my much needed second eye. This chapter, she helped revise (and added her suggestions), and I was BLOWN AWAY! lol, like you have no idea so thank you, thank you so much. Any mistakes you find will be my own, because I did the final chapter/draft. 
> 
> Also, I hope you've given up on shorter chapters like I have. I could get offered a million bucks to write less and I'd go home with not even a cent. Sorry, lol. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

It’s been a long time since Seth last woke up to someone beside him in bed. It’s weird – not bad weird, just he’s used to being able to kick his legs as far as he wants on his double bed and now he can’t weird – as is the feeling of an arm other than his own around his waist. He’s proud of himself for following through with the advise his mom gave him though. 

Last night was...great. A bit wild because Seth hasn’t had something solid fill him up and pulse inside his depths in a long ass time. Austin’s very good at what he does – and it’s the reason that Seth went to him. Gone is the stress and conglomerate of emotions that Seth was feeling whenever he thought about Roman – replaced by peace and tranquility instead. 

Shifting to lay on his side, his little smile transitions into a yawn, earning him a protestant groan from Austin – who is wide awake, dark bags beneath his tired blue eyes. “Ew, morning breath, man.”

“Shut up!” Seth shuffles closer, until their bare bodies are touching, and playfully pokes Austin’s shoulder. “You know for someone who enjoys eating ass you shouldn’t be complaining.”

Austin moves, the bed springs make funny sounds beneath both their weights, not that it will distract them, and murmurs smugly, “Point of correction, Seth. I enjoy eating _ your _ass. And I’d gladly do it every fucking day if you’d give me a fucking chance.” Seth hands him a condom, clutching large shoulders when a thick finger presses inside his hole. 

“You know the deal, Theory. I don’t do –”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Austin rolls his eyes, bracing his hands above the headboard and beginning to move in slow, hard thrusts, earning him a myriad of expletives from a breathless Seth. God, this man is working hard to steal Bob’s place. He fucks Seth in all the right ways, distracting him from everything. “You don’t do relationships. I fucking know. Now shut up and allow me to hate-fuck you into oblivion.”

Seth grits his teeth after a particularly forceful nudge, and nods with fervor. Maybe Natalya will see him limp after all. 

***

The one thing Seth likes about Austin is his easygoing nature. They’ve been friends for many years – and Seth’s the reason that the dude even came to terms with his bisexuality. They’ve been having a ‘no strings attached’ sex thing going on and off for the past four years now. Seth knows Austin wants more but Seth can’t bring himself to offer anything more than sexual relations. And Austin’s fine with that, but sometimes... he reminds Seth about his feelings, maybe out of hope, Seth doesn’t know for sure. Austin’s still a great guy though. 

They’ve showered and had breakfast together. And right now, Seth is being driven to work. Another flowing conversation is taking place, with AC/DC playing softly in the background, and the warmth of Austin’s car only adding to the coziness. In fact, Seth is quite surprised when the car comes to a halt outside the hospital’s front doors, the huge red letters of St. Anderson’s slightly hidden by a coat of white. Just another snowing day in Moline. 

Moving around is a bit uncomfortable, and Austin’s smug grin tells Seth just how proud the bartender must be feeling. Stupid male humans – and their stupid masculinity. “Thank you for the lift.” Seth retrieves his small black lunch bag from the backseat, readying himself to exit the comfy Polo. 

“It’s chill..._ Roman. _ ” The last word is said teasingly, but it doesn’t stop Seth’s heart from threatening to jump right out of his chest at the mention of that _ name. _His wide eyes go to a smug looking Theory. 

“What did you say?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just remembering that bomb sex we had and how proud I was for dicking you to tears, especially when you started calling me Roman and daddy.”

“Austin...” Seth whispers, feeling sick to his stomach. He tries to remember everything about last night and this morning. Roman wasn’t even on his mind. Seth had allowed himself to be taken away by Austin. So how...? “I don’t, um, I don’t...what are you – no. Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Who is he?” Austin asks instead, he doesn’t look mad at all – just intrigued. 

Seth looks away, to the busy bodies entering and exiting the hospital. He can feel a bead of sweat forming on his forehead, and some butterflies flapping in his belly; his hands are clammy too. “Some guy,” he says weakly, hating that he even has to admit anything. What is it about that man? “I’m sorry, Austin. I didn’t mean to be an ass like that.”

“Ay, I’m not angry, dude. Chill.” Austin chuckles, tracing the inside of Seth’s thigh. “Maybe you used me to live out your fantasies – and maybe I used you for your damn hot body. You’re still the tightest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of fucking.”

It’s Seth turn to chuckle – and he does, silently cursing the wetness he can feel in his eyes. It doesn’t escape, thankfully. “You’re a jackass.”

“Not more than you for calling another dude’s name during sex.” Austin counters. “And to call him _ Daddy _ too? Damn Seth, I haven’t gotten that far with you yet – and I’ve _ fucked _you a billion times. Unless...have you and him banged?”

“He prefers big tits.” Seth says simply, thinking back to the article he read. _ Don’t get sad. _He repeats like a prayer. “And vaginas. I don’t have either of those so I don’t qualify.”

“Oh, so you’re like that cliché gay dude in love with a straight man whose whole experience should be turned into a rom-com...if it hasn’t already.”

Seth blinks a few times, eyeing Austin incredulously. Really? He shakes his head, and shrugs. “I guess you could say that.”

“Well, on the other hand – you finally know how unrequited feelings suck like hell.”

Seth sighs, not even offended. “Always so perceptive, Theory.”

“Roman,” Austin says as if testing the name on his tongue, his brows are furrowed like he’s thinking really hard. “Oh, oh!” he gets excited, like a kid who’s uncovered a secret. “Roman! Roman Reigns? The Packers’ quarterback? He’s here, I saw it on the news. He got a sick kid right in this hospital.” 

Seth fiddles with the straps of his lunch bag. He says nothing. 

“We just aiming for the stars, huh?” Austin continues, almost amused. “I gotta admire you for that. You always knew your worth. Anyway, I think you probably stand a chance. Dude doesn’t look straight to me, maybe bisexual. And if he isn’t, then if anyone can change him it’s you.”

“I can’t _ change _anyone, Austin.” Seth says, almost offended. “If he’s not gay, he’s not. And I’m not going to act on anything. I’m not looking for a relationship. You know that.”

“I didn’t say you were.” Austin turns up the volume as ‘Thunderstruck’ comes on. “I just mean, maybe you can get that dick. But now that you mention a relationship, it makes me wonder...”

Seth rolls his eyes, checking the time. “I have to leave.” He looks over at Austin, showing him the time. “I don’t want to be late.”

“Can I get a kiss?”

Not really. Seth still nods yes though, as he feels guilty for saying Roman’s name during sex. Maybe just a teeny tiny kiss to atone for his sins. “Sure.” Austin’s fingers bury themselves in his hair. Seth closes his eyes, and tries to push the image of brown eyes away, and tastes the coffee on Austin’s tongue. He grins when the bastard bartender keeps him in place, enjoying this a little too much clearly. “Let go or I’ll be late.” He says in between kisses. 

“Fine,” Austin drags the word out, rolling his electric blue eyes. “We should do this again.”

“We’ll see.” Seth whispers, not wanting to commit himself to anything. He pulls back, blinks, freezing, color draining from his skin as he spots Roman stepping out of the vehicle right beside them. Their gazes hold, and Roman’s is too indifferent for Seth to read. 

“Well, well, well. I see what the hype’s about – dude’s really attractive.” Austin says, an undertone of awe in his voice. “I’d let him hit it, just saying.”

Seth only gives Austin his attention when Roman leaves – and that happens after what feels like a lifetime. For a while, they’d both (Roman and him) stared at each other, although it had felt more like studying on Roman’s end. Seth hadn’t moved a muscle then. _ It’s not what it looks like, _his mind was screeching although Roman didn’t ask, didn’t look jealous, happy, sad or at all affected. Why would he when he’s too busy with Mandy Rose? Something clenches inside Seth, his heart. Dammit, he thought he got rid of these feelings last night. 

“I’ll ask Mandy Rose to find out if he’d be willing to fit you in his busy schedule,” Seth whispers, almost dejectedly. He kisses Austin again, more demanding this time, to forget. Roman’s not worth it. It doesn’t help and Seth enters the hospital feeling gloomy, with a familiar ‘sick-to-the-core’ feeling he always seems to have lately. 

Once Seth’s shift starts, he’s able to forget about Roman – at least for a little while. It has everything to do with the fact that he can’t afford to lose focus when dealing with his most fragile patients. And how their parents are depending on him and his team. He never lets his personal life get in the way of his work life. Maybe not until last night but still. The morning isn’t too busy, and lunch comes to soon. Alexa’s off today, but Bayley and Ricochet are here thankfully. 

They talk about any and everything. Mostly dating blues on Bayley’s end – and honeymoon ideas on Ricochet’s end. He didn’t get one with Aleister because his husband was doing business in Germany. Seth tells them about the surprise trip he’s planning for his mother – she wants to visit South Africa, mainly Cape Town, and Seth’s been arranging everything for her. He read that it’s still summer there so maybe early March will be good. 

“Your mom’s so lucky,” Bayley says with heart eyes as they make their way back inside. 

“I’m the lucky one.” Seth pats his belly softly, his bladder is acting up at the wrong time. “I’ll see y’all soon, just need to use the bathroom real quick.” Bayley and Ricochet nod okay, taking a left turn toward the Nicu with Seth taking a right. He’s bolting to the bathroom, cursing as he collides into a large, solid body. “Oh, I’m sorr –” Seth’s word die in his throat. He’s looking into Roman’s brown eyes, they look so warm almost _ golden, _ and gets lost in them. Briefly his eyes flicker to Roman’s lips, body unconsciously shifting closer to the bigger one blocking his path, craving to feel more warmth, to breathe in that delicious scent that he _ hasn’t _missed even though it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. 

If Roman notices Seth’s lack of self-control, he says nothing. Seth thinks he can see a hint of a smile on his face, but Roman checks himself and steps back. He takes all the warmth with him, leaving Seth with nothing but the sting of rejection. “H-Hi,” Seth says, almost a whisper, tucking his hair behind his ears. He’s insecure, and he hates it. 

“Seth,” Roman says, no warmth in his voice, not even coldness – just detachment. And then he maneuvers around Seth before the younger man can even let out a single breath. Seth blinks a mile a minute, unsure if that really happened. Because Roman’s scent is still seducing Seth’s nose – but the cold deepens...leaving behind the painful reality. It hurts. And it hurts even more to admit he’s affected. 

Seth desires nothing more than to slump against the wall and take a breather, because he’s suddenly finding that really hard to do. He doesn’t, fearing the judgement he’ll most likely receive from these passerbys. The toilet. That’s where he was headed. That’s where he ends up. With his knees drawn to his chest, lifted off the ground. The emotional whirlwind returns. 

The hurt first and foremost. And then anger. How dare Roman treat him like a mere speck on the wall! How dare he make Seth feel so insignificant. How dare he walk away, just like...that! And then there’s the regret. Why did Seth think it was a good idea to greet the man? Why did he even stop to give the man his attention? How could he betray himself like that? _ At least you didn’t apologize. _There’s naivety – for even thinking that he and Roman could, could be...civil. Seth feels stupid, like last night. Every time he’s around Roman, the man makes him feel stupid somehow. For thinking they could be civil, for being charmed by almost every little thing he does, for being infatuated – with every little thing. 

Rubbing his fists against his eyes, Seth finally makes a decision – right there, right then. Never again. He’s done allowing his emotions get the best of him – for real this time. Anything that has to do with Roman – _ Reigns. Reigns, Seth! Dammit, get it right. _– is no longer any of his concern. And to effectively achieve this, he’ll stay as far away from Reigns as possible. No polite greetings. No interactions. No sidelong glances. None of it. Despite the new resolve, and the underlying determination, he still can’t help feeling...otherwise. Like not completely okay with his decision. And maybe it won’t be a bad idea to call Austin later on tonight. But first his mom...

The phone rings twice before his mother answers with a vivacious, “How’s my favorite child in the whole wide world?!”

“I’m your only child.” Seth laughs despite himself, and then sniffles, vision blurring with unshed tears. “I took your advice, mom.”

“I give you a lot of advice, baby. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“I...” Seth shrugs. “I, um, I had sex with Austin.” That earns him an excited squeal from his mother, and she’s almost successful at pulling him out of his funk. 

“Deets, baby! How was it? Great? Was I right or was I right?”

“It was great,” he says weakly. 

“And you’re feeling better now?”

Fiddling with one piece of his uniform, Seth blinks impatiently, frowning as he replies with a quiet, “No.” A lone tear escapes, and he laughs mirthlessly. Great. He’s turning to one of those ridiculous people who cry over male humans too. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

* * *

Ignoring Roman – _ Reigns...ugh, Reigns; Roman. Who cares? _ – is not easy. Seth knew that it wasn’t going to be easy – what with their fairly small hospital – but he didn’t think it was going to be this difficult either. On top of being subjected to the torture of seeing Roman everyday (with different people – Bayley, Dr. Jax, Humberto, _ Mandy Rose _– and a whole bunch of people obsessed with the man), Seth is also tortured with having to see him on the news and trashy articles shown to him by Alexa. 

The last article Seth read, Roman was being flamed by TMZ for being spotted on another outing with Mandy – they were at the swimming pool of a hotel this time. It was all steamy pictures and intense chemistry. That was just three days ago. Seth hasn’t forgotten about it since. And if he glares every time he sees Roman, then no one needs to know why. 

For two weeks now, Seth has been doing his best to ignore someone he didn’t know is so hard to forget. As is the case now, with Seth pausing momentarily, when he enters the Nicu to find Roman and his twin cousins sitting near Keilani’s cot, talking heartily about something. The two brothers – Jimmy and Jey Uso – have been here for about a week now. And Seth’s noticed how different Roman is around them, just tiny changes – a little more laughs, improved talking, and less uptightness. 

“Hola, Seth.” Humberto greets, as he shifts to where the liveliness is. He doesn’t even give Seth the chance to respond. And Seth is left staring dumfounded as Humberto gets all flustered while talking to the twins... both of whom are clearly flirting with him. 

Deciding to focus on the task at hand, Seth looks at his latest patient’s chart – and gives baby Smithson his required medication before recording in the chart everything he’s done. He thinks about leaving, because the little baby boy falls right asleep afterwards, but masochistic him stays behind when an elegant Mandy Rose enters, heading straight to Roman. 

And the way Roman wraps his arm around her waist. 

Seth doesn’t tear his gaze away, lumps forming in his throat (that he has to clear multiple times) and hands trembling, while watching Roman introduce Mandy to his cousins. Like a boyfriend introducing his girlfriend to his family for the first time. _ At least they look powerful together. _ He consoles himself. Besides, he’d never stood a chance to begin with. _ Maybe if you had a vagina. _

_ Or maybe if you were Mandy Rose. _

Seth sighs, tearing his gaze away – he’s only breaking his heart here. But what is it about Mandy Rose?

Yes, she’s beautiful but she’s also shallow and fake and materialistic and jealous and narcissistic and he could create a long list about her flaws. What about her has Roman so enchanted? Especially when he’s notoriously known for being promiscuous. After his relationship with what’s her name? Seth can’t remember the blond woman’s name but she’s the heir to Flair enterprises. Roman dated her for ten years until they broke up. After that, he’s been known for his lothario tendencies and the women he beds than he is for his Superbowl win last year. So why is he so hung up on Mandy Rose?

A loud giggle draws him to the present. Mandy’s leaning into Roman’s touch, and he’s whispering something in her ear...while looking at Seth. Dark eyes having what Seth can only describe as a ferocious fire in them – and maybe hints of amusement. Probably at his expense, to mock him. The thought nearly suffers him a heart attack. _ I have to get out of here. _Seth stumbles out of the Nicu in a solid rush, panic thrumming in his ears over the sounds of beeping machines and monitors. 

***

That night Seth googles Roman. There are too many articles. From _ People _ to _ TMZ _ to _ Us Weekly. _

** _Roman Reigns turns up the heat with Nicu nurse in steamy new pictures. _ **

** _Roman Reigns’ new relationship is romantic novel worthy. _ **

** _Sparks fly in St. Anderson’s as NFL quarterback finds love in the arms of Nicu nurse looking after his daughter. _ **

And Seth almost wants to scoff because Mandy’s never even had Keilani in her care. She wouldn’t know what meds to give the little one, or what makes her upset, or how she prefers to be held. But there are negative articles too – grilling Roman for moving on after the death of his baby-mama so quickly. Other articles note that Roman should be focused on nothing but his daughter, and Seth agrees with that. TMZ grills Roman the most, and while Seth gets a tiny gratification from the negativity, he still feels betrayed, foolish, hurt, angered – and a host of other painful emotion. 

And if a few silent tears wet his pillow that night. No one ever needs to know that he’s cried over a man he can’t have – twice now.

* * *

Roman’s cousins are in Moline for exactly two weeks before a scandal hits them. 

** _The Samoan NFL Bloodline – Roman Reigns, Jimmy and Jey Uso – involved in altercation with law enforcement. _ **

Seth isn’t one to keep up with trashy tabloids. He prefers to use his time more effectively – work, exercise, read a book, play crossword puzzles, soduku, watch Game of Thrones or a documentary, anything that will stimulate his brain, really. But Alexa always has the latest dirt on her phone – and if she could, Seth suspects she’d store a bunch of magazines in her uniform pockets.

She shows him the articles, all the while explaining what happened. The pair were at a nightclub, having the time of their lives apparently, when a fight broke out between Jimmy and another man, who’d said something insensitive to Humberto and then got angry when the twins tried to check him. What followed was a scuffle, Jimmy punched the guy and then the guy’s friends came to help and then Roman and Jey were involved – which led to a brawl, and the manager calling the cops. It doesn’t explain what happened with the cops though – and maybe the headline is a little misleading. 

“Jimmy shouldn’t have punched that guy,” Seth says finally, giving Alexa back her phone. 

“Are you kidding me?” Alexa’s blue eyes widen, pierced nose wrinkling in distaste. “That guy was begging for it. He was being a racist dickwad, if anything they didn’t beat him enough.”

Seth laughs, and while he does agree silently, violence still isn’t the solution – if anything it got Roman and his cousins unnecessary attention. “Violence isn’t the answer to everything, Lex.” Seth plays with the pasta on his plate, stomach churning nervously. He’s seen Roman once today, sporting a black eye – even that looks good on him. It was in the bathrooms, Seth had almost done a u-turn before changing his mind and entering one of the stalls. He had to wait until Roman was gone before he could actually leave himself. 

“But it is an option.” Alexa argues, grinning devilishly. “And next time those barbarians want to run their mouth with racist language, they’ll think twice. It’s how the article doesn’t explain that – just that Roman and his cousins got in trouble. You can see the propaganda. I had to ask Humberto what happened.”

They have a chatty lunch, mostly because Alexa is the one contributing. Seth doesn’t really pay that much attention, being the absentminded person he always is lately. The air is knocked out of his sails when Alexa also announces, “Oh, and Palm Grove hotel kicked them out. They don’t want any bad publicity apparently – the jerks. The twins are living with Humberto, temporarily of course – they’ll head back to Miami next month. Humberto’s really happy to share his space with them. He was all dimples and limping this morning. He doesn’t waste time.”

Seth says nothing, waiting for Alexa to continue – but there is an inevitable sinking feeling in his stomach. His lips dry up in an instant, as his mind creates scenarios. Alexa is looking at him, obviously daring him to ask the bloody question and Seth almost doesn’t, because he’s been betraying himself a lot lately when it comes to Roman. He cares too much about the man’s personal life – what he’s doing, with who, where, why. It was getting so bad that Seth had vowed to himself not to google anything Roman related online. 

“Lucky Humberto,” Seth says with no enthusiasm. “He’s a sweetheart, he deserves the best.”

Alexa sighs loudly, clearly annoyed by what he’s doing. “Gah, you’re an idiot!” She takes – rather steals – his mug that's half-filled with coffee and sips it languidly. “I know all this hate thing you have going on is just a farce, Seth. You don’t really hate the guy.”

Seth raises an eyebrow, slouching in his chair. “I thought we’d determined that when I told you he’s not worth the emotional investment.”

Alexa studies him, chest to head, and reveals casually, “He’s moved into Mandy’s flat.”

“Don’t care.” Seth shrugs, emphasizing his point folding his arms. 

“Liar. You’re defensive.” Alexa nods towards his folded arms. “I don’t blame you, but I have to admit it’s really funny to watch you pretend you’re not smitten. Who would’ve thought? Seth Rollins falling for a ‘detestable male human’! When you think you’ve seen it all.” She’s laughing – all loud and carefree. 

And while the situation might be funny to Alexa, to Seth, it isn’t. Because he’s the one dealing with a tornado of feelings that he hasn’t an idea where they came from. He’s the one who’s heart cracks just a little every time he sees Roman with Mandy. He’s the one confused about why he gets hurt in the first place. He’s the one disappointed at himself for even allowing a male human to affect him so badly. 

“It’s nice to see my best friend takes joy in my suffering.” Seth stands up, not even mad...just resigned, and ignores a confused Alexa, going back inside. Lunch is almost over anyway. He needs to grab some water before he resumes working, otherwise he won’t have the time – today’s really busy. They’ve had three births just this morning, with one baby in critical condition as well as her mother. Seth enters their small kitchen to find an imposing body crouching in front of the fridge, the door shuts closed behind him. Roman looks over his shoulder, spots him, says nothing and looks inside the fridge again. 

Alright, so they’re ignoring each other. _ Nothing new, Rollins. _It doesn’t make the sting hurt any less. Seth waits anxiously, reading the cleanliness poster on the right wall, in between the sink and the cabinets, over and over again until finally he asks, “Are you looking for anything specific in there?” it comes out snappier than intended. 

“Are you always so impatient? On top of being rude.” Roman’s got his head all the way inside the fridge, fumbling for whatever it is he’s looking for. 

“Yeah, because you’re blocking the fridge. And you’re not even supposed to be here – this place is reserved for hospital staff only. You have a cafeteria, Roman.”

“I like it better when you call me by my name,” Roman peers over his shoulder to inform Seth. He has a hint of a smile playing at his lips. Seth desperately discourages his eyes from travelling to Roman’s lips – they do that nonetheless. And unconsciously, Seth licks his lips, cheeks heating up when reverting his attention to Roman to find him staring with a hint of... something. His eyes are darker. “And there’s no fridge in the cafeteria.”

“Well, hurry it up then. We don’t all have the liberty of fucking women for a job. Some of us need to do serious things – like care for _ your _baby.”

Roman straightens up, and Seth uses that opportunity to grab his water bottle. “Fucking finally!” he turns, wanting to leave now that he’s gotten what he came here for. No such luck. Roman traps him against the fridge, getting in his face, irritation burning his brown eyes an obsidian color. His face is so close, Seth can feel his minty breath caress his lips and oh god! Seth’s mind doesn’t want to travel – especially not to every nasty gutter it can think of. He licks his lips, noticing how fast Roman follows the action, and then snaps his attention back to him again – inching closer, until they’re a breath apart. 

“You know,” Roman starts, his dark brows furrow, and he lifts his hand – for a second Seth thinks maybe it’s to brush his cheek. He’s caught in wishful thinking when Roman rubs his forehead instead, almost annoyed. “You just may be the most irritating person I’ve ever come across in my life.”

Ouch. That hurts. Seth refuses to show it, unconsciously, he tucks his hair behind his ears. “Well, unfortunately for you, my mama didn’t birth no angel.” He stares into Roman’s eyes challengingly, feeling braver than he’s supposed to, while stepping forward and closing the space between them. Roman leans down, squinting his eyes at him, their burn sending shivers along Seth’s spine – of both fear and excitement...and maybe longing. He bites his bottom lip, standing his ground as Roman gets in his face, so close that Seth thinks their lips are going to touch – and because Roman’s so slow, Seth decides to just – 

A hard push and Seth’s back collides with the fridge, all the air knocked out of him. “Don’t get all up in my face.” Roman warns darkly, shaking his head. 

“You’re right,” Seth clears his throat, trying to clear the lust fogging his brain. It only works slightly, his body is shivering, as if electricity were touching it. He struggles against jumping Roman who clearly isn’t fond of returning the favor when it comes to personal space. “I wouldn’t want to catch any infections.” Then he adds softly, “You have eleven freckles on your nose.” He should stop looking at Roman but his eyes are too beautiful when they turn _ human _– exuding a warmth that rivals global warming. 

“How nice of you to notice,” Roman says after a long tense silence. He still hasn’t created some space between them, not that Seth wants him to. He’s enjoying this a little too much – and part of him, deep inside, wishes Roman would just do something ... anything. There’s a feeling of longing hitting him. 

“I heard what happened. At the club. That doesn’t sound like you at all.” Seth says after a lengthy silence. “The fighting, I mean.” He elaborates, cheeks heating up at Roman’s unnerving gaze. “I mean on first impression you look aggressive – but I’ve yet to encounter that.”

Roman scoffs, sounding irritated while Seth feels small. His mouth opens and closes silently. Roman, however, replies with a disbelieving, “Do you want to be on the receiving end?”

_ Of something else. _ What? _ Get it together, Rollins. _“You just seem...” Seth waves vaguely, and even more awkwardly as Roman cocks his eyebrows in anticipation. “Cool as a cucumber. A man unperturbed by a lot of things.” 

“Until you mess with my family.”

Okay. So Roman’s a family-oriented guy. That is, that is actually a good trait – and maybe Seth will respect him a little more because of that. And the idea, strangely, turns Seth on. He would die if anyone ever found that out though. “You’re staying with Mandy Rose.” Seth reveals randomly, this time he looks anywhere but Roman, impatiently tucking his hair behind his ears. His heart’s beating too fast and too slow at the same time – feeling a wave of emotion crash over him. 

“I am,” Roman keeps his voice indifferent. 

“I have a spare bedroom.” Seth’s mind shoots to his mouth – maybe not his mind completely this time. The words came from nowhere and just slipped past. His eyes widen though, snapping to a confused looking Roman. “I mean while you wait –”

“No.”

Roman’s response shouldn’t have hurt. It’s not like Seth had expect the man to say yes anyway. They’re not exactly friends – and they barely talk. But damn, it feels like he consistently gives his heart to Roman for him to squash and throw it back at his face. “Suit yourself.” Seth shrugs, faking confidence, and successfully maneuvering around Roman. Roman who grips his wrist, stopping him. 

“Why?” 

Seth bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t know why. Maybe to get Roman away from Mandy Rose. Maybe to have his company. Maybe to atone for his past transgressions. Maybe because he’ll get to have Roman too – somehow. Maybe he’s just trying to be kind. “Because I’ve been an ass.” This is the only plausible response. “And I just want to say I’m sorry. Plus you’d have your own room – so that’s a bonus. Unless you enjoy bedding Mandy of course.”

Roman cocks an eyebrow, lips pressing into a thin line. 

“I meant bedding with her...like sharing her bed.”

“I do.” Roman says with total indifference. “But she’s a blanket hogger – and she can’t sleep without getting clingy.”

Okay...

Seth waits for Roman to continue, helplessly getting lost in his eyes – they are beguiling. His whole face is beautiful as if he's one of Michaelangelo’s masterpieces. Intimidating, that’s one word to describe Roman’s beauty. 

“And if I say yes, what will happen?” Roman sounds too reluctant. 

“I’ll help you to move in. And it will be convenient for me because it means I have a ride to work every morning.”

Roman snorts, “I knew there was something in it for you.”

“Just a lift, Reigns –” 

“Don’t call me that. Call me Roman.” Seth is interrupted. He cocks an eyebrow but nods. 

“And in return you’re getting a warm place, your own bedroom, that equals privacy. Free food – I’ll even cook. Plus I’m nearer to the hospital than Mandy Rose.” 

Still reluctance in Roman’s eyes but slowly he nods, grinning a beautiful smile that gives Seth heart palpitations. “Okay, man. You’ve sold me. You got yourself a deal.”

“Great!” Roman doesn’t let go of his hand. If anything, he squeezes just slightly and Seth has to suppress a gasp – a bolt of tantalizing heat shoots down his center_ . Please let me go. _It’s worse as Roman’s thumb brushes along the skin between his knuckles – a tantalizing shiver runs down Seth’s spine. Gone is the warmth that had been in Roman’s irises – in it’s place an intense dark gaze, making Seth uncomfortable in his nether regions. “I’ll...we can um, we can just, after my shift I’ll find you. To talk, I mean.”

“Certainly.” Roman let go of his hand and Seth releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“I have to um, to uh –” stupidly he points behind him, gaining an amused grin from Roman. He nods his head – understanding. Seth makes his escape, slumping against the wall just outside, while clutching his chest and willing his heart to calm down. It’s racing so fast. His skin is feverish too. _ What the fuck did you just do? _Offer Roman a place to stay. The panic is just beneath the surface, ready to rear it’s ugly head. Seth won’t let it. He shuts every panic, every doubt, and every confusion away.

He’ll have plenty of time to feel all those emotions when Roman moves in with him. When Seth will have to adjust to living with someone he clearly has feelings for. But he doesn’t need to address that. Not yet. The challenge here will be to prove to himself that he has control over his feelings around Roman. That’s it. And being the competitive person he is, it is a challenge that Seth will gladly accept. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!!!
> 
> Once again, this is beta'd by the amazing SassyPepper! She's amazing seriously! Like the previous chap, final editing is done by myself which means any mistakes are my own. Thank you for reading!

It’s strangely terrifying, witnessing Alexa embark on an emotional journey in under thirty seconds. Confusion first. Then realization. Followed by shock. And finally acceptance. With the acceptance, comes an excited squeal. “Wait, really? You really did that?”

Seth gives a half-shrug, feeling shy. “Yes. I – it was right here. When I came to fetch my water.”

“I’ll tell you, I didn’t think it’d be so soon. Dammit! That means I owe Bayley twenty dollars.” Alexa says with a sigh, while noticing Seth roll his eyes. “What? We knew you have feelings for him. I just didn’t think that you guys would be moving in together so soon. When’s the wedding, princess?”

Seth’s eyes widen. “What? N-No!” Alexa wants to give him a heart attack. Seth will just conclude that. “Gosh, you’re blowing everything out of proportion. It’s just until he finds something he can call his own. That’s it – and besides, I’m just trying to be generous.”

“You don’t usually allow people to invade your personal space.”

“I know.” Seth would be lying if he said he didn’t stay up the whole of last night thinking about it – allowing Roman to see him during his most vulnerable moments. It scares him – but terrifies him even more how part of him doesn’t seem to mind at all. “Is it, really?” leaning against the kitchen sink, Seth anxiously peers up at his best friend. “Too soon, I mean. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. So I don’t think that it should matter. I’m just trying to be...” he trails off, not wanting to repeat that generosity farce he just created. He doesn’t know completely why he wants Roman close to him. Part of him is just drawn to the man – and literally aches for his attention. To be noticed by him. An attraction that Seth can’t fully explain. But of course he’s not going to act on his feelings – it’s bad enough admitting it. “Should I tell him I changed my mind? It’s not too late.”

“Have you changed your mind?”

A long minute fades into the past. “No.” The foot of Seth’s left leg bounces impatiently, sounding awkward against the marble tiles. “Which is weird – and is a warning sign on it’s own. You said what you said – previously. And I agree. I’m scared as hell to allow him into my personal space – for the things he’s going to see. Me in the morning, in my Bears PJs.”

“That will be nothing compared to the rest of your house.” Alexa interrupts, she’s already giggling loudly. Reaching inside the pockets of her scrubs, she takes out two packets of M&Ms, giving one to Seth. “And there you have your answer also. You want to live with the man – and seduce him.”

Seth chokes on his saliva. “Alexa!” he surveys their tiny work kitchen. No one but the two of them. Seth already knew that. But he’s jittery – and last night, he didn’t sleep at all. “Anyone could walk in, you know.”

“Whatever.” Alexa is unperturbed as ever. “Just be sure to make me a sex tape the first time you guys do the deed. I’ll need it – for science.”

Seth’s mind goes to the gutter – and his body heats up. Deep down, Seth wouldn’t mind at all. “If you’re good, you may even be invited to sit in on the entire thing.”

Alexa’s jaw falls to the ground. Good. “You’re a fucking tease, Seth Rollins!” She shouts after him, with Seth laughing all the way to the Nicu doors. 

***

If Mandy Rose eyeballs him one more time...

Seth sighs, looking away from her deadly glare. She’s been giving him contemptuous stares the entire morning. Nothing compares to her snarky comments though. Seth is more impressed than offended, he didn’t think she had it in her. And all this for a male human. Granted, Seth is attracted to the male human too and it may look like he’s stealing her boyfriend – not steal, steal but close to it – and has him moving in with him. But so what? Roman did say that she’s very clingy, so perhaps Seth shouldn’t be surprised. 

Speaking of Roman, they’re meeting up in the next thirty minutes – at the cafeteria. To further discuss him moving in. He’s doing that tonight – and bilious nervousness has had Seth in it’s clutches the entire morning. Natalya noticed it as well, and Seth just evaded her questions. He did see Roman once or twice today, even got introduced to his cousins. They seem to like him, and Seth likes them too – he just hates how they get him all flustered with their flirtatiousness. Roman was amused the entire time. 

12:45pm came too soon. 

Seth can’t help thinking as he follows behind Alexa and Bayley to the food court. They’ve collected their lunch but Seth is not sure if he will be able to stomach it. He’s nervous all over again. The food court is semi-packed, but their usual spot is empty. “I’ll try to make this quick.” Seth informs his friends, ignoring Bayley’s confused expression. Alexa drags her away thankfully. 

Finding a vacant spot, Seth sits down, frowning at his food while waiting for Roman, it hasn’t been that long, just five minutes have passed. The glass doors slide open, cold wind whipping in and briefly stealing all the warmth. Standing up, Seth’s lips press into a thin smile. “Hi.” He intentionally keeps his gaze on Roman, not wanting to acknowledge the woman clinging to Roman’s arm. “You’re here.” He smiles stupidly, mind going blank at Roman’s disarming grin. 

Roman cocks an eyebrow. “I did say I’d come, didn’t I?”

Seth’s cheeks heat up. “Yeah. It’s just...never mind.” Seth clears his throat, sitting down. Roman gets Mandy’s chair, like the gentleman he is. “How’s Keilani?” Seth hopes he hasn’t crossed the line. Keilani’s no longer in his care after all but Seth still cares – and sometimes, he’d interact with her briefly before Roman would make an appearance. 

“Fine. Doing extremely well.” Roman looks around, wrapping an arm around a glowering Mandy’s arm. “What’s wrong, baby doll?”

“Nothing...besides the fact that you’re just now acknowledging my presence.” Mandy examines her ruby red nails, tone sharp. “If I’d known spending time with the untrained animal would turn you to one, I’d have prevented it from the start, Romie.”

Seth snorts before he can help himself. While Roman, he rubs his forehead, looking greatly annoyed. He says nothing so Seth does. “Save him from yourself, huh? We all know what’s hiding beneath all that fake.”

Mandy wrinkles her nose. “Romie, did you hear something?” she looks at Roman, false confusion on her face. “I swear I heard a dog barking. It must be all this beauty that’s making it intimidated.”

Roman’s first reply is a thin press of his lips. “Is it a habit for both of you?” he looks between Seth and Mandy – and Seth can tell he’s not the only one confused here. The plastic doll is too. “To behave like a pair of five year olds, I mean. What are you even fighting for?”

Silence. 

The tips of Seth’s ears inflame – and he glares at a calm and collected Roman. “You don’t need to be such an asshole.”

“And you don’t need to behave like a child. What’s your point?” 

“She started it.” Roman cocks an eyebrow – and this time, Seth really does feel like a troublesome child. “Whatever. Let’s just get this over and done with.” Seth snaps, leering at the two people across him. “I hope you don’t have a lot of luggage. My spare room...it doesn’t have a built-in wardrobe. I do have a chest of drawers though.”

“Then why’d you invite him if you weren’t going to cater to all his needs?” Mandy Rose raises her eyebrows, questioning his entire motive it looks like. 

“I’ll _ cater _to his needs just fine, Mandy. Trust me.” Yes, it sounds too suggestive – and Seth doesn’t give a fuck. Mandy cuts her eyes at him, but she doesn’t seem to understand the full implications of his words. Roman on the other hand, his dark eyes are shining with – condemnation? Seth can’t be sure. But he seems displeased – and when he’s displeased, it makes Seth feel like a petulant child. “I mean, to be accommodating. I’m just used to living alone so I never bothered getting a wardrobe. I already have one in my room. But we could go to Target – maybe tomorrow. I’m off for the next three –”

“Enough, Seth.” Roman, thankfully helps him shut up, the tip of Seth’s ears turn pinkish red. He looks at his cold lunch. “I appreciate your efforts. A chest of drawers is fine. I didn’t bring that much clothes, man. Everything I own is in Wisconsin. Hopefully, once my daughter’s well enough, we’ll be able to go home.”

“Not without me you won’t.” Mandy says, way too quickly. The panic is so visible on her face – and it’s strange to see. Her, actually caring for someone else besides herself. Or maybe she doesn’t want her fifteen minutes of fame to end. Seth focuses on her because it’s better than focusing on his own clenching heart. He clears his throat, pushing his lunch tin away – feeling sick. 

“Alright. Does that mean you won’t need help moving? I can still go with you though, I kinda don’t have a ride back home. I’m leaving earlier than everyone else. What about Mandy? Her keys?”

“The spare key belongs to him.” Mandy runs her hand through her blonde tresses, kissing her teeth. “He’s mine – and that won’t change just because he’s living with you.”

Mine? What does that even mean? Are these two official? Why isn’t Roman saying anything? Protesting. Agreeing. Smiling. Frowning. _ Anything. _

“So can I ride you?” Seth blinks innocently, too innocently – maybe it’s his bravery making it’s rare appearance again. He almost laughs when Roman chokes on his saliva. Mandy’s nostrils wrinkle, she looks ready to strangle him. With a sigh, Seth corrects himself. “Ride with you, I mean. Like in your car.”

Five seconds. Ten. Roman squints his eyes, like he’s studying him. Seth doesn’t know if he finds what he’s looking for. “Yeah, Seth. I’ll gladly take you for a ride.” 

“Great!” Standing, Seth flashes a brilliant smile to his guests. “I’ll see you around, Romie.”

***

The ride to Mandy’s house feels too long to Seth. It could have to do with Seth’s unnerving awareness of Roman. Being in a confined space like this isn’t helping at all – not with the tension Seth can feel between the two of them. All his fault he suspects. He’s the one who keeps looking away when caught staring stupidly at Roman after all. Roman’s asked him a few times if he has something on his face, to which Seth has been responding with a weak, “No.”

They spend thirty minutes at Mandy’s – Roman has just one luggage bag. It only takes so long because Roman goes around looking for all his sweaters in Mandy’s apartment. She wears them often apparently. And Seth _ doesn’t _ feel jealous about that, he _ doesn’t. _For someone who cares so much about her appearance, Mandy’s really messy. Her clothes are all over the place, neatly folded but in the living room, the bedroom and there’s even a folded dress in the kitchen. Seth wonders how it got there.

On the way to Seth’s house, Roman turns the radio on, for which Seth is really grateful. It’s awkward, but not like before – not with Roman’s low but sensuous singing. RnB. Seth has never heard the song before but he repeatedly catches the words ‘Forever my lady’. “You’ve a really beautiful voice,” he compliments absently, being soothed by Roman’s voice. 

“Thanks, man.” Roman’s calm voice fills the car. “You said I turn left here, right?”

Looking at their surroundings, Seth gives a timid nod. Shit, he’s been creepily looking at Roman the entire time. As his cheeks heat up, he hopes nothing is visible to Roman. “Yes. Another five minutes and then we’re there.”

“Stay here.” Roman gives the instruction after Seth points to his modest home. It’s not the biggest of homes but Seth is proud of it – it’s his pad, something he can call his own. The door opens on his side, and Seth peers up at Roman inquisitively. Reluctantly, he accepts Roman’s offered hand, wondering if Roman does this for Mandy too – he probably does. He’s a gentleman – through and through. “Wow.”

“I know it’s not much,” Seth murmurs, tucking his hair behind his ears. “But it’s my home – and for a twenty-five year old, I think I’ve done pretty well.” 

Roman doesn’t respond. He’s looking around Seth’s living room, resembling a security guard in his scrutiny. Seth can’t tell whether or not he’s impressed – with the old school design of his home. The house is small but spacious enough that one doesn’t feel too stifled. That’s one of the reasons that Seth bought this house... but also to be closer to Xavier. No one needs to know that though. 

“Wow... You’re a super-fan, man.” Roman whistles low in his throat, capturing Seth’s attention. The quarterback is looking around – and sure, Seth has a lot of Bears collections. From past jerseys to blankets to helmets, there’s replica trophies and dishware and underwear and slippers and PJs. “I gotta admit, this is quite impressive. How long have you been collecting?”

“As long as I can remember.” Trailing light footsteps to where Roman is looking at a framed photo from when the Bears won their first and only Superbowl, Seth touches the frame with a weird reverence. “I’ve been a football fan since I began walking.”

“Me too.”

Turning to observe Roman, Seth’s breath catches in his throat at his soft smile. It’s ridiculous how disarming it is. _ Dammit, Mr. Reigns! _“Why d-don’t I show you to your room? And then I’ll prepare dinner while you get settled.”

“Lead the way, brother.”

Something heavy sinks into Seth’s stomach at that last word. _ Brother. Ew! _ He already has a brother – from another mother – in the form of Xavier. He doesn’t need another one. Certainly not one he’d rather get dicked down by. _ Dammit, Seth. _His body inflames in embarrassment. “I – this is, this um –”

“You okay, man?” Roman who’d been scrutinizing his new room shifts all the attention to Seth. 

“Fine!” it’s a bit snarky, and Roman raises an eyebrow. “Sorry.” Seth clears his throat, wanting to escape because Roman’s stare is unsettling. “Bathroom’s third door in the hallway. If you need to freshen up, like if you’re into that sort of thing. I’m going to make us dinner. You love seafood paella, right?”

“Yes... I do.” Roman seems surprised. 

“Google,” Seth elaborates, stomach doing flips – he’s embarrassed. “I –” he tucks his hair behind his ears. “Google. I searched you online. I saw that it’s one of your favorites.”

Roman remains silent, a second, and then gives his breathtaking grin. “I’ll get this out of the way quickly.” He points to the luggage bag. 

“Sure.” Seth doesn’t make any effort to move – and looks at Roman. The quarterback stares right back, hands hidden in his jeans pockets. “There’s clean linens in the first drawer as well,” Seth adds because the silence is becoming awkward. Again Roman nods, he says nothing. “I’ll, um, bye.” _ God, Rollins – could you be anymore obvious? _ Seth makes his escape, sagging against the kitchen sink. If he continues this way, it won’t be long until Roman figures out Seth’s attraction. That could cause him to leave and go back to Mandy. And Seth _ really _ doesn’t want that. _ Dammit, Seth. You can do this. Reigns is not that special. _

Okay. So he’s off to a great start. Calling Roman ‘Reigns’ again. Maybe if he detaches from using the quarterback’s real name, the detachment will extend to the way he feels about Roman – _ Reigns _– as well. Here’s to hoping. 

***

“Man, it smells good in here.”

Glancing over his shoulder, Seth meets a freshly showered Roman. He’s not even half-naked, sadly. “Thank you. Why don’t you grab the plates? In the lower cabinets, on the right.”

Roman complies. “I’ll set the table.” He moves with the grace of a ninja. Seth is surprised to find that he’s already set the table. “Water’s fine.” Roman tells him, prompting Seth to return the wine inside the fridge. He prefers water too. Dishing their food, Seth silently tells Roman to dig in with a kind smile and then looking anywhere but Roman. That quickly changes when Roman begins coughing – really, really coughing. Like someone who’d been inhaling smoke – with his brown eyes turning watery. 

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“What? No!” Seth denies vehemently with a shake of the head. Where the hell does the idea stem from?

“Are you sure? Because with _ this, _” with a grimace, the plate on Roman’s end is pushed away, “I’d swear you are. No part of this has ever been seafood. You call this paella?”

Seth pouts, mildly offended. He put a lot of effort into making this. Normally, he doesn’t slave away in the kitchen, but for this asshole mocking his food, he was willing to make the effort. “Maybe your taste buds are not working right. I – I,” Seth flails wildly, shifting off his chair. “I followed Xavier’s recipe to the tee!” 

“And have you tasted this? Vile, that’s all I gotta say.”

No, Seth hasn’t yet tasted this. He was waiting for Roman to try it out first – and then hopefully compliment him. And then maybe, he’d be rewarded with a fuck. Maybe. They do say the way to a man’s dick is his stomach after all. Okay, that’s not how the saying goes but still. Taking a bite, Seth gasps, “Oh my...” He drinks down his water in long gulps. _ Ew! _What happened? The paella doesn’t taste like it’s supposed to. “I don’t know w-what happened.” His voice cracks, going to dispose off the food in the bin. “I wanted to make it perfect for you.”

The room goes silent after Seth reveals that foolishly. He quickly looks away, dumping the plates in the sink and turning on the water. He hates how his mouth has no control around Roman. “Your effort is greatly appreciated, Seth.” Roman stands next to him, reaching inside the sink, their hands touch as he takes the dishcloth from Seth. “Won’t you relax? You cooked, it’s only fair that I wash.”

“I want to help.”

“You’ll wipe then.” Roman murmurs, stacking a washed plate on top of a bowl. 

“I really excel in that area.” Seth jokes weakly, smiling up at Roman. 

“I always knew you’re more than brains and beauty.”

Like usual, the compliment catches Seth off-guard, halting whatever he was going to say. Part of him wishes Roman would stop doing this. Seth can’t afford to fall – not so hard or easy. “I’ll order a pizza.”

“As long as it’s not Hawaiian.” Roman looks genuinely horrified and Seth has to laugh. 

“If you promise to watch TV with me for at least an hour.” Okay. It hasn’t been two hours and he’s getting clingy – maybe he’s just like Mandy Rose but Seth just wants to spend time together. He still doesn’t know what it is about Roman. “You don’t have to though.” He adds, trying to come off cool. 

“What do you want to watch?”

“What do _ you _want to watch?” Seth echoes, and maybe he’s feeling a little flirtatious to get into Roman’s space and bounce on the balls of his feet. 

“Whatever _ you _want to watch.”

“The Godfather.”

Roman whistles, seemingly impressed, it has Seth’s belly doing flips. “Great choice, man. I love a good mafia film – and it’s not bad that this one will remind me of home. Alright, I’m in.”

“Great!” Seth barely stops himself from hugging Roman. He’s too excited here. “Let me do it now.”

Watching TV together feels so domestic. Seth has kept his distance though, and sits on the couch across Roman. He was scared, and still is, although he does occasionally steal glances at the beautiful man. Roman looks happy – at least Seth thinks he’s happy. With the way his hearty laughs boom in the living room. He’s one of the loud ones when watching TV and where it would normally annoy Seth, he can’t help but think that with Roman it’s...endearing. 

“I think I’ll head to bed – I’m tired.” Seth yawns, getting up. It’s ten o’clock and he usually doesn’t stay up until this late into the evening. 

Roman follows suit, murmuring an exhausted, “Me too.”

It’s awkward as they walk into the hallway, in the direction of their rooms, that are side by side. They pause outside Seth’s door, and the brunet turns to face Roman. “I, um, I guess this is it.” Seth peers up at Roman, unsure what to do with his hands, and leans against his door. The weirdness of his living situation hits him again – and a sliver of fear grips him. What the hell is he doing?

Roman’s hand grips his own – it’s so much bigger than Seth’s. Warm. Gentle. Confident. Seth tries not to enjoy his touch too much. “Have a goodnight, Seth.”

Seth makes his escape, sagging against the door. _ Phew. _ Day one – success. At least to him. And when he slips inside the covers, the entirety of him is at peace. And he’s allowing the soothing sound of snow thudding on his window pane to lull him to sleep. He’s nearly successful too – until he remembers that Roman’s right _ next door. _Fuck! 

That night, Seth twists and turns in bed all night – mind restless. He dreams of intense brown eyes, and a solid warm body pressing him into the mattress, penetrating more than just his body.

* * *

Day two is good...and bad. 

Good because Seth is woken up by the delicious smells of food cooking. And for a flicker of a second he’s confused, ready to retrieve the taser beneath his pillow to confront the stranger in his home until remembering that he now cohabits his home with someone else. When Seth enters the kitchen (after he’s taken a shower and fixated over his appearance for longer than he normally does), it’s to find the dinner table filled with mouth-watering food. 

Seth takes it all in, and his lips spread into a wide smile – that actually hurts his cheeks. 

“Oh, good. You’re awake. I was scared the food was going to get cold – and I didn’t know whether or not to wake you.” A deep voice says behind him. 

Abruptly, Seth spins on his heels. His already too large eyes go big as saucers. _ Breathe, Rollins. _ “You’re, um, not wearing a shirt.” He gawks idiotically, suddenly feeling warmth spread over his bod, the hairs on his arms raising. To say Roman looks hot would be a great understatement. This man really _ is _one of Michaelangelo’s masterpieces – all chiseled features and godly body. 

“Does it bother you?” Roman rubs the back of his neck – and maybe it’s not his intention but his _ thick _bicep demands all the attention and all Seth can think about is how it would feel around his neck. 

“No. Not at all.” Seth murmurs when he finally finds his voice. “Be like this more often, please.” Brave, flirty, inner hoe Seth makes his appearance. “I like you like this.”

Roman gets his chair for him – and Seth rejoices internally. Where is Mandy Rose? He wants her to see this. Roman’s gentlemanly side isn’t just reserved for her. Seth is the recipient too. “You’re very forward aren’t you?”

“When I’ve had a good dose of my confidence pills, yup!” Seth pours OJ in both their glasses. “Did you go to the store to buy this?”

“I got it from Mr. Sanders next door.”

What? How...?

Seth is sure his shock is showing. He just… Mr. Sanders is a grumpy old man that everyone knows not to bother and Roman not only interacted with him but got free juice as well. “How did you manage that?”

“He recognized me from the television,” Roman rubs his neck again – bashfully. He looks embarrassed to be admitting this. “He's a huge Packers fan.”

“I should’ve known,” Seth snorts, munching on toast. He moans, feeling an instant gratification. Roman’s a great cook, could easily compete with Xavier. And the smug grin on his face tells Seth he knows exactly what’s happening. “No wonder he’s such a grump.” And that is how a football debate is sparked between both of them. It’s lighthearted and funny – and Seth is really enjoying Roman’s company. They, dare he say it, _ click... _even as they argue. 

Day two is bad because _ Mandy. _

They’ve had a great morning, had driven to the hospital together to visit Keilani – and learned from Dr. Jax that she may be released in a week or two. Seth skips like a little kid, and on impulse, hugs Roman. Roman who returns his hug, and it’s so warm and snuggly and dear god Roman smells like heaven. Seth has his face buried in his chest, perhaps enjoying this more than he should until Mandy’s annoyed, “What’s going on?” disrupts them. 

Roman immediately pulls away, and Mandy Rose occupies the place that belongs to her. Seth tucks a loose strand behind his ear, silently cursing his impulsiveness. He can’t do things like this. He needs to remain levelheaded – at all times. It’s the only way he’ll master the art of taming his feelings. “Keilani may be released this Friday. Or next week. Nia’s just revealed...”

“Wasn’t asking you, weirdo, but thanks.” Mandy doesn’t even spare him a glance. Seth wants to smack that wrinkly expression away. He doesn’t. He’s better than that. 

“Anytime, brainiac.” He singsongs. 

Roman cocks an unimpressed eyebrow and Seth silently dares him to try and defend his shallow bitch. He’ll have the bastard out of his house faster than Roman can say sorry. Maybe he won’t. Part of him is just exaggerating. But it hurts thinking that his bastard roommate would even choose his girlfriend over him. Seth thought they were connecting – somehow.

* * *

The morning of day three they go shopping together. 

Roman was complaining about the lack of food in Seth’s home last night so they both agreed to do it this morning. And Seth is practically skipping inside the grocery store as Roman grabs a cart. They’re going to the hospital to visit Keilani in the afternoon – and although Seth is excited, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t anxious about seeing Mandy Rose. Every time she’s around, it means heartbreak for him, he has to bear seeing her all loved up with the man he has feelings for. 

“I feel like that lady’s following us.” Roman says suspiciously, pushing their cart, as Seth meanders through yet another aisle – checking for anything they may’ve forgotten. He always creates a list on his phone but he still prefers to check every aisle. 

Seth glances over his shoulder. “Oh. That’s Mary-Sue. The manager’s instructed her to track my every move when I come here. This one time they almost banned me here.” He adds nonchalantly, scanning the lettuce. He’s never been good at picking out fresh produce so he looks up at Roman innocently. “Which one should I pick?” Roman gives him an incredulous stare – an expression akin to ‘who birthed you?’. “What is it?” 

“Why would they ban you from a Walmart, Seth?” Roman asks, brows raised in confusion. 

“I was playing dominoes with the shelves.” Seth cackles, taking it upon himself to pick out the lettuce. Roman’s clearly too slow. “I was bored – and no, I am not a child.” He adds because Roman looks ready to say that. Roman shakes his head, doesn’t question him, and they move away from the fruit and veg aisle. Roman complains when they revisit the same aisle thrice – he’s clearly the type that just grabs what he came for and leaves but Seth always wants to make sure he has everything he needs. 

“I don’t even know why you’re taking this whole thing so seriously when you can’t cook.”

“Because everyone does this – and when I was young, I always dreamt of the day I’d get to push around my own trolley, with my own grocery, for _ my _home. I love doing this.” Seth takes the brown rice. No, there’s about four packets at home. He returns it. Roman tells him to grab the tastier one, Seth will assume he means the jasmine rice but Roman’s frown is a clear nope. 

“You’re hopeless.” Roman selects the white rice. “No wonder your food tastes like soggy cardboard. Brown rice? Soy milk? Sunflower seeds? Broccoli. No spices. Where’s the meat?”

“We have more than enough at home, Roman.” Seth fixes his beanie, drawing it beneath his ears. Today’s more cold than usual – despite snow season being over. Seth hates it – feeling the chilly wind literally biting into his skin. “Besides, healthy living is important. I’m a nurse, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah, right.” A nudge to Seth’s shoulder, and they move forward. Some curious eyes are on them, watchful like hawks – and Seth can see hints of envy. He knows why. And foolishly, he allows himself the illusion. Beside him is a – partner? He can’t say that other word. He’s too scared. Beside Seth is his partner, and the two of them are grocery shopping together – and, and Mandy doesn’t exist. 

Unconsciously, he grabs Roman’s hand, doesn’t let go as he asks, “Will getting ice-cream make me cooler?” 

Roman smiles, and Seth forgets to breathe, like always. “Not that vegan shit or imitation stuff – and you’ll be the coolest dude I ever met.”

“Lucky me,” Seth’s sigh is fused with a snort. He pretends to be unaffected by Roman’s presence behind him as he scans the Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream. That faux nonchalance flies out the window when Roman’s front presses firmly against his back, his hand reaching around Seth to grab the vanilla flavor. 

“In case you pick something crazy like mint chocolate chunk or shit like that.” A warm breath caresses Seth’s ear. He leans into Roman, closing the little bit of space – that’s hoe Seth making an appearance again. “Do you need anything?”

_ You. _“No.” a thick whisper. Abruptly, he whirls around to face Roman, fighting for air as he looks into the most alluring brown eyes. “Unless it involves you licking my lips for a change.” It’s a joke, only said because Seth is getting distracted by the way Roman’s licking his lips. And maybe, he’s also just testing the waters.

Roman looks confused for the fraction of a second, and then he just..._ smiles _– all innocent and warm. “Maybe I will.” The challenge is playful, like that of a competitive kindergartner. Seth hopes his disappointment isn’t showing. He has no idea how Roman resembles a child in his innocence but also a very dominant, very sexy and brooding (at times) adult. 

Seth’s hands press on his sculpted chest – pushing softly. Roman gets the message, and provides them with some much needed space. “I hate mint chocolate by the way.” Seth tells Roman, allowing himself to be pulled to the man’s side. Roman clearly seems to think they’re some sort of friends, and maybe it’s close enough – as roomies. “I’d rather eat dirt.”

Roman grins, messing with Seth’s beanie. The younger man can’t bring himself to complain. Not with Roman’s arm around him. Not with the envious glances. That make him feel a weird sort of satisfaction. “Ay, I knew you had great taste, man.” Roman breaks through his selfish thoughts. “That don’t include your football choices though.”

Seth rolls his eyes and readies himself for one of their passionate debates. 

Here they go again...

***

They visit Keilani around 02:00pm. 

Although this is the second time they’re being spotted together, Seth can still see the surprise on his colleagues’ faces. He can’t say he’s surprised. Not too long ago, they assumed he hated the man. Not that Seth can blame them. It is his fault – and sure there are days that he still feels resentment towards Roman. Like now, when they meet Mandy Rose looking beautiful as ever in her pink scrubs and a smile automatically pulls at Roman’s lips. 

Seth has to look away when the blonde literally jumps into Roman’s arms, and kisses him to her heart’s content. “Romie!” he hears her squeal, blue eyes lighting up. “I missed you.”

“Me too.” Roman kisses her forehead, and that somehow hurts Seth more than that kiss on the lips. Forehead kisses are always so intimate – much more intimate. “But not you stealing the blankets at night.”

“Shut up!” Mandy Rose giggles. “Come with me. Let’s go check on your daughter.” She starts to pull him away, and only briefly spares a disinterested Seth a glance. “Hi, Seth. Bye, Seth.” 

Seth blinks stupidly, hoping he was imagining the entire exchange. He can see Roman walking away from him. After a second to collect himself, Seth decides he doesn’t care. Why should he? Roman doesn’t even belong to him. And while Seth does have feelings for the quarterback, now is the time to prove that he can tame them – that beyond being ridiculously gorgeous, Roman is just another ordinary male human. 

Going to find Alexa, Seth spends time with her in the cafeteria – until it’s time for her to get back to work. After which, he has no choice but to go and find Roman. Seth releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he finds him alone, doing kangaroo care with his daughter. The sight melts him. He grabs the nearest chair, sitting down next to Roman. “Where’s the she-monster?”

“Who?”

“That monster you call your girlfriend.”

“I don’t have a monster for a girlfriend.” Roman rolls his eyes, tone reprimanding. “I swear you’re no different from a little boy sometimes.”

“That would hurt if I actually gave a fuck about a lousy quarterback’s opinion of my maturity level,” Seth snorts, feeling his heart clench – but he keeps his tone soft, not wanting to completely offend Roman. He still remembers that night, when he got reprimanded by the man. “But your actions show your age too. Man whore. Baby mama drama – and you wouldn’t even take responsibility until –”

“Are you going to _ finish _that?” Roman asks calmly, but Seth can’t miss the warning in his voice. 

“N-No.” He shakes his head, standing to go and have a closer look at Keilani. “She’s very beautiful.” He whispers, aching to touch her. “I’m so proud of her for pulling through.”

Roman is taken aback by the random change, but he smiles, warily, but a smile nonetheless. “All thanks to you and your team.”

“We try.” 

It’s somewhat funny to Seth. How he and Roman can fight one minute and then move on the next. He thinks that as Roman permits him to hold baby Keilani. The tiny beauty snuggles into him and Seth can’t help melting. He holds the infant close, gently brushing her raven curls while discussing tonight’s dinner with her father. And Seth is about to make a movie recommendation when Mandy Rose comes back. It’s 06:30 pm, her time to leave. Seth learns that she’s going to be riding with them. 

He tries not to care much but that proves impossible when she suggests to spend the night with them, in his house. Roman looks awkward, murmuring what sounds like a thoughtful, “I’d rather spend the night at yours, baby doll.” His inquiring gaze finds Seth. “After I take you home of course.”

“Whatever.” Seth rolls his eyes, gently returning Keilani to her bed. “You’ll find me outside.”

“The keys...”

Seth is at the exit, he shuffles back to Roman, snatching the car key from him, and marching to where the quarterback’s rented Mercedes is parked. For a second, he battles on what to do. Occupy the front seat or go to the back? With the first lady here, it would probably be wiser to take the back seat. 

Seth sits in front, in the passenger seat, and waits for Roman and Mandy to make their appearance. 

“He should be sitting at the back.” Seth hears Mandy complain as she gets into the backseat. When they arrived, she was knocking at his window but Seth just ignored. Yes, he’s feeling spiteful. So what? Who gives a fuck? He was supposed to be spending the night with Roman but his bitch girlfriend is stealing him away from Seth – so excuse him if he wants to spend this little bit of time with the man. 

“It won’t kill you to sit in the backseat, Mandy.” Roman says calmly, and Seth wonders how he does it – deal with the self-entitled brat. He’s secretly gloating as he connects with Mandy on the rearview mirror. She does not look pleased. Whatever. She’ll survive. “Get your seat belt on.” Roman says, voice soft, but Seth can’t miss the authority in it – despite his calm authority, Seth can’t help wanting to deny him, out of spite more than anything.

“Really, that’s what you’re thinking about? A stupid seat belt?”

Mandy snorts from the backseat, she mumbles beneath her breath. Seth doesn’t catch what she says – lucky for her.

“No, I am thinking about your safety.” Roman stops at a red light, glancing over at Seth, serious as ever – and there’s a gentleness in his eyes that Seth doesn’t want to see. “And I care about you.”

“As a friend,” Seth reminds the Samoan – or maybe he’s reminding himself. Roman isn’t the one pining after someone he can’t have after all.

“Of course.” Roman squints his eyes at Seth, almost as if he’s trying to figure him out.

The car ride back home is awkward. Mandy complains the entire time – and a couple of times, Seth exchanges a few jabs with her. Roman sighs like he’s dealing with two children. Eventually, he turns the radio on – and Seth looks away, biting his bottom lip to keep from crying. He’s angry and hurt. Roman is, he’s supposed to be spending the night with him, not cancelling their plans just to get laid. 

This is why male humans ain’t shit. 

Seth climbs out of the car after a twenty minute tense drive. He doesn’t even wait for Roman to get his door for him. Mandy’s here after all – she’s the queen, the one worthy of all the special treatment. Appetite lost, he storms to his room, wanting nothing but to cry himself to sleep. Roman’s just chosen Mandy Rose over him. A vagina over connection. “What do you want?” he queries quietly, when he hears his door open and close barely five minutes after he entered. 

There’s a silent pause. Seth spins on his heels, coming face to face with an analytic Roman. “What's wrong? Are you sick?” the bastard asks like the dumb quarterback he is. 

“Yes!” Seth snaps, to get this over and done with more than anything. “What’s it to you?”

“I care,” Roman says for the second time tonight, as if it should be obvious – and Seth doesn’t really get him. Roman’s too confusing. “Do you need me to stay with you until you fall asleep?”

“I – ” Seth is about to respond with a snarky _ no. _ Swear to the universe he is. But then he thinks about it. Maybe, Roman staying with him, here in his room, won’t be such a bad idea. It will mean that he’s away from Mandy Rose, even if it is for a little while – and most importantly, Seth will _ have _him too. “What about your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my –” Roman swipes his hand over his face, like he’s done with Seth’s bullshit. “You’re a real piece of work, Rollins.”

Seth has the perfect comeback but he’s not sure if irritating Roman further will serve him any purpose. Right now, he wants the man to stay – even for a little while. “Will you read me a bedtime story, too?” he jokes weakly, climbing into the bed, with Roman sitting right next to him – and tucking him in. 

“If that’s what you want,” Roman replies seriously. He must be one of those guys comfortable with his sexuality because with Seth’s go-ahead, he wraps his arms around Seth, with Seth’s head resting on his chest. “I’m not a great story-teller but I can tell you about my childhood in Samoa.”

“Tell me something in Samoan,” Seth whispers, looking into Roman’s eyes. They look too innocent – no sensuality, no burn – just big brother-like. The one thing Seth doesn’t want to see. 

“Hmm...” Roman hums low in his throat, soothing tone a warm blanket on a night cold as this. “Let me think... I got it. E tele ou mata.”

“What does it mean?

“You have big eyes.”

“Rude!” Seth manages a small chuckle, pinching Roman’s abdomen. “My eyes are beautiful.”

“I concur.”

Does he mean that in a non-romantic way? Seth doesn’t know. One minute Roman says something that makes it sound like he may be interested too but then he looks so calm and innocent that Seth can’t tell whether or not he’s flirting. But why would he when he has Mandy Rose?

“Stay with me, please.” The words rush to Seth’s mouth, and maybe he acts out a little, sniffling a little loudly and coughing more than necessary. He just, he just wants _ this. _“I – ‘m really not feeling well.”

Roman’s reply is a silent exhale. “Mandy –”

“Please.” Seth begs before Roman can continue. He’s sacrificing his pride but pride be damned if it means stopping Roman from going out and doing whatever it is he was going to do with Mandy. “Just this once. I’d ask Alexa but she’s working tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Roman sounds really reluctant. “I’ll go talk to her. Be back soon.”

There’s silence for maybe five seconds before Seth hears some shouting. His heart pounds hard inside his chest, clenching with guilt. This is all his fault – and his selfishness. He almost leaves the bed to go and tell Roman that it’s fine. But he can hear the front door rattle loudly as it closes. And then the sound of footsteps in the hallway. 

Roman reenters, looking sour. That clench again. _ You’re not really sick. Tell him. _Closing his eyes, Seth parts his lips, ready to confess. But Roman’s arms surround him once more; so greatly desired. Seth bites the inside of his cheek, and keeps silent. He needs this. If only for one night. And so he closes his eyes and chases the guilt away, blocking everything but the sound of Roman’s gentle heartbeat against his ear. 

** _Seth's house looks something like this _ **


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! It's been donkey years since an update on this. For a host of reasons. Including painful writer's block, mostly because I couldn't make up my mind about which route to take. Think I have things figured out now...so at this point, I can't even be sure how long this is going to be.
> 
> If you want to go back and revisit previous chapters, you're welcome to. I've made minor edits that don't affect the story...and I've added a few pictures (this app isn't great for that on a phone...don't know why) to sort of give you the mental image of Seth's home - and also, you can see what Xavier's twins look like!

Seth wakes up alone – and sure, it’s nothing out of the ordinary, but when he went to bed last night, sleeping in the arms of the man he’s helplessly smitten with, well then it’s hard to not be disappointed when he realizes that said man is no longer beside him. Seth wonders when Roman left. Was it immediately after he’d fallen asleep? This morning?  _ Why  _ did he leave? To go back to Mandy’s? Or is he still here...in his room, maybe. Seth can’t help thinking that the house is too quiet, the silence almost...intimidating. It smacks him right across his cheek, making him feel alone – and it takes giving himself an internal pep talk for him to finally leave the bed. 

The muted atmosphere in the kitchen confirms Seth’s suspicions. Roman is gone. Seth’s checked the bathroom, as well Roman’s room, and the kitchen was his final resort. The realization is painful but Seth reminds himself to not care so much, Roman doesn’t belong to him. He’s a grown ass man who can do whatever he wants.  _ Whoever he wants.  _ And Seth should be okay with that...now if only his heart would be as on-board with his resolve as his mind is.

Today’s Wednesday, his last off day, and the weather looks lovely outside. It’s only 06:51am but the sun is already teasing it’s golden glow. Seth opens the windows, letting the crisp February air in, and starts to brew some quality coffee on the ridiculously expensive coffeemaker his mom got him as a present last Christmas. He leaves it there, and goes to the bathroom, to take a piss and quickly take care of his morning routine.

The coffee’s done, music turned onto full volume, and Seth is staring in the distance with the coffee mug warming his hands. He’s too lazy to exercise today, knows why, but refuses to acknowledge it. There’s a void in the deepest parts of him that has him drained—and it’s not even 08:00am. The house is spotless, being the neat freak he is, Seth cleans every corner of the house routinely – Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. It’s so bad that even the sight of a single dirty plate in the sink makes him cringe. He can’t help it. Today, maybe he can do his laundry – that’s not even half full – to pass the time. And then later, he’ll go to Xavier’s for a visit. His pregnant friend will be giving birth to a little girl any day now and is on maternity leave. 

It’s the sound of the front door closing quietly that pulls Seth out of his thoughts. He resists the urge to go find the man responsible, but his heart is pumping too fast and slow at the same time. He hates that he’s so nervous, and how his coffee tastes different all of a sudden, the butterflies in his belly making it hard for him to take another sip.

“Damn, you’re awake!” Seth hears Roman’s deep voice announce behind him. He may be imagining things but the quarterback sounds disappointed. “I was hoping to find you still in bed. Thought I could surprise you.”

Surprise...? What is this man talking about?

Spinning on his heels, Seth comes face to face with Roman. He looks gorgeous in a tank top and some shorts, wearing a cap, sunglasses on top, and his headphones hugging his neck. Seth continues to silently observe him, cocking an eyebrow in interest as he spots the Dunkin’ Donuts bag Roman is carrying in one hand.

“I know I’m late, ’m sorry, honey.” Seth wishes that stupid bee barf term didn’t affect him so much but he nearly betrays himself by cracking a little grin. “Just thought you’d wake up a bit later today. Yesterday you weren’t feeling well. Anyway, I went out to get you these to surprise you, but it turns out that a cap and sunglasses aren’t good disguises; not even in your small city—that’s why I’m late.”

Roman is looking at him, appearing genuine in his apology, and Seth isn’t sure how he’s supposed to feel. Guilty, maybe, because he wasn’t sick last night. Grateful, that Roman...why the hell did he do this? How in the devil’s name did he know that donuts are Seth’s favorite? Who wakes up early in the morning to buy their roomie (Seth hates the word so much) breakfast?

Roman Reigns – apparently. 

Seth wants to smile gratefully, he really does, but the more he thinks about it, the more disbelieving he is, the more the questions.  _ What is he feeling guilty about? No male human does something out of the goodness of his heart.  _ Seth frowns, remembers that Roman once gave him a granola bar and water because he hadn’t had lunch – but even then, Seth was taking care of the quarterback’s infant daughter. This has to be about something – Mandy Rose. Roman must’ve gone to her in the morning, to do whatever with her, and then on his way back, he remembered poor old Seth.

The now cold coffee mug is placed with a soft thud on the counter, and Seth clears his throat, cheeks heating up with anger. He is not some sorry case; not an afterthought for Roman to pity. The audacity of this...this bastard to do this! “What time did you wake up?” 

Roman blinks, like he doesn’t understand why Seth’s asking. “05:00, but you were still deep in slumber. I went jogging and passed your friend’s house...Xavier? He’s got a lovely family. He’s the one that told me that donuts are your favorite and hey, I just wanted to make your day.”

Seth nods for the sake of peace, to discourage Roman’s inquiring stare but he’d be lying if he said part of him still isn’t thinking that Roman may’ve left him to see Mandy. She’s so clingy after all and it’s hard to believe that she wouldn’t want to see him at all – especially after last night. She never got to use Roman’s dick for her pleasure. Seth recoils just thinking about Mandy and Roman having sex.

“Thank you,” he mutters finally, still feeling bitter toward Roman. “I’ll grab the plates. Do you want coffee or juice?”

“I’ll go with the juice.”

Seth grabs the plates, sets them on his vintage table, and sits next to Roman with another cup of coffee. It would be awkward between the two of them were it not for the music (that Roman has turned down) filling the tiny kitchen softly. It’s his fault, Seth knows this, but he can’t help it. His mind is wandering, and every time he looks at Roman, all he can think about is how he woke up alone this morning. All he can think about is how angry Mandy Rose was last night – and how Roman always seem eager to please everyone around him. What more the girl he’s sleeping with?

“What’s wrong, Seth?” Roman asks, sounding genuine.

“Nothing,” Seth fakes the brightest smile, “just one of those blue days, I guess. I miss work.” At least with work, he’s able to run away from his problems – and the confusion that comes with being around Roman. Seth doesn’t even know why he cares so much.

Roman joins their hands, squeezes gently – and Seth hates how platonic the touch feels. This is not what he wants. “If you’re up for it, we can go together later.”

“Maybe,” Seth dismisses him with a cold shrug. “Are you done? I’ll clear up this mess.”

“I’ll help you.”

Roman tries to make conversation, tells Seth about Xavier’s family, the twins and how beautiful he thinks they are. “I always thought I’d have a son first. When I thought about becoming a dad, always thought it’d be a little boy that could inherit the gift of football from me.”

“Your daughter could surprise you,” Seth finds himself saying. “My mom’s just like me, I learned to appreciate football because of her. We’d go to matches together. She’s the sassiest football fan I know.”

“I know,” Roman replies, he has a smitten glint in his brown eyes that is almost successful in thawing the cold feelings Seth is feeling toward him. “It’s just...part of me doesn’t know what to do with her. I’m scared of screwing this up – the last thing I need is to flunk this fatherhood thing. I’m not sure if I can do it on my own. I don’t want the kid to hate me for ruining her life.”

“And the fastest way to do that is to abandon her.”

Maybe Seth’s voice betrays an emotion. Roman eyes him carefully, and slowly, he nods his head. “My father taught me to be a real man, Seth Rollins. Real men don’t run away from their responsibilities, no matter how tough the going gets.”

“It’s good to know that you weren’t trying to pay Cameron and your daughter off,” and maybe Seth sounds a little accusing, slightly irritated, but Roman’s no saint. He can’t be preaching about real men when he didn’t want his child to begin with. When he stayed away for close to twenty-four hours on the day of her untimely birth.

Roman’s eyes are vacant of emotion as he replies, “Let me guess, TMZ told you that. Or is it Us Weekly. Maybe it’s Facebook?” 

“Can’t argue with what’s on paper, Reigns,” Seth quips, folding his arms. He doesn’t even know what’s the point of this argument to be honest. Although, at the back of his mind, a nagging voice is challenging him and calling him out for lying.

“I don’t want to argue at all,” Roman lifts his hands in surrender. “I just want to have a quiet morning in, with you, watching TV. I want peace, can I have that?”

The kitchen emits a stagnant air, despite the cool breeze flowing in from the windows. Seth is upset, doesn’t even know what the hell he wants. Slowly, Seth finds himself nodding, pissed at himself for being so emotional. Roman’s done nothing wrong. It sounded like he was truthful when he talked about his jog, and meeting Xavier. Bedsides, even if Roman had gone to Mandy’s, what right does Seth have to hold it against him?

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better, I promise.”

Roman’s observation of him is inquiring, and Seth hopes nothing is showing, and he looks displeased. Seth gets the urge to apologize again, but he’s done that enough for today, he just wants to move past this. Roman’s partly to blame anyway, if he hadn’t left, then the questions wouldn’t have been there. Seth’s jealousy would’ve stayed away a little while longer. And he wouldn’t have even second-guessed Roman’s motives for buying those damn donuts.

“Did I do something to offend you?”

That question again. “Stop assuming that you’re always wrong. It’s annoying!”

Roman looks like a child now. Eyes wide. Confused. He’s right in front of Seth, looking like he wants to touch Seth but he’s holding back. Good. Seth thinks he might just kiss him frustratedly if he does. “You have some serious mood swings – and I don’t know if you enjoy driving me crazy but you do. Literally. I don’t know if this is your plan to recruit me into loony land – but it’s working.”

That’s what Roman does to him too.

“You just have this bad tendency of making emotional. It’s annoying. You don’t even try,” Seth sniffles, looking up at Roman impatiently – this man makes him feel so naked, turning him inside out, and finding corners of Seth that the younger man wasn’t even aware of. “Do you want to watch Birdbox? It’s supposed to be really good.”

Roman’s expressions change like a switch. The new one is clearly asking ‘who birthed you...?’

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” The smile on Roman’s face contradicts his soft reprimand.

“Really? When did you figure that out?”

“When I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you insulted me the first time we met, and gave me a hard time for the silliest things, only to invite me to your home because karma’s a bitch, you don’t have a car and I do.”

Seth laughs. This is the first time he’s laughing since Roman came back.

“But you’re still getting more out of this than I am, you cheapskate!” He aims a playful fist towards Roman’s chest, the quarterback grips his hand. Seth likes them like this, knows he has it bad when not even a week into this and part of him is growing used to sharing his space with the older man. Things can only get worse from this point on but Seth doesn’t know what else to do. He loves having Roman with him, it’s crazy how drawn he is to a man he detested not too long ago.

“Hard to agree with that when both of us would be starving if it weren’t for me – amazing Italiano-Samoan Mr. God’s gift Reigns, honorary chef to the Rollins household.”

He’s so cocky. But why is Seth smiling so hard?

“Birdbox or not?”

Roman grabs his hand, it’s so much bigger. Seth feels like his hand is being cuddled honestly. He doesn’t mind at all, walks back with his stupid quarterback to his small living room. Roman then leaves, much to Seth’s dismay, for the toilet. Seth sits still with the remote control in hand, willing his belly to stop it with the sickness. His stomach is churning again, and his heart has leaped to his throat. Seth is worried because he no longer just feels that way when Roman’s with him but even thinking about the quarterback (which happens a lot) ignites this sick-to-the-core feeling that he hasn’t yet found the remedy for.

Within minutes, Roman’s back. To Seth’s surprise, the Samoan sits next to him. They watch the TV in silence and sometime into the film, they both get really comfortable. Roman’s arm wraps around Seth’s shoulder, he pulls the younger man towards his chest and Seth doesn’t protest. Instead, he wraps his own arm around Roman’s waist and rests his head comfortably on Roman’s chest. Seth pulls his legs up to rest on the couch and Roman does the same with one of his legs. Their toes get involved in a little toe-wrestling match that’s really playful.

This is intimate, Seth has never had something like this before. Roman is cozy, and Seth loves the smell of him – clean, masculine with a touch of cologne or after-shave. Seth gives into this illusion that they’re both creating – that he and Roman are... _ lovers.  _ And that they’re on a...date. The atmosphere certainly feels like one.

And Seth...he never dared to dream.

***

Roman goes to the hospital around 03:00pm, while Seth opts to stay behind, to prepare for his day back to work tomorrow. He irons his uniform and packs any work items into one of his duffel bags. He’s done an hour later and decides to visit Xavier because the boredom will get to him if he stays a second longer inside his home. Again, it’s a testament to how much he really is enjoying Roman’s company.

“So how are things with Roman?” Xavier looks really miserable, like he can’t breathe right, and Seth knows he probably can’t. 39 weeks of pregnancy is no joke – from what he’s seen in his profession as a nurse. “I’m surprised that you’re still in one piece.”

“Hey!” Seth grins foolishly, he’s feeling sick in his stomach again. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not that bad you know.”

“Aha!” Xavier smirks, he’s holding one of the twins (they’re identical and Seth still can’t tell them apart), doing his best to put the little one to sleep. “You admit that you’re the bad one?”

“No, I admit that I like to test his patience sometimes – and to see what riles him up. It’s only fair because he gets under my skin easily, and I hate how I can go through a myriad of emotions in just one sitting with him.”

“Funny, he says the same thing about you – the myriad of emotions bit,” Xavier yawns, brushing the curls on his son’s hair gently. “He’s quite popular with Vickie – she was flirting with him right in front of me. It was the weirdest sight.”

“So you...did see him?” Seth hopes his urgent curiosity isn’t showing. 

“Yeah. All sweaty and gorgeous looking. He told me you weren’t feeling well so I told him donuts are the quickest way to make you feel better.” 

So Roman was being truthful. The butterflies flap in his belly like crazy and Seth looks away – fearing that Xavier might see everything all at once. 

“You have feelings for him.”

“Of hatred!” It’s not true, just a few weeks ago, Seth was adamant that Roman isn’t worth the emotional investment. Funny how his heart decided to challenge him on the matter – and Seth finds that the only thing he can think about is Roman. Wondering where he is, what he’s doing, with whom. Wondering if he ever crosses Roman’s mind; if he ever visits Roman’s dreams. This is a whole new world that Seth’s been dumped into – and he has no idea how to deal with it. Sometimes, he feels like that one kid who’s still a virgin amongst his sex-professor friends.

“That’s a big deal. You’re usually indifferent to male humans!” Xavier giggles, lightly startling his son. “This is big! So big. I’d take you out for drinks if I weren’t pregnant and ugly. To celebrate. This has got to be the news of the decade. 2019 took mercy upon you.”

Seth rolls his eyes, “No, it didn’t. It’s torturing me with a man who seems comfortable laying in bed with me and cuddling with me but won’t have the brains to bend me over the nearest surface and pound me into 2020. Bastard’s too busy giving Mandy the pipe when I want it too. I stay with him. And I tried to cook for him once...it’s not fair.”

Xavier chuckles, Seth grabs his son from him, as the pregnant man struggles to his feet with a distressed moan. “You’re...fuck, my back hurts. I can’t –” Xavier takes one long breath in and then releases it. “Better. Mind carrying him the rest of the way. I feel so unfit, I can’t breathe right.”

“Not at all,” Seth shakes his head. In the boys’ nursery, one of them is already sleeping in the crib. Seth, as gently as possible, places the other twin next to his brother – and then exits with Xavier. “Your children are sweet angels.”

“Everyone says that. Just wait until you have your –”

“Nope, don’t want kids!” Seth says quickly, horrified. The idea of permanently caring for a child terrifies him, it’s not the life he was cut out for. Like Roman, he fears making mistakes. He wouldn’t want to complicate or traumatize a child’s life with his issues. Part of him doesn’t even think he’s capable of loving to that extent. “I love them from afar. Like I’ll babysit but go back to your parents at 05:00. I think they’re cute and I am weak for them – this is why I chose the Nicu – but nope, don’t want them.”

“Then what are you going to do when Roman’s daughter is released? He’s going to be staying with you for quite a while won’t he?”

Yes. Seth hasn’t forgotten about that but it’s different. “I don’t mind, Xavier. I’ll care for her just as I did at the hospital – only this time, the hours will be longer. Roman’s going to leave eventually, anyway...” The thought depresses Seth, he wonders how he’ll pick up the pieces when that happens. There’s no denying that when the man leaves, he’ll be leaving with a part of Seth that the younger man had unintentionally given out. And if it hurts this much thinking about Roman’s departure, how much more worse will it be when that finally happens?

Seth sighs and looks at Xavier, feeling lost. Of all the people his heart could’ve chosen and it decided on a man who doesn’t have enough room in his own heart to cater for someone like Seth.

“And are you okay with that?”

A shrug this time, “People come and go in our lives, Xavier. The only thing we can do is watch.”

“Not if you ask them to stay.”

Seth laughs, humorlessly. “My pride would never allow me to.”

***

Roman isn’t home. Seth’s just spent close to two hours at Xavier’s and was hoping that the quarterback would’ve returned from the hospital but maybe he’s still enjoying the quality time with Keilani. Seth figures he can’t blame the man, especially with how cute his daughter is. She’s being readied for discharge, and Seth really needs to discuss the issue of buying a few newborn essentials with her father.

She’ll obviously be staying in Roman’s room, but Seth will help out. He’s a professional and knows plenty about babies so he’ll try to reassure Roman and be there for him as best he can. Diaper changes. Milk feeds. Bath time. He’ll be there through it all – and hopefully, Roman still remembers what they’ve taught him at the hospital. It won’t be the same because in the hospital he had plenty of help and now reality is going to kick in. But Roman’s so capable, Seth’s seen it plenty of times.

Roman still isn’t back when Seth is finalizing tonight’s supper. He asked Xavier for an easy Chicken recipe this time and he’s actually tasted the food. It didn’t turn out too bad. Roman’s the better cook but Seth felt like cooking today, but also, he wants to rub it in Roman’s face that he can cook. He may not be skilled but he’s not completely hopeless either.

To be honest, Seth wouldn’t have noticed the message oh his phone were he not constantly checking the gadget because it’s 07:15pm and Roman should be back by now. Seth is sitting at the dinner table, unblinking as he rereads the message Roman sent him over and over again.

_ I’m spending the night at Mandy’s. It was last minute. Have a good night, Seth. I’ll see you in the morning.  _

The pain stabs something vicious. The betrayal is a dagger to the heart.  _ Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  _ Why does Seth always do this to himself? It feels like every time he allows himself to fall deeper for Roman, he’s slowly committing suicide because the man isn’t even there to catch him. He’s always too preoccupied with Mandy. And that’s his right, he’s an adult, can choose whomever he wants to bed but damn if it doesn’t hurt like hell on Seth’s end.

Tonight, it hurts even worse because he just cooked an entire meal for a man who’s going to be eating something different elsewhere. All this effort...for nothing. Seth starts to hiccup, can’t help it, he’s so angry and so disappointed and hurt. Mostly he’s just...resigned. Defeated. What’s so wrong with him...that Roman would choose that shallow blond over him? Why is it so simple for him to say yes to Mandy? Why does Seth have to come second? Why did Roman leave?

Before he can help himself, Seth flings one of the plates across the wall. It shatters like his fragile heart. Seth looks at the message for the thousandth time, doesn’t bother to reply and scrolls through his contact list. He can’t keep doing this to himself, can’t keep hurting himself like some sick masochist. Can’t keep begging the man for attention like some touch-starved puppy. He’s better than this. He’s seen things like this happen and he vowed never to be another cliché statistic. Love only leads to ruin.

“Come over,” he tells the person on the other of the line, and it sounds demanding but he doesn’t care. He’s going to fuck all these stupid feelings away – for good this time.

Austin won’t leave until he does a proper job of ridding Seth of these destructive feelings.

* * *

The next day, Seth wakes up with a sore backside.

The pain is welcomed, all of it, greatly appreciated. It’s a  _ good  _ pain – reminding him that it’s there because it was what Seth wanted. And if he can put in the same effort into forgetting about Roman romantically, then Seth can conquer anything in the world.

Austin left in the early hours of the morning, he’s off today, but has to attend his part time classes at the college he goes to, and Seth isn’t one to deprive a man of his education. It’s 05:56am and Seth is thinking about calling Bayley for a ride to work because Roman isn’t here. They’re all required to be at the hospital by 06:30am (for the morning shift) to be in time for their daily meetings that start at 06:45 am.

Seth has packed his lunch bag, and is looking around for his house keys as the front door opens and in walks Roman. Seth whirls around, coming face to face with him. “You’re back,” he says softly, studying the other man from top to bottom and then up again. 

Roman looks good. He’s changed from what he was wearing yesterday – and wears black sweatpants and a sweater of the same color. His hair looks a little ruffled but he remains gorgeous as hell. “I did say I’d see you in the morning. Are you ready to leave?” 

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” With Roman nodding once, Seth trots off in the direction of his bedroom, trying and failing to hide his limp. He grabs his bag, and then finds his key resting comfortably beneath a magazine that Austin brought with him. “I’ve got my bag. We can—Roman?” Seth cuts himself short, feeling uneasy all of a sudden, the look on Roman’s face making him uncomfortable. He can’t quite put his finger on it – just that something about him is off. “What’s – wrong?”

Roman remains silent for so long, confirming Seth’s suspicions that something is wrong with him, and then he starts to approach Seth. Too controlled. But there’s something about the look in his eyes that terrifies Seth and he backtracks, wondering just what the fuck is going on with the man. “What...why are you –” Roman stammers, his chest is rapidly rising and falling, breathing fast – too fast. What’s going on?

The room is quiet, dead as night, and Seth doesn’t know why he’s so scared. Frozen really. He’s never seen Roman like this before. Eyes red and a look Seth’s never seen on his face before. The man doesn’t look far from exploding. “Why are you limping, Seth? Did something happen?” Roman tries again, voice calm but there’s something dark about it that Seth doesn’t like.

“I – uh,” the question’s caught him off guard. Why is Roman asking? Unconsciously, Seth moves backwards again until his legs are touching the couch behind him – he’s sure he can hold his own in a fight, but something about the red in Roman’s eyes has everything in him shrinking, making the quarterback appear even more intimidating. Seth licks his dry lips, mouth opening in silent mumbling, as he stares into obsidian eyes, rubbing one of his wrists. 

Roman follows the action, and if Seth was shrinking before, he’s turning into dust particles now. His right hand has just been gripped faster than he could process, touch surprisingly gentle, for a quarterback whose entire aura screams barely contained rage. “What are these...bruises? You didn’t have these yesterday.”

Shouldn’t it be obvious?

Seth knows what he wants to say but somehow the words won’t come out. He’s feeling lightheaded – a combination of being in close proximity with Roman and being terrified, hurt, embarrassed and spiteful all at the same time – and seems unable to produce one coherent word.

“What are these,  _ Christ  _ – did someone hurt you, Seth?” Roman asks, looking Seth dead in the eye, voice quiet and tense – anger  _ barely  _ restrained.

“N-No,” Seth replies quickly, heart skipping a nervous beat, and shakes his head foolishly. “Sex is not great without a little bruising as reminder, Roman...”

Roman’s silent, clearly processing the words, but Seth can see his confusion. When realization sets in, he lets go of Seth’s hand too fast, like he’s discovered Seth has an unknown contagious disease. It hurts but Seth can do nothing and stare as the quarterback stalks away from him. He’s confused. Is Roman angry because of the bruising or is he angry that Seth had sex with another man? That one time, Roman didn’t seem to mind – when Austin dropped Seth off at work and they were kissing – Seth remembers Roman’s indifference stinging like hell.

So what’s changed?

“Is this your kind of thing then?” Roman asks, tone too quiet. He turns to face Seth again, hands on his waist. “Violent sex? The bruises.”

Seth doesn’t reply immediately, biting his bottom lip anxiously. He’s never met this face before – the one on Roman – he’s never met this Roman. “I don’t...violent just – it was consensual, R-Roman. I wanted the bruises and A-Austin...I ordered him to do it last night.”  _ To forget all about you.  _ “It’s not great sex without a little bruising.”

Roman’s eyes darken, and he inhales sharply, and Seth is really worried for him because he doesn’t look far from breaking his jaw, before he nods his head. “Okay, okay, okay...” He says silently, looking like he’s calming himself down. “You don’t need anything else?”

Like what?

Seth shakes his head no.

Roman begins to walk toward the front door. Seth gets the silent instruction and follows behind him. Waiting aside for the quarterback to lock the house, Seth’s gaze finds Roman’s car, and disappointment threatens to drown him as he notices Mandy in the front seat. He knew that she’d be there but her presence doesn’t sting any less. And he’s so freaking confused. Why the hell was Roman making a big deal out of him having sex when he has Mandy catering to his every need?

Seth gets in the backseat, doesn’t bother with greetings and looks outside the window. Roman doesn’t want him, the bruises...he was just worried because he sees Seth as a younger brother. But brothers don’t cuddle and lay in bed half-naked with each other. They don’t want to be at the mercy of someone bigger than them, don’t ache to be marked deeper than skin by their sibling, don’t have the desire to be used for their pleasure – each and every night, it’s almost become a burden. The deep yearning.

Seth would gladly sell his soul if it meant just one night with Roman. The lust is almost too much to take – and this morning, Roman hasn’t made any of it easier. He sounded jealous. He looked like he cared. He touched like a brother. He’s so confusing. So very confusing – and Seth is close to breaking point...whatever it may be.

***

The day goes by slow at work – and Seth supposes it’s a good thing. They don’t have any critical patients and Keilani is doing beautifully well. She’ll be two months old soon and it’s kind of hard to believe that so much time has passed by. They’ve discussed her discharge again – with her father – and they have a definitive date. March 7th. Exactly eight weeks after she was born. That’s only a week away. Seth volunteered to go shopping with Roman this weekend and the quarterback readily agreed. It’s a good thing Mandy will be working though – Seth wouldn’t want to be stuck with her.

Natalya teases him about limping for most of the day and Seth would laugh were it not for the fact that every time she mentions it, all he can think about is Roman and this morning. The more the questions arise and the more confused Seth is left feeling. It’s hell. Bayley and Alexa notice that something is wrong. Seth isn’t usually absentminded, but today’s he’s been caught staring into space more times than he can remember.

Lunch time comes around, and he has no appetite. Roman reappears at the hospital around 03:00pm, laughing loudly with his cousins. It’s like he’s forgotten their strange encounter from the morning completely...while Seth hasn’t. It showed earlier, as they’d discussed going to buy Keilani some newborn essentials to welcome her home. They do make eye contact a few times though, and every time that happens, Seth swears he’s going to have a heart attack. What is it about this man...?

Seth leaves for home earlier than everyone today. He’s too distracted and even if work’s not really busy, he still would rather he didn’t take any chances and go home. It’s 04:30pm and he’s asked Austin to fetch him. Seth saw Roman but he was busy with his cousins so he just decided to leave. Besides, maybe it would’ve weirded Roman out had Seth reported to him, he doesn’t want to come off as clingy.

Seth reaches home at 05:00pm and try as he might to get Austin to stay, the blond regretfully denies him, claiming he has too many assignments to work on. They don’t even sneak in a quickie, which is just a bummer. After changing out of his scrubs and into one of his baggy t-shirts and underwear, Seth lounges comfortably in the living room and watches the TV. He’s not going to cook, lest it be for nothing – like yesterday.

It’s almost 07:50pm when Roman comes home. Seth knows because for the past fifty minutes, he’s been checking the time. Technically, Roman’s late, he was supposed to be here at 07:00pm. Seth isn’t really watching the TV but he pretends to be focused on it as Roman joins him, placing his keys on the coffee table.

“Good evening.”

Why does he sound so strained?

“Hey,” Seth tries to come off cool as a cucumber.

Roman is silent a second, and the loudness of the TV steals the spotlight. A little shuffle and then, “Where were you...at the hospital? I waited and waited.”

“Oh, I called Austin. Wasn’t feeling well so I left early.”

Another bout of silence – tense.

Roman clears his throat, “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“No, my battery died.”

“But you came home and recharged it. I called, you didn’t pick up.”

This is starting to feel like an interrogation now.

“So what?”

Roman sighs, and Seth steals a glance in time to see the man rub his face frustratedly. He looks tired, and Seth would rather he went to bed than stay here with him.

“Common courtesy should’ve told you to inform me as soon as you came home, Seth. I waited for you for over an hour while you were here – doing who knows what with your boyfriend – and not sparing a single thought about me.”

“Oh please, what did you expect me to do, Roman?” Seth asks, annoyed. This man’s not his boyfriend. Seth needn’t explain himself to him. How dare he...after sleeping outside. “Wait around for you and your girlfriend? I was tired, I wanted to come home and I got a lift. What’s the big deal anyway, you’re here aren’t you?”

“You have serious problems if you see nothing wrong with your behavior, Seth. All I’m saying is a little communication would’ve been nice. I don’t know why we’re arguing here.”

“Because you’re making a big deal out of nothing!” Seth screams, and it’s somehow liberating. Like Seth can release everything – all the pent up emotions and sexual frustration. “The world does not revolve around you, Reigns. I’m not going to fall at your feet just because you expect me to. I’m not. That’s Mandy’s duty, not mine!”

“I don’t like your tone,” Roman says calmly – always so damn controlled, except for this morning...

“And I don’t like your attitude!” Seth snaps, the anger is empowering. “I don’t question you – when you stayed away last night, I didn’t question you. I let you do what you want. But when it’s my turn, you want me to tell you everything. My sex life, my body and my damn whereabouts. Who do you think you are?”

“I said I don’t like your tone, Seth,” Roman repeats, voice firmer.

Seth breathes out an exhausted snort, “Yeah, well...fuck you. I’m not entirely at your mercy, tough guy.” He’s not. Roman doesn’t hold all the power. Seth may be feeling things for him but he’s not going down without a fight. He refuses. He’d rather die than betray himself like that.

Roman stands up, grabs his keys and walks away. Seth doesn’t do anything, far too angry to give any fucks. His bottom lip is quivering, chest heaving up and down painfully like it hurts to breathe. He wishes he’d never met Roman. Barely a minute that the man left and Seth wishes he could come back. The walls are taunting him, making him feel suffocated and he’s internally screaming at himself to do what Roman’s done, and bloody leave this house when...

The front door opens and closes silently, Seth hears the footsteps in the hallway. Roman’s back, his scent seduces Seth first – and the brunet breathes in deeply. Roman is standing next to him, hovering above him, making the younger man feels small. They look at each other until Seth can’t stand it anymore and looks away. 

“I want you to listen me – and listen carefully, Seth, because we’re never going to have this conversation again.”

Seth keeps his eyes on the TV screen, not even defiantly, it feels like he’ll break down any minute.

“I’ve said this before and tonight’s the last time. You do not raise your voice at me and you do not talk to me anyhow, I don’t care how angry you are – or how moody. You’re going to learn to control your temper around me. Do you understand?” 

Seth nods. It’s still so hard for him to apologize though – and maybe he was being a bit unreasonable but he can’t help it. Sometimes, Roman’s too much for him – and it’s intimidating, how helpless he makes Seth feel. Like he’s the big elephant, while Seth is a tiny ant.

“I’m going to –” Roman looks a bit disoriented, emotional – nothing visible on his face, just his eyes. And Seth doesn’t want to feel guilty. “I’m going for a drive – I need some air.”

_ Take me with you.  _

Seth nods blindly, he’s said enough for one night. From where he sits, he can hear the front door shut close. Part of him had been expecting Roman to slam it but again that...control. Seth envies him for it.

Folding his legs on top of the couch, he closes his eyes – and tries to keep from crying.

This is why he doesn’t do feelings.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Before you read, just want to say I've updated the tags on this fic to give you a vague idea about what will be included. Please check them out, so that no one is left feeling uncomfortable. If you read The Royal's Consort, you know how bad shit can get (doubt it will be that bad with this story) but just read the tags so that we're all on the same page.
> 
> Thank you :)

They say the hardest part is waking up in the morning, remembering what you were trying to forget the night before. Seth wakes up, unfortunately, and it’s not morning yet. It’s dark, but the moon – almost full – is filtering through the window, casting ominous shadows in the corners of the room and behind the furniture. Seth blinks tiredly, noticing that he is in his room. What? When? How?

The last thing he remembers is the living room, how the walls had seemed to taunt him until he gave into the urge to cry. How he couldn’t stop crying, no matter how hard he tried. How every piece of him was slowly being ripped apart. The memories have Seth gasping in pain, and slowly, he sits up, groaning as an intense throbbing ache in his head forces him to close his eyes and clutch it in agony – _ stop. _

Whoever said crying always leaves you feeling better afterwards is a lying wimp. Seth feels horrible, nauseous (his insides are twisting viciously), his eyes are irritable, and he’s weak, so weak. Never again, this is never happening again – the purgatory that soon follows isn’t worth it. It’s as he opens his eyes, feeling heavy and hollow, that Seth notices the figure on the bed.

_ He came back. _

Roman sits at the foot of the bed, hunched over, his face appears to be buried in his hands. At the back of his mind, Seth wonders if Roman’s sleeping, but the one thought that overpowers that is : _ he came back. He came back. He came back._.. _ Why? _After he left and tortured Seth with the silence. After the different scenarios that had played in Seth’s mind, the consuming fear – that Roman was gone for good and never coming back. After the...suffocating loneliness. And Seth is so angry at Roman, so angry – but the resignation is more powerful at this point, and so he folds his legs to his chest, resting his head on his knees.

“You’re–” the raspiness in his voice forces Seth to stop, he sounded too high-pitched. He clears his throat, and tries again, “You came back.”

“Take the aspirin and water. For your headache.”

Seth opens his eyes again (doesn’t know when he closed them) and surveys the bedside table. On it is a bottle of water and two tablets. “Thank—you,” he murmurs softly. He takes the pills, washing them down with the water. 

The silence – it picks up again, deafening and unwanted. Seth’s breath is coming out in small, panicked puffs of air and he wants to say something but fears breaking apart and snapping at Roman again. For making him feel so deeply, so frustratedly, so alone. The tears are burning behind his eyes but Seth will be damned if he allows himself to cry again. His sixteen year old self would be so disappointed, so very disappointed. _ Thrice _now, he’s cried over Roman. A male human. When he promised himself that he’d never do it. He hadn’t even cried at his father’s funeral. His own father. But with Roman–

“I’m sorry,” Roman’s voice breaks through Seth’s dark musings. A welcome distraction. “For leaving you. I had to clear my head.”

“’S okay,” Seth’s flat tone and defensive posture show it’s anything but.

There’s the quiet again – and Seth can barely _ breathe _ through it. He’s freezing – and it has nothing to do with the room temperature, it’s what’s _ inside _that’s affecting him on the outside – the cold air irritating his airways, and causing his muscles to constrict. A small surprised sound jumps out of his throat as something warm touches his knees. Roman’s black sweater is on his knees. Seth shifts his attention to Roman but the man is back to having his face in his hands, half-naked this time, in just his sweatpants.

Seth dons the garment, and it’s strange...how the cold is _ vanquished _almost immediately. Seth, discreetly, inhales the clean and expensive scent. It’s like filling his lungs with brand-new air and it feels like Roman’s embracing him, sheltering him and loving him – it feels so right. “Thank you.”

Roman nods, rubbing his face as he groans. “I don’t appreciate being shouted at, Seth,” he’s staring straight ahead, voice firm and hard but still so...calm, as if proving Roman’s passionate stance on the matter. “It makes me feel..._ stupid. _Patronized. Like I can’t do nothing right.”

There’s an emotion Roman’s voice betrays that Seth wishes he could decipher through the depression fogging his own mind. “I—didn’t mean to,” Seth susurrates, licking his wet lips (is he crying again?) and wrings his fingers together. “I just, you were _ q-questioning _ me and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t.”

A reply doesn’t come for a while, and Seth thinks Roman’s shutting him out when he gets asked, “Do you have a problem with Mandy?”

_ What? _Where is the question coming from?

“No,” Seth replies, knowing full well he’s lying.

“Does it bother you to see her with me?”

“No.” _ Yes. _

There’s a pregnant pause, as if Roman is thinking hard about something.

“What about me?”

“No, of course not,” Seth’s voice breaks over the last syllable. It’s true – he doesn’t. But sometimes, he hates how easily Roman gets under his skin. How he’s, unknowingly, threatening to unlock every deadbolt and lock that Seth has in place.

“Good, because I don’t have a problem with you.”

Seth isn’t sure where Roman’s taking this so he doesn’t bother to reply.

“When you asked me to move in with you, do you remember what our agreement was?”

“Your own bedroom and privacy. A warm meal,” Seth says.

“For what in return?”

“A ride to and from work.” It’s hard to believe that the memory took place less than a week ago – and now they’re...here.

“Have I not honored that agreement? Since we began living together.”

He has.

Seth doesn’t reply. 

“When I say I expect you to tell me when you’ve long left for home, I am not saying I expect you to report to me. I am not saying I want to control you or that I want your whole world to revolve around me. I don’t even know you that well. Communication isn’t control, Seth. Communication makes life easier, it _ will _make things easier – for both of us. You’ve left with your boyfriend? Good for you, man, have a great time – but tell me so I know you’re safe. You’ve left work early? No problem, text me so I don’t go around asking about your whereabouts. I promise to give you the same thing.”

He’s asking for too much, things Seth isn’t sure he can give to another man. He’s never reported – _ it’s not reporting. Roman said it’s not...it’s not – _

Seth shakes his head, exhausted sigh drawing out of him. “I don’t owe you a single thing, Roman.” He sounds a little accusing, a little shaky, a little hostile – too emotional.

_ Silence. _

Roman looks over his shoulder, at Seth, eyes clear and vacant. “Do you trust me, Seth?”

“No,” it’s feisty and challenging but calm (and maybe he’s learning something from Roman).

Roman stands, and Seth has to try hide the panic – _ he’s leaving again. _But what’s new? This has happened too many times. It sucks that it hurts so badly with this one.

“Good, I prefer to earn it.”

And with that Roman’s leaving. The door opens and closes silently.

Seth tries to go back to sleep, slumping on the bed, and hugging one of his pillows tightly. The thoughts churn over and over in his mind – about one thing or the other. Home – in Davenport. The treehouse that he built with his mom at age seven – and how she had an accident with a hammer that caused her to lose a portion of her index finger. She went to the ER and came back the following day, ready to finish building the treehouse.

Sleep continues to evade him, he tosses and turns in bed until he can’t stand it anymore. Can’t stand _ himself. _ Swinging his legs over the bed, he hesitates as his feet touch the cold hardwood floor. This is not a good idea. Sharing a bed is not the problem. It’s the thought of sharing it with _ Roman _ (again) and not having sex but the _ intimacy _ that sex can’t ever provide. It’s the _ vulnerability _ and allowing his power to be taken from him so easily, almost... _ willingly _. It’s the vulnerability.

Seth jumps out of the bed, and pads over to the door, opening it quietly and peeking out into the short hallway. Roman’s door is cracked open a tiny bit (something that has never happened before) and Seth walks toward it, opening the door before he can stop himself. His bare feet are silent on the hardwood floor as he enters and pauses near the door – fearfully.

Roman is lying on his back, with his arms up under his head. His imposing body takes up most of the bed but Seth can’t help noticing the space beside him. How it looks like he could fill it up perfectly. Could it be for him...? 

A shuffling sound captures Seth’s attention, and he stands completely still as Roman sits up, their eyes meeting. The quarterback’s brown eyes are glowing gemstones in the darkness, stealing Seth’s breath away, and the brunet struggles against looking away – he’s already so bare.

Roman lifts off the bed, ambling toward him – slow, purposeful and so powerful. It takes everything within him for Seth to stand his ground, to firmly look into inquiring brown eyes. “I—can’t sleep,” he finds himself admitting softly.

Roman offers his hand, a silent invitation.

Seth looks at it, tugging at the sleeves of the sweater he has on, and exhales softly. Roman’s hand is just as intimidating – big and firm to touch but cuddly and soft. It’s so warm and it feels like a dream as Seth follows him to the bed. Feels like a dream as they settle. Feels like a dream as Roman pulls him in, until Seth is resting in his arms. Roman’s touch, soothing. His scent, comforting. His voice (and Seth has no idea what he’s saying), a beautiful lullaby.

Eyes closed, Seth decides to give himself this, if only for tonight. The regret and embarrassment over his neediness can taunt him another time. Not tonight. Everything can wait tonight, the thought lingers in his mind as he gives into the desire to sleep – content, in Roman’s arms.

* * *

There’s something relaxing about today’s morning light. How quiet and calm it is, as it pokes the windows teasingly – as if not wanting to fully disrupt the serenity found in Seth’s room. Seth has been irregularly drifting in and out of sleep. But as the light touches his warm back once more, his large eyes fully open and he’s met the sight of Roman. It’s...strange, waking up next to someone like this. Not _ just _ someone. _ Roman – _in all his half-naked, overwhelming glory.

He’s still fast asleep, and where Seth’s breathing is completely calm, Roman’s is shallow and rapid. His eyelids are twitching and Seth desperately wants to wipe the frown knitting his eyebrows away. It looks like he’s dreaming but maybe it’s a bad dream with the facial expressions he’s making. Seth pushes the crown of black hair clinging to his wet forehead – it’s too feverish – and gently brushes a hand down the big man’s stubbled cheek.

Slight panic envelopes him as Roman’s hand draws forward, around his back, and pulls him close, until not an inch of their bodies are separated. Seth’s eyes widen, he has no idea how to deal with this. Roman’s still in a deep slumber, but he’s managed to somehow trap Seth with his leg thrown over the younger man’s ankles and his hand wrapped around Seth’s waist. He’s like a big baby koala. Seth wants to be annoyed, it’s too hot and the panic is still beneath the surface but he can’t help but notice the change in Roman’s breathing – how it evens out, and how his face seems to relax, like an angelic little boy sleeping. It’s so very different from the strong and intimidating character he’s used to.

So Seth allows it, still so freaking warm – and tries not to think about how he’s only ever this warm when he’s around Roman. He won’t let himself think about how many times his mind’s created a scenario like this in his head. He tries not to think about how he smells different this morning – like Roman – and indulges himself in an illusion that will only be shattered once one of them wakes up.

Seth falls asleep again.

****

“Morning,” Roman’s deep voice comes from behind him, he’s always half-naked (in his silk boxers) in the morning, and while Seth loves it very much, drooling and salivating at the sight of the quarterback is a torture that he’s not sure he’ll be able to take for much longer.

“Good morning,” Seth smiles brightly, rubbing one of his eyes (and messing it up with white flour) as he returns to what he was doing before Roman interrupted him. “I’m making pumpkin cookies. You’re going to love them,” he tells Roman, shaping the cookie dough. The kitchen is uncharacteristically messy – something that Seth hasn’t noticed – and the music is blaring loudly. “My mom and I used to make these when I was younger,” whenever he was upset actually, and his mom always knew how to cheer him up. “Did I wake you?”

“Your music’s my personal alarm, man.”

Seth laughs, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m just used to having music in my house.”

“You’re cool,” Roman says, sounding genuine. He keeps silent right after, and there’s a strange...air that steals the relaxed aura. Not completely bad, no. Just...tension – as if neither of them want to discuss last night’s intimacy. And Seth, he’s completely fine with it, prefers it that way.

Somehow, the avoidance makes things worse. Seth asks Roman to get him some coffee, at the cabinet where he’s standing. Roman comes to get it, standing behind him – all warm body and intoxicating scent – and Seth stubs his toe against the lower cabinet trying to escape. Roman stops his task of retrieving the coffee, and crouches to check on Seth’s foot but he has bad timing because Seth is also doing that, bouncing on his left foot, and they end up bumping their foreheads and fall to the ground.

“What is wrong with you?!” Seth asks, voice a little high-pitched, face awkwardly positioning dangerously close to Roman’s crotch. He tries and fails to keep his eyes from traveling to Roman’s front – the man’s dick is practically visible through the maroon item. It looks scary big.

“Me? What’s wrong with you?” Roman returns, he’s groaning, looking like a child as he rubs his forehead.

“I—told you to get the coffee.”

“I was,” Roman glares, it’s so light that Seth isn’t intimidated, just getting the sick-to-the-core feeling that he can’t help. Roman’s eyes are too beguiling. “Until you acted like I was burning you or somethin’”

_ You were. _

Seth sighs, standing and pulling Roman up with him, thinks maybe he’s imagining the lingering touch on his back. “You just scared me, should’ve asked me to stand aside.”

“I did – thrice.”

“Maybe I was thinking,” Seth says defensively. He’s just...today feels weird. Like they’ve seen parts of each other that they hadn’t yet seen before and now they both don’t know how to move forward. Breakfast is even weirder, lingering stares and awkward pauses, it’s pure purgatory. Seth practically escapes when Roman tells him to get ready for work.

****

“You’re staring again,” Alexa giggles, it’s lunchtime, they’re in the cafeteria, with Ricochet and Bayley. “I mean I’ve caught him staring too but not as hard as you.”

Seth, with great difficulty, shifts his gaze from Roman to her. “I don’t mean to, I’m just...thinking.”

“About what?” Bayley this time, she’s doodling graffiti on the table – and she’s lucky that Beth and Nattie love her artistic work because she’d be in big trouble otherwise.

The others are all looking at him expectantly – fucking vultures!

“My cousin Lacey needs me to loan her money for Summer’s upcoming school play.”

“Oh, oh,” Alexa looks at him. “Will you give it to her?”

“Only because I love Summer,” Seth tells his friends what they already know. His aunt’s daughter is a sweetheart, but Seth has seen hints of her mother in her that make him a little worried. Lacey wasn’t the kindest when they were growing up. It could be because she’s six years older than him and bullying him felt cool when they were younger. Or maybe not – she’s still so distasteful and the only reason he still goes to their annual family gatherings is because his mom values her family so much...never mind the shit that they’ve put her through. “I don’t know even know the point of a male human if it isn’t to throw money at you.”

“Says the male human who hardly splashes his own money,” Alexa rolls her eyes.

“I’m saving toward getting a car so that’s my excuse,” Seth’s fingers tap on the table, and he frowns in disgust as he touches a piece of gum stuck on the side of the table. Germs. He holds back a gag, fingers crawling. “What’s the latest on baby Mario, Rico?”

“Healing steadily from pneumonia,” Ricochet answers, he’s always on his phone – talking to the husband and smiling to himself.

In the past, Seth didn’t really get the appeal – of having company, somebody by your side every single day, for extended hours. He still doesn’t, if he’s being honest, but any time he thinks about Roman, he can’t help thinking about _more_ – sleepy mornings in, pancakes and scrambled eggs, Roman’s stupid habit of not hanging his wet towel on the towel rack (he folds it neatly and places it on the edge of the bathtub instead.) Discussions about dinner at night. Seth finds himself...craving for_ so much more. _

“You’re doing that thing again!” Alexa sing songs annoyingly, “Again and again.”

Seth sighs, pushing the pasta carbonara he was eating away. _ I like him, okay? _ The words are on the tip of his tongue, fighting to be set free but Seth can’t... _ cannot _say them for shit. No one can know but him – a resolve that proves hard with each passing day. Seth isn’t going to admit how his house feels like a home lately – always warm and light. That he’s only ever cold when he and Roman aren’t on good terms.

* * *

It’s the sound of a loud thud and then a pained groan that startles Seth awake. His hand reaches out, feeling the empty space beside him and he opens an eye, blinking tiredly. “–man?”

Roman appears from the ground, gripping the back of his head. He looks in pain, angry and surprised all at once. And the glare he’s sending Seth’s way...what’s wrong?

“Did you just kick me out of your bed, man?”

“I – no, of course not!” Seth’s voice lifts an octave, cracking like a teenager going through puberty. Why the heck would he kick Roman out of his bed? If anything, he loves that they’ve been ending up in each other’s beds for the past four days now. It’s weird – this little night ritual that they have going on – Seth goes to his room every night, but somehow wakes up in Roman’s the next morning. The quarterback’s door is always open just a tiny crack – since that first night. And there’s always that empty space beside him. Lately, as soon as he and Seth make contact, the older man will roll over and draw Seth to his chest and then go to sleep again. Seth won’t mention how he sometimes wakes up to Roman squirming a little, clearly dreaming, as he clings to Seth like a baby koala. “Maybe it was an accident.”

“Yeah,” Roman stands, doesn’t bother to crawl back inside the covers with Seth. The younger man tries to hide his disappointment, watching the quarterback’s half-naked back. Roman’s skin is a smooth bronze color, he’s all broad shoulders and thick arms. He’s tying his hair into a messy bun and—

_ Fuck! _

Seth takes a deep breath, looking at the thick biceps, tries not to picture them wrapped tight around his throat, stealing his air supply. He’s thought about sex with Roman more times than he can count and it never gets better. Seth feels like a sex-crazed teenager. Roman turns around, and if he catches Seth drooling like a starving dog hungry for a slab of meat, his clear dark eyes don’t show it.

“Are you coming? I’ll make us breakfast.”

“After I get rid of my drool first,” Seth allows his inner hoe to shine through. “Go ahead without me.”

His breathing alters as Roman stops at the door, his face turned fractionally toward Seth, there’s something infinitely dark about his stare – and the younger man closes his eyes, doesn’t know what to do with the throbbing in his nether regions. Actually, he _ does. _ And it’s so _ tempting _ to _ give in _ with Roman in his presence so that he knows exactly how _ wanton _ Seth wants to behave for him but he can’t – he _ can’t _ – cross the line like that. The rejection will sting so badly. Roman is so confusing, in his mannerisms, and Seth, he doesn’t...he can’t even be sure the quarterback _ wants _him back.

The door closes quietly, and Seth exhales loudly.

His right hand sneaks inside his sweatpants, pressing against his hardened cock, and he meets erotic dark eyes. It’s Roman’s hands that are touching him all over – teasing and discovering the secrets of Seth’s body – it’s his cock pressing into Seth’s regal body. His voice that’s whispering, _ You feel so good. That’s it, baby boy, touch yourself for Daddy. My beautiful princess, so good for me – _and Seth wants to do nothing but continue being good for him. Just this once. Roman’s thrusts are deliberately slow, teasing and deep, so very deep that Seth has no place to hide – they penetrate every inch of his body, gradually driving him to the brink, to the point of no return...and Seth is coming with a harsh, sobbing gasp.

“Stupid fuck up,” he whispers to himself, slapping a hand over warm forehead, as he slowly comes down from the euphoria. Seth won’t allow himself to think about this stupid mess that he’s just created.

* * *

Remember the time Seth foolishly invited Roman inside his home because he thought his competitiveness would help him to overcome his feelings and that things would get easier with time?

Yeah, he was fucking stupid. So fucking stupid.

Seth loves spending time with Roman more than he’d like to admit, knew it was reaching pathetic levels when he bought so many canned goods the other day because Roman has this thing he does when sorting the food – he arranges the cans on the cabinets so the labels say something stupid. It’s stupid, and pointless, and sort of corny but that didn’t stop Seth from coming home with enough can food to feed their entire street.

The self-satisfied look on Roman’s face whenever he spells something goofy is worth it.

A clicking sound makes him look up from his phone, it’s funny that he was reading an article about Roman. By an analyst for a certain football publication; just the usual speculation about NFL players during draft season. “You’re in my room,” is said teasingly.

Seth bites his bottom lip, breath caught in his throat, as Roman starts to undress in front of him. He’s mesmerized by the quarterback’s strong back, that intricate tattoo on his right arm that Seth always wants to ask Roman about. Roman shifts to store his folded clothes inside one of the drawers, when he comes back, Seth’s gaze wanders south. The waistband of Roman’s boxers is hanging dangerously low, drawing attention to the heft of his cock _ straining _beneath.

The warmth rushes to his cheeks as Roman comes to join him in bed, bringing all his delicious warmth with him. “Admit it, you’re addicted to my hugs, aren’t you?”

Seth wants to scoff and come up with something sassy but dear god he can’t. Roman’s _ scent _is doing something to him, his voice, that little touch at the back of Seth’s neck. There’s a ferocious fire in the pits of Seth’s belly – distressing, rapacious, scalding – nothing can cool it down, it’s too intense. And because he doesn’t trust a word that will come out of his perverted mind, he slowly shifts to lay on his side, back facing Roman and brings the covers up until only his hair is visible.

Seth has no idea when he falls asleep but the next time he wakes up, he’s drenched, panting and embarrassingly hard. He can feel the sizzling throbbing against his thighs, and tries to clamp them together. It doesn’t help his case how Roman mumbles in his sleep, wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling him in firmly – front to back. _ Please. Stop. _ Seth can feel Roman’s cock pressing slightly into the area above his back, and before he can help himself, wriggles around until it feels like that thickness is nestled against his ass. _ Oh...fuck! _ It feels good, Seth can’t deny it and a low _ whine _rips out of his throat.

He wriggles his ass again, experimentally, and chokes on air as _ something _ happens. That cock somehow manages to _ comply _ this time as if teased to life slightly and nestles inside Seth’s butt-crack (part of him is ever grateful he went to bed wearing some flimsy pair of shorts) and it doesn’t even feel fully erect but it’s so _ thick _and Seth can feel a bit of stretching, nothing major but he wonders if he’d be able to take it. He’s so hard, his own dick leaking like a faulty faucet against his thigh, breathing quick and choppy, hands clinging to the sheets in a death grip.

Roman’s thickness is still resting partially in between his butt-crack, and it would be so easy for Seth to do what his starving body is dying to do but he can’t – _ god, he can’t – _ and _ take _what he so desperately desires but the guilt wouldn’t be worth it. Being unable to look Roman in the eye would be a form of torture he’s not sure he’d be able to bear.

He closes his eyes and prays for an escape in his dreams.

Roman fucks him even harder in them.

* * *

The erotic dreams make it harder for Seth to not behave weird around Roman. As does the knowledge that he only ever sleeps on his side lately, making sure that not an inch of space is separating him and Roman, because it’s the only way he’ll get to feel Roman’s dick pressing into his ass. There have been times where the temptation is too strong, and Seth would desire to grind his ass into the quarterback’s thick cock but he never can. That still doesn’t mean he isn’t uncharacteristically clumsy and awkward around Roman in the mornings though.

He supposes it could be worse, like Roman spending the night at Mandy’s or something. It hasn’t happened since that day he came back in the morning, curious about the bruises on Seth’s body. It’s been nearly a week now. But he has come home late twice, and both times he’d communicated with Seth that he’d be starting at the blonde’s. He always smells too flowery when he comes back from her flat, like he’d used her body wash before coming home. Seth always feels like crying when that happens. Part of him feeling like he’s being cheated on (which is ridiculous of course) and wakes up in the middle of the night, rushing to the bathroom to vomit.

Yesterday, they went out to buy Keilani’s newborn essentials to welcome her into a beautiful, balanced home and Seth had fun. He tried to. But he was sulking as well. Keilani’s coming home in two days, and though Seth does love her dearly, part of him isn’t sure what’s supposed to happen between him and her father. Will he be still allowed to sleep in Roman’s room? Is he expected to keep away now? What about when Keilani wakes up at night and Roman needs assistance? Surely it will be more convenient for them to remain as they are. It will be less hassle – and Seth will be able to help too. Deep down, he knows that he’s gotten so used to sleeping with Roman that he just can’t see himself leaving the man’s bed. His embrace. Can’t imagine himself not being soaked up in his beautiful scent.

Meeting Roman’s gaze on the floor-length mirror, Seth shrugs his shoulders at the quarterback’s inquiring stare. He’s trying to fix his mess of brown hair that never behaves, especially when he’s trying to impress or going out – and in this case, he’s doing both.

Roman’s cousins are in his living room, laughing loudly, from what Seth can hear, but he’s not sure what about. They’re going out today, on a freaking Wednesday (but Jimmy and Jey are very persuasive) to have their final fun before shit gets serious (the cousins’ words not Seth’s) and Roman becomes one of those boring dudes who stay in every weekend.

Seth’s wearing his favorite skinny jeans and an equally tight grey t-shirt. His white Converse is a little dirty but nothing off-putting. It’s his hair that refuses to behave – always looking like a lion’s mane – and he sighs in annoyance before giving up. Roman, on the other hand, looks thoroughly put together and Seth is envious. Black is definitely is his color. From his t-shirt, that is hugging him just right (and accentuating those Greek-like arms), to his formfitting jeans and Jordans. This man is the epitome of male beauty and it’s not fair.

“Ready to go?” Roman’s voice is low and teasing, dark glint in his eyes that hints at him knowing full well that Seth is affected.

“Only because the opportunity to _ come _ hasn’t been presented to me yet,” Seth says, very suggestively, brushing up against Roman’s arm on purpose – there’s a slight change in the atmosphere between them, a teasing rush – and pads towards the exit.

Wolf-whistling sounds in the living room as soon as Seth appears. Jimmy and Jey stop what they’re doing, and Seth doesn’t miss their predatory ogling. “Damn, so this is what you’re _ hiding _under them pink scrubs, huh?” one of them (Seth can’t tell them apart) says, and they look at each other, appear to be having a silent conversation. “You ain’t taken, right?”

Seth heats up, doesn’t know what to say.

“Your ass looks mighty fine in those jeans, man,” the other one says, and actually taps his forehead, as if the mere sight of Seth is doing things to him. “_ How _has Roman not tapped that yet? If I’m staying with a dude like you, I’m ensuring you’re limping to work daily.”

“Everyday,” they say at the same time, and do some weird handshake.

Seth wants to laugh, to preen, but he’s flustered, and Roman’s joined him, looking a little irritated. What’s gotten into him? “If the both of y’all are done acting stupid, we can leave.”

The twins roll their eyes but they comply. They tell Seth to walk ahead of them, and Seth has the feeling that they just want to check out his ass and his suspicions are confirmed when they complain about Roman blocking the view. Mandy couldn’t join Roman, she’s visiting her family in New York. Seth was with Roman when he’d told her about going out tonight. She told the quarterback to have fun for the both of them...and they’d smiled stupidly at each other.

There aren’t any clubs cool enough to handle their hotness in Moline according to Jimmy and Jey so they’re _ flying _(and it’s ridiculous, really) to one of the hottest celeb hotspots in Chicago. Seth barely notices their surrounding as they drive from his house to the location where they take the helicopter. He’s too busy looking at how different Roman is when with his cousins, he laughs more, and talks more. They start accusing each other of the silliest things, they talk about football and sex (sex is clearly their favorite topic) and past flings.

****

_ Dirty Dicksie. _

Seth’s never heard of the club before. But he doesn’t come out to Chicago much, unless he’s with his mom or he’s feeling adventurous with Alexa and Bayley. It’s beautiful, large and crowded at the entrance. The music can be heard from the distance, it reverberates through Seth’s chest. He gets out of the rental car with Roman and Jey. Jimmy has to go park it but he’ll find them inside.

They meet two big men at the back entrance, and Seth follows like a child discovering the world is bigger than he initially assumed, as they go through a large hallway and then to the elevator. Seth stumbles, wide eyed, as the elevator opens and he’s met with loud music again, but this time he can see the mesh of half-naked bodies grinding together beneath the strobe lights on the lower floor.

It’s all a bit overwhelming, not helped by the fact that there are goddamn _ strippers _in this place, and that Roman looks especially enticed by the young lady moving her waist like she’s boneless. “Wait, is that Enzo Amore – the rapper?” He points to the short guy throwing money at a stripper like it’s nothing.

“Fix your face,” Roman tells him, he’s looking around, and starts to lead Seth toward an empty space, but it’s not empty if there’s a stripper already twerking away. “Jey, that’s her, right?”

“That’s my Bianka,” Jey hollers, and Seth is going to assume that they reserved her for themselves.

He follows Roman, they greet the stripper, and not long after they’ve settled, Jimmy comes to join them with some celebrities that Seth only ever sees on his TV. There’s women and men and alcohol and it’s loud, and different but he can admit to having fun. He isn’t successful in denying Jimmy a dance with him, and finds himself swaying his hips side to side to the beat. Eventually, Jey comes to join in and they’re sandwiching him and Roman is laughing but there’s something dark about it, and he looks devilish through the fog of smoke.

Seth’s heart is pounding hard against his chest, and he’s wrapping his arms around Jey’s shoulders and getting lost in the haze of being desired – it’s intoxicating, and he’s growing hard in his pants a little.

“Aye, aye – that’s my boy!” Seth opens his eyes to hear someone holler. It’s a miracle he hears the voice over the music pounding in his head. “Watch, he’s going for the kill.”

“Straight up!” another voice says, it’s the twins. Seth follows Jey’s line of sight and his heart drops – with a heavy thud, stomach knotting.

Roman’s holding a young blond twink to him, appears to be whispering something in the young boy’s ear with the way the other squirms and bites his lip. They’re dancing, Seth only recognizes Jennifer Lopez’s ‘Control Myself’ because he used to sing it during family gatherings and he’d always get chided for it.

They make eye contact, him and Roman – and the quarterback cocks an eyebrow, looking half amused, half challenging. _ What are you going to do? _He appears to be asking, all hot moves and brooding eyes.

Seth can feel his throat constricting, only worsened by the way he notices how Roman and the twink’s bodies are gelling together, moving as if there are no clothes between them. Seth is embarrassed to admit that with each second he spends looking at Roman and the blond, the more he finds himself picturing himself in the young boy’s position – like it’s _ him _ who’s being touched _ so filthily. _He’s angry, captivated and turned on. So much so that his cock stands at attention, abruptly and painfully hard.

“Fuck this!” he finds himself_ growling, _managing to squeeze out of Jey and Jimmy. He’s charging toward Roman, erection painfully pressing against the zipper of his jeans. “I want to go home,” he tells the quarterback rudely, not even wasting his time the slimy twink. “Now!”

Roman cocks an eyebrow, “We just got here.”

Seth doesn’t care. He just wants to go home. This is too much.

“Now, Roman. Take me home.”

“Why?”

Roman knows why, Seth can see it in his eyes. He’s enjoying this, the goddamn sadist bastard. Is it not enough that Seth’s already falling hard and fast for him? Why does he want to take everything, so quickly? “I’m not going to play your stupid game, Roman. Get rid of this _ skank _and take me home.”

Roman doesn’t look impressed, and Seth has the feeling that he wants to defend the twink’s honor but let him try. Let this stupid asshole try and Seth will gladly put him in his place.

“Fine,” it’s said through gritted teeth, like it’s the last thing Roman wants but he doesn’t have a choice. And of course he doesn’t. Seth barely pays attention as he explains their reason for leaving to his cousins. He’s quiet as they wait for a cab. Quiet as he hears Roman murmur some foreign address. Quiet as the cab comes to a halt at what looks like a five star hotel. He doesn’t know why he keeps quiet as Roman books them into a room for the night. Doesn’t know why he’s still quiet as they head for the elevators – the tension between them electric.

He sucks in a huge ball of air as the elevator opens, and they find themselves in a large elegant hallway. The floor is solid beneath his feet, giving him some semblance of sanity. He doesn’t want to focus on the steady hand on his lower back, how...possessive the touch feels. He’ll die otherwise. Roman opens the door to their suite, revealing the expensive backdrop to their temporary home, but the details aren’t what Seth really cares about.

“This –” his voice comes out shaky, and croaky. “I said take me home.”

Roman scoffs, “Don’t be ridiculous. The pilot’s coming back in the morning. Sleep your mood swings away. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Mood swings? What does he mean by mood swings?

“Oh, I’m sorry for ruining your chances to fuck that, _ that _ glittery skank. When you should be thanking me, you weren’t far from cheating on your stupid plastic doll and I _ saved _you. Because all you male humans only think with your stupid dicks!”

Roman shakes his head, eyes narrowed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t patronize me. I know what I saw.” Seth gets right into Roman’s face, pushing his chest – the bigger man doesn’t even budge. “You were fucking that stupid twink in front of me, of everyone. And now you’re taking it out on me when you should be thanking me for helping you to keep it in your pants!”

Roman makes a sound, a _ frustrated _growl, and Seth doesn’t know when the man grips a fistful of his hair but the next he knows is that his head is being tugged back forcefully and he hasn’t been drinking so he knows he can’t blame the little moan that jumps out of his throat on alcohol. Roman’s eyes are too dark, a violent fire in them that should make Seth scared, not soaked inside his skimpy briefs, but that’s what’s happening. “Don’t raise your voice,” Roman warns darkly.

And _fuck_ _him_ – with his stupid moist breath, and heaving chest, and intoxicating warmth...and those _sensuous_ lips. Fuck the heat of him, that’s making Seth so lightheaded. “_Fuck you,” _Seth glares, so freaking hard inside his pants, and dying for _more. _So much more.

Roman tugs on his hair harshly again, pulling Seth even closer, not even an inch separating them this time. And the younger man knows Roman can probably feel his erection against his belly but he doesn’t care. _ He doesn’t. _ Roman did this to him, it’s only fair he feels the consequences. “Maybe if I _ fuck you_, you’ll drop all your masks for once.”

Seth’s first instinct is to pull away, and call off whatever his wanton mind wants to do because Roman can’t know the real him, his every facet. But his body does the opposite because the next thing he knows is that he’s joining his lips with Roman’s in a hard kiss – all clashing teeth and hard nips. His entire body flares to life, and the fire is burning his veins. He grips the front of Roman’s t-shirt, making an aching sound of frustration as Roman grips both his wrists in a vice grip and abruptly spins them, resulting in Seth being pinned to the door, arms above his head.

“You need a good fucking,” Roman murmurs so innocently, lips teasingly brushing against Seth’s, breath sending shivers down Seth’s spine. “I’m going to give you what you need and you’re going to thank me for it.”

Like hell he will.

“Good luck with that,” Seth spits out, face burning at how turned on he is by the entire thing. He doesn’t have the time to fully admit it as Roman’s lips are crashing down on him once more – and what’s happening next is that they’re colliding and crashing into every surface, clothes falling too quickly, lips barely separating, desperate hands roaming over heated skin.

The preparation is all a blur to Seth, emotional chaos at the surface, and he can’t allow himself to think about it – the conflict, and feelings, and the messiness. He grasps the bedsheets, chest heaving with each breath as Roman slowly drives him insane with his measured touches. His heart is shivering, only comforted by the steadying touch at the small of his back, pushing him downward.

“Aargh!” Seth’s eyes clench shut as Roman starts to push inside him, there’s resistance – pain, a _ lot _of pain – he’s never had something this large attempt to penetrate him. He whines as the head is barely in and Roman’s pulling out again. He hears the man murmur something about relaxing, and nods frantically. Roman tries again, and this time Seth lets out a sob, it feels like he’s being split in half – and the pain seems to last forever, with inch after inch forcing it’s way inside.

“We’re going to go slow today, and gradually work you up, until you learn to take everything I’m giving you.”

Seth’s eyes snap open. _ Everything? _ That fucking feels like _ everything – _the stretch is _too much, _his hole struggling to grip around Roman’s thickness. Seth doesn’t reply, saliva pooling onto the pillows beneath him, body trembling with shock. The electricity is traveling to every inch of his body and Seth is dizzy, feeling overwhelmed, he nearly blacks out.

Roman starts to move inside him, gentle fingers digging into Seth’s skin, deep into his being and pinning Seth on his belly firmly to the bed. He’s fucking Seth hard, showing no mercy, plunging deeper, unforgiving and the brunet is trembling, quivering in the intensity of Roman’s belligerent aura. His anger is palpable, it feeds off of both them, breaking and fixing Seth at the same time. The younger man tries to grip the edge of the headboard, Roman’s pulsing thickness slamming into his ass cheeks, one of the quarterback’s hands squeezing the soft meat in a death grip, marks imprinting into Seth’s skin. A deep, masculine groan is emanating from deep inside Roman’s chest as if Seth is the best thing he’s ever tasted. “Is this what you wanted, Seth? You wanted me to fuck you. Tell me, is this what you wanted?”

Seth bites his bottom lip, doesn’t admit to a thing. His hands are clawing for a handhold on the sheets, eyes clenched tightly, he can barely breathe, can barely think, can do nothing but _ feel. _Roman’s hands are spreading his ass cheeks, pulsing, thick cock dragging along his walls – hurting and healing him at the same time. He whines, tucking his face in one of the pillows, as Roman’s pace quickens, becomes more forceful and rougher.

Roman’s next slam is bruising, and Seth thinks something inside him shifts, making him choke on air. His toes curl in on themselves, body locking up, almost as if wanting to _ escape _as Roman grabs hold of his hair, jerking Seth’s head back, his other hand keeping Seth down on his belly, causing the younger’s back to arch painfully. The sensation has Seth’s mind hazy, pain merging with pleasure so beautifully that he’s on the verge of nonexistence, black dots dancing in his vision.

“Is this what you wanted, Seth?” Roman asks again, warm breath in Seth’s ear, turning Seth into a steel pole. He’s so hard, dick pulsing so hard it feels like a vibrator. “Is this why you’ve taken to wearing those flimsy shorts at night? Is that why you brush up against me when you think I’m sleeping?”

Seth makes a garbled sound of distress and pleasure. He wants to look at Roman, but the man’s pounding him into his next life, thick cock nudging Seth’s prostate and threatening to suck the life right out of him. His body is growing tired, back straining from the force in which he’s being held down, neck bruising and breath coming out with difficulty with how the side of his face is being pressed deeper and deeper into the mattress. But Seth still manages to throw his ass back on Roman’s long uncut cock, repeatedly battering himself on it like a masochist.

Every thrust shoves him up roughly against the headboard, and then down again. The bed is creaking loudly from the brutish force in which Roman is going, and Seth is scared that one of the other guests might call the cops or something. He’s trying his best to keep it down – to _ shut up and take it _but Roman’s touches are his addiction, each nudge his stimulation.

He cries out a disappointed sound as Roman leaves him empty, it’s almost too much to take and he closes his eyes, the only thing preventing his tears being the pain in his chest that’s making it hard for him to breathe. He’s being flipped onto his back, Roman folding him in half, gripping his thighs bruisingly. Skin slaps against skin, Seth’s eyes widening as Roman’s _full length_ slides inside of him, it feels like it will escape right out of his mouth. His insides twist, as his eyes water, “_ARGH! Please, R-Roman” _sweat rolls down his temples, dripping to his jaw, and he taps Roman’s front in anguish, the pain intense enough to make him cry out – but still so pleasurable that it leaves him breathless.

“Talk to me, Seth,” Roman leans down, his words imprinting on Seth’s lips, sweat sinking into Seth’s pores, nose nuzzling the younger man’s. “Tell me how I make you feel.”

Roman’s looking down at him, brown eyes too deep, knowing – and Seth is panicking because he _ can’t. _ Roman has a way of making him vulnerable. Seth _ is _ vulnerable. Always so _ weak _for the man penetrating not just his body, but his mind and soul too. He wants to look away, tries to, but is prevented by the hand coming down to grip his throat – it’s not rough, just thoroughly skilled and Seth can feel his dick rubbing against Roman’s belly, leaking profusely as Roman’s grip tightens just slightly.

Roman presses a kiss to Seth’s parted lips, murmurs softly, “Talk to me. Tell me how this feels. Tell me how you feel when we’re together.”

He lessens his grip, and Seth tries to suck in as much air as possible, looking up at Roman with tears in his eyes. “You – frustrate me,” he manages to choke out, hating how his body arches into and struggles against Roman’s bigger one that’s pinning him in place as if to prove his point.

“Tell me why. What can I do to make it better?” another forceful nudge and Seth’s vision goes black for a few good seconds.

“I – _ fuck,” _ a soft whine, and Seth tries to gather his thoughts. God, he _ can’t _ do this. He’s finding it so hard to organize his thoughts – and Roman is making it look so _ easy. _ “I—I don’t know h-how you can make it better, _ Roman. _”

“Tell me, Seth.”

Roman is moving hard and rough, stubbled cheek pressing down against Seth’s. His lips are touching Seth’s ear and Seth is running his hands down the man’s sweaty back, feeling the strong muscle ripple and contract. _ All mine, _the thought tumbles in his mind – loud, demanding. “I want you to want me like I want you.”

“How do you want me?”

“Quiet Sundays and burnt toast,” Seth whispers back, fingers curling in Roman’s hair, the heat coiling in his belly charging to unbearable heights. “Lazy blowjobs and your wet towels in my house, every morning, forever. I don’t even—know you, Roman!” he’s panicking, tears in his eyes, fingers pressing into the quarterback’s shoulder blades a little too hard, desperate. “But I like waking up next to you.”

“I like waking up next to you too,” Roman’s lips press to Seth’s. “You’re going to get it all,” Roman’s voice is a guttural moan, he’s pushing in and in. Bruising and healing, demolishing and rebuilding. Moving faster and harder and then slow, driving Seth insane. Together, they race up the hill until eventually they fall.

Seth finds Roman waiting for him at the bottom, arms held open. His release is painful, spurts of thick white cum leaking out of him and it hurts. Tears are spilling down his cheeks and Roman’s kissing them away. He can feel Roman’s release seeping into his walls and lets out a trembling breath, “You’re going to get it all, Seth—” Roman murmurs, kissing all over his face, “Sundays in, breakfast, my untidiness and good dick to cheer you up. It’s all yours.”

“Thank you,” Seth finds himself whispering softly, tiredly – and then he realizes he isn’t just thanking Roman for what he’s said but that breath-snatching fuck he just received as well.

Roman’s lips press to his forehead – cherishing him. “I’m not done with you,” there’s a dark amusement in his voice.

“I’ll d-die,” Seth stammers, abused hole gripping weakly at Roman’s cock that he can feel grow thick with lust.

“What a way to go then,” is Roman’s only warning, before he’s ramming into Seth again, and the younger man can do nothing but take what is being roughly given to him again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> Please read the tags :)

This morning Seth isn’t feeling well. He attempts to stretch beneath the covers, and lets out a trembling whimper. His entire body is sore, from the throbbing sensation in his scalp to the delicious twinge in his toes (and Seth has no idea how that’s even possible.) The pain is bad but also _ good, so good _because Seth can’t bring himself to regret last night, considering that he got the best orgasms of his life, but part of him can’t help feeling a hint of anger toward Roman. The quarterback really killed him last night – all through the hours of this morning. It went on for hours and hours that Seth isn’t sure whether he’s responsible for creating an insatiable monster or if Roman’s always been like this.

Seth would like to go with the former – the idea of Roman and past lovers leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Beside him, the quarterback is fast asleep – _ finally_. It takes Seth forever as he slowly shifts to lay on his side to face Roman, his breathing coming out low and labored. Seth doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the sight of a sleeping Roman, how _ ethereal _ and _ young _his face always looks – unguarded, like a child who needs coddling and protecting. His hair is a regal mess, partially covering his chiseled face, and choppy snores are escaping his slightly parted lips. His eyelids are twitching, body shifting in tiny panicky movements that Seth shuffles closer to him, eyes watering as Roman’s arm wounds around his back, the pain almost knocks his lights out. Biting his bottom lip, his hand runs down Roman’s cheek, heart skipping a funny beat as the older man’s breathing relaxes a little – it’s almost enough to convince Seth to forgive the quarterback for blowing his back out.

Outside, life seems to be going on perfectly normal without them. Seth doesn’t mind at all. He quite likes the idea of being wrapped up in an invisible bubble with the one man he feels so deeply for. Seth’s heart is beating too fast and slow at the same time – in amazement. Roman’s actually here. With him. And last night...last night was real. _ He’s here. _Part of Seth expected him to be gone, now that they’ve had sex. Now that he’s given his body to the older man. But he’s here...and Seth, he has no idea what to feel. Not completely.

Shaking his head, he drives away his illogical thoughts. He chooses to focus his mind on something productive instead, like remembering certain aspects of last night. Important, delicious things like Roman’s possessive touches, his skilled fingers, how they dug into the skin of Seth’s body, decorating him with beautiful bruises on his thighs, his hips, the skin on his neck. Seth remembers the agonizingly soothing feeling of one of Roman’s bulging arms folded around his throat as the man had pounded into him from behind. He remembers one of Roman’s hands restraining his arms behind his back, forcing him down on his belly as the quarterback had fucked him through the mattress. Seth had been unable to do a single thing but take it – _ all of it _ – while sobbing in pain, in pleasure. In hell, in heaven. Tortured but oh so _ beautifully. _ And maybe it isn’t entirely Roman’s fault that Seth is in so much pain but it’s easier to blame him because recovery will be a very _ slow _process. Seth can feel it now.

“You’re staring,” a deep voice cuts through his erotic musings.

Seth looks up to find Roman looking down at him, amused. “Yes, I am.” He admits, making the other man chuckle.

Roman’s hand trails down his back, causing Seth to wheeze. The touch burns so good – ecstasy and agony at the same time. “How are you feeling?”

“I think I need a doctor,” Seth croaks, face burning. “My body is heavy and I think I’m swollen.”

Roman frowns, at least it doesn’t look to be aimed toward Seth. “I’ll ask the twins to buy you some cream at the drugstore. I’ll take care of you.”

“Thank you,” Seth smiles, before adding softly, “You’re here.”

“You’re here,” is echoed, a smidgen of amusement found in Roman’s velvety voice.

His lips press forward, and Seth reciprocates eagerly, stroking the older man’s cheek gently. How is it possible to feel so much for someone so quickly? Seth is always worried lately but it’s not enough to have him want to pull away...not yet. “Kiss me, kiss me,” he beseeches desperately when Roman attempts to pull away.

One of Roman’s hands is under Seth’s chin, tipping the younger man’s head back. There is something intensely beguiling about his glorious brown eyes. “Again?” His deep baritone voice is a warm whisper that has Seth nodding enthusiastically, like a little child asking for more candy.

“Yes, please.”

Roman shuffles closer, nothing is separating them – skin on skin. He nuzzles Seth’s cheek, causing the younger man to let out an affected soft breath. A kiss touches Seth’s closed eyes, his ear, his throat – teasing and discovering, coaxing deeper and deeper until Seth is a content mess in the older man’s arms. When Roman’s lips finally press against Seth’s, the younger man reciprocates passionately. He kisses Roman with fierce eagerness, ravenous, things getting heated pathetically quickly, and soon Seth finds himself on his back. A distressed whimper leaves him. Roman pulls back, observes him in interest. “I have an idea. Get on top of me.” Seth is curious so he complies, perhaps a little too eagerly. “Get in the reverse cowgirl position.”

“How do you know about the reverse cowgirl?” He pouts, glaring down at Roman but doing his best to comply with the sharp pain attacking every muscle in his body.

“I’ve been having sex since I was fourteen,” Roman says sardonically, “What I’m about to do to you is nothing compared to the things I’m still going to do to you. Now shut up and sit on my face.”

_ Oh...oh. _

“Will this make me feel—better?” Seth asks, stupidly shy even though he isn’t even looking at Roman, just his intimidating smooth thighs...and Seth is trying very hard to not look at the older man’s dick. His mouth already feels agonizingly empty.

“You’re going to float on clouds, baby boy,” Roman’s reply is a smooth drawl, so confident. The term of endearment...Seth smiles too wide, thankful that Roman can’t see him. “I want you to ride my face. You’re going to throw your ass back on my face, are we clear?”

Roman’s too demanding, but there’s something bewitching about the way he says his words, his collected aura – as if he knows he’s won already and he needn’t raise his voice to make his point. And maybe he has, the proof in the way Seth nods, almost in a daze, and shifts his body so that his ass is touching Roman’s lips. A tremulous breath hitches inside his throat at the feel of Roman’s large hands kneading his ass – unashamedly, possessively, considerately – and a wet kiss touches his left ass cheek.

“O-ooh,” Seth stammers, eyes briefly fluttering shut at the feel of Roman’s long tongue swipe against his abused hole, and the alien sensation of a heavenly beard scratching along his sensitive thighs. An incomprehensible _ whine, _clumsy fingers digging into Roman’s strong thighs. Seth can feel the gaping, and how his twitching rosette shudders against Roman’s tongue – the pain is there at first, he was wrecked last night but Roman’s some sort of expert. Another swipe of the older man’s tongue, tunneling deeper into Seth’s depths makes the younger man’s whole body freeze for some good seconds before his back arches and his toes curl in pleasure. “A-AARGH!”

Roman’s hands are fondling his ass, squeezing so hard that Seth can feel the sensation spread over to his throat, snatching his air supply. Roman’s face is buried in Seth’s ass, big hands gripping the brunet’s thighs in a strong hold, and Seth is screaming loudly – too far gone to try and contain his moans of pleasure. “_F-Fuck _ , _ Roman _ ...j-just like that. God, please... _ please._” he has no idea what he’s begging for, but he’s twerking on Roman’s face, thighs spreading wider like a whore desperate for more. _ Roman’s whore. _The thought swirls in his mind distantly, he’s finding it hard to concentrate on anything at the moment, head spinning in lust.

Seth’s mouth is still so agonizingly empty though, the feeling is tormenting his soul. Looking down at Roman’s cock, Seth salivates at the sight of it. God, he’s _ starving_, mouth too empty, so torturously empty. Doing his best to struggle against Roman’s stronghold, a cracked, “Row-man!” somehow slips past his hungry mouth. “I need to suck you off. I...y-your, I need your cock in my mouth,” and it’s pathetic how unsure he sounds, he’s never like this with male humans.

His ass slides down, until Roman’s dick is nestling between his ass cheeks, as the older man sits up. Fingers in his hair. A gentle tug. Seth peers over his shoulder, gently grinding down on Roman’s thickness, and arching his back. He’s all seductive eyelashes and flushed cheeks, clamping down on his swollen lips, he shies away from the intensity of Roman’s hedonistic gaze by looking at the older man’s torso. He notices what looks like a tiny tattoo near his pelvis, on his right side – too tiny to make out.

“No,” Roman’s thumb presses forward, tenderly caressing Seth’s bottom lip. “No hiding, Seth. Fewer things turn me on like seeing the _ need _ on your face. Tell me again, what do you _ need?_”

“Your cock, _ Romie, _ ” and maybe Roman’s words edge him on, Seth feels so sexy, so desirable. “I need your cock in my mouth. Please let me _ worship _ your cock _ ?” _

Roman’s reply is a wordless smirk but Seth thinks he can see the challenge in it like last night. _ It’s all yours, baby boy. Do what you want with it. _ Those must be Roman’s unspoken words. They must be. Big hands are gripping Seth by the thighs again – and though it’s a bit rough, Seth can’t help getting this _ aura _from Roman. Caring. Attentive. Patient. Like no matter how rough he goes, he’ll always care and be gentle with Seth. It’s unspoken in their sensual encounters but Seth can still sense it.

When he feels Roman’s long tongue reaming into his winking hole again, large hands forcing Seth to lay on his belly, on top of Roman, the younger man cries a blissful moan. Seth leans down until his face is in Roman’s crotch. He inhales sharply, drooling at the smell of Roman. He’s long, thick and uncut – _ a real man’s cock. _Behind him, Seth can hear Roman’s dark amusement, probably at his undisguised eagerness but Seth can’t help it. He aches to pleasure Roman, just as the man is pleasuring him – Roman’s going to town on Seth’s puckered hole, eating Seth out as though the younger man’s ass is a piece of candy. With every dart of Roman’s tongue, Seth can’t help making a loud erotic sound and pushing his ass back into his face.

Seth leans forward, experimentally kissing Roman’s cock. It jerks beautifully, smacking against his lips – and it’s very intimidating how everything about Roman seems to be big and perfect. Seth doesn’t even know how all of _ this _managed to force it’s way inside him last night. Can’t be sure how he managed to take it for hours and hours on end – but he was crying while taking it, and he did pass out only to be fucked back to consciousness again.

Squirting his spit on Roman’s cock, Seth is transfixed as it dribbles down the enlarging, pulsing length. He leans forward again, and kisses Roman’s cock again. He’s kissing it and kissing it and kissing it – over and over again. Like a slave at his Master’s mercy – exalting and worshipping and _ offering. _Jaw opening wide, Seth takes in as much of Roman as he can – and his lips futilely attempt to tighten around Roman’s huge girth. He hears Roman let out a breath that’s accompanied by a deep groan. Feels the hands on his thigh and ass tighten to the point of pain.

Roman’s hips piston forward, and Seth’s eyes widen, salty liquid tracking down his inflamed cheeks as the huge knob stabs the back of his throat, causing him to gag on Roman’s cock, slippery spit trickling down the rigid, pulsating thickness. The sensation almost makes him cum, black dots appearing in places Seth didn’t even think they could, and the younger man can feel some straining in his throat. Roman’s groans are animalistic and rough – sounding so deliciously sexy. 

Pulling back after a few minutes, the brunet takes in a deep breath, coughing and gagging. Roman sounds like he’s laughing – not at all affected by the fact that Seth was suffocating him with his ass. There’s something...experienced about his touches, like he’s been doing this for a very long time – and the younger man pushes the thought away, hating the painful clench in his chest. Taking another deep breath, Seth leans into kiss the overflowing cock in his view, claiming it for himself.

A content moan slips past, and Seth’s eyes close. He continues to suck, stroking what he cannot fit into his mouth, and hums in appreciation at Roman’s amazing cock. It really is a masterpiece, and the sheer power it exudes is causing Seth’s own erection to rage hard against the older man’s hard belly. He tries to move a hand to alleviate the sizzling tension there but is stopped by a large hand connecting with his sensitive ass cheek. Seth stiffens, caught off guard, and then shudders with enough force, he almost comes untouched.

“D-D...” _ Daddy. _ The word is on his tongue, he bites it down and pushes his ass back – begging for more, needing it. Roman complies, and then he doesn’t, teasing and teasing. Seth is shouting, crying and then begging. He’s not going to last long, just that touch. He needs that _ touch _again, to feel his ass jiggle hard against the large palm of Roman’s hand.

Maybe if he makes Roman cum first...

Seth starts to suck with more fervor, jaw growing tired, eyes watering as Roman’s cock hits the back of his throat. He’s eagerly stroking what he cannot fit into his mouth, feeling Roman’s thickness pulse against his tongue, his hand. Spit is dripping down Roman’s cock, and Seth is gagging as another thrust hits his throat, causing his eyes to roll to the back of his head in pleasure. He doesn’t know how it happens but one minute he’s feeling Roman’s hot essence shoot to his throat with enough force to make him choke and the next he’s spurting his own painful release. A choked scream leaves him, limp body being held up by Roman’s capable hands.

“So good,” he hears a voice murmur but it sounds so far away and Seth really does feel like he’s flying or floating in an ocean somewhere. He’s so tired and he wants to sleep again. “You’re so beautiful and you take it all – you’re amazing.”

_ Better than Mandy? _

Seth is too tired to have the words leave his mouth. His mind is still dazed and hazy from coming untouched – for the thousandth time now, and how Roman tastes so good. A little exhausted moan sneaks past as Roman kisses his forehead, and he’s brought into the man’s older chest. _ Kiss me...kiss me. _The last thing that registers in Seth’s mind as he falls asleep is a persistent thought about protection but he’s too drugged up on the sex and exhaustion to fully focus on it.

****

The next time Seth wakes up, it’s with the most horrific realization. He sits up too quickly and cries out loudly as everything in his body spasms. Roman isn’t beside him, but Seth doesn’t care – especially with the rush of panic enveloping him. _ How could you be so stupid? _There was no protection involved. Last night, each time he behaved like a goddamn dick-starved bitch for Roman, they weren’t even using protection. The man came in him more times than Seth can count but somehow, the consequences of his actions weren’t even registering in Seth’s mind. He only cared about the dick and being desired.

_ So. Fucking. Stupid. _

He’s panicking, leaving the bed, and crying out again as he falls to the floor. Shit! He can’t feel his legs and everything feels broken. He has to pee but he also needs to do emergency damage control. He’ll need to find the nearest drugstore around this place. He can’t risk getting pregnant. He can’t. Tears of frustration pool in his eyes as he attempts to drag himself up and into the bathroom. It takes forever but Seth manages eventually.

He limps into the bathroom, and he hisses in pain as he gently grips his dick to pee. It’s tender and sore, there’s a burning sensation and he remembers Roman torturing him by stroking him to mind-numbingly pleasurable heights, while pounding into him fast and hard, and squeezing the head when Seth was ready to fall. The torture went on forever and ever, Roman making him wait, whispering tenderly in his ear – quiet praises and how good Seth felt; how good he was – while brutalizing him, and teaching him to wait. The memories are making him panic now, and he’s fucking berating himself for being so wanton and irresponsible.

How could he be so stupid?

When Seth exits the bathroom (after he’s had a much needed soak in the bathtub and washed his body), still very anxious, it’s to find Roman sitting on the edge of the bed with one of the twins. The new company startles him. He’s frozen in shock and embarrassment as Jimmy or Jey ogles him with predatory eyes and whistles, nudging Roman’s side repeatedly. “You gotta let us smash too, big uce. Just like old times. Sharing is caring, remember?”

Maybe he doesn’t mean for Seth to hear the words but the brunet does and his eyes snap to Roman who’s coming at him fast that Seth stumbles backwards suddenly, not sure why he’s scared. He’s sure his confusion is showing on his face at the implication of Jimmy or Jey’s words. Roman stands in front of him, shielding him from his cousin. Their gazes are locked on each other. Roman opens his mouth, murmuring, “No, Jimmy, not this one. Leave us. I need to talk to Seth,” firmly, and doesn’t spare a single glance at his cousin.

Jimmy sighs loudly but he obliges too easily.

“W-What was...Roman?” Seth hates how shaky his voice is, can feel himself breaking a little. “Is this...what are you? I’m not a game to you, am I?”

“No, of course not,” there’s a conviction in Roman’s voice that Seth wants to trust but he’s not sure he can. He’s so scared. The tears are burning behind his eyes as Roman cups his cheeks, making Seth look up at him. “I care for you deeply, baby boy. Not that I didn’t care about the others – it was all consensual and..._ fucking Christ! _This is not the way I want us to discuss this, Seth. There’s so much to talk about. I was hoping we’d do it when we get home.”

Seth chews on his molested lower lip, left foot bouncing impatiently, looking into Roman’s eyes for any insincerity. There is none. But it still doesn’t make him any less shocked or hurt at the revelation Jimmy’s made – that was clearly not meant to harm but Seth’s heart is still breaking into pieces.

“Hey, hey,” Roman’s forehead presses to his, noses touching gently, parted lips barely touching. A soft touch at the small of his back. Seth _ shivers _and he looks away, hating that he’s so affected. Roman’s lips touch his temple and then his ear. “I meant every word I said last night. None of it was a joke or a ploy to fuck you for fucked up reasons. I promise. I promise.”

Seth doesn’t trust Roman, but his arms enwrap around the older man’s waist and he nods slowly. He’s still anxious about the protection thing. “We didn’t use protection. Last night,” he croaks worriedly, “I’m not on any birth control, Roman.”

There’s a silent pause before Roman’s gripping him by the shoulders, observing him in interest. “You’re a carrier?”

“Yes,” Seth admits with a soft whisper, tears escaping. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying. Why is he so emotional, so weird? “I can’t...I can’t f-fall pregnant, Roman. Please...”

Roman stalks away, groaning into hands. It sounds like he’s swearing every explicit known to mankind as well. Seth stands where he is, one of his hands gripping the knot around his towel to keep it from falling, heart in his throat. Nausea creeps up, and he knows it’s stupid but part of him fears that he’s having pregnancy symptoms already. He’s still frozen as Roman opens his eyes, looking at him. There’s so much disappointment on his pale features. “This is my fucking fault, shit Seth, I’m sorry. I was irresponsible. We can...you can still get a pill or something, right?”

“The morning after pill. We need to find a drugstore – and then pray to some fucking god that I don’t fall in the minority who do fall pregnant after using it. I...how could I allow this? I’m always so careful, Roman. Always.”

“It’s not your fault, I should’ve known better.” Roman is in front of Seth now, hugging him close. “I’m so sorry, baby boy.”

“’S okay, ’s my fault too. I was a slut last night,” Seth shakes his head, face burning as he peers up at Roman, and struggling to stand in place. God, his back is on fire, his legs feel like jelly. He really isn’t okay today, and the bath he took didn’t help much. Roman must sense that something is wrong because the older man asks him what’s wrong. “It still h-hurts...my body doesn’t feel like mine.”

Roman has the decency to look guilty at least.

“Come, Jimmy got the cream. Let me take care of you, Seth.” Roman is leading them back to the bed, grabbing a few pillows. “Lie back,” he instructs, and Seth obeys too easily, breathing difficultly. There are bruises scattered all over his body that he noticed as he’d stopped to look at the damage on the mirror in the bathroom – beautiful discoloration artwork painted into every inch of skin. It’s replaced the bruises Austin left on Seth’s body – and Seth has a fleeting suspicion that Roman did it intentionally, to leave his own mark, his claim – it makes him stupidly happy. He doesn’t want them to disappear for days, _ weeks _even – because part of him wants to show them off. To keep the others guessing. 

Roman is instructing him to spread his thighs and again Seth does as asked but he can’t help feeling really _ vulnerable. _ There’s something _ intimate _ about being with Roman like this, and having him see Seth like this. The brunet can’t help looking away, throwing an arm over his waist as the insecurity piles up. He can hear the voices coming from the other side of the door but is too caught with what’s happening here, with Roman, to catch any sensible words.

Roman’s kissing the inside of his thighs, and Seth can feel his belly quiver – body heating up as his hole twitches painfully against the finger gently pressing into his hole. It hurts and he’s breathing hard, but Roman’s touches are soothing, his voice comforting, “Shh, shh...relax, I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you, I promise. Relax, baby boy.” He’s massaging the walls of Seth’s entrance, and the younger man is embarrassed as his traitorous dick roars to life. He can’t get fucked again, and is too drained for sex. He’s not doing anything until he gets those bloody pills. “You really are swollen.”

Seth tried to check, he noticed how raw he was – and red. He sighs softly as Roman continues his gentle ministrations, before finally, he kisses at Seth’s entrance over and over again softly. They look at each other once Roman is done and it’s worrying, how Roman seems to see past the external, to the things that Seth himself isn’t even aware of – like the older man knows him better than himself or something.

“You’re staring,” he whispers, heart stuttering.

“It wasn’t a problem when _ you _were doing it,” Roman returns, amused, leaving for the bathroom.

When he comes back, Seth is searching for his clothes but Roman tells him that he got him some new clothes and underwear. The older man helps him get dressed, is so patient and gentle. The fabric is kind on his body and Seth thanks Roman silently. He’s wearing sweatpants that are a bit baggy on him and a hoodie that hides any bruising on his body. Roman tells him to leave his hair untied, but he does kiss the imprints on Seth’s neck gently before helping him to hide the bruises.

“Thank you, Roman,” Seth susurrates as the taller man leans down to kiss his forehead. It makes him feel giddy inside and he is disappointed as the quarterback pulls away.

“Are you hungry? The twins have ordered room service.”

Not really. Seth is still anxious about the whole ‘having sex without protection’ thing. He just wants to get to the drugstore and get those goddamn pills. “Not really. When are we going home?”

“At 10:00,” Roman looks at his Rolex. “It’s 09:15am now.”

Seth nods, they go to join the others. The twins are less intimidating than their cousin but as they notice his limp and holler loudly, knowingly, Seth can’t hide his fluster and tries to hide behind Roman.

“Thoroughly fucked looks hella sexy on you, Seth. I see Jimmy was right, big uce didn’t go easy on you,” Jey laughs but he looks appreciative and Seth is sure he’s not imagining the lusty fire found in brown eyes. “He also told me Roman doesn’t want to share you – and that’s a damn shame. We’d all have so much fun together. Jimmy and I would like to tag team you to tears – and that’s a fact.”

“_Jey,_” Roman growls, and he’s pushing Seth behind him gently – shielding. “Not him, okay?”

“Does this mean—”

“No,” Roman cuts him off, “I, look, this is...we’ll talk about this some other time. The only thing both of y’all gotta know is that we ain’t sharing nothing here. I don’t need to explain my reasons, it’s just the way it is.”

Seth can’t make much sense of what these three are hinting at but he does feel uneasy. Sure, Roman’s told his cousins that they won’t share him but...what kind of fucked up situation did they have between themselves before him? Are they involved in any incest? Seth hopes not, because then he has no idea what he’ll do. The thought makes him sick somehow, and he doesn’t know what happened but he can hear Roman telling him to relax, cupping his cheeks, his thumb brushing away the wetness in his eyes.

“I’ll explain, Seth,” Roman says quietly, “Just give me time. Allow us to get home and I’ll explain.”

“Can we just g-go? I’m not hungry – and I need the pills urgently. Please, Roman.”

Roman says nothing, eyeing him from top to bottom and then he nods his head. He hasn’t let go of Seth, his large hands placed firmly at Seth’s waist. The look in his eyes appears to be saying ‘trust me’ and Seth wants to, but he’d be really stupid to. He doesn’t know Roman that well. He told himself to never trust male humans. Roman is no exception, he’s proving it by this mysteriousness surrounding him – and Seth is so stupid for not investigating the quarterback enough. He should’ve checked every gossip site, read every article and found out more about Roman’s biggest scandals.

Seth knows that some of them involved women. Before Roman came here, there’d be a new one on his arm every week. This is after he broke up with that blonde from Flair Enterprises. What would cause a relationship of ten years to end, just like that? Was the woman involved in this strange arrangement Roman and his cousins have going on? Did she grow tired? There are so many questions, each one making Seth more distant, closed off. He’s pulling out of Roman’s touch, the older man frowns but he says nothing. In the car, Seth is still silent – and he ignores the touch burning the inside of his thigh, rubbing gently.

At the drugstore, they’re faced with some chaos. People are taking pictures of them, and the twins seem to be enjoying the attention, waving at the random people and agreeing to taking pictures with them. Roman, on the other hand, ignores them – and Seth can hear a few rude words being said to him but the big man’s face is made of stone, brown eyes vacant. Seth follows his lead, but is a little distracted by the flashes blinding his eyes, and he leans into Roman’s touch at the small of his back.

What kind of life is this?

One of the workers comes quickly to their aid, and Seth is requesting what they came for. They leave just as quick as they came. “Sorry about that,” Roman tells him as they enter the car. He’s cold suddenly, staring straight ahead, and Seth is getting strange vibes from him but he’s dealing with his own mental torture to actively focus on him.

****

They part ways with the twins after they’ve visited Keilani at the hospital. They even had time to get tested together. It was necessary, because they were both so irresponsible. Seth can admit to breathing easier, he felt like that as soon as he’d taken the Plan B pill.

Jimmy and Jey are leaving with Humberto – and Seth wonders if he’s aware of their promiscuity. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. It’s none of Seth’s business, as long as they’re all wise enough to use protection. _ Great advice, Rollins. _Seth’s stupid mind sneers at him. And why shouldn’t it? He couldn’t even follow his own advice.

The air between him and Roman is still strange as they reach home. Seth follows the quarterback into the living room, almost giving in as Roman pulls him forward, clearly wanting a kiss. His mind is in shambles, thinking about one thing or the other. Roman said they would talk, they need to. Seth isn’t going to do anything else until they do. Especially after the promises from last night.

“What were your cousins talking about?” he queries, creating distance between both of them and taking the couch across from Roman. “Are you guys involved in some incest type shit? I’m not interested in all that, Roman. I will not be roped into it.” His voice is harsh and cold but he’s trying his best not to shout.

Roman cocks his head to one side, appearing thoughtful. “No,” his voice is strained, “nothing like that. My cousins and I...we’ve shared partners before, yes. Just like...the usual crap, Seth. We don’t mind fucking the same person, as long as it’s consensual, but we’ve never had anything together. I can watch them double-teaming, say...Humberto, but I’m drawn to the person they’re fucking. Not them.”

“I...erhm,” Seth blinks at Roman, stunned into silence by the revelation. Part of him feels sick to his stomach, and he doesn’t know what to say. Roman looks casual about it, there’s a hint of worry in his brown eyes that’s barely visible and Seth wonders if the man is worried for him or something else. “And have you? I mean...Humberto, h-have you?”

“Just once.”

“Have you fucked him?”

“Just once.”

Seth rolls his eyes, hating the monotonous response. He needs to process Roman’s revelation but he still has so many questions and has no idea where to begin. His heart is folding in on itself pretty viciously, body burning with emotion. “Does Mandy know?”

“Yes, she was there when it happened.”

“And she was okay with it?”

“We talked about it, Seth. After Charlotte, the monogamy thing sounded a bit too suffocating for me. We were together for ten years, fighting and miserable. It should’ve ended long ago but I think we stayed for so long together because the idea of starting afresh after so many years together was...draining. It felt like it would take more effort than if we stayed together. So I...decided to go back to my roots. I haven’t been monogamous for a while now.”

Seth has no idea how to take this. He’s frowning, looking at Roman with hurt in his eyes. “So what was last night then, R-Roman? I...uh, god, I opened up. And you...you –” he shakes his head, the memories suddenly leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. “I g-gave you my body because I...because. Do you even care for me? Or was I another number to add to the count of people you’ve fucked?”

Roman is in front of him in an instant, on one knee, one of his hands gently brushing the younger man’s thigh. Seth forces himself to maintain the eye contact. It’s so freaking hard when he’s feeling so emotional, and used – like some fuck toy. “I meant every word I said last night. All of it. I’m not out to play you, Seth. I like how we are, you’re my favorite person to wake up next to. It makes me feel...good to go to bed with you at night. To make you breakfast in the morning and drive you to work. I really like us – and I want us to continue if it’s okay with you. I meant every word...but I’m not – the monogamy thing wasn’t cutting it for me. I, uh –”

“What about now?” Seth whispers, lumps forming in his throat. “D-Do you still want to... I don’t think I can – what about Mandy?”

Roman hesitates a second, brown eyes regarding Seth warily. “I...can’t we just – this is still so new and I care for her – and she gets me...all the things that go on inside my head. What I’m trying to say is –”

“You’re not willing to let her go.”

What’s new? Roman’s behavior is so typical. He knew what he had to do to get Seth to fall in bed with him. The man literally fucked him for _ hours, _and recovery will be a long road, in compromising positions, and pounded into him vigorously, like a mad man – and now that Seth is thinking back to it, maybe...maybe the reason that Roman was so passionate, maybe the reason he’d been that rough was to get Seth out of his system, to scratch that itch. And Seth is thinking back to the events at the club, the young twink...how did he not notice this before?

This guy, a millionaire celebrity, and someone like him? In what world? 

“I need to leave,” Seth says, swaying to his feet. His belly is churning, and he can’t seem to get his brain to function like it’s supposed to. There’s a persistent sickening feeling in the pit of his belly that has Seth clutching it in agony. He has no idea where he’s going but he’s too suffocated, and Roman’s presence is overwhelming. He needs to clear his mind.

“Seth,” Roman calls out, he’s rushing after him, gripping Seth’s wrist. “Don’t go, look...maybe this is fucked up but I genuinely care for you. I really do. And I want to...what do you want me to do? I’ll prove it to you, just don’t go.”

“No, let me go. You’re confusing me!” Seth screams, pulling out of Roman’s burning touch. Seth has seen men like him too many times. Men who want the best of both worlds. Men who can’t make up their minds. Who make excuses for fucking around. Seth won’t fall into that trap. He’s ran from this all his life. He can’t do this, he can’t. “I need some air.”

“Then we can find it together, baby boy. Tell me and I –”

“Stop it, Roman! Fucking listen to me, I—you’re, I can’t think around you. I just need some air, I need to clear my head, to _ think. _I – I don’t...” his heart is breaking, tears burning behind his eyes. It feels like he’s losing something that didn’t belong to him to begin with. Last night, when Roman said all those things, Seth had thought, he’d thought...

_ So fucking stupid. _

And to think that Seth let Roman have him raw. Maybe it’s because they’ve had sex but Seth thinks he’s weaker than before around the quarterback. Something that he doesn’t need at all. He’s already so vulnerable and now he’s contemplating—

A kiss touches his lips, and Seth finds himself being pinned to the door. Roman’s kisses adamant, demanding and ravenous. His fingers are pressing a little too hard against Seth’s neck, his other hand holding Seth’s waist a little too tight – as if _ beseeching, _all of him pouring his heart into the kiss. Seth struggles against him, hands attempting to push away the bigger man, but both of them are gripped and pinned above his head.

There’s a clashing of teeth, a bumping of noses, and Seth can feel his traitorous body reacting. A flash of arousing pleasure shoots along his spine, making him arch into the man still pinning him to the wall. His mind is dizzy, whimpers escaping him as Roman goes slow, smooth sensuality found in his kisses. The younger man is shivering with bliss, heart beating fast. Too fast. He feels like crying, like screaming, like fighting, like giving in.

“God, you drive me crazy, Seth.” Roman breathes against Seth’s parted lips. He pulls away slightly, still having Seth pinned to the wall with a gentle press to the throat.

Seth tries to collect his thoughts, struggling for breath. “Please let me go,” he begs finally as he finds his voice, looking up at Roman.

The older man looks ready to object, but maybe something is showing on Seth’s face that advises him against it. “I want you. Not just your body. I want you,” a gentle hand caresses Seth’s cheek and he leans into the touch before he can help himself. And then he’s breathing out a disappointed gasp as Roman leaves him completely empty, taking all the warmth with him. Seth watches him walk away, feeling cold on the inside as the man disappears completely from view.

Seth opens the front door, steps outside, and sags against the door. Across the street, Mrs. Wilson’s pitbull gazes at him curiously, not barking like he usually does. Maybe the dog can sense his emotional turmoil, maybe it can feel his confusion.

Seth walks away, he has no idea where he’s going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry *hides*


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Please read the tags. Also, forgive any mistakes.
> 
> Thank you :)

Of all the things that Seth has ever imagined could happen to him, seeking advise on the subject of _ male humans _is not one of them. When he was younger, aunt Kimberly would host her weekly Sunday tea after the church service, to discuss one thing or the other. Mrs. Rogers’ husband who had a wandering eye, he’d been caught cheating more times than the church preached about the role of a good spouse. His mother’s lewdness. What a good father Mr. Evans was, he’d surprised Lacey and Nancy with new bicycles, the money coming from what little cash he made as a sculptor. Mr. Hudson, who left his poor husband for an older, wealthy woman in Chicago. Each Sunday, a new topic, a new problem, a new reason to brag – the core of the discussions remained the same : male humans.

As a young boy, he never understood much of their conversations. He never got the tears on Mrs. Rogers’ face. Never really understood the condescending looks aimed towards his mother. Six year old him would fail to understand why Nancy and Lacey refused to share their bikes with him. It didn’t matter anyhow, because when he turned seven, he got his own bike too. Arriving three days post his birthday, he later learned that it was his mother who’d bought it and not his father like she’d initially told him. It didn’t matter, he had a reason to show off and beam brightly too.

He’s at Xavier’s, had been led here by his own two feet. Seth thinks that maybe it’s the _warmth _found in Xavier’s home that led his subconscious here. He was shivering again, on the inside, still is, but Xavier’s sunny aura and that of his home has helped to lessen the cold. They’re in the pregnant man’s kitchen, Seth sat across from Xavier, looking at him like a child seeking advise from his mother. And he would’ve asked his mother but Seth knows she would’ve told him to leave Roman. Because all men think with their dicks anyway. But Seth is...conflicted, doesn’t really know what to do. 

All he knows is that the thought of sharing Roman hurts badly. It feels like a slow painful death. The thought of walking away hurts just as badly though. But maybe he should. Because if it hurts this badly now, how much more worse will it be once Roman loses interest in him? How bad will it be when he finally walks away? When he decides that there’s so much more room for exploration.

Seth should just walk away now, give up, and move on – before he can really _ fall in love _ with the other man (and the idea of _ falling _ terrifies him so) because when that happens, it’s always hard to let go. Seth has seen so many people suffer in the name of love that the thought of the same thing happening to him fills him with icy terror. Yes, leaving is a good idea. Pain slithers down his belly at the mere thought. Leaving seems worse somehow. Yes, there’s a chilling fear of the unknown, of further allowing himself to be _ vulnerable. _ But Seth, he _ doesn’t _ want it to stop – somehow.

He wants more, so much more – and up until an hour ago, it felt like Roman was willing to give him more. Seth felt it last night, all through the hours of this morning. Roman touched him like a prized gift. Seth felt it in Roman’s gazes, how he’d regarded Seth like nothing mattered but him. Seth had felt it as Roman shielded him from his cousins, the conviction that was found in his voice. Seth feels it every night, lying on the older man’s chest. Roman makes him feel like nothing in the world can hurt him – and it’s weird, having to adjust to being taken care of by someone who isn’t his mom but Seth _ loves _it. Dear god, he loves it so much, but he’s still so scared. Doesn’t want to be let down. Not by this one man.

“Okay, I uh, think I’ve collected my thoughts enough,” Xavier cuts through Seth’s panicked musings, smiling kindly. He’s clearly out of breath – 40 weeks and a few days along but still no sign of his princess. “That was quite a handful you told me, my love. But let me start by saying relationships are hard work – _ all of them. _ No matter the dynamic – monogamy, polygamy, polyamorous, _ open relationships. _ All of them require a lot of hard work and _ proper communication _– and whoever tells you otherwise is lying.

That said, I also think different strokes for different folks. What works for me may not work for you. And I am not better than you because I’m with one man. Just like I wouldn’t view you better than me for having multiple partners. Now this issue with Roman, look love, I’ll be really honest here. I’d be lying if I said I know plenty about these sort of dynamics. But I do think there’s more to them than just sex. I think that maybe...you should hear Roman out. Find out why he desires more than one partner. Be as objective as you can – and then bring forth your concerns as well. Find common ground, the both of you. Compromise if you must. Anything that will work for you both. But I also think that if he says that he cares for you then you should believe him. Him desiring something _ less constricting _doesn’t in any way mean that you’re the problem. That would be preposterous! You guys aren’t even dating yet. This is something that has to do with him but I think that if it doesn’t in any way affect or neglect the way he feels for you then...look, ultimately, it is your decision.”

“But I should be enough for him,” Seth whispers sadly, “Am I–I…lacking somewhere?”

A gentle touch caresses his knuckles, “Listen to me, there’s no such thing!” Xavier says firmly. “We aren’t...it’s impossible to be everything a person needs, love. We’re flawed humans, and I can’t even make Randal completely happy but my flaws complement his strengths and vice versa. I know he tries his best and that’s enough for me, his flaws don’t mean he’s not enough or lacking. You’re not lacking either, you’re so beautifully flawed and Roman wouldn’t have said all those things if he didn’t want you.”

“Maybe,” Seth murmurs, going to look at his shaky hands, “I...u-uh, I...I really like him, Xavier.” It’s the _ scariest _ thing to admit, but Xavier has this energy about him, almost like like Roman’s...you can’t help being _ vulnerable _ around him. “And I don’t g-get this constant need I have to be around him. O-Or how my greatest fear takes all my fears away. I want to free fall but I’m scared. I don’t want to compete for his... _ affections. _I don’t want to be second place.”

“Then talk to him about it, make him understand. I don’t think he’d go for more than one partner if he didn’t have it within him to cater for more than one person. I don’t know, I feel like Roman has the ability to do that, I used to see it at the hospital. He has the biggest heart. And if he’s giving you a piece of it then _ take it. _It’s yours.”

A frown. “I don’t want a piece. I want all of it.”

Xavier chuckles, all breathless and watery-eyed, fanning his face with his hands. “Then take all of it, but allow the others to have his liver or kidney at least.”

Seth rolls his eyes, still so unsure, so undecided. The thought of Roman with someone who isn’t him makes his blood boil, makes him nauseatingly sick, the pain is a physical ache. “Would you e-ever do it? W-With your husband, I mean.”

“Yes,” Xavier’s reply is immediate, “if there was ever a need. Like maybe I couldn’t cater to this one specific area of his life anymore and someone else could. Think sexual intimacy, emotional support...but we’d discuss it first of course. Right now, we work really well in our dynamic and there’s no need for changes. I think we have this discussion, like, every six months? To ensure that we’re still on the same page. Love is far less romantic than what we see in the media. But it’s also so fulfilling, when you put in the hard work, the results are worth it.”

“So much hard work...” Seth sighs, fingers treading through his brown tresses. A flustered blush taints his cheeks as Xavier’s curious eye wanders to his wrist, narrowing in on the bruises there, and then to his neck, where the exquisite damage is even worse. “All consensual,” the younger man says coyly.

“Assisted self-inflicted torture, huh?” Xavier says teasingly, “I suppose I shouldn’t feel sorry for you for wincing every time you try to find a comfortable position to sit in.”

“Of all the people I could’ve developed a crush on and it’s the sex addict with unreal stamina I go for.”

Xavier giggles, clutching his round belly, brown eyes lighting up as the twins rush into the kitchen. They’re followed by their aunt. Xavier’s sister came all the way from Atlanta to help Xavier once the baby arrives – but she’s also watching after the twins a lot. At two, the boys are big balls of energy, always curious and active. Seth observes in silence, as the little ones interact with their mommy. There’s nothing that fascinates and freaks him out as much as the idea of this – a family, _ love. _But Xavier and Randy always make it look so beautiful. They’re both so lucky.

Randy comes home around 05:00pm, he’s been cutting back on his work hours at the hospital to come back to his family earlier. It’s hard to imagine a cold guy like him being so invested in his family but he is – and he does it so beautifully. Seth has a fleeting suspicion if Xavier wanted to relocate to a different planet then Randy would make it happen somehow – and if it is a planet that has no signs of life then he would intimidate it into being safe enough to live in for Xavier and their family. He’s just that kind of guy.

Seth helps out when dinner time comes around, although he’s not really hungry. He should probably go home but he doesn’t want to. Not yet. He’s still so undecided. If he – and the mere thought still sickens him – allows this arrangement with Roman then won’t it taint their connection somehow? Why do people feel the need to have more than one partner anyway? It’s unnatural. And how long will this arrangement last? Seth wouldn’t want to share Roman forever. Does he want a forever with Roman? Is it even possible to be with one person for a long time? What if Roman grows tired of him?

The questions run in his mind haphazardly, growing more confusing and worrying. Seth is distracted all through dinner and perhaps Xavier notices. Perhaps it’s the reason he offers that they watch a movie together. Randy is displeased because they don’t usually allow any visitors to stay in their home past 08:00pm but Xavier’s influence over him prevails again – and he kisses Xavier lovingly before telling him that he’ll be in his study.

At 01:00am, Randy finally puts his foot down, telling Seth to go home. Seth only agrees because he’s long overstayed his welcome anyway, but Xavier also needed the company, he suffers from bad insomnia lately. The streets are empty outside, only lit up by the orange of the street lamps, and the air is stagnant. For the first time since he moved to Moline, Seth feels absolutely alone, lost. The emotions punch him in the gut, stealing his air, and leaving him with nothing but the cold.

Clutching his keys, he stares at his door like he’s looking his enemy in the eye. He’s not sure if he’s ready for what lies beyond this door but he’s never been the type to back away from a challenge. He’s never told himself that he _ can’t _do something. He’ll do this. He’ll face his greatest fear but he doesn’t know what he’ll say. The house is quiet and dark. Seth wonders if Roman is sleeping, part of him wouldn’t mind at all.

He stumbles on his feet as he enters his dark living room. “Shit!” a silent whisper, heart pumping faster. The large figure occupying one of the couches has just scared him. Why the heck is Roman sitting in the dark? The quarterback has his face in his hands, hunched over. For a tense minute, Seth has no idea what to say or do. Is he expected to apologize? If yes, what for? Sure, he ignored Roman’s calls that he received from the quarterback until the man sent him a text asking if he’s safe. Seth ignored that message too. He’s old enough to keep himself safe.

“You’re back.”

Seth jumps out of his skin, the beautiful creep has just startled him. “I came b-back,” he whispers, with conviction. Maybe he shouldn’t have but he’s missed Roman terribly and there’s a voice in the back of his head that’s telling him he did the right right thing by coming back. Roman is looking at him intensely, and Seth can’t look away, his breath is being snatched away by the mesmerizing obsidian gemstones. “I—I’m here, Row-man.”

Roman doesn’t reply, and Seth stands completely still where he is, vulnerable as hell. He’s hoping with everything in him that nothing is showing on the exterior but his voice had betrayed him, just like his words. It feels like déjà vu as Seth finds Roman standing in front of him. His scent all too intoxicating. “I’m going to hug you now. I want you to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable.”

What is Roman talking about? Doesn’t he know, doesn’t he know that his touches are Seth’s heaven? That Seth can hardly breathe unless Roman’s imprinting all of _ himself _ into Seth’s skin?

Nodding softly, Seth looks up at the bigger man. Roman’s presence is overwhelming – the elephant and his tiny ant. A gentle touch at the small of Seth’s back, another one behind his neck – firm, drawing him to the present. Euphoria clouds his senses as soon as Roman engulfs him. Seth inhales deeply, and then exhales softly – a strong feeling of safety washing over him. His mind quiet. Fears dissipating. Fresh air inside his lungs. Warmth inside, so much of it. Roman’s touches his comfort, his lullaby.

“D-Did I hurt you? When I...when I left?” Seth mumbles, praying for an answer that will lessen his own heartache.

“Yes,” Roman sounds strained, “Not caused so much by your leaving but because I _ hurt _ you. I screwed up, Seth – and to be honest, I may’ve been a little selfish with you, and used my dick instead of my brain. I should’ve...I should’ve _ talked _to you first, not behaved irresponsibly. I told you I want to earn your trust but I did the opposite. It’s not enough to ease you of the hurt I’ve put you through but I’m really sorry. I’m sorry, baby boy.”

Seth shakes his head, pulling out of Roman’s embrace. He wants to forgive Roman, and maybe he would, were he not being tortured by the idea of sharing. And maybe it’s unfair, so unfair of him to behave this way because he and Roman aren’t even in a committed relationship, haven’t even discussed their relationship status but the stinging jealousy clinching his heart isn’t going anywhere.

“I don’t know if I can...forgive you r-right now. You need to prove it to me. That you’re sorry.”

A solemn nod, “Of course, Seth. Sorry is not the apology. That was the introduction. The real apology is changed behavior.”

“Does this mean y-you’re not going to fuck the others? I—I can’t stomach the idea of you sharing your body with anyone who isn’t me, Row-man.” Seth tells the other man because Xavier said to talk about this – _ communicate. _And if Roman wants to leave then he should, and leave Seth to pick up after himself. He’s done it again and again anyway. They need to get this out of the way quickly. “Maybe...I, maybe that’s unfair and—”

“No sex with other people. Done. You’re going to get that,” Roman murmurs firmly, tipping the younger man’s head back gently – and Seth hates to see that seriousness in his eyes. Because the day Roman turns on his word, Seth will be reminded of this specific moment – the solid heartbeat, the scent, the golden brown of sincere almond eyes. “Sex wasn’t the primary reason I went back to something more open anyway. Yes, I’ve fucked around and we’ve all had fun with no real strings attached which makes life easier. But when I talk about constriction and not wanting something more binding, it has to do with the other person more than it has to do with me. You...don’t know half the shit I gotta deal with on the regular, and to be honest, I kinda prefer it that way. It’s not easy to be with someone like me. You saw what happened earlier with those people, you heard their words. Do you think you could handle something like that on the regular? Do you have the mental strength to deal with the shit that you’ll go through as soon as you’re romantically linked to me? I go for something less constricting because it makes everyone’s lives easier. We both know what we doing, and if the pressure’s getting to you, you bail. Life goes on.”

But shouldn’t love be about standing together through thick and thin? Seth doesn’t think he’d ever leave Roman. Not for petty things like what the media says about him. He didn’t think Roman was a great guy too but recently, he’s been learning a few things about the quarterback. Like how protective Roman is. And how much he values his family. He loves his daughter. The man even stops to have engaging conversations about football with grumpy Mr. Sanders anytime they spot each other. He has the biggest heart, like Xavier said...but Seth hates how easily it seems to cater for everyone.

“I don’t think I could leave you.”

Roman smiles, an emotion in his eyes that Seth can’t quite explain. “It’s a little too soon to say that, ain’t it?” the question is rhetorical. “Look, this thing with Mandy...it’s more emotional than sexual. I can count the number of times I’ve fucked her and it happens less frequent than you think. Emotionally, we click. I can offload on her on some pretty deep things that I ain’t never told nobody else. She gives great advice. I can’t...we don’t need to have sex to have some form of relationship.”

Roman’s response should be enough, shouldn’t it? It should be enough. Because he is giving Seth what he wants. No sex outside of this, of them...what are they? How can Roman agree just like that? What if he’s agreeing now only to go behind Seth’s back later? _ No, that...it wouldn’t happen like that. He was upfront, he...he was honest. He wouldn’t lie. _ Seth’s brain eyeballs him so hard. _ You’re already choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Stupid, stupid. You’ll cry when he hurts you...again. _

“I – I need to think this through,” Seth whispers coldly, escaping Roman’s overwhelming touch again. He’s starting to think it was a bad idea coming home. He can’t seem to think around Roman – and he finds himself on the verge of giving in. Giving into this disgusting, fucked up arrangement that Roman wants to _ subject _him to. “I’m going to bed. I don’t want to think about this now.”

“Seth,” Roman calls out before Seth can disappear completely into the hallway. “Look, I will say this. I’ve taken the time to research about polyamorous relationships for you. I tried to be fair as possible. I’d like to guide you through all of it but I understand how perhaps I’d be giving you my own biased opinion. Maybe you can conduct your own research, baby boy—”

Like the bee barf term of endearment, this ‘baby boy’ thing Roman has going on affects Seth deeply, making his insides churn deliciously. He hates Roman for affecting him so deeply.

“Take all the time you need – and when you’re ready, we’ll talk again. Right now, I’ll keep out of your space...and while you’re the most irresistible thing I’ve ever set my eyes on, I respect you enough to keep my hands to myself. We don’t even have to share the same bed, if that’s what you want.”

“Nice try, Reigns,” Seth scoffs, tears in his eyes. He’s always a freaking emotional mess around this guy. “I might hate you right now but you’re sleeping in that bed with me and holding me onto you.”

Roman smiles, and Seth can see the relief in his eyes.

As if Seth would ever want Roman in a different bed than him. Why the hell would he shun his safe place?

* * *

Seth wakes with a start, completely damp and choking on air. He doesn’t realize that Roman’s been trying to shake him awake for close to three minutes now. There are hot tears rolling down his cheeks, and he’s...why is he crying? Seth clutches his chest, breathes in and out like his mom taught him to whenever he'd have a bad dream.

A bad dream...

All he remembers is Roman’s back, walking towards...something. Away. He doesn’t remember much but he can make out the laughter, how taunting it was.

“Shh, baby,” Seth hears a rumbling voice whisper. Roman draws Seth to sit in between his legs so that the younger man’s back is plastered to his. Then he wraps his arms tightly around Seth and rocks him. “I’m not going to hurt you. Promise. I’m not going anywhere.” His words are imprinting into Seth’s temple, arms squeezing around Seth’s shaking frame a little tighter. “I’m here with you. I want you. I’m not leaving, baby boy. I want you, I want you, I want you.”

Roman’s breathing steadies him, his heartbeat grounds Seth, drawing him to the present. A soothing pattern in his breathing. Seth calms down. The cold is disappearing. After a while, Seth clears his throat, his skin is prickling with annoyance – at himself more than Roman. “Sorry about that,” the younger man murmurs, attempting to pull out of Roman’s embrace. “Just a bad dream, you can let me go now.”

“You’ve never had dreams like that before, Seth. Did I...did I trigger something?” Roman is still holding Seth tight, locking him in.

“No!” Seth snaps, pushing away at Roman. He feels sick and isn’t far from retching the dinner he had at Xavier’s. “Let me go, Row-man. I need to get up!”

Roman cocks an eyebrow, but maybe something on Seth’s face is showing because he eases up, letting Seth go. As soon as Seth is set free, he rushes out of the bedroom, into the hallway and inside the bathroom. He launches himself to the toilet bowl just in time to release the contents in his stomach. He can’t get everything he wants because the next thing he knows is that his hair is being pulled back by Roman, a chorus of gentle words soothing the younger man.

When the heaving finally subsides, Seth maneuvers past Roman, to stand at the sink where his hands seek anchor on the cool ceramic. He can sense Roman’s presence behind him, and he hates it. _ How could you be so stupid? _He’s already a pathetic mess that wants to keep Roman all for himself but crying about it in his sleep too? That has to be a different type of low. Now Roman knows that he’s scared of losing him. Another reason why Seth’s so stupid. All it took was falling in bed with this man for him to turn into a clingy, pathetic brat. He’s barely known Roman for three months. He’s already revealing his weaknesses. What if Roman uses them against him?

Their eyes are on each other on the mirror for what feels like a lifetime before Seth looks away. The softness found in beguiling brown eyes is unsettling. Seth doesn’t want Roman to go searching for things he has no business knowing. Opening the tap, he splashes cold water on his face and then rinses his mouth. He tries to maneuver past Roman again when he’s done but he’s trapped by the large body this time. Roman tips his head back, large thumb brushing gently along Seth’s jaw.

“Don’t complicate this, Seth,” Roman’s forehead touches Seth’s, hands cupping the younger’s firmly. “Don’t rack your brains trying to justify what we have between us. Take a deep breath and...dive deep with me. I’m right behind you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Seth nods tersely, and again tries to make his way past Roman.

“Hey, hear me—”

“Row-man, don’t do this. Don’t strip away the little pride I still have left,” he croaks, freeing his wrist from Roman’s clutches. “Just let me go. I want to catch up on a few hours of sleep. There are far more important things in life than this – my job. I want to be able to do my job in the morning.”

The only thing that gives away Roman’s frustration is the way his jaw clenches. His inquiring gaze regards Seth for what feels like forever before the man lets him go...with a gentle kiss to the forehead. Seth is affected, his heart rate accelerating and a soft sigh leaves him. In bed, he feels Roman climb in behind him, his arm folding around Seth’s waist and pulling him in. Seth wants to protest, at least his mind does, but his heart isn’t as onboard with the idea. So Seth gives in – and falls asleep.

****

Seth has always found that keeping busy is a great distraction tool in any situation. When he was younger, he’d stay behind after school, and practice chess with the nerdy kids from fifth grade but they always beat him. At home, he’d read a new book, draw a picture or two or compose bad rock music – as long as he didn’t have to think about his problems.

Today hasn’t been awfully busy but Seth still does his share of assessments, diaper changes and checks his patients’ vital signs before doing feeding sessions again. He helps a new mother with skin-to-skin care, explaining it’s benefits to her. Lunchtime comes around too soon and Seth joins the others in the cafeteria. He’s not really hungry so he has a snack bar and some water. The others continue to poke and make fun of his limp, and the well hidden (his friends are just vultures who know how to pry) bruises around his neck. Seth remains mum on the issue, allows them to think whatever. If things had gone differently with Roman, maybe he would’ve shared, maybe not...he doesn’t know.

Roman hasn’t set foot in the hospital since this morning when he drove Seth here. The younger man thinks maybe he’s being avoided but he doesn’t care...he thinks he doesn’t. He has no idea what the stabbing pain in his chest means. Just a few minutes before the end of his lunch break, he receives a phone call from his mother.

“Janet,” he says, locking the toilet stall and sitting on the toilet, drawing one of his legs on the edge of the seat.

There’s a second’s silence before his mom replies, “What’s his name?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

His mother scoffs, and Seth can practically see her eye roll through the phone. “Oh, please, honey. You sound gloomy – and I’m 99% sure it has to do with a guy. Who do I have to kill?”

“Roman Reigns,” Seth whispers, knowing the havoc that will follow.

“What?” incoherent screaming attacks his ear and Seth pulls his phone away. He wants to chuckle, but has a feeling that it will lead into an emotional breakdown somehow. “He’s the guy you have a crush on?”

It’s far past the crush stage. Seth gets anxious just thinking about it. He wishes his heart had picked someone else. He doesn’t. He likes Roman to the point of insanity. He feels like he’s going insane. “I...m-mom, it’s a bit complicated. I don’t know what to do. This love business is so confusing.”

“Love? Isn’t a bit too soon to call it love?”

“You know what I mean, mommy,” Seth sighs, “Feelings...Roman wants to see other people.”

Silence.

Seth decides to explain but he can’t explain his confusion in detail because he has to go back to work. His mom does tell him something about love being fluid and shit. She’s on the bastard’s side too and Seth never thought...

Fuck this world. It never even loved him.

Keilani is all set to go home today. By 03:30pm, Roman is back – but his cousins are no where in sight. Seth observes him curiously, wondering where the hell he’s been. Humberto isn’t working today as well and although Seth doesn’t want to, his brain still investigates. What if Roman and his cousins were...maybe they were _ busy _wrecking Humberto again. There’s a voice at the back of his brain telling him Roman wouldn’t do that but Seth isn’t so sure.

“Ugh, she’s so darn adorable, Roman,” Alexa murmurs as they snap a few pictures of Keilani. They do this with all the babies in Nicu – to frame their pictures on the ‘wall of heroes’. It’s been a long road for Roman’s daughter – and some days were worse than the others but she’s a fighter and she pulled through. Seth is proud of her. “She looks like you.”

“Wouldn’t it have been better if she looked like Cameron then? You’re saying she looks like a man.”

Alexa punches his shoulder, “Not just any man. A _ beautiful _man.”

Roman smiles, he turns his attention to Seth. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” a smile trespasses before Seth can stop it. He clears his throat and looks at Alexa, noticing the curious glance she’s sending him and Roman. He knows that she’ll figure it out eventually but right now, he’ll take the moment of peace. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lex.”

Alexa brings him into a suffocating hug, and she murmurs some naughty words in his ear about Roman. She’s already figured both of them out apparently. Seth heats up the color of red tomatoes. He can’t meet her eye as they pull apart, he can’t meet Roman’s eye. He helps to carry a small baby bag to their car. The drive home is silent, maybe Seth is making it a bit tense but he’s thinking. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to research this polyamory thing that Roman wants him to be apart of. Right now, he doesn’t think he has much of a choice. He doesn’t want to chase Roman away by appearing too demanding.

Dinner is a quiet affair. Keilani isn’t really problematic, except that it’s weird to hear the cries of a baby in Seth’s house. It’s weird to hear the tiny giggles. The smells of baby powder and products are weird. Seeing Roman interact with Keilani melts Seth but nothing shows on the outside. The man’s trying too hard, any little sound and he leaves for the bedroom to check on his daughter. It’s a bit annoying because they’re watching TV but the giddiness overpowers everything. But above all, Seth is fascinated by it all – a father and his child, how he answers to her every call.

****

Later that night, Seth wakes up because of restlessness, realizes that the space beside him is empty. So that’s why. He hates that he can’t even go to bed without Roman now. A tiny whimper captures his attention and Seth follows the noise. His breath catches as his inner thighs clench temptingly. Seth’s met with the delicious sight of a half-naked Roman, his back, and the man looks busy – with a diaper change for the baby maybe.

Seth observes the strong muscle, the beautiful freckles along Roman’s back. How is it possible for a man to be this perfect?

“What are you doing?” Seth asks hoarsely.

Roman looks over his shoulder, releases a low curse. The look in his eyes is indecipherable in the cool darkness. Why hasn’t he switched the light on? “Go back to bed. I got this.”

Seth does the opposite, and pads barefoot to where Roman is. “You’re doing it all wrong,” he murmurs, noticing how Roman is changing the little one’s diaper. “This is the back. Why didn’t you switch the bedside lamp on?”

“Didn’t want to wake you.”

“Yeah, well...you shouldn’t spare me at the expense of your daughter. She comes first, Roman,” it’s chiding – a little too cold but Seth doesn’t care. Roman should know better.

Roman says nothing, he nods. Seth helps him with the diaper change, and smiles as Keilani coos happily, little gurgling sounds falling off her cute little mouth. “She’s so beautiful,” He tells Roman, pretending not to notice how their fingers are touching. It’s hard not to when his dick is throbbing in between his thighs, heart jumping so hard he fears it might escape out of his mouth. “All done.”

Obsidian eyes regard him intensely, Seth fights for air, biting his bottom lip. “Thank you, Seth,” Roman tells him, shifting closer, so close that Seth can smell all of him and he just wants –

“Don’t!” A silent command, desperate. “Please don’t do this. I—I’m not ready.”

Roman freezes, looking lost a second before nodding. “Of course, I’m sorry.”

Seth ignores the apology. His attention goes back to the little cooing princess. “Has she been fed?”

“I was going to get to that.”

“I’ll sit with you.” Non-negotiable. As soon as Roman lifts his daughter in his arms (and she looks so tiny in them), they go to occupy the bed. Her bottle materializes in his hand, and Seth sits beside him, drawn to the sight of Roman handling the little one. It’s beautiful, and Seth is running a timid hand down her cheek, smiling as one of her hands come up to gently grip his finger.

His head rests on Roman’s shoulder, and he embraces the warmth curling inside his chest and around his heart. He wants to keep this moment forever.

* * *

Over the next few days, Seth keeps distant from Roman, only really interacting with him where Keilani is concerned. He doesn’t mean to be cold but he’s still thinking things through and he has started to conduct his own research on this polyamory thing. There are many articles, so many videos and source material to learn from that when he’s not busy at the hospital, Seth reads up as much as he can.

It’s weird, how some part of him starts to understand why a person would want to venture into something like that. Xavier was right about it not being entirely about sex. Seth learns that these dynamics form part of most cultures – for various reasons. Maybe both partners are bisexual and want to add another person in their relationship. Some people don’t want children, but maybe their partner does – and adding another person into their relationship might be beneficial. Some people just prefer groups because most humans are pack animals. There’s also financial ease and life being easier with more than one person.

But that’s polygamy...although Seth guesses it works for a polyamory dynamic as well. He reads and reads, watching interview upon interview. And while most people come up with good points, this open relationship thing also has it’s disadvantages. There’s jealousy. Couple’s privilege. Instability. But most of these people say they talk about things like that – and solve it through open communication.

_ “Why do people have multiple friends? How is it possible to love them all? Sure, they may be a favorite in there but that doesn’t mean one cares less for the others. Why do parents have the ability to love more than one child? Love isn’t static, it isn’t fixed. Love is fluid. It can be here and there. Love is flexible. A person can love more than one person at a time. Balance is what’s key.” _

The above, a passage from a lady involved with two men. The other partner is monogamous because that’s his preference but he doesn’t mind his wife being involved with the other guy because he isn’t ignorant to the fact that love is fluid. Besides, he knew from the beginning that his wife wasn’t monogamous – but despite this, she agreed to marry him because it doesn’t change her love for him. Seth listens to all this, and tries to be objective. Part of him understands, part of him doesn’t. Part of him hates that he had to be the one to develop feelings for a guy who’s into this sort of thing.

_ It’s not just about sex. _

Seth keeps reminding himself because Roman promised him he’d drop the sex. If it’s on an emotional level...it would be better than being emotionally cheated on with another person. That happened to his mother not too long ago. And maybe if that guy had talked to Seth’s mother perhaps they would’ve reached some sort of agreement. Seth doubts it, his mom doesn’t share. But had the guy been honest...

_ Roman was honest. _

It still doesn’t make Seth any less jealous about the prospect of sharing him.

* * *

When Mandy finally comes back, things are more difficult. It’s not helping that Seth feels a blinding jealousy whenever he sees Mandy talking with Roman. She comes to visit them often now and every time, Seth just barely stops himself from walking up to her and pulling her by her hair or clawing her eyes out. Each time he restrains himself by running to hide in the bathroom. Seth isn’t sure if Roman’s told her that they’ve had sex but he’s seen her scoff at him with disgust every time he limps into the Nicu. Jey and Jimmy are still here and they still laugh loudly that the limp hasn’t gone anywhere – it’s been five days now.

With Humberto, Seth is mostly indifferent – and it comes as a bit of a shock to him. Maybe it’s because some part of him believes that Roman only fucked him once. Maybe it’s because they happened before him (he really doubts this, because Roman with previous lovers still doesn’t sit well with him) and Humberto actually looks taken with the twins. Maybe it’s because Humberto is actually more bearable than Mandy Rose.

Seth appreciates Roman giving him the time to process this though, he appreciates how the older man takes his mood swings in stride – indulging Seth’s moody antics. It’s not that Seth is doing all of it on purpose. He’ll wake up and think he’s ready to talk, to compromise, and then he’ll change his mind and get angry. Last night, he went to Big Daddy’s, hoping to rid himself of his problems. Austin was there but it wasn’t the same – a kiss alone and he felt sick. So Seth went back home and took his frustrations out on Roman. It involved pointless yelling, over something as trivial as Roman cooking beef curry for dinner.

He felt bad about it but he didn’t apologize. But tonight, he’s decided to talk things out because he doesn’t want to subject Keilani to this kind of living situation. She’s supposed to be in a happy, healthy home...until her dad is ready to leave with her. The leaving situation makes Seth sick, filling him with cold dread. He doesn’t want Roman to leave.

Seth sits on the bed, watching the object of his thoughts stride in the bedroom, half-naked. He tries not to drool...too much. Roman’s scent drifts over the entire room, the smell of his body wash. He always smells so good. Seth’s dick does a curtsey, purring and throbbing at the glorious sight of a half-naked Roman’s. Having been caught at his obvious ogling, Seth shifts his gaze to Keilani’s bassinet. She’s fast asleep and looking beautifully content. They’ve been doing a great job with her. Seth is so happy that Roman makes her his first priority. He’s even given Seth the keys to his car because Seth wouldn’t let the other man drive him to work in the mornings. Even if after Roman arranged Mrs. Wilson to take care of his daughter for a few minutes while he drove Seth to work.

“I, uh, w-want us to...to talk, Row-man,” Seth whispers loud enough for Roman to hear as soon as the quarterback joins him in bed.

“Okay...” Roman leaves the bed, he grabs a chair in the bedroom, sitting down so he’s face to face with Seth.

Seth wishes the quarterback hadn’t done that but he supposes it doesn’t matter – as long as they’re looking at each other. “I...Row-man, thank you...I guess,” god, this is so hard. He’s not used to _ talking _like this. Why did he think this was a good idea? What if he embarrasses himself? What if Roman’s silence all this time meant he’s no longer interested?

No, no that can’t be possible. Just this morning Roman kissed his forehead and told him to have a great day at work. During lunch, Seth opened his lunch bag to find a new funny joke that Roman leaves him inside his lunchbox every morning. It was before he came back home that Roman called to ask Seth what he wants for dinner (probably to avoid last night’s drama). It was his velvety voice that told to be careful on the roads just before their call ended. It’s his arms that embrace Seth tightly each night, without fail, even when Seth isn’t the mood to talk, even when he’s angry at Roman.

He’s been a constant, unchanging, and unyielding. He’s not giving up.

“You...gave me the time to really think things through. Thank you,” Seth opens up, looking at the bedsheets, Roman’s stares are always intense but when he looks so serious, Seth can hardly breathe. The man regards him like he’s the only thing in the world. The only thing that matters. “I hated being so distant, I don’t want to f-feel that _ alone _again. Anytime I’m away from you that’s how I feel. It’s not fair. You just waltz your way into my life and make me feel things, and as I’m processing that, you drop another bomb on me. I – I really don’t like sharing.”

Roman nods but his expression gives nothing away, “Did you at least read up on this?”

A timid nod.

Roman exhales quietly, his hand gently brushing Seth’s knee. “It doesn’t have to be more than a simple emotional connection. I’m choosing you, why won’t you see that?”

“Does this mean we’re a couple?” The question is so desperate, so soft. Any other time, Seth would be embarrassed about his vulnerability but it happens too many times around Roman that he’s learning to accept it. But some days are easier than others. “I refuse to be anything but your main. Mandy...Mandy comes second. Yes, it’s selfish but choose me.”

Roman observes him a second, with that annoying ‘who birthed you?’ expression. “I just chose you,” his arms are around Seth next. Hugging the younger man so tight Seth is struggling to breathe, but at the same time, he is breathing better than he has in the past few days. “Mandy understands, she understands more than you think.”

Somehow, Seth doubts it.

“You can s-still kiss her – maybe her forehead. Your kisses are the best. You can hug her too,” Seth mumbles against Roman’s chest, wetting his golden skin with tears. “You’re choosing me, Row-man. Maybe...one day, I’ll fully understand t-this, accept it. Right now, this is all I can give you. I’m sorry,” and it’s the _ weirdest _thing learning to apologize to Roman, to admit to his weaknesses but maybe Roman won’t use them against him. Maybe he cares just as much.

“Just...tell me. When shit becomes too hard for you to bear, tell me so that I can...” Roman clears his throat, “We're going to go with the flow.”

“I’m sorry for imposing on you.”

“You’re not,” Roman sounds genuine, kissing Seth’s temple, “I have you, don’t I? And I still have Mandy too – just differently. Ultimately, I care for you both. And you compromised by agreeing to share me with her. And with Mandy, there’s more to her than meets the eye.”

The way Roman talks about Mandy causes Seth’s heart to clench. It’s so easy to tell that he genuinely cares about her – and Seth wonders how deep their connection is. Does it run deeper than the one Roman has with him? Seth shakes his head. This isn’t a competition...it shouldn’t be. Why should he question something that’s there? Him and Roman, they make sense somehow. Seth feels it in how he always reacts to Roman’s embraces, melting into him as if there’s no place he’d rather be.

“You’re not going to change your mind and want even more people, will you?”

“Not anytime soon,” Roman kisses his hair.

Strangely, the reply is enough for Seth, calms him. Like he told Roman, maybe one day he’ll fully understand this human desire to be with more than one person but right now, right now he wants to keep Roman all to himself. Yes, he’s not getting that. Not completely. But at least the man won’t be fucking that blonde. At least they’ll be giving their bodies to just each other. And Roman choosing to sacrifice for him makes him with emotion, he can only hope that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to return the favor. Or maybe not. No, he doesn’t want to share Roman like that.

“Then Mandy is yours.”

“Thank you, Sethiel,” a smidgen of amusement. Roman’s face goes inside Seth’s neck, and the younger man squirms happily in his arms. He’s already feeling the warmth bloom within – nothing quite compares to it. “Mandy will be pleased to know.”

“She’s your side chick that means she get your liver,” Seth turns in Roman’s embrace, meeting his clear face. He looks happier, less troubled. Seth forgets that this may’ve impacted him too. “But your heart is mine, I need it.”

Roman cocks an eyebrow, “I like you demanding.”

“I like you compliant,” Seth counters, nuzzling Roman’s bearded cheek, “I’m scared as heck to call you my boyfriend. But you’re my boyfriend.”

“I thought I was Daddy too,” still so amused. Roman kisses Seth’s forehead in that way that makes the younger man feel like the most treasured person in the world.

“Daddy, baby, Romie – all of it. All of it wrapped in the gift of a boyfriend.”

“Good. That’s settled then.”

Seth smiles too damn wide. “Kiss me...kiss me,” he whispers against Roman’s lips.

_ Please love me. _

_ **Keilani ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and Seth cracking out Roman's name whenever emotional is my headcanon so it'll probably happen in most of my stories. That's how I hear it in my head


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Please read the tags, also this is super long...like really, really long. Sorry 🤷

Seth wakes up to an empty bed and the small sounds of an unhappy baby. He sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and gazes at the bedside clock. 04:39am. Jeez, that’s a good twenty-one minutes of sleep that he’s going to have to bypass. _ You’re not very convincing, _his mind scoffs at him. Okay, so maybe Seth doesn’t mind being woken up so early in the morning. He adores Keilani – and he should probably give her his attention, find out what’s wrong since her father is nowhere in sight.

“Morning, latiiti.” He picks her up, swaying her gently in his arms, as big brown eyes look up at him. The little one is clearly irritable, and squirming like a cute kitten in his embrace. A foul smell drifts over Seth’s nostrils, he smiles as he realizes what the precious flower needs. “You hate the stench too, don’t you?”

Making quick work of changing Keilani’s diaper, Seth cleans his hands with a baby wipe and disposes of it in the bin. He carries Keilani to the living room just as the front door opens and in walks her father. Roman was out jogging, he’s all heaving chest and sexily sweaty. Seth bites his lip, feeling his dick purr at the sight. “Hey,” Roman removes his earpods, “She up? Sorry, thought I could sneak in something quick. Off season training ain’t that far.”

“’S okay.”

“Are you hungry?” Seth follows behind Roman, to the kitchen. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Anything you make is good,” Seth murmurs, watching Roman move around with the grace of a renowned chef who knows his way around the kitchen. He does. The others have hinted at Seth looking thicker now, and he blames it on the usually Samoan cuisine that Roman feeds him. He’s not too upset about it, the food is delicious. Content snuffling sounds capture his attention, and he beams down at Keilani, who is going to town on her bottle. “Look at you being all cute,” he says softly, heart fluttering.

“How did you sleep?”

“Fine,” _ with your arms around me. _Seth doesn’t say that. There’s only so much of his weakness he can allow Roman to see. “You?”

“Sleeping next to you is quite an experience,” Roman says casually, he places a plateful of food in front of Seth. Full English crumpet sandwich, overflowing with sausages, bacon, fried egg and baked beans. “Breakfast for the Bambi eyed beauty,” is said teasingly. The plate is so beautifully decorated, something out of a cooking TV show. Roman’s creativity in the kitchen is something Seth will never get used to.

“Thank you, Romie,” is said absently, as Seth gives Keilani to her father. He digs in, the scent of freshly brewed coffee seducing his nostrils. “This is really good.”

Roman grins self-satisfactorily, “I’m glad you approve, your highness,” the gentlest kiss touches Seth’s hair. He melts into it, and then Roman’s gone. Seth’s food tastes exceptionally delicious today, his coffee a little more sweeter. The kitchen is a little warmer. He knows why, and he smiles to himself.

****

Seth has just checked the thirty weeker in his care by obtaining her vital signs, measuring her abdominal girth that he’s recorded on her chart when Beth approaches him and tells him about the impending delivery of a thirty-three weeker over in labor and delivery. He will have to attend to the resuscitation of the new infant in L&D. Giving report on baby Cooper’s health info to Bayley, he follows Beth outside where he’ll attend to the delivery and admission of the new baby.

Seth sets up his admit bed, confirms that all of his equipment is functioning, and then waits with Beth until they receive the delivery call. They don’t wait very long, and he follows after his colleagues – comprising of a nurse practitioner, a respiratory therapist and a neonatology fellow. Ten minutes later, a baby boy appears in the resuscitation room. They dry and stimulate him, ensuring that his vitals are within normal limits. Luckily, in the case of this baby, he was pink, crying and overall very healthy despite being over a month early (he got a five-minute APGAR score of 10, which is the rarest of rare).

The little one’s admission was very smooth, and they’re all lucky enough that the mom is able to see and hold her baby for a few minutes. Seth later gives her an update on how well her son is doing before going to find Beth to inform her that he’ll be stepping off of the unit, to enjoy a brief five minutes of decompression time.

He snacks on a granola bar, checks his phone, and finds a text from Roman. He’s checking in, and has sent a picture of how content Keilani looks. _ ‘think I’ve got this daddy thing down. look at that smile' _the message says. Seth shakes his head, he doesn’t want to laugh but he does – and it’s ridiculous. Roman makes his soul smile. He also has a message from his mom, she’s asking for a loan. A thousand dollars. Seth nearly suffers a heart attack. Why the fuck would she need so much money?

Not asking, he replies and tells her that he’ll have to check his account. He’s going to give her the money, of course, because he’d do anything for his mom but this will set him back on his own savings toward that car that he wants to buy. It sucks so fucking badly but he doesn’t want to appear ungrateful. She’s done so much for him that he’d give her the world if he could.

The morning goes by pretty quietly – the beeping monitors and the mellow swishing sounds of the ventilators and the occasional cries of one or two babies keeping them company. When lunch time comes around, Seth is so ravenous he’d eat an entire elephant by himself. His footsteps falter outside the food court as he notices Mandy sitting at their table, with the others. Alexa is clearly displeased, and if her stare could kill, Mandy would be six feet under by now. Seth can’t say he blames his best friend. What is the plastic doll doing at their table?

“What are you doing here?” he can’t hide his irritation, and glares down at the Barbie doll.

“Last time I checked this was a free country which means I can sit wherever I want to,” Mandy’s lips stretch into a self-satisfied smile. “And you’re the last one to complain. I thought you didn’t mind sharing.”

A slither of annoyance prickles down Seth’s skin, his cheeks growing warm, volatility punching his throat. He knows she’s doing this to get under his skin and he hates that it’s working. If it weren’t for the lessons his mom gave him, a hot slap would be landing on her nauseatingly rosy cheek. “You know what, you’re not worth the effort. Not an empty head like yourself.”

The others giggle. Mandy fake smiles. “Is that so?”

Seth ignores her, and asks Alexa about a TV show that Roman was talking about this morning. He’s still so aware of Mandy Rose though, her presence, that disgusting flowery scent of her. Roman told him that he’d talk to her about the agreement they reached last night, they still need to set up boundaries and rules though. With the way Seth is feeling now, he’s not sure he’ll be reasonable when the time comes. He just doesn’t see it.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! What the hell is so funny?” Alexa snaps at the other blonde, and Seth can’t say he blames her. Mandy’s grating laugh was getting to him too.

“Nothing, I’m sorry,” the bitch doesn’t sound very sorry. She’s looking at him, and Seth rolls his eyes. “Romie just has the best sense of humor. It’s a beautiful quality in a man, isn’t?”

Seth stiffens, his heart jumping to his throat. This is a dig at him, he knows it. But is Mandy really talking to Roman – and if yes, what about? He tries not to let his mind run away with him, but it is, and like an enemy taunting him with every gut-wrenching possibility known to mankind. He tries not to show he’s affected but his heart is tattering piece by piece but he doesn’t want to give Mandy the satisfaction of knowing that he’s affected.

The others are talking, Alexa handing out her own sassy quip to the other woman. Seth doesn’t think he has it in him, the others don’t even know that Roman became his boyfriend last night. Well, Alexa suspects something but she doesn’t know for sure. He wants to tell them but figures what’s the point when Mandy is still in the picture? When she can come and do _ this. _Ridicule him in front of his friends. He’s...ashamed, and hates her but hates himself as well. Since when did he become so desperate?

“I think I need the bathroom, you guys,” he tells the others, grabbing his lunch tin and choosing to walk away. Mandy’s malicious stare is the last thing he sees as he makes an escape.

All the bathroom stalls are open. Seth heaves a sigh of relief. He doesn’t need the toilet, not so much as he craves the solitude. There’s too much going on with his eyes – too much emotion. He wants to cry but will not subject himself to that weakness. What will he be crying for? He allowed this to happen to him. He _ chose _ to continue with Roman, went against everything he believes in for this one man. So why should he cry? He doesn’t recognize this vulnerable creature looking back at him. _ Come on, Rollins, snap out of it! _He screams at his reflection.

The only ‘snapping out of it’ his reflection grants him is a lone tear that trickles down his cheek. His hands are shaking, body feeling tormentingly sick. God, isn’t he pathetic? Maybe, maybe he should tell Roman that he spoke to soon. Seth can’t do this, he doesn’t compete for a male human’s attention. He loves himself enough that he doesn’t need it from Roman. He doesn’t, does he? Now, Mandy’s dragging him to her level, and he’s this...bitter mess. _ Break it off, get it over and done with, _ his mind screams, practically begging him. _ Give him a chance, just one, _the heart pleads.

Seth doesn’t know if he can. Last night, when they talked, he thought he could. Mandy’s taunting is telling him otherwise. _ Since when do you care about what she says? _His heart scoffs, and that’s true but it’s different when it feels like he’s fighting over a male human. He’s never degraded himself like that, his mom would be so disappointed. She’d tell him Roman’s not worth the effort if she knew his struggle. Seth feels the same way too, his mind at least – ever logical and heartless – but his heart aches for what could be...maybe, maybe Roman will realize that Seth deserves better. Maybe Seth should...

No. No more sacrifices.

Seth leaves the bathroom a few minutes later, he doesn’t know what to do.

* * *

The mood swings will not go away as long as Seth is still in the same vicinity Mandy Rose. Seriously, St. Anderson’s is too small a hospital for both of them. Between seeing her on a near daily basis and glaring every time she’s on her phone (because illogical heart couldn’t give two fucks about heartless brain’s pride) because maybe she’s speaking to Roman, Seth is sure he’ll go crazy. He tries not to let his personal life affect his job. As stubborn as his heart is, Seth does his best to not compromise where his job is concerned. He’d rather die than have a baby die in his care because of negligence on his part.

At home, not much has changed...well that’s what Seth thinks, he’s not sure. Roman’s kind, like usual, and for the past two days, they’ve gone through this polyamory relationship thing again. On paper, it sounds lovely, doable even – at least for the couples they’ve encountered – and that is why Seth had decided to give it a chance, he didn’t want Roman to think he’s selfish, didn’t want to lose him. So he agreed. But seeing Mandy, day in day out, is testing his strength on a lot of things. His patience. His tolerance. His mind. His heart. Him. All of him.

Seth tries not to alert Roman to his true feelings, tries not to show the internal war he’s going through. He doesn’t want to appear weak. At the same, he doesn’t want to appear dishonest – he did say he was fine with this, didn’t he? Maybe he just needs to get used to it. Besides, jealousy is a normal emotion – everyone feel jealous from time to time. He just hopes Roman doesn’t feel the resentment in his kisses. Hopes the detached hugs aren’t felt by the other man. He can only hope his voice isn’t too cold or dismissive when the older man engages him in conversations.

Part of him hates Roman right now, Seth can’t lie. That same part thinks he should end things now before they can really get complicated. The other half doesn’t want to. It’s persistent about giving Roman a chance. That same half is reminding him that Roman hasn’t changed, and is giving him the attention he deserves, to the point of surrealism. Then the antagonizing half will tell him it’s not enough. It will remind him of how low he’s stooping because nothing tops having your own person, someone to call _ yours _– in every context. But what’s the point of having this one person if they don’t treat you right? The other half will argue, recalling Mrs. Rogers, Mr. Hudson, Ms. Nightingale. The heart and the brain can’t seem to agree on anything, and Seth, he feels like he’s a paper drifting in the direction the wind takes him – sometimes he’s hot, sometimes he’s cold.

“So do you think Roman will love the dresses I got his little princess?” Alexa asks conversationally as she reverses the car, driving away from the clothing store they were just in. It’s their shared off day, and Seth took the opportunity to escape Roman with stark enthusiasm. Today’s his cold day – they’re having a meeting with Mandy Rose later on, to discuss the terms and conditions of this...arrangement.

Seth shrugs, “Roman wouldn’t know fashion if it hit him in the eye, Lex. He’s lucky he has a personal shopper. Keilani would be wearing the most hideous things otherwise.”

Alexa giggles, eyes ever vigilant on the road, fingers tapping on her pink steering wheel. “You make a valid point, actually. Well, I love Disney and I think Moana’s cute. He should love it.”

Seth hums, he says nothing. Today, he sent his mom the money she asked for – and her relief was palpable. He did find himself asking what she needed it for but she gave him the run around. He would’ve thought she needed it for that South African trip that he surprised her with – but that was nearly two weeks ago. She was supposed to start here before going back to her apartment in Minnesota. She lives in St. Paul, a move she made not too long after Seth went to college. Her life seems to be jovial, and she’s always having fun. Seth is happy for her. Anyway, she never came and went to their childhood home instead, where the house is Mr. Evans’ care. Seth doesn’t know why, he never asked.

“Quick lunch to refill?” Alexa cuts through his musings again.

Seth peers outside, notices they’re parked at their favorite burger joint, and then nods with a sigh. The place isn’t particularly filled for a Friday but it’s still early – 01:30pm – and most people are at work around this time of the day.

“I’ll take the, uh, Philly burger. Extra on the crinkle fries, please,” Seth tells their young waitress.

“Grilled chicken sandwich for me,” Alexa places her order, and the young lady walks away. “Have you seen Xavier yet? Last night, Randy didn’t want anyone in his hospital room – the bloody psycho.”

Their drinks arrive before Seth can reply. He sips the ice cold Coke and sighs contently before replying, “Only reason I got to see the baby was because I was assigned to help out in the delivery room,” he chuckles. Randy and Xavier’s little one finally arrived, nearly ten days late but she’s here and Xavier was over the moon, the delivery process was a breeze for him. He was talking and laughing throughout the entire thing. “Randy delivered her. He was crying but Xavier was laughing and calling him a baby. We promised we’d keep our mouths shut...”

Alexa giggles, her eyes fiery as she ogles her food. It looks and smells delicious. “What’s her name?”

“Leia Amare,” Seth says with a smile, “Xavier picked them.”

“Let me guess. Princess Leia from Star Wars?”

“He’s a nerd through and through,” Seth chews on a fry, “But Randy picked the boys’ names so it’s only fair that Xavier picked a name this time.”

“Agreed.”

They stay at the burger joint long after they’ve finished their food. It’s nice, being out like this. Seth forgets that he works too hard sometimes, even compromising getting some personal time to actually relax and be present – as himself rather than the workaholic everyone is used to. He has a good time, Alexa tells him about someone that she’s met online, won’t reveal his name though, it’s too soon apparently. She asks him about Roman. What’s it like staying with him? Is he a neat freak? Has Seth already seen him naked?

It’s all so ridiculous, Seth is uncharacteristically flustered, like he usually is at the mention of Roman’s name. The butterflies in his belly are making it hard for him to swallow his soda. He doesn’t want to smile too much, not as the love collides with the dejection, the resentment. He despises how nothing else seems to matter at the mere mention of the quarterback’s name. Roman drives him crazy – in every possible way.

“A little fact about Roman Reigns,” Seth confides naughtily as Alexa drops him off outside his house, “He’s a cuddler...oh, and he makes sure I_ finish first... _ sometimes _ untouched._ Amazing, huh?” he exits the car, feeling satisfied. Alexa’s jaw is touching the ground, she’s calling after him but Seth will pretend he can’t hear her.

****

“Seth, come on. You’re being unreasonable now,” Roman murmurs, sounding mildly annoyed. He is looking between Seth and Mandy Rose – the blonde looks unperturbed but there’s this mysterious vibe she’s giving off that Seth doesn’t like, further cementing his resolve.

“I don’t think so, Roman,” Seth returns coolly, biting back an insult as he regards his boyfriend squarely. Boyfriend. The concept of having one is still so weird to him. Perhaps he’ll get used to it eventually. Perhaps it has to do with him still struggling to come to terms with sharing said boyfriend with _ Mandy _of all people. Perhaps he doesn’t want to share at all. Perhaps he should walk away...

“Yes, you are,” Roman is looking at him, his voice has gone back to it’s monotonous state. “When we went through this last night, you agreed to this. You can’t go back on your word now.”

Why not?

Seth doesn’t reply, choosing to focus on Mandy Rose instead. The more he looks at her, the more he finds himself feeling annoyed. Things aren’t changing just because they’re sharing a man. Nausea climbs to his throat, he swallows it down. They’re finally having the meeting to address the issue of boundaries. Last night, Seth gave out his own terms to the quarterback. Roman isn’t to spend the night at Mandy’s – that was nonnegotiable. Seth doesn’t trust both of them. If it were up to Seth, Roman wouldn’t go to Mandy’s at all but they negotiated this. The kisses are still limited to forehead kisses and hugs – parents kiss their children’s foreheads and hug them all the time. Seth will do his best to imagine that the nature of Roman and Mandy’s relationship is just as parental. Roman isn’t allowed to call Mandy his girlfriend. That’s no. Just no.

There’s so many rules and boundaries that Seth is getting suffocated. Yes, he set up most of them – to protect himself and to ensure that Roman won’t do anything he’s not supposed to. _ Can’t keep a man who doesn’t want to be kept, _ his brain scoffs, causing him to flinch. _ Roman seems different, _ his heart pleads the quarterback’s case. Seth can feel his brain scoff again, and he bites his bottom lip. _ Give him a chance, _the heart begs, cowering in the face of brain’s rebukement.

Roman’s lips are moving but Seth has no idea what the older man is saying. It’s like he blanked out for a few minutes. “—okay with her.” 

“What?”

“You’re getting what you want—”

“_Again. _Your highness,” Mandy interjects before Roman can continue, saccharine smile stretching her lips wide. It’s so sarcastic that Seth wants to rip those plump lips of hers off but he’s no woman beater.

“Baby doll,” Roman’s tone is calm. Bastard has the patience of a saint. “Behave. You know both of y’all might actually like each other if y’all weren’t so goddamn stubborn.”

Seth looks past Mandy, to the open window in the living room. Nope. He can’t see any pigs flying.

“Look, can we wrap this up?” Mandy looks at her watch. “It’s 08:00, I’ve got quite a long drive to make,” as she says that, her accusing glare is aimed at Seth.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Seth murmurs sweetly, folding his arms on his chest. He refuses to allow Roman’s plastic doll to intimidate him. Surely she didn’t think she’d make the rules and climb on his head. His brain compliments him on standing firm but his heart clenches with guilt. This isn’t how this was supposed to happen. Initially, they agreed that Roman and Mandy could have their own personal time three days a week. To talk and hang out. But Seth changed his mind, this morning he woke up and told himself no. Why would they need that many days together anyway? “It’s still one day?”

“No,” Roman frowns, “Two days. You’re getting what you want because we’ve reduced this from three days to two but it’s not going to be one day. Put yourself in Mandy’s shoes—”

“I’d rather walk barefoot on fire,” Seth quips.

“You wouldn’t afford a pair anyway,” Mandy replies, her smile smacking Seth on the face.

“I beg to differ. Money doesn’t buy style.” Roman’s sigh reaches Seth’s ears but he ignores it. “I mean look at you.”

“That’s quite enough,” Roman says firmly. His eyes are dancing with laughter. Seth wants to smile but he’s not even sure what the boyfriend finds funny. “You both should consider venturing into comedy. Or starting that Kardashian TV shit. You’re melodramatic enough to make it successful.”

“And you should stick to football,” Seth returns, glaring at the gorgeous bastard. The audacity of Roman to smile and take Seth’s breath away. How dare he! “Career counselor clearly isn’t the job for you.”

“Tell me about it,” Mandy huffs.

Roman’s smile turns devilish. He’s smirking. “Look at you, agreeing on something.”

Seth peers at Mandy. She looks as nauseated as he feels.

Before any of them can say anything, the baby monitor makes a small sound. Small whimpers that hint at Keilani waking up. Seth is about to offer to go check on her (it’s the only way that he can safely guarantee that he won’t do anything crazy to Mandy) when Roman stands. He gives Mandy a hug, whispers sweet nothings (Seth is assuming with the way she melts in his arms) as she smiles. It’s her first genuine smile since she came here. “Tomorrow?”

“Yes, baby girl,” Roman kisses her forehead. It’s too intimate. Seth fights back the jealousy, and looks away. “Have a great night, Mandy.”

“Not without you, I won’t.”

Could she be more desperate?

Seth rolls his eyes, standing to his feet. He wants to walk the plastic doll to the door but Mandy is standing in place, regarding him with this shady look that irritates him. What is she looking for?

“Are you looking to go or something? You’re not welcome to spend the night, Barbie.”

Mandy beams, shaking her head. “I have to admit, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

What is the plastic doll talking about now?

“What?” Seth hates that he’s even indulging her.

“This arrangement thing. When Roman said he likes you, I never thought you’d spread those thunder thighs standing on stick legs. But you’re no better than us, are you?”

“Me and you aren’t in the same category, Mandy. Don’t forget that.”

“True,” Mandy inspects a manicured nail, “I am on my way to being a celebrity. Did you see my pictures on _ OK! _magazine?_” _she asks, satisfaction found in her voice. “From when I was in New York. The way the people were pointing and taking my pictures, you’d swear I was famous or something.”

“So you only care about the fame?”

“No,” she snorts, like Seth is stupid for even thinking that. He’s not. “Unlike you, some of us can actually care about more than one thing at a time. Romie knows I care for him, I actually know him better than you..._ self-proclaimed boyfriend_. But I’m not going to pretend I’m not enjoying the fame that comes with being with him. It’s not my fault he’s famous.”

“Whatever,” Seth rolls his eyes. He just wants her gone.

Mandy chuckles again, the sound is grating, so goddamn malicious that it pierces into the walls. “I mean you’ve always been the predictable type but _ submissive? _ Who knew you were so weak? You’ve always talked this big talk about male humans...blah, blah, blah. And then you go and do the opposite of what you preach and not only fall in bed with one but agree to sharing him as well? So accepting, how _ submissive _ of you.”

“I don’t submit to any man!” Seth snaps, internally flinching as soon as he betrays his emotions. This bitch! “Why do you think Roman’s mine and not yours? He’s _ my _ boyfriend – you’re just an afterthought. Why do you think he agreed to my terms and conditions? He cares about what I think.” And he hates that he’s even having this argument, stooping this _ low _ – as if proving her right.

Mandy’s smile grows wider.

“So you’re saying you’re a submissive, controlling bitch?”

She’s not worthy of a response. Seth doesn’t even bother.

“Anyway, Roman cares about _ you _as a person. He’s not too bothered about what people think,” Mandy says matter-of-factly, looking at Seth like she’s just one upped him. “I know you like to think Roman’s world revolves around you, sweet cheeks, but newsflash, he feels about you like he feels about the rest of us.”

“He wouldn’t have agreed to be my boyfriend if he didn’t like me,” Seth shakes his head, wondering why he’s even explaining himself.

“Or maybe he did it because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. A dramatic clingy thing like yourself? You’re like a touch starved puppy begging for love and affection. I’d relent and give into your desperate begging, too.”

“Is that what he said?” as soon as the words leave him, Seth flinches, hating the hurt he’d detected in his voice. His mind is running away with him, question upon question popping up – all so uncoordinated.

“No, of course not,” Mandy rolls her eyes, “Although...you don’t trust him as well? But this is guy you want to claim as your boyfriend? Why, Mandy you’ve got your job cut out for you,” she draws her hand forward, beaming brightly, “May the best _ woman _win, Seth.”

Seth looks at her hand, then her, and snorts. He walks past her, opening the door. “Leave my house,” his voice is cold, trembling. He hates it. She’s riling him up and it’s working. He hates her. “Right now!”

On her way out, Mandy pecks his cheek. Seth doesn’t have the time to react to it. “Of course. Have _ fun _ for both of us, won’t you? I’ll see you around.”

_ Mandy 2 : Seth 0 _

His brain is taunting, Seth wants to rip out of his head. He needs air, feels so suffocated. Leaving the house, he doesn’t bother with so much as note to Roman. Fuck him. Fuck him to the deepest pits of hell.

****

“Where have you been, Seth?”

A startled scream jumps out of Seth’s mouth, hazy gaze adjusting to the darkness of his living room. Why does this fucking bastard always do this? Who sits in the darkness like a demented psychopath? His fucking boyfriend, that’s who. Boyfriend? Seth giggles, doesn’t know what’s funny though.

“Are you fucking drunk?” Roman’s voice is cold, an aroused shiver runs down Seth’s spine at how angry the older man sounds. He’s too close now, gripping Seth’s arm. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You,” Seth giggles, looking up at Roman. He is sooo beautiful – all Michaelangelo statue like, the face of a god. Or maybe a devil. He’s a bad guy. Bad guys want the whole world. Roman wants him and that witch. “I fucking hate you.”

Roman snorts, “So you go out and get drunk? You don’t talk to me. How did you get home?”

“Austin,” comes the ‘duh’ reply. “He wanted to f-fuck but I told him _ nooo. _I’m a kept man now, Theory. I’m, um, committed to my Daddy but he don’t love me.”

A frown appears to be scrunching Roman’s gorgeous features but not much of anything is making sense to Seth at the moment. A sigh. “You’re not in the position to be talked with at the moment. Come, let’s go to bed.”

“Kinky!” Seth giggles. He rests his head on Roman’s chest, allows himself to be carried the rest of the way to the bedroom. He’s asleep even before they can reach it.

* * *

There’s someone drilling a hole into his head.

Loud and unforgiving.

Seth groans in pain, as it suddenly feels like the torture is spreading to every inch of his body. His stomach is churning, hot with nausea and revulsion. Ugh, what happened? The memories come crashing back like scenes from a bad rom-com, haunting him. Big Daddy’s. He went to Big Daddy’s last night – after that whole Mandy Rose debacle. Austin was there, Seth caught him just before his shift could end. They drank, and danced, drank again and again and again. Seth flinches inwardly, and rubs his face frustratedly. At least he didn’t cheat on Roman. He needs to practise what he preaches. But then again, he’s not with Roman every hour of the day so he doesn’t know...

“You’re awake,” a deep voice captures his attention. Seth’s insides quiver, his dick whimpering at the sound of the deep baritone of his boyfriend’s voice. A fluster colors his cheeks pink. Will he ever not be affected by this man? “How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts,” a small croak.

“Good.”

Bastard!

Seth leaves the bed, whimpering as the sunlight hits his eyes. “What’s the time?”

“05:16am.”

Shit! How could be so careless?

“I have to get ready for work.”

“Relax, you’re going to be late anyway,” Roman stops his panicked movements, “I already called Alexa. She said she’d report for you to your charge nurse. Take these pills. I’m making breakfast.”

Seth watches him walk away, the door closing silently. He exhales loudly, relieved, surprised. Shouldn’t Roman be mad at him or something? Or was Seth’s mind creating phantom memories? No. He remembers leaving last night. Keilani’s beautiful face captures his attention before he can leave the bedroom. She’s so peaceful, her little eyelids twitching just a little. Seth gently brings her into his embrace, a frustrated tear slipping past. “I’m so sorry, princess,” he murmurs softly, swaying her in his arms tenderly. “I messed up.”

The beautiful princess coos in return and squirms in his arms, tiny arms and legs outstretching. Seth sways her lovingly, and soothes her back to sleep. He’s still beating himself up in the bathroom as he showers. Still beating himself up as he returns to the bedroom to get dressed. This continues until his mind snaps at him for caring so much. It’s kinda hard not to care when Seth loves Roman’s daughter. As soon as he realizes, he freezes in the hallway. Oh, shit...how could this happen? And so soon. He shakes his head, hoping that he won’t start behaving like the little one’s mommy, prays he won’t go crazy.

Roman’s sitting at the breakfast table, he’s eating. Seth joins him, and it’s silent. He’s squirming though, occasionally sneaking glances at Roman to try and figure the man out. Are they not going to confront last night? Seth behaved irresponsibly – it was so unlike him but he finds himself doing things he never thought he’d do since Roman came into his life. _ Weak, _ Mandy had said last night. _ Submissive. _His heart folds in on itself, a taunting shiver shooting down his spine.

“What you did last night, make sure it never happens again,” Roman says it softly, there’s an intimidating air to him that makes Seth squirm like a skittish cat. “I don’t want my daughter exposed to any negativity.”

Seth looks down – ashamed. Any other time and he’d stand his ground but Keilani matters here. Seth should’ve done anything but what he did last night. He meant what he said, when he said he wants Keilani in a happy, healthy home. “I’m sorry for inconveniencing Keilani,” he returns, making sure that Roman knows he’s not sorry for the other things. The bastard’s bitch insulted him in his own home and she wasn’t completely wrong – a tough pill to swallow – but Seth isn’t going to end this stupid relationship with Roman...because his heart is the most useless organ in the world.

****

Seth is more than ready to go home when it’s finally knock off time. He’s tired, but it’s more mental exhaustion than it is physical. Mandy has turned kind out of the blue – all sweet words and fake smiles. Seth isn’t fooled one bit by the fake gestures, knows it’s her way of getting to him, inside his mind. The simplest task that Beth or Nattie gave him and she’d gain the biggest smile as he followed through. An even bigger one would appear each time she spotted him sneaking glances when she was on her phone. It’s like she has this invisible power over him, to taunt him and cause him to self-doubt.

More than anything, Seth would love to tell Roman. To scream at the other man for subjecting him to this but is it his fault really? He didn’t force Seth into this agreement. But Roman hasn’t yielded either – or maybe he has but it’s still so pointless. It will remain pointless as long Mandy is in the picture. Seth thought it would get easier, this arrangement but this is a test that he feels is bigger than him. He’s struggling, and he hates to admit it. The only reason he isn’t breaking down and accepting defeat is because he’s never been the type to. He’s a fighter, has fought all his life to get what he wants – even this career. He’s succeeded even when it seemed impossible.

But what is he really fighting for now? Would it not be better if he gave up? If he does give up, won’t he be going against everything he stands for? Has he not done that already? By allowing himself to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want him alone.

Seth arrives home at 07:00pm – the house is quiet. He enters the hallway, opens the bedroom, and is surprised to find Roman dressed like he’s going out. He’s gorgeous as hell – in black jeans and a grey long-sleeved Henley shirt. It hugs his body beautifully and Seth is speechless for a good second, too busy drooling. “Hey, shower and get dressed. We’re leaving in thirty.”

Okay...

Where are they going?

Seth notices Keilani’s bag on top of the bed – as well as a black suitcase next to the bed. Is this a long trip they’ll be taking? Seth doesn’t think it’s safe for Keilani. She’s still so young.

“Dr. Orton gave the go-ahead. Keilani is perfectly healthy to travel with,” the older man says as if he’s reading Seth’s mind. “Go, Seth. You have...twenty-eight minutes.”

The audacity of Roman to tell him what to do...

A shiver down his spine. Begrudgingly, Seth nods his head, and starts to remove his scrubs. As he’s taking off his underwear, he bends over right in Roman’s view and wriggles his ass on purpose, for good measure – to annoy Roman. Looking over his shoulder, Seth huffs an annoyed breath at the cocked eyebrow he receives in response.

Roman has already carried their bags to the car. Seth carries Keilani’s infant car seat and opts to sit at the back so that he can take care of her. Roman asks him about his day. Seth is vague in his reply, won’t let the son of a bitch know how much his girlfriend taunts him at work. He refuses to downgrade himself to a whiny thing who can’t hold his own against that plastic doll. But sometimes, fighting back just seems pointless, like he’s stooping even lower. He’s always so conflicted.

His, “Where are we going?” questions are met with a, “You’ll see,” response, much to the younger man’s displeasure. Roman is clearly unbothered by Seth’s loud and childish exhales. His ballads drift over the car – a song titled ‘Can you stop the rain?’ creates the mellow mood, and the bastard is humming quietly to himself, long, beautiful fingers tapping on the steering wheel.

Seth falls in and out of sleep a few times but he’s fully awake as they drive through a thick forest and he swears he can hear it humming all around him. “Are you planning to traffic me or something?” Seth asks, half joking, half serious. 

Roman’s inquiring stare meets Seth’s on the rearview mirror, “You think I’d traffic you?” his lips are twitching.

“Don’t know,” Seth shrugs, noticing that the further they drive, the woods seem to be thinning. “Don’t you have ties to the Mafia or something?”

Roman cocks an eyebrow, “Why, because I’m Italian?”

“No,” Seth rolls his eyes, “I once saw pictures of you with that Jon Moxley character and he’s friends with that Gagliano guy.”

“Jon’s an MMA fighter. Giuseppe Gagliano is a respected businessman, he invests his money wisely and where there’s growth. Jon’s that growth. How many matches has he lost? I’ll wait.”

Well, Seth doesn’t know much about this MMA stuff. All he knows is that he’s googled Roman and found pictures of him and that Jon guy. He never thought much of it because he didn’t even know Roman was...what is this man’s sexuality?

“So what you’re bi-curious?”

“No, I’m Roman. Just Roman – no labels,” the older man replies, seeming to read Seth’s mind as he adds, “Jon and I have been friends since college. He has a type and I am not it.”

“But is he yours?”

The look of disgust on Roman’s face tells Seth all he needs to know. He lets out a breath he doesn’t know he was holding, and looks outside because the car has stopped. Wow. Seth marvels at the sight in front of him, breath snatched by this beauty he’s seeing. Before him is a house that could very well be the most beautiful one he’s ever seen. The house is a series of rectangles constructed of steel and glass. It’s unapologetically modern and stands amidst the tall trees, glorious and commanding all the attention. The lights are on, and from where Seth is, he can spot the elegant kitchen.

Why are they here?

Roman grabs their luggage and Seth carries Keilani’s car seat, she didn’t once wake up on their drive here but it wasn’t a long drive – just three hours. They’re in Chicago, in a hidden gemstone that only Roman knows about apparently. Seth’s breathing easier, surrounded by the serene, beautiful nature. The leaves crunch delicately beneath his feet, but he doesn’t have much time to appreciate all this beauty as Roman’s fingers weave in his and he guides them to the front door. Seth is quite surprised to see what looks like another house, more modest, a distance away. He’s assuming it belongs to the two men they greet at the front door. They’re both big as fuck, resemble bodyguards actually.

Roman greets them like they’re lifelong buddies and hugs them both. Seth bites back the jealousy and the irrational fear that maybe Roman’s had something with both of them before. This dating business is not easy. Seth barely pays them any mind as they greet him though and ignores Roman’s curious glance. The front door is metallic and opens with both a key pad and biometric scanner. The inside of the house is minimalist – the walls are fashionable shades of white and the polished floor concrete. There is no clutter of shoes or jackets to show that the house is well-lived in. Despite the large open nature of the house and it’s elegance and sleekness, there’s something warm about it. Like a cabin of sorts. Seth loves the kitchen the most, large enough for an army of chefs, there are two ovens and acres of brown flecked white granite on which to prepare food.

Roman pulls him away, to the wide hallway, and then he opens an intimidatingly polished door. It’s an en-suite room with a modern California king bed as the centerpiece, no headboard, just glossy black murals as the wallpaper from where the bed starts all the way up to the wall. The bedroom’s as minimalistic as the rest of the house, no TV. In fact, Seth is yet to spot one. He doesn’t question why they’re here, not on the first night, he’s tired and goes to bed.

* * *

They go grocery shopping, and spend most of the morning outside. Roman bypassed any disguises which means that people ask for pictures and say a lot of things – this is Chicago after all, home to Roman’s team’s biggest rivals. Some of the things these people say aren’t even football related, they’re rude for the sake of being rude. Roman’s stone faced, like a robot, not even a robot – a mannequin deaf to every whisper, yell and insult. Seth wonders how he does it, he doesn’t ask. 

“Are you okay?” Roman asks him in the car, tipping his head at the security guards at the parking lot.

“Shit...yeah,” comes the shaky reply, Seth watching Block 37 mall get smaller and smaller until eventually all he sees are generic buildings. He checks the backseat, Keilani is awake, blinking her big brown eyes at him. Hopefully, she can’t sense his tense aura. “What about you?”

Roman peers over at him, they’re at a red light. “One hundred percent, baby boy,” he says, looking deceptively calm. The way he’s gripping the steering wheel says otherwise. 

****

Seth has never had an outdoor dinner before. Not at a beautifully decked table, watching the sun teasingly dip behind the horizon and the receding blue and orange battle with the darkness. The back of this ridiculously classy house opens up to a wide river, decorated with cedars and strange flowers that Seth hasn’t ever seen before. The food is delicious. The wine exquisite. The atmosphere relaxing. And the company...well, Seth is trying to figure Roman out. He can’t bring himself to enjoy this, not fully. Why are they here? What are his motives behind all this?

“You never did answer me about how work’s going,” Roman informs him, look of pure curiosity on his face. “How are you coping with Mandy around you?”

Seth regards Roman intently, “Is this why you brought me here for all this?” he’s trying so hard not to get angry but the mere thought irritates him.

“I brought you here because I want us to spend time together,” Roman replies coolly, he tilts his head, considering for a moment, and staring the brunet in the eyes. “I’m asking because I care and it’s my responsibility as your boyfriend to ensure that this relationship is fulfilling to you and that you’re happy.”

Seth breaks into a humorless laugh, shaking his head. Isn’t this guy cute? With his charming words and impeccable manners. Well, he should’ve thought of Seth’s happiness before subjecting him to a poly situation that is not working out. He should’ve thought of the consequences before he decided to have the best of worlds. He should’ve thought about all this before Seth fell in bed with him. Now Seth is here, forever confused, not sure what to do, to believe, how to behave – so ashamed.

“I am not weak, Roman,” he snaps, his appetite slowly dwindling, “Stop it! Both you and your girlfriend need to get off your high horses. You don’t need to do all..._ this. _What the fuck is wrong with you? Yes, you want to fuck around so what?!”

Silence.

Seth’s eyes widen. _ What the fuck did you just say? _Why did he have to have such a big mouth? Now, this bastard quarterback will think he’s nothing but a bitching, whiny baby that can’t hold his own against that plastic doll he has for a girlfriend. Now, he’ll ask questions...Seth can’t stand the way the man’s regarding him, as if trying to figure him out. He can’t do this right now, the blood is rushing to his cheeks, making him warm with emotion. Abruptly, he stands and turns to leave, footsteps shaky.

Roman grabs Seth’s wrist before he can go far, halting his panicked steps. “So this is how you feel?”

“Fuck off!” Seth roars in Roman’s face, trembling with emotion. “I’m fucking fine. Let me go!” he means it – in every sense. Roman’s too slow. Why is Seth so surprised? This a bloody _ jock _that he’s dealing with. An unintelligent meathead that is feeding off of his pain. “You’re staining me with your nasty infections. Goddamit, let me go!”

Roman’s jaw is tight, aura tense, eyes vacant. Seth cares but he doesn’t. He just wants to walk away from this, all of this. He’s fuming, heart beating too fast. The hold on his wrist tightens a fraction and then it’s gone completely. Good. Seth stalks away from Roman, hoping the door is opened, because he doesn’t want to speak to the bastard quarterback. He doesn’t want to speak at all. He wants to smash something, anything. That’s how he ends up in the kitchen, gripping the edge of the sink in a white-knuckled hold, throat lumpy – fighting to lash out. He stays in the kitchen, won’t go to the bedroom until he’s calmed down, doesn’t want any negative aura around Keilani.

He still hasn’t calmed down when he senses the presence behind him, a shiver slithering down his spine. Turning around, he collides with Roman’s chest. An exasperated breath leaves him as he realizes he’s trapped, Roman’s eyes burn too dark – there’s a fire in them, ready to devour. A tug, Seth’s hair is gripped painfully, forcing his head back. He supresses an aroused moan, glaring defiantly at Roman, his erection raging stubbornly inside his jeans, ready to surrender. Traitorous body, it’s curling into Roman, drawn to the older man’s intoxicating scent. Roman’s jaw is locked so tightly, he isn’t far from breaking his teeth, obsidian eyes containing that rebuking fire. Seth is transfixed, almost afraid.

An anticipated second. Two.

Roman’s lips are on his, ravenous, hungry, and Seth has to hold on for dear life, running his hands down the skin of Roman’s tempting chest. Roman tastes of pleasure, of everything Seth never knew he needed. Each glide is feverish, leaving Seth starving, crying for more. Not even the need to breathe separates them, Seth frustratedly attempting to help Roman to tear off his clothes. His shirt lands on the floor, his pants roughly ripped off of his body. Seth can’t bring himself to complain, not as he’s lifted onto the kitchen island.

A pathetic whine escapes as Roman pulls away, but still close enough for their lips to brush, and for Seth to be grounded by his heat, their breaths mingling. Seth is panting, but Roman doesn’t seem to be out of breath at all. A tender smirk pulls at one corner of his mouth as he seems to notice how badly Seth is trembling, his need. He’s so soft in his gaze, his smile, as he brushes the halo of brown hair away from Seth’s face and then leans forward again.

The heat rises in Seth’s cheeks as their lips meet again, soft and moist, but hot and breathy. He’s still so desperate, curling his arms around the taller man’s neck, his tongue tasting Roman’s – quick and electric and delicious, then firmer, more determined, more curious about the layers that hide within Roman, the lightning flashing in his veins too much for him to handle.

His eyes fly open as Roman prepares him roughly, his anger palpable. A finger, two. Coaxing deeper and deeper. Seth digs his fingers into Roman’s shoulder blades, heaving weak breaths. Another finger. Encircling, pressing against his prostate. He whines, burying his face in Roman’s neck. The fourth one – searching, searching. Seth whimpers, he has nothing else left to offer. He’s open. Vulnerable.

The snap of a condom. One of Roman’s hands around Seth’s throat, pressing enough to bruise. The next thing he hears is the sound of a bottle popping open – and it’s a surprise he can hear anything over the rush of blood pumping in his veins – Roman coating his condom-wrapped cock slick with lube. He’s taking his fucking time that Seth wants to scream – _ fuck me brainless, already! _He can ask for nothing more. Nothing else.

He closes his eyes, mouth hanging open in a pleasure-pain-filled moan as Roman starts to push inside him. There’s resistance, much more than the last time – as if his body can remember the trauma it went through the last time. Healing took over a week, the bruises are still there. And the amount of pressure and burning has Seth ready to cry. But he loves the pain, only when it’s consensual, it doesn’t get any better than the way Roman gives it to him.

Roman pulls the head out, leaving Seth distressingly empty, before trying again. Seizure-like tremors wrack Seth’s body, his toes curling in on themselves, his bottom lip chewed on to the point of bleeding. The quarterback is trying again, fighting through the resistance, soothing Seth’s anguised cries with tender caresses, kissing down his neck. It takes what feels like forever but Roman has finally buried himself halfway, and Seth knows because he doesn’t feel like his insides are rearranging...not yet. But the sensation of being full is still so unbelievable, he feels so full it hurts. Roman’s touches are firm, punishing – his aura, a bright flame, too hot for Seth to touch. He has every right to be angry but so does Seth. So does he.

Seth is left choking on air as Roman draws his hips back, his pulsing length dragging along Seth’s inner walls and then forcing it’s thick way back inside again – hard and unforgiving. Roman spares nothing with the intense rocking of his hips, pounding deeper and faster and harder. To hell with inhibition. Seth can see the scalding rage in his eyes, refuses to allow himself to feel guilty, and grips a fistful of Roman’s hair, crushing their lips together. Roman’s lips are mashing against Seth’s as if trying to destroy his mouth. Seth hungrily pushes back, his mouth open, tongue pushing past clenched teeth. There’s a war, their mouths and tongues clashing and fighting until one of them yields.

Roman.

Seth kisses him to his heart’s content, whimpering as a forceful nudge shocks his entire body. He pulls away, gasping in pain and pleasure. He can’t catch his breath, heart beating unusually loud, doing his best to meet Roman thrust for thrust, fingers curling at the nape of Roman’s neck, squeezing like the one wrapping around his throat to steal his air supply. Roman’s breath is on his neck, lips brushing against the heated skin, and Seth is caressing the little hairs on his neck. The air between them is changing, the electricity is still there – traveling between them both at lightning speed but Seth feels funny, flutters in his belly, heart jumping wildly – _ too intimate. _He knows no other way to be with Roman than like this. He wants to cry, breath coming out fast and choppy.

“You have no idea how much I care about you,” Roman mumbles, face still buried inside Seth’s neck. His arms are wrapped tightly around Seth’s waist, embracing him, he’s taking this slower, still so considerate with that mammoth dick of his, not all of it is inside Seth but what’s inside is more than enough, it nudges Seth’s prostate, turning him into an incoherent mess. “Let me in, Seth...please.”

Seth can feel his body tensing a little, lumps jumping to his throat. What does Roman mean? He’s already inside. What more does he want?

“Please, let me in, please.”

_ Oh. _

Seth shakes his head, eyes clenched tightly. He’s already open, isn’t he? No, not completely. Seth doesn’t think he can. He’s already so weak. Mandy, Mandy told him. And, and Roman, he’s...he’s no different from these other male humans. He’s no different.

“Let me in, Seth. You know you want to,” Roman groans softly, his touches are coaxing, movements precise and persistent.

Seth can’t fight the feeling anymore, and clings to Roman tightly. “R-Row-man...” he whispers, silent sobs jumping out of his throat. Roman attempts to do something, move, pull out but Seth wraps his legs tight around him, clinging for dear life.

“Talk to me, tell me why you’re upset.”

Seth bites his bottom lip, doesn’t reply.

“Please, baby boy, be with me. Tell me what’s wrong,” Roman begs.

“_Fuck.” _ A moan rips out of Seth, his toes curling as spots start to dance in front of him.

“Talk to me, tell me everything.”

Seth pants harshly, shaking his head. He’s an inflamed mess, salty liquid raining down his skin, imprinting into Roman’s skin, trembling fingers brushing Roman’s bottom lip.

“Put yourself in her shoes,” Roman continues softly, and Seth knows exactly who the ‘her’ Roman’s talking about is. He hates her. “She had me first, Seth. Before us, before this, there was her.”

Seth’s fingers dig into Roman’s shoulders – in anger, in hurt, in frustration.

“What I have with her doesn’t take away what I want with you,” Roman moves out of hiding, gripping Seth’s face as the younger man tries to look away. Their faces are touching, noses nudging, breaths mingling – they are one. “It does not make you incomplete or weak. Don’t over think this, Seth. Don’t drive yourself insane. Don’t be scared, I’m right here. We’ll take this as slow as you want.”

Seth bites down the urge to scream, he’s drowsy, can’t quite feel his body. But he hates Roman. All he knows is that he hates this man so much. “I—hate you,” he manages to choke out, thrashing softly against Roman, dick hard and red, his desire for Roman staining the older man’s belly.

“As you should,” Roman agrees, “Tell me more. Talk to me, I’m right here.” The more he moves, stimulating Seth, touching him like he’s the only thing that matters, the less strength Seth has to resist.

The first words that tear out of Seth are, “I—hate you,” again. What follows next is a string of sharp curses hurled at Roman. Seth is screaming and he’s crying, inviting Roman to delve into the bitter confusion that is his mind. “I should leave you, I should!” he cries, vision blurring around the edges, stars dancing in his vision.

“You have every right to,” Roman is kissing away his tears away, “Every right. And I know it hurts, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Tell me how to make it better. What do you want?” Roman cups one of Seth’s pectoral, his thumb caressing the younger man’s elongated nipple.

_ Argh...fuck! _

Seth wants Mandy gone – that’s obvious. But part of him is thinking back to Roman’s words, and he’s trying so hard to put himself in her position. He can – just a little bit. Gets the appeal one would have to want to be with Roman. Here he is, struggling to let the man go. “I want you...” He whispers tearfully.

“Then I am yours,” one of Roman’s hands is caressing his ass, the pleasure merging with the pain shooting down his lower spine beautifully. “What else do you want? Tell me, and it’s yours.”

“You, Keilani...you,” a whisper.

“Look at me,” Roman says.

Seth obeys too easily, cupping Roman’s face. Like a well-oiled machine, they move together. Each touch, each caress gives exactly what the other craves. White patterns dance in Seth’s eyes, it feels like he’s being split in half but he’s holding on for the ride. It feels like he’s going to pass out any minute, the stimulation is more than he can handle. Roman’s tender gaze arrests him, ensuring no escape.

Together the soar higher and higher, discarding the last lingering traces of fear, if only for a little while, as they stumble down the path of _ more. _Whatever it may be. Seth clings to Roman tightly, painful release causing the tears to gather in the wells of his eyes. A heady breath. Seth kisses Roman’s shoulder, his hands trailing up a strong back. “Do you...do you think you could ever leave her for me?”

“When the time is right,” Roman replies mysteriously, “You need her right now.”

Excuse him?

Seth pulls away slightly, looking into obsidian eyes. They’re too deep, looking wise and mysterious.

“Somehow, I doubt it,” Seth replies, his heart clinging to the hope of Roman’s first words. He’ll leave her. He will leave her.

“You may not see it but I do,” a kiss touches his forehead, “What I will do is talk to her. Both of you need to be civil toward each other. There’s no competition here.”

“Tell her that,” Seth rolls his eyes and then he thinks of something, “O-Or maybe not. I don’t want her to think I can’t fight my own battles. I’m not weak.”

“Your vulnerability is one of the best gifts you’ve given me. It’s the furthest thing from weakness. You have every right to express how you feel. I want to know everything.”

“Are you sure?” Seth yawns, emotions on the surface.

“I want you to be able to confide in me. And never sugercoat, tell me like it is.”

“I’m trying so hard to accept you and Mandy but it’s hard. And when I see y-you, I can’t help hating you sometimes.” Roman nods but before he can say anything, Seth continues, “But I want to sleep now. Maybe, maybe we can talk tomorrow?”

A kiss touches his forehead but Seth forces Roman’s face downward until the other man gives in and kisses his lips. He’s being lifted off the island, Roman carrying him out of the kitchen. His body touches something warm and soft. Roman is beside him in an instant, embracing him. Seth can feel the other man’s heartbeat, that’s how he knows he’s alive. A gentle kiss. Seductive fingers caressing down his spine. “Sleep, sweet creature.”

Seth doesn’t try to fight the baritone voice, he gives in.

** _Leia Amare _ **


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> Oh look, an update on Sunday 🙃
> 
> There won't be an update tomorrow, or for the rest of the week. I'll be tackling my share of assignments that are due soon. So I thought I'll post this earlier. 
> 
> Also, me and Seth hysterically looking and judging y'all for wanting/assuming him to be pregnant like *insert every picture of baby Kaavia James* 
> 
> With all the things I have planned for these two, and y'all want Seth preggers? Lol. I enjoy reading each comment, thank you for taking the time to do that. I wuv y'all to Pluto and back!!! 
> 
> Lastly, read the tags...always!

Seth wakes up unable to move. His naked front is plastered against Roman’s warm hard body. He can feel one of his legs entangled around Roman’s, with one of the quarterback’s arms secured tightly around his lower back. Seth’s hands lay plastered on Roman’s chest, and he can feel the solid beat of the other man’s heart. It feels so good being in Roman’s arms and when Seth recalls what they did the previous night, he waits for the shame to wash over him, but it doesn’t come. One part sighs in relief while the other half frowns but the shame isn’t...it’s not there. Seth traces his fingers up Roman’s chest, over to his chin, his jaw and then further up, pressing gently on Roman’s lips. He’s continuing his curious prodding when his eyes clash with Roman’s, brown eyes regarding him intently. His heart leaps, and Seth draws his hand away.

“Keep going, I’m not going to stop you,” Roman’s voice sounds like dark chocolate melting over gravel – and the younger man’s dick purrs and jerks in appreciation. Face burning in embarrassment, Seth chews on his molested lower lip and tries to pull away, but Roman holds him tight, locking him in. A twinge of pain rocks the entirety of Seth’s body and he bites back a whimper. “How are you feeling?”

This question is too complex. Is Roman thinking back to last night? Are they supposed to address this whole mess of feelings right now? Or is Roman asking about Seth’s physical wellbeing? “Sore and swollen,” he confesses, deciding to go with the latter. 

Roman blinks slowly, pressing a comforting kiss on the younger man’s hair. “I’m sorry,” then he rests his forehead against Seth’s. 

“’S a good pain,” Seth mumbles, heart skipping a funny beat, reacting to Roman’s soft caress at the small of his back. “I half expected to feel ashamed or even...guilty but I don’t. I can’t get enough of you.”

A half smile, and the gentlest touch behind his neck. “Why did you think you’d feel ashamed?”

“’M just not u-used to...this,” Seth whispers, hating how inexperienced he feels. Roman’s done this too many times, with multiple people – sex, relationships. Seth just has Austin and a handful guys from college as his experience – and even then, he’d never felt _ this. _ Like nothing else matters in the world besides Roman. He’s never hoped for _ more, _never wanted it, never allowed himself to. He wants the whole world with Roman. “Sex with feelings. It’s worse with you because...because I’m, uh, you’re Mandy’s too. And I, my personal beliefs...I just never thought I’d find myself here.”

“Here?”

“Attracted to a male human and wanting more with them.”

“Male human?” Roman raises his eyebrow, and then he starts to laugh. Deep, resounding. Booming in the bedroom. “You calls us male humans?”

“Well, you are male and you’re a human,” Seth rolls his eyes, lips twitching. His fingers curiously trace the intricate tattoo on Roman’s arm. “I thought I’d be ashamed because I want you but we’re in a situation I never thought I’d find myself in. I don’t think I’ve ever shared anything in my life, Roman.”

“You’re an only child?”

Seth nods, “On my mom’s side, yeah.” He has a sibling on his father’s side – another boy, younger than him. Seth hasn’t seen him since they attended his father’s funeral. He won’t pretend to care. He doesn’t. They were never close anyway – him and his brother. “I have a younger brother on my dad’s side, he’s 23. His name’s Justin.”

“You have a brother?” Roman regards him with interest, but Seth thinks he also looks surprised. “What does he look like?”

“We’re photocopies apparently. Almost identical, people say. I don’t see it.”

“I know what you mean. People say that about me and the twins. It’s even worse with Tausa’afia but I don’t see the resemblance, even though we’re close in age.”

“Tau...who?”

“My half-sister,” Roman says, “My father has two wives. My mom’s his second wife – the western one, they say back home,” he laughs, shaking his head.

Oh...Seth didn’t know any of this. This must be why Roman’s so casual about having more than one partner.

“Is this poly situation a thing in your family?” Seth asks, not onboard with the idea.

Roman nails him with a look Seth can’t decipher. “No. The twins’ parents are in a long term monogamous relationship. Plenty of my family have just one partner. My dad’s first wife was arranged, they were sixteen when they got married. They had Tausa’afia three years later and then my dad got an opportunity to play for the NFL. He met my mom when he was twenty-one. Less than a year later and they had me.”

“How did your stepmom respond to your father taking another wife? She must’ve not been happy.”

“Quite well, actually. They’re both really close and I consider myself lucky to have two moms. Of course we’re not perfect and sometimes we don’t like each other. But my father always say as a family we don’t have to like each other all the time but we do have to love each other all the time. We’re a large family, both on my Samoan side and my Italian side – but we’re all so close. We live by those words.”

The way Roman’s so casual about his life story. Seth doesn’t know why it makes his stomach flutter, but he’s melting hard and fast, and feeling honored...for some reason. He’s not sure he can return the favor though, doesn’t want to get himself worked up – something he can feel right this moment. His heart is clinching a little, irritation prickling his skin, he’s restless.

“Are you hungry?”

Seth’s mind goes to the gutter at the innocent question, all he remembers is being eaten out like he’d been the most delicious piece of candy. He remembers Roman soothing his pain with his tongue – and to be honest, Seth would like a repeat of that heaven he experienced but he’s not sure he can ask Roman. He doesn’t want to come across as a needy, little slut. He is, at least for Roman.

“Starving,” Seth replies.

Maybe it’s something in his voice, but Roman pulls back slightly, looking the younger man in the eyes. An intense look appears on his features. “Alright, then,” he’s shifting, and taking Seth with him, and flipping the younger man onto his stomach. Feather light touches trail down Seth’s spine. “I guess I should do something about that.”

“You should,” a strangled moan, Seth grips the bedsheets in a death grip, “It’s what I deserve.”

“You deserve more than that.” Kisses along the small of Seth’s back, he arches his back, blood pumping faster as large hands knead his ass. It hurts but Roman sucking on the soft skin soothes his pain, he’s working his way up and Seth can feel the bigger man’s pulsing erection pressing against his wrecked hole. It shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does, with the way Seth’s body hurts, but his dick jerks wildly at the knowledge that he can ignite Roman’s desire like this. “I love the way you smell,” whispered, right in his ear. “I love that you’re so wet for me.” A large hand rubbing at his slit. Seth’s body is on fire.

_ Mmm. _ Seth’s eyes shut closed, his breathing increasing, heart racing. It feels like Roman has him surrounded, every inch of his skin, his mind, his soul. It terrifies him how he doesn’t mind at all. The kisses are traveling down his back again, and Seth is panting as Roman gets closer and closer to the place where Seth desires him the most. He’s a heaving, drooling mess, wanting... _ aching. _His body starts moving on it’s own, back arching to the point of discomfort, his ass pushing back on Roman’s face.

At the first hint of Roman’s tongue swirling inside, a surprised yelp jumps out of Seth’s throat, and then he buries his face inside the fluffy pillows because they have...no, he’s not going to think about Keilani when her father is doing the most sinful things to his body. Roman is holding nothing back, like the last time, knowing damn well where he’s supposed to probe and how. Harder and deeper – swirling, penetrating. Seth squirms like a skittish kitten, mewling, thighs trembling. _ Yes, like that, Daddy. _It’s as if that devilish tongue is connected directly to his prostate, to all of his erogenous zones – and Seth is shivering with lust, caught between sighing in bliss and screaming in ecstasy.

“Oh, sweet lord,” Seth gasps, “Feels so good, D-Daddy. It’s been too long...” Almost two weeks is a long time, Seth isn’t sure how he was able to resist Roman but he’s grateful for last night, for this morning...this moment. Trembling with pleasure, Seth slaps his ass-cheeks desperately and rhythmically into Roman’s face, with just one goal in mind. He needs to come so bad. One of Roman’s hands holds him down firmly, stopping his frantic movements – so easily that it drives the younger man insane. “Please...Row-man, what do – _ mmm, _” Seth breathes huskily, completely at Roman’s mercy and near mindless with the need to climax.

Full-body shudders wrack his body as his pleasure increases to unbearable heights. The telltale signs that he’s about to lose it. When Roman starts to smack his ass, his rumbling groan echoing in the room, sounding so ravenous, Seth moans as his entire body tightens into that moment of exquisite tautness. Dear god, he’s going to...Roman chooses that moment to teasingly rub at Seth’s perineum. So, so close to the bundle of nerves already teeming with an electric fire.

Seth erupts with an animalistic scream, his orgasm hitting him full force, as hot cum forcefully bursts from the tip of his cock in thick streams. His entire body is convulsing, cock desperately rubbing against the bedsheets for more sweet friction, his heart pounding so fiercely inside his chest it feels like it might explode along with his cock. Seth’s orgasm lasts forever as Roman caters to him until he can offer nothing more, nothing else. He’s crying into the pillow, going insane from the overstimulation, the sensations so mind-blowing that blissful tremors still rock his body even after he’s stopped coming. He’s vibrating, thighs trembling badly, but boneless – and so sated and drained that his eyes are already closing again. But Roman, he needs to get Roman off too...

“I need to suck your dick,” he slurs, blindly reaching for Roman.

“No,” soft lips kiss his forehead, “this was for you.”

****

Not long after he’s fallen asleep, Seth is awoken by the sounds of Keilani’s soft cries. As soon as he realizes, he makes the move to leave the bed too quickly, and gasps in pain, clutching his lower back. Roman isn’t anywhere in sight, but the sound of running water can be heard above Keilani’s little whimpers. He’s in the bathroom then. Finding Roman’s grey shirt on one of the chairs in the room, Seth shrugs it on, and limps to where Keilani’s bassinet is. “Latiiti,” he says softly, using the name her father usually calls her. It means ‘little one’ apparently, getting in her face so that she can see him a bit clearer. “What’s wrong, baby girl, hmm? Are you hungry?”

Sliding his hands under the little one’s butt and head, Seth lifts the baby out of the bassinet, and walks out of the bedroom. It’s only 07:06am, and Keilani usually wakes up around thirty minutes later but maybe she’s feeling a little proactive today, and demanding the attention she deserves. In the kitchen, he heats up her bottle, and entertains her as best as he can while waiting for it. As soon that’s done, he gives her the bottle, and the little one quickly starts suckling down her formula milk, making the cutest sounds that Seth finds himself grinning too wide, like a goddamn fool, as he walks back inside the bedroom. Roman’s still in the bathroom, and his phone is ringing.

Automatically, Seth walks to the bedside table, where it is, and is trying to figure out how he’ll pick it up while feeding Keilani. He looks at the screen, notices Mandy’s face and name appearing. His heart squeezes on itself tightly, and for a good minute, he’s dumfounded. What should he do? Surely, he can’t just answer Roman’s phone like that. They’re not that close. And what about boundaries? To his mild relief, she hangs up before he can answer. But maybe the universe is testing him somehow because then he notices the startling number of missed calls and a number of messages. Mandy. Charlotte. Jimmy. Hunter. Sefina. There’s a Talia in there. The universe must really be testing him because Roman’s phone doesn’t even have a password. Seth is sitting on the bed, carefully catering to Keilani, and gripping Roman’s phone in a death grip. What should he do?

_ If you want to keep your sanity, never go through a man’s cellphone. _ He’s heard the warning so many times, Nancy advising Lacey. On social media, jokingly, but ominously serious. _ If you’re going to go through it, make sure it’s to send yourself money. _He remembers someone saying. Well, Seth isn’t desperate for money but he is curious about the people attempting to reach Roman. Fifty-nine missed calls and thirty messages. Why so early? He doesn’t mean to but his mind’s creating the scenarios, feeding off of his skepticism, and preying on his fears.

His mind tells him to check, get it over and done with, because he should be able to utilize Roman’s phone just like he wouldn’t mind Roman going through his phone...too much. Maybe, he wouldn’t want the other man to see his fights with his family, or the embarrassing conversations with his mom but that’s it. Roman, on the other hand, is a celebrity, a _ football player _ – a very gorgeous one at that. Seth isn’t blind to the fact that many people would fall at the man’s feet, with no other motive other than to say that they had sex with an Eros-like creature. He’s seen straight men drool over Roman’s beauty, has read the nastiest things women say about him. Surely, he’s justified in his worry, his suspicions.

Decision made, Seth returns the phone where he found it, his mind seething at his disappointing display of stupidity. But it’s the heart that won the internal battle. Seth doesn’t think he’d be able to meet Roman’s eye otherwise, part of him feels like Roman would see right through him. The other man has a talent for things like that.

The bathroom door slides open, and Roman appears from within the mist, looking glorious. Beads of water travel down his hard belly. “Holy fuck,” Seth breathes, swallowing down his drool, mesmerized by the sheer beauty that is his boyfriend’s body.

“Oh, good. You’re both awake,” Roman says, his voice sensually innocent. He’s in front of Seth in an instant, leaning down to kiss the younger’s forehead softly and then doing the same to Keilani. “We really don’t like asking, huh?” is asked dryly. “First my heart, now my clothes. What’s next my last name?”

Seth’s jaw touches the ground, “I-It...you can’t just say things like that.”

“Why not? You did say that my heart is yours, didn’t you?” A hint of a smile. “You need it. The others can have my liver. Those were your words.”

Seth is flustered, his cheeks are pink, he can’t seem to produce one coherent word to Roman’s teasing.

“Are you hungry...for food this time?” Amused. 

“Yes,” Seth whispers, dazed, “I, um, your phone...Mandy called.”

“Did she leave a message?” Roman asks, removing the towel from his waist, and Seth only has a second to appreciate his dick before it’s out of sight as Roman slips on his boxers. 

“I didn’t get the chance to answer,” Seth caresses Keilani’s cheek, she’s squirming cutely in his arms. She’s due for a wash soon, maybe that’s why she’s restless. “I-I mean I wouldn’t...I respect your privacy,” his mind scoffs at him, and inwardly, Seth finches. “I just mean I wouldn’t check your phone.”

“I trust you,” Roman says simply, and Seth doesn’t know why those words riddle him with guilt. Silently, Seth watches Roman get dressed, his heart beating too loud. “I’ll take her.” The baby is pried gently from his embrace. “Go shower, breakfast will be ready when you’re done.”

Seth stands to his feet, impulsively getting into Roman’s space to hug him tightly. He feels one of Roman’s arms wound around him, at the back of his neck. It’s so warm, making him giddy on the inside, a soft exhale leaves Seth. “I really, really, really like you. Like, really, really bad.”

A booming laugh. Roman’s chest lifting and falling. Seth responds with his own nervous laugh, face burning as he hides between Keilani and her father. They both smell really good, heavenly. “I really, really, really, really, _ really _like you too, baby boy. It’s pathetic levels of bad.”

Oh...good. 

Seth looks up at Roman, his heart smiling at the intense look found in brown eyes. It’s not fair that someone’s eyes should look this beautiful, this open...inviting, that they should have the power to make Seth feel what Roman’s feeling – so warm that Seth may never feel a chill again. “Kiss me...kiss me.”

Roman complies, he always does. Like last night, the power is in Seth’s hands, he kisses the taller man until Keilani’s whimpers force him to stop. She’s squirming in her father’s arms, irritable. Pulling away, Seth decides to go take a shower. He’s icky and sticky – and he wonders how Roman puts up with him.

****

“My new hobby is watching you do these provocative moves whenever the opportunity presents itself,” Roman says, sounding amused and aroused at the same time.

Seth sighs, “Nothing provocative about this at all, you just have a dirty mind,” he tells the other man, nailing Roman with a lighthearted glare, which is quite difficult in this position he’s in. “And you’re disturbing me, I’m trying to concentrate here.”

“It’s kinda unfair to blame me when _ you’re _the one bent over right in front of me. Your ass is in my face, not that I’m complaining.”

Three. Two. One. One deep exhale. Seth gets into a new pose, standing in a wide standing stance. He turns his toes out and his heels in, so his feet are pointed out at about a 45-degree angle. He bends his knees in the same direction as his toes, and lower his hips down toward the height of his knees. Reaching his arms out at shoulder height and bending his elbows so that his fingertips point skyward, he spreads his fingertips wide and activates the muscles across his back. He’s engaging his core muscles and drawing his tailbone toward the floor, keeping his spine long. He meets Roman’s stare and is tickled by the sheer look of awe on the other man’s face. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he teases the boyfriend.

“Maybe, I will.”

Seth doesn’t have a response for that but he is blushing a little. Shaking his head, he continues with what he’s doing. Yoga. He hasn’t done it in a while and he’s a little stiff but he thinks he’s doing alright. He’s not bad at all compared to Roman. The quarterback didn’t even make it past a simple easy pose, and had complained about his muscles pulling. Seth laughed at his excuses, he doesn’t even know why he thought _ Roman, _ of all people, would be into yoga. But Seth is appreciating the time spent together.

They had a light breakfast, just the two of them, getting to know the basics about each other. Well, Roman was divulging, Seth had mostly listened. Roman’s compatriotism about Samoa fascinates Seth, the way he talks about his family, telling stories of his mischievousness when he was younger. He only moved to America when he was thirteen because his father wanted to strengthen their bond. It was Vince McMahon who personally scouted him, grooming him, to take over from retired Packers’ quarterback John Cena when he was only 20. Roman’s had an illustrious career, only hindered by his polarizing image, because many football fans felt the McMahons had disrespected John by bringing onboard another quarterback when they had one already. It doesn’t help that Roman’s so heavily scrutinized either, one move and his face is on the gossip sites, on the trashy tabloids, on social media.

Case in point this morning, when Seth checked his phone. He had thrice as many missed calls as Roman. His mom called him the most. Then there was Alexa, Bayley and even...Lacey. Seth was curious, and he’d called to find out that he and Roman were splashed all over social media. Pictures from when they were at the grocery store yesterday, too many of them, but the most viral one features him walking out of the store, hand in hand with Roman, Keilani secured snugly in a baby wrap carrier to the younger man’s chest. _ ‘Y’all like a cute little family <3’ _Alexa’s message had said. His mom had screamed her lungs out, and then requested (demanded, really) to speak to Roman. Seth didn’t allow her to, it’s still so soon, plus his mom is the most dramatic person he knows. Besides, right now, nothing’s been confirmed...just speculation. Seth is following Roman’s lead – and shutting the whole world away.

Being so far away from the noisy pollution of the city is helping though. Right now, Seth feels like he can _ breathe _again, as the forest hums with life all around him. A deep sense of serenity has washed over him and although he hasn’t told the other man, Seth really is grateful that Roman brought them here, away from it all...with no else to keep them company but each other. Although, Seth did see those two big guys when they came to speak with Roman this morning. Their names are Akam and Rezar, he’s still not acquainted to them much, doesn’t care enough to be.

A while later, Seth goes to join Roman, perching himself on the older man’s lap and running his hands on Roman’s warm chest. “Next time, you’re joining me. No excuses,” he whispers teasingly.

Roman smirks, his curious hands worm their way inside the baggy sweats that Seth is wearing (that belong to Roman) to firmly cup his ass. “Of course...as a spectator, like right now,” he smiles, his mouth brushing lightly against Seth’s. “Ready to talk?”

Not really. Seth bites his bottom lip and nods softly.

“How are you feeling?”

Roman loves this question, so much. And it’s challenging for someone like Seth to answer, he’s not used to this. The talking and talking. The addressing. But since Roman is giving him the platform, what better way for Seth to use it than to reveal his frustrations? Last night, he did, and this morning he woke up feeling lighter somehow...somehow.

“I love it around here, I feel like I can breathe,” he tells Roman, shying away from that serious gaze solely focused on him. “Overall, I’m...I think I’m going to take your advice – and take things a day at a time. I’m going to do my best to not let the voices in my head get to me.”

“Voices?”

The negative. Planted by Mandy. By Seth’s own insecurities, his fears. He’s never been in a relationship before, doesn’t quite know how to handle this. He loves spending time with Roman, loves Keilani, and he finds himself craving for _ more. _But he’s scared as well, and he keeps having to remind himself to not give this...relationship all of him, that he should leave aside room disappointment. Seth will admit to being an over-thinker, questions himself, every motive and especially Roman’s.

“Talk to me,” Roman commands when Seth still doesn’t answer, his large hand squeezing the soft meat of Seth’s buttocks gently.

“Sometimes, I feel like agreeing to this situation makes me a...hypocrite. Weak. Like I shouldn’t be giving in. Because I never thought I’d have a boyfriend, let alone share one. But now we’re here and I...” _ am scared to lose you. _ “It’s funny because I don’t really feel ashamed for _ being _with you. I don’t. I’m not ashamed that we have sex or that you’re my boyfriend. I’m not ashamed when you kiss me or...touch me. I want you to,” he whispers, face lightly pressing onto Roman’s, long hands playing with the hairs at the back of Roman’s neck. “I love it. I’m not ashamed.” As if proving his point, his heart jumps contently beneath Roman’s soft touches, that tender thumb rubbing on his dimpled back.

“Why would you feel ashamed?”

“Because of the other things, like how easily I gave in. Like maybe I should’ve fought harder to have you all to myself but I don’t fight for male attention. I'm scared of how the others will perceive me. Didn’t I just switch up on them, my beliefs? Sometimes, I just think about this too much.”

Roman says nothing, for so long that Seth lifts his eyes to look at him. There’s something in the older man’s eyes, the way his left brow is raised as if he’s thinking deeply. Seth doesn’t rush him, and looks over his shoulder to the house where he can see Keilani’s bassinet. They returned her inside the house as soon as she fell asleep again, but she was outside long enough that Seth thinks the fresh air did her some good. He sighs, and rests his head on Roman’s shoulder, loving every moment of this, them.

“It’s okay to change your mind,” he finally hears Roman murmur, voice low and patient, “Don’t let anyone blackmail you, not even me. It’s okay to not commit to views and beliefs that no longer serve you. Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

“George Bernard Shaw,” Seth mumbles, moving out of hiding to look at Roman.

A pleased nod. “We are so used to hanging onto things even when they no longer serve us because of fear of criticism. When we should just fuck it and do what makes us happy.”

Roman makes him happy. Right now, Seth is happy and calm and content and giddy and horny, very horny. “You make me happy, and I love it when you do me,” he quips, the tips of his ears turning pink.

“I am happy with you too – and doing you fulfills me.”

Seth shakes his head, and he laughs. The sun is blinding him a little, casting this ethereal glow to Roman, making him appear angelic. He’s perfect, too mesmerizing, that Seth really wonders if Roman truly belongs to him. There’s no way a guy like him can keep a guy like this forever. Men like Roman are always in demand.

“Is there anything else on your mind?” Roman asks, voice laced with concern, appearing curious about the pained expression on Seth’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Seth replies, pressing a deep kiss to Roman’s lips and pouring all he’s feeling into it, maybe it will convince Roman to stay...a little longer. “Just...don’t break my heart,” he finds himself whispering, dejection coating his voice.

“I’ll do my best not to,” Roman says, holding Seth’s glance, genuine smile stretching his lips. “I’ll just need your help...from time to time. I love it when you talk to me, it’s like music to my ears. Transparency and honesty, are one of my biggest kinks.”

“Kinda like when you fucked me and forgot to tell me that you’re not monogamous.”

_ Shit. _ Seth’s eyes widen. _ Way to go, _his heart sneers while his stupid brain cackles like Seth said the biggest joke ever. He looks at Roman, who is just as dumbfounded, for a few good seconds.

“I’ll take that,” the older man says finally, he’s rubbing his bottom lip, and Seth is sure it’s not supposed to look this...sensual. “I admit I was wrong, I thought with my dick that night. And I was selfish with you, like I’ve said before, but I’m hoping this won’t hang like a black cloud over my head.”

Maybe...maybe not. It’s time to move onto something else.

“What do you desire from a relationship? Like besides love, what’s the ultimate thing?”

“Honesty,” Roman responds, sounding serious, looking that way as well. “I know many people would probably go with loyalty and I really value that too, but I’ve come to realize that...no one really owes me that. At least not another human being, we’re so flawed. But if you’re honest, I can respect you. It takes a great deal of courage to be open, to be straight with someone – in any dynamic. I value honesty, even if it means you walking away. Even if it means hurting me in the process.”

“I can give you that,” Seth whispers, smiling as Roman grabs his hand, kissing his knuckles tenderly. “With me, it’s simple – don’t break my heart. Choose me. I always want your attention. Your sweet words. They reassure me. They also make me feel funny but I’ve never been in a relationship before.”

“How old are you?”

Hopefully this won’t be used against him. “Twenty-five” is said quietly, embarrassed flush spreading over Seth’s body. “A-And I know you’re thirty-two, way more experienced and a little older than me but I’m super mature. I have my own house.”

Roman laughs at him but it’s lighthearted and Seth can’t say he blames the other man, he heard how petulant he sounded as well. “You’re a 90s kid, you grew up watching High School Musical.”

“It was the biggest thing back then,” Seth folds his arms on his chest, the little annoyance prickling his skin totally worth it. Roman’s laughs are growing louder, booming. “That’s quite enough, boomer.”

Roman shakes his head, clearly not taking Seth seriously. Not that the younger man made much of an effort with his comeback, they’re both millennials, but most people get offended when they’re called boomers. Seth doesn’t see what the big deal is.

They tackle the issue of Mandy next. Seth reveals what he revealed last night, doesn’t tell Roman everything, but about the obvious taunting. Roman says what he said last night, they’ll all need to have a sit down, to delve in deeper about the issue of disliking each other. He does regard Seth mysteriously though when the younger man admits that he’d rather have shared him with Humberto instead. At least Humberto’s good natured and kind. It’s quiet again for a while as a question runs through his mind and he looks at Roman, figuring what better time to ask than now, when they’re getting to know each other.

“Tell me why you don’t like being shouted at.”

“Because it’s disrespectful as fuck,” quiet but intimidating. Seth stands his ground at the rebuking stare imprisoning him. “I have ears, talk to me like an adult, respect me. It’s what I deserve.”

There’s more to this, Seth can see it in Roman’s eyes, his aura. The wariness, the hesitation. He keeps silent, and waits, won’t rush Roman into anything. His horny eyes ogle Roman’s naked chest though, down and down they go until they reach that tattoo on Roman’s pelvis. He observes it curiously. The elegant script comprise of letters _ R.G _around an infinity design, small enough that it’s easy to overlook. Seth is curious about it, he traces the darkened skin and then looks at Roman. The other man appears nonchalant, too nonchalant.

“What’s the story here?” Seth asks curiously.

“It’s a little dedication to my favorite teacher.”

What?

Seth is sure his confusion is showing, because who in their right mind would tattoo their teacher’s name on their body? Shit is permanent and for him, it’s a little extreme. He’s never even understood the need that some people have to tattoo celebrities’ names or faces on their bodies. And he loves tattoos just as much as the next person. “That’s, um, quite...are you out of your mind?”

Roman shrugs, looking unapologetic. “The twins have one on the same spot as well. Ms. Garcia was the coolest teacher we knew. She saved me.”

“How?” Seth blinks, not really understanding much of anything.

There’s the slight hesitation again.

“I told you I came here to be close to my dad. Before that, I was living in a small village in _ Samoa _ with my tinamatua – my grandmother, and my tina – my mom...stepmom. Tinamatua is very antique, in her beliefs, so we were used to the simplistic way of life. We spoke _ Samoan _—”

“I really like the way you say _ Samoa,_” Seth interrupts, cheesing because he can hear an accent slipping through, subtle but there. And now he wants to hear Roman speak English in his Samoan accent. “Continue, I’m just – it’s beautiful. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Roman grins, his hands returning to fondle Seth’s ass. “I barely spoke what most people term as ‘broken English’ when I came here. So it was hard for me, when I had to go to school. The teachers at my high school would make me read in front of the class, just to...make a fool out of me. Most of them would shout. Then the kids knew me too, and you know, it’s worse with your peers. The snickers and ridicule...it was the worst three months of my life.”

“Three months?”

“Yeah, I met Ms. Garcia after, when I started beating on those kids. I wasn’t liking the kid I was becoming, like a...bully. But I didn’t know what to do, and back home, we say boys don’t cry, they talk with fists. I was bigger than most of them, strong too. I wouldn’t ask, I’d beat and beat…eventually got so bad that they sent me to Ms. Garcia, our school counselor. She was young and smart, she got me. I...she didn’t give up on me. I speak English this well because of her. We spent too much time together.”

Seth nods in understanding, sympathizing with Roman, although he still thinks the tattoos are a bit extreme. But maybe this Ms. Garcia really played an important role in Roman’s life. The way he talks about her, the mysterious glint in his eyes... Seth can’t quite put his finger on it.

“I am really sorry you had to go through that,” he whispers, cupping Roman’s cheeks, “This is why you don’t like being shouted at.” He’s not asking and Roman doesn’t deny it either. “Jimmy and Jey went through the same thing?”

“America’s all they’ve known.”

Okay...

“So how did they get to know Ms. Garcia?”

“I introduced them.” Roman pauses and frowns. “But they’d been dying to meet each other anyway.”

“What’s her name?”

“Rosalina. Rosalina Garcia.”

A little nod.

Roman cocks an eyebrow, “No more questions?”

“No,” Seth says quietly, a little embarrassed.

“It’s time for lunch then,” Roman says, rising to his feet with Seth still in his embrace, carrying him on one arm as if Seth weighs _ nothing _ at all and walking in the direction of the house.

For all the dominance that Seth will never admit he likes having imposed upon him, nothing quite screams dominance like being carried so easily. _ Me Tarzan, You Jane – _with Seth very obviously being Jane – the entire display of strength seems to scream. And it’s not helping how Seth’s dick never seems to mind at all, purring delightedly and more than ready to submit to Roman. Burying his face inside Roman’s neck, Seth whimpers pathetically against the older man, embarrassed that Roman can rattle his cage so easily, and more than ready to bend over if the older man demanded it.

They spend most of the day talking, mostly lighthearted conversations. It seems that Roman wants payback as he begins to interrogate Seth as the younger man had done him. It’s nothing hectic, by some silent mutual agreement, they stay away from the topic of Seth’s family, especially as Roman learns that Seth was raised by a single mother. The younger man answers questions about his favorite hangout spots, the kind of sports he’s into, what he enjoys doing in his free time. Is there anywhere in the world he’d like to go to, why? They discuss his music and favorite movies, and books.

Seth answers what he can, trying to sound as animated and fun as possible, to impress. But Roman genuinely seems interested in him, gaze unwavering, absorbing every piece of information that it turns Seth into a blushing mess. He can’t look away though, something about Roman demands your attention – perhaps his warmth, the invitation found in his smile. Seth loves talking to him, the older man listens, he asks questions – about the tiniest, insignificant details that most people would overlook, it shows that he’s paying attention, listening.

“That’s hella weird. Puppy breath?” Roman cocks an eyebrow, voice intimate. “I get digging the smell of the pavement after a good rain shower. Or heck...gasoline. But puppy breath? Damn, that’s weird.”

A soft giggle, “It’s the hardest thing having to stay away from Mrs. Wilson’s pitbull. Or any cute little dog for that matter but I don’t wanna look too weird. Sure you haven’t changed your mind about me?” it’s teasing, his insecurities peeking out.

“No, tell me all of your creep shit.”

Roman sounds so serious, but equally amused, and his response is perfect and so stupid but him and Seth thinks he’s going to vomit with how hard the butterflies are flapping in his belly. He really, really likes Roman to the point of insanity, and it’s reassuring that Roman seems to like him just as much, that he finds Seth’s stories funny and laughs _ with _him, not just at him. 

Seth doesn’t know how they venture into the topic of food and cooking but Roman starts to tease him about his skills (or lack thereof) in the kitchen. Seth protests because he’s not completely useless, there are plenty of childhood meals that his mom used to make for him that he learned how to make. Simplistic, budget stuff because they could never afford to be careless with their money (although he doesn’t tell Roman that bit).

“I’ll cook tonight and prove it to you,” he finally tells Roman, reluctant to move out of Roman’s embrace. They’re in the living room, Seth laying comfortably on the big man’s chest, with Keilani resting right beside him – doing her round of tummy time. She’s so comfortable, like him, and regards him with her big eyes. Seth gently strokes her back, making sure not to drop her, laughing at her squirmy movements. “She’s so cute, so happy. You’re a great father.”

Roman frowns at the compliment, like he usually does, it’s like he has a thing against them. Maybe Seth will ask one day. “The only reason she’s so happy is because we have you around. You’re really good with her...and you always seem to know what she wants.”

“The job of a nurse,” Seth says modestly. “But you’re really good with her. She’s happy with you.”

“I suppose,” a gentle touch across his arm.

When the sun sets outside, Seth decides to get started on dinner. Keilani is asleep again, at two months old, she really doesn’t do much. Roman is with him in the kitchen, no cheesy ballads this time, just rap music. Old school rap. Roman tells him it’s Nas. Seth has heard of him but he doesn’t know any of his songs.

They work in tandem, in the kitchen, joking and laughing. Seth feels desire pooling in his belly whenever they make the slightest contact, reaching out for the same utensil simultaneously, Roman coming from behind him to grab something on the upper cabinets, them standing side by side with the heat of Roman make Seth dizzy with yearning. It’s overwhelming, being drawn to someone like this, Seth can hardly breathe without feeling like he’ll die or say the wrong thing.

But there’s also something beautifully _ domestic _ about them cooking together. Seth in Roman’s sweatpants that are too big on him and Roman in a pair of jeans and nothing else. They’re going to make Seth’s favorite beef stew dumplings that he used to make with his mom when he was younger. Seth looks over his shoulder to find Roman struggling with the onions (he always complains about chopping the onions), eyes red-rimmed and nose turning a pink color. _ So this is what it feels like, _ he thinks to himself, just... _ staring_. Mesmerized by the admirable intent found on the older man’s face.

When Xavier goes on and on about Randy and the twins doing something silly and not newsworthy, this is what it feels like. When he talks about wanting the day to be over so that he can go see his kids and cook them a warm meal. When he comes to work limping, and glowing, and looking so nauseatingly happy that Seth wouldn’t even get the appeal. Is this what it feels like? Is this reason for the butterflies in his own belly? Is this the reason it feels like he can barely breathe sometimes? Is this why Seth craves _ more? _A beautiful house and Keilani and an army of adopted furry animals.

_ I think I want to have your babies. _

Roman looks up, finds Seth staring, and for a moment Seth thinks he’s brave enough to say it but he takes too long and the moment passes. He grabs a handful of flour and flicks it at Roman, pretending that was his plan all along. Roman chuckles and Seth doesn’t get far before Roman’s embracing him from behind, trapping him and spinning him around. The older man’s still laughing, loud and free that Seth realizes he doesn’t want to go another day without that laugh. He hopes he’ll have all the time in the world to say it.

Sex is different that night, not hurried or rough or punishing or angry like the other times. The passion is still very much there, a big ball of fire that is unquenchable. Roman’s body is pressed up against Seth’s heart, his hands spreading Seth’s thoughts, lingering on the curves of his passion, gripping Seth’s hopes, stroking his opinions and cupping his desires. Roman’s soul is breathing heavily against Seth’s collarbones, his thoughts nibbling on the younger man’s ears, his passion pressed against Seth’s lips, and his hopes naked on Seth’s skin.

It’s unlike anything Seth has ever experienced before.

His soft little moans call out for Roman’s soul, aching for him, clumsy fingers desperate. The bed is moving gently, witnessing their lovemaking, the sheets are clenching, at Seth’s mercy. Roman isn’t about making him scream tonight, he’s about making Seth forget to breathe. He’s making every minute, every moment count. He’s making Seth remember. Leaving his mark on Seth’s body. On Seth’s heart and his memory. He goes deeper, but still sparing Seth. It’s slow and longer, making heat where their bodies meet. There’s passion. There’s sex. There’s love and then there’s...this.

His soul, Seth can feel his soul being drained out of his body, his sweat mingling with Roman’s, creating priceless tiny jewels. Every touch electrifying, his nipples crinkling and wet, his chest rising and falling on subsiding breaths. He can think of nothing but Roman, knows no other world that exists outside of this, of them – in between the sheets, falling apart beneath Roman like this is something he’s always waited for. A boisterous aura spreads over the room, sinking into everything, setting their bodies on fire. A consuming wildfire that can’t be quenched by nothing but their need for each other.

Seth comes with a soft cry, his soul moaning Roman’s name, body arching up to the bigger man in offering, pleasure raining down his cheeks, his thighs vibrating, and his desire for Roman staining his chest, his belly. Lighting shoots along Seth’s spine, all of him feeling consumed, devoured. Every inch, under his skin, his bloodstream. All of him...loved. Tonight. Tomorrow. Hopefully...forever.

It ends with a sweet kiss, with Roman then collapsing heavily on top of him. Seth buries his hands in Roman’s damp black tresses, sensitive, and squirmy at the heated breath fanning his neck. Roman is saying something, too muffled for Seth to catch with his ears or to understand, with his drowsy mind still floating. He imagines that Roman is declaring his undying affection. Imagines that Roman is promising to always be there, that he’ll always care, that he’ll never walk away. He imagines Roman _ choosing _him – over and over again, without fail, hesitance or doubt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Sorry for the silence. Assignments. Assignments. Don't forget to check the tags :)

Roman is leaving. A revelation he’d made this morning, after a phone call he received from someone he referred to as ‘Dante’. It turns out that Dante is Giuseppe Gagliano’s middle name and only few people call him that, primarily people he does business with. Roman has been in talks with him about an investment he wants to make in his chain of casinos. Not that Gagliano needs the money, but he owes Jon a favor, and it doesn’t hurt that he has followed Roman’s NFL career and is quite taken with him. Seth wouldn’t know all this had Roman not confided him, the quarterback has a business meeting with Giuseppe Gagliano in about an hour – at some flashy hotel here in Chicago.

Seth didn’t know that business meetings could be done in casual attire but that’s what Roman is wearing. A grey Nike sweater, formfitting Levi’s jeans and black Nike trainers. He looks simplistically beautiful and Seth is impressed by the sight of him. He is tempted to mess with Roman a little though, to transform his neatness into a lewd mess and his dick practically eggs him on, swelling with lust. Seth is about to follow through with his plan when the back doors slide open and in walks Roman’s two goons, striding into the house as if they belong. Seth bites back the annoyance and just stares. 

“Akam, Rezar!” Roman finally looks up from his laptop, sounding enthusiastic. Too enthusiastic. Seth barely prevents an eye roll. “È la macchina pronta?” 

He always speaks Italian with these two. But they’re not Italian, one of them is Canadian and the other Albanian...or is it Dutch? Seth doesn’t care to be honest. Something about these two rubs him him the wrong way, it could be their familiarity with Roman...that he still can’t put his finger on. Roman’s told him that they’re just friends and Seth has been reluctant to ask if they had something more between them at some point. So he tortures himself with the questions instead. 

“Yes, the car is ready, Big Dog. It’s okay to leave now,” the one that appears small than the other says. 

Roman grins, mirth found in his gorgeous eyes. “Stiamo facendo felice gli Americani ora, huh?” His laughter spreads over the spacious living room. “If only the Americans put in the same effort in studying our languages the way we do theirs. Life would be so much better, huh tough guy?”

Tough guy rolls his eyes, but seems to agree with Roman. 

“Mattina, Seth!” the other one looks down at Seth, smiling widely. 

_ Boy, I’m not your friend. Don’t look so excited.  _ Seth doesn’t say it, actually his brain is a little befuddled at the moment, so he says the first thing that comes to mind. “Rezar?”

“Sì!” the grin widens, weird on someone this...intimidating. “You finally get it right, mio amico. How many days is it, four days?”

It has been four days, Seth realizes. He must be loving this place so much that he’s not even counting the days. This means they’re going home in two days, another realization, more than dismayed this time. Seth loves it here, he could escape the world here and have  _ this  _ – Roman and Keilani to himself. But he does miss his job and the kids at the hospital, so much, and Nattie and Beth have been generous with him, allowing him to skip so many days. It was all part of Roman’s charm, they obliged too easily. 

“La’u Penina?” Roman says in a low voice, so much warmth found in it that a wave of beautiful emotions courses through Seth’s body, his belly fluttering deliciously. It’s worse with this term of endearment that Roman’s begun using. Seth thinks it means ‘my pearl’ or ‘my princess’. It’s one of the two but Seth doesn’t mind either. “You’re going to use your phone today, yeah?”

That subtle Samoan accent again, Seth grins like a goddamn fool without meaning to. “Yeah, baby.” He nods his head. He’s kept off his phone long enough. Initially, because of the chaos, the unending calls and messages that were on there, demanding his attention. All because he was seen with his boyfriend and his daughter. “Are you going to check in?”

“Yes. I don’t know how long this meeting will take.” Roman doesn’t spare him a glance, looking for this and that, and then packing everything he needs inside his laptop bag. Finally, he regards Seth intently. Fuck Seth. How does this man make everything look intensely sexy? There’s something sensual about him. All the time. “I don’t think it will be possible for you to contact me though. If you need anything, send a message. Alternatively, call one of these guys. They won’t mind coming back home.”

Right. Roman’s henchman. 

“I don’t have their numbers.”

Roman writes them down, his handwriting’s beautiful. He places the white paper on the glass table and shifts to where Seth is. He looks at the elegant rocking chair that occupies his babbling daughter. Lifting her into his arms, the big man’s forehead presses to Keilani’s gently. A few foreign words. So much love in his rumbling voice. The little one squirms and kicks cutely. “Oute alofa ia oe.” The older man whispers his love to his daughter. He seems reluctant as he returns her to the rocking chair. The intense gaze finds Seth again. It makes him feel like the most important man in the world. “Won’t you say goodbye, la’u penina?” it’s teasing. 

Seth doesn’t verbally reply, he stands to his feet and gets in Roman’s personal space. His heart ricochets against his ribcage as a familiar warmth settles in the pit of his belly. Large arms envelope him, causing Seth’s knees to buckle, the scent of Roman, his aura making him excessively giddy. “Hurry back,” Seth whispers, flushing with embarrassment. This sappy mess he’s become lately, he doesn’t recognize. “I, uh,”  _ will miss you while you’re gone.  _ “I will kill you if this takes longer than three hours – and that’s me being generous.” 

Roman chuckles, the sound reverberates in Seth’s belly. He wraps his arms around Roman’s back and looks up at his man. “Beautiful, brains and  _ generous  _ too? Damn, how’d I get so lucky?” Roman murmurs, he looks amused but sounds too serious. 

“Nice try,” Seth laughs, nose nudging against Roman’s. “I’ll still kick your ass if you’re late.”

“Big Dog?” a deep voice calls from behind them. It’s one of Roman’s goons.

Seth sighs, and leans up to kiss his boyfriend, his lips colliding with Roman’s with more force than necessary. Roman never seems to mind, how Seth kisses him like a starving man... _ aching, needing.  _ This kiss is slow, passionate, and a little fluffy. They’re smiling and laughing into it, dramatic, childish moans ripping out of Roman’s throat. Seth is giggling himself, cupping the taller man’s cheeks and caressing his beard. “Bring me back something beautiful,” a quiet murmur as Seth looks into mesmerizing brown eyes. 

“Gold-digging tendencies making an appearance already, huh?”

Pulling back, Seth shakes his head frantically as his eyes widen. He’s not Mandy, he’s not. “No, of course not!” it’s a little harsher than he intended. “Sorry. I mean, like nothing of value, Roman. Like maybe a rose from a park or I don’t know. I’m not with you for your money. I’m here because I...see my future with you.” He’s embarrassed to be having this conversation in front of Roman’s puppies. 

“Hey,” the back of Roman’s right hand caresses Seth’s cheek. The younger man shivers, sucking in an affected ball of air. “Calm down, sweetheart. It was a joke. Maybe a terrible one but I trust you. I like you for you. And you deserve to be spoiled, that is what I will do.”

Roman’s calmness is infectious, and it spreads over to Seth. He can feel the tension in his shoulders dissipating, and the insults that were on the tip of his tongue dying away slowly. “I love being spoiled as much as the next person but don’t...don’t overdo it. I’m not rich enough to reciprocate fairly. I can buy you chocolates though. And maybe a gold chain or cologne. Do you like chocolates?”

“No,” Roman shakes his head, “I like you.”

He doesn’t give Seth the chance to respond as he’s embracing him to kiss him deeply again and then he’s...gone. Seth stares after him, a bit dumbfounded, his legs weak and breathing even weaker. He’s...smitten. So smitten. And he’s beaming, hands enwrapping around his waist. May these feelings never end, Seth loves them too much, they’re infectious – and beautiful, so exquisite. He’s smitten. 

Seth lifts Keilani out of the rocking chair as soon as he calms down, deciding to keep her company...or maybe he needs the company. A lot of sensory stimulating games are played, well not too much, Keilani is still so young and can’t do much of anything. But Seth does have fun with her, tries not to feel guilty when they have tummy time (she hates it so much) and feeds her before putting her to sleep again. 

Roman’s been gone for less than two hours but Seth misses him already. He enjoys the quarterback’s company, and loves how open he is. He’s always eager to learn and share – but not the extremely educational stuff. Just a random fact. Or something that he saw that he thought would be interesting. Sometimes, they just play board games. Or they’ll listen to music. They don’t have a TV but it’s hard to notice with how much Seth loves being in Roman’s company. He especially loves it when Roman reassures him, that he’s having just as much fun, that he loves Seth’s company too – nothing quite compares to Roman’s words of affirmation. Seth is falling pathetically hard and fast. He’s scared. 

Remembering that Roman said he’ll keep in touch, Seth goes back to the bedroom and grabs his phone before going back to the living room. He takes a deep breath to prepare himself and then switches his phone on. The dinging starts almost immediately, loud and unwanted. Seth quickly puts his phone on silent to prevent the godforsaken gadget from waking up Keilani. He collapses on the couch as he looks at his phone blankly. The notifications keep coming through. Damn. Now he remembers why Roman had told him to swtich off his phone. How do people like the quarterback deal with this on a daily basis? 

Seth has some missed calls from unknown numbers, there are too many messages. He deletes them all, doesn’t bother reading any of them. For his peace of mind, his sanity. Seth’s stomach does flips as he checks his social media accounts. How the hell...? Eighty thousand new followers in the span of three days on Instagram. Multiple friend requests on Facebook. Twenty thousand new followers on Twitter. 

Okay...

Since when did Seth become so popular?

Curiosity gets the best of him, and he decides to go check Mandy’s social accounts. She’s gained quite a following as well but it’s nothing compared to what he’s seeing on his own accounts. Seth’s head grows big, and he feels an odd sort of satisfaction. This must mean that if the polls were out, he’d stand a better chance with Roman than Mandy ever could. Seth’s brain gloats at the affirmation, the feeling building, poisoning his heart – and him. He doesn’t bother to read the articles because who cares what a jealous gossip site writer thinks anyway? 

For the rest of the morning, Seth is buzzing with joy. He cleans every inch of the house, and takes care of Keilani, and finds an easy recipe on the internet so that he can prepare lunch for Roman and his two big goons. It’s 03:30 pm when he hears the car park outside. Seth remains where he is, heart thrashing violently in longing because Roman’s finally home. He did take a bit longer than three hours but what’s ten minutes late compared to the quarterback’s presence? 

Keilani must notice either the change in Seth or that her father is here because she squirms cutely in Seth’s arms and gurgles adorably. Seth gazes down affectionately at her. “I missed him, too,” he tells the little one softly, heart strings tugged on as she smiles toothlessly up at him, drool leaking out of the corners of her mouth as she continues to gurgle delightedly. “I know, latiiti,” a smile.

The front door opens, and immediately, Seth’s ears are hit with animated conversation from the people entering the house. The tall one – Rezar? – pats Roman’s shoulder and laughs in earnest. “Mi devi! You owe me $50, Big Dog. You don’t watch too many MMA fights. Know nothing about the sport. St. Pierre, better than Anderson Silva, in this world? Ha. I think not.” 

Roman shrugs, and Seth notices how his eyes light up as they find him and the baby in his arms. Remaining where he is, perched on the floor rug, with his feet crossed, Seth returns the older man’s smile – to the point that his cheeks actually hurt but he can’t help it. He’s happier as Roman announces something in Italian and the other men nod to each other and leave the house. Good. This is how it should be. Seth doesn’t want to share Roman’s company. Those two did have his boyfriend all to themselves for over three hours anyway. 

“Daddy,” Seth grins a beautiful smile as Roman comes to crouch in front of him. “How did your meeting go?”

“Fantastic!” Roman’s excitement is like that of a child, the fire in his brown eyes is breathtaking. “Better than I anticipated. Never thought I’d see the day I become part owner to a chain of successful casions. It’s all thanks to Jon though, he really came through for me.”

Okay...

Seth searches Roman’s eyes, tries to find anything offish about him. He can’t help it sometimes. There’s this manner in which Roman talks about people. You can’t help wondering if he’s had flings with them or not.  _ He did tell you the guy’s a friend from college.  _ His heart quips, irritated. Friend. Right. Roman seems to have a lot of them, and it’s something that will take a bit of getting used to. 

“When will I meet him?” Seth queries, compliant as Roman lifts him to sit on his lap. Roman’s big arms envelope him and Keilani and Seth feels...safe, cherished. He loves this. “Jon Moxley.”

“Soon,” Roman’s voice is rumbling in Seth’s ear. He kisses the younger’s temple softly. “I told him about you...well, Rezar did. The big moron can’t keep his mouth shut. Anyway, Jon’s curious about you and my daughter. You’re going to meet soon, just not now. He has other commitments now.”

“Like what? Beating someone to a pulp?” Seth huffs, jokingly. 

“If they’re being foolishly difficult, yes.”

What?

“Baby boy, I’m sorry. I have to take this call,” Roman says, he’s already shifting Seth off of his lap gently. “Hello, mami?”

That ‘foolishly difficult’ bit was a joke, right? Right. 

Roman returns less than a minute later. “That was Miss Garcia. She says I’m trending with a  _ beautiful  _ boy online. I haven’t bothered to check all the news sites. I don’t think I even want to know.”

Okay, seems they’re past the ‘beating people to a pulp’ topic. 

Seth shakes his head, and eyes Roman, “So you still keep in touch with Miss Garcia?” he’s jealous, can’t exactly pinpoint where the feeling comes from. Roman calls Miss Garcia ‘mami’.

What does it mean? 

Roman frowns, “Of course, I do. We never lost contact.” He’s sitting behind Seth, enveloping him, his sensuous lips finding their way to the sensitive part of Seth’s neck. “I got your gift with me. Do you want to see it?”

An absentminded nod. 

Roman lifts him again, but this time Seth helps out, whirling around so that he’s facing his boyfriend. It’s in time to see Roman retrieve something from his jeans pocket. A little black box. Not small enough to hold a diamond ring, Seth notes with great relief. That relief flies straight out of the window though when Roman opens the box and retrieves an elegant gold bracelet similar to the one that Seth’s seen him wearing a few times. It’s elegant, subtle in it’s beauty, and Seth can’t suppress his gasp as well as his panic. Roman, with his intent gaze locked on Seth, grabs one of the younger man’s wrists (mindful of Keilani who is still gurgling in Seth’s embrace) and fastens the bracelet around a frozen Seth’s wrist. 

“Beautiful,” an awe-filled whisper, “as I imagined it would be. Like you.”

Seth looks at the bracelet on his wrist, it shines under the light streaming through the house, and blinds him a little. This is...the real deal. “I – I can’t...Romie, I-I don’t think I can accept this.” 

“Why not?”

“It’s still so s-soon and what if...what if –”  _ it doesn’t work out.  _ The thought causes his heart to clench in on itself painfully. Biting on his quivering lip, Seth clenches his eyes shut, and tries to drive away the possibility. He has no idea why he’s so scared to lose Roman. Maybe, maybe because it feels like he’s finally met someone that he connects with, on so many levels that losing all of this would do something to him. Maybe, he’s scared to lose someone who seems to genuinely care for him. He doesn’t want his fears to be proved right. He wants Roman to stay and... _ love  _ him. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. 

There’s the other part that doesn’t want to feel indebted to Roman. 

“Let’s just...wait a little while longer. I really love it, Row-man. But I don’t think I can accept it, at least not yet.” 

When Seth finally peers up at Roman, he finds a neutral expression on his face. It...calms him, strangely. No disappointment. No joy. Just neutrality – that he suspects is purposeful. To spare him maybe. “There’s no rush,” Roman replies, his voice is also neutral, but there’s so much warmth and sincerity found in it. “We’re taking all this at your pace, and I’m happy that you’re able to speak your mind.”

How did Seth ever nab this guy?

“I’m happy with you,” he returns, leaning forward to kiss Roman. He...this can’t ever end. Seth wants Roman for himself forever. This is his man. His quarterback. His...love. “I’ll keep it with me though. And one day, I’ll wear it for you – and you’ll know how much you mean to me.” Embarrassment colors his cheeks red. God, why must he always be so sappy around Roman?  _ Because we love him,  _ his heart supplies, twirling around in joy.  _ Love? Hell no!  _ That’s his brain screaming blasphemy. Seth shakes his head, and tries to keep his panic at bay. He’s not...he’s not in love with Roman –  _ too soon,  _ brain cuts in. But Roman is making it hard for Seth not to fall. He especially made it hard when he brought them here. 

Seth has been so content, has learned so many things about him, and he thinks the time alone has strengthened their bond. These feelings he has...they’re close to love. So close. Close enough that maybe it is love. His brain screams indignation at his betrayal but his heart is sighing contently. These two never agree on anything. 

“Fair enough,” Roman’s voice drags him away from the internal debate between his heart and mind thankfully. He has that butterfly creating look on his face that also has the ability to make the stars and the moon bend to his will. It takes Seth’s breath away. “Tell me about your day, la’u penina.”

No awkwardness. Or anger. Or suppressed feelings because of their previous discussion. 

Seth smiles with his soul. “I got like thousands and thousands of new followers on my social accounts,” he divulges happily.

* * *

“We enjoy your company, Seth,” Akam grins an intimidating smile before he envelopes Seth in a death hug that the much smaller man wasn’t expecting. “You visit again with our Big Dog, eh?”

Seth wants to reply but is being suffocated in a bear hug by a giant of a man, so hard that he cannot even breathe. “Air!” he manages to wheeze out, hearing the amused laughs of his boyfriend and Rezar. 

“Akam, non troppo. Not too much, not too much,” Roman still has a vibrant laughter in his baritone voice. “Sethiel is like a toothpick compared to us. He’s a...what is it? An expensive vase. You break him, I’ll kill you.”

Oh wow...a toothpick, huh? This stupid meathead. Seth isn’t some damsel in distress. He can very well hold his own in a fight, although maybe he wouldn’t mind Roman fighting his war where Akam and Rezar are concerned. These two could easily break him with just their pinky fingers. But they’ve been nothing short of friendly the entire time that Seth has been here with Roman. Even if it did take Seth a while to warm up to them. Okay, so he warmed up to them just two days before they could leave this place but who’s counting?

“Scemo!” Akam says as rolls his eyes at Roman. “Fool. Fool. Fool. You wouldn’t harm an ant. You think you could face a big man like me?”

“Touché,” Roman hugs the other man. “I’ll call as soon as we’re home, mio amico. Another meeting on the 22 nd , if I forget you’re to remind me.”

A few more words are exchanged, in Italian this time. It’s frustrating because Seth doesn’t understand a single word they’re saying and it sucks and maybe Roman was right about Americans and their laziness about learning other languages. Seth tried to learn a few words yesterday though, on Google Translate and he’d reply to Roman’s questions in Italian but he’d get laughed at because the app isn’t really accurate apparently. Whatever. Seth is still going to use it to learn his Italian and Samoan. He knows a few words. Like scemo – it means fool. You’re hot in Italian is ‘sei eccitante’. That’s all he knows in Italian. In Samoan, he can say ‘fuck me’ and ‘this food tastes good’ and ‘you’re beautiful’. 

The drive back to Moline isn’t long at all. Roman allows Seth to be in charge of the radio and of course Seth plays his metal music. Roman frowns a few times, telling Seth that his music sounds like it was sung by depressed teenagers or someone under the influence of drugs. Seth is offended, and lightly punches the lauging jerk a few times. Roman’s opinion doesn’t matter anyway. Keilani loves Seth’s music just as much and makes her cute gurgling sounds in the backseat. 

They arrive in Moline late in the afternoon, just before 06:00pm. Mrs. Wilson pauses her task of walking her pitbull to stare openly at them. Seth bites his bottom lip and shakes his head. Everyone seems to mind each other’s business here. Roman is kind to her, they talk about the weather and how her day was going. Boring. Seth kisses him on the lips and grabs Keilani’s car seat and heads for the house – after he’s greeted her of course. He’s not completely rude. 

Seth’s house looks rather different, it feels like he hasn’t been here in weeks instead of one. Seth feels different himself. In a good way, of course. He’s at peace – mind, body and soul. The bedroom door opens just as he’s setting Keilani in her rocking chair. A heavenly scent seduces his nose, large arms embracing him from behind. The gentlest kiss behind his ear. “Welcome home.”

Home.

Seth smiles, spinning in Roman’s arms, and standing on his tiptoes to kiss him. “I should be telling you that. Are you hungry?”

“Ravenous,” the tempting innuendo in Roman’s voice isn’t hard to miss. 

Okay, time to pull away. Since Roman, Seth has been having more sex than he’s had in his entire twenty-five years of living. It’s the most addictive thing, and Seth is intoxicated by Roman’s aura but his body can’t take much more right now. He’s swollen and sore – a daily occurrence lately, never mind that Roman has actually been considerate with making Seth take all of him. “Oh no, down boy,” Seth murmurs cheekily when Roman’s hands worm their way inside his jeans to fondle his swollen mounds. “I’m still sore. And also, we’ve been having too much sex. Anything more and your little buddies will shoot past the condoms – that have broken twice now, by the way – and shoot straight to that place they’re not supposed to go to. I’m not trying to get pregnant.”

_ Maybe one day.  _

Seth doesn’t voice his thoughts to Roman. He’s still surprised that he even desires a family so bad with Roman. But he’d be the perfect person to have a family with. Aren’t they this little family already? 

Roman opens his mouth, probably to reply but his phone rings before he can do that. He sighs, looking so reluctant as one of his hands dig out of Seth’s jeans. He retrieves his phone from his back pocket and answers. “Mami?”

Okay, this is Seth’s cue to leave. He doesn’t want to be jealous otherwise. It’s a little late for him to cook dinner but fuck it. He’s going to make them Beef Stir Fry. Gathering the ingredients from the fridge and cabinets, everything is placed on the island. RnB music spreads over the kitchen, to coax Roman to come to the kitchen more than anything, as Seth gets to work. He’s slicing the carrots when Roman materializes behind him causing Seth to jump a little. 

“Babe, don’t do that. You scared me,” Seth tells the other man as his heartrate goes down. “I’m making beef stir fry. Will you help me?”

A kiss touches his nose. He smiles. “Of course. Your phone was ringing though.”

Why didn’t Roman just bring it?

Seth nods, and kisses Roman’s lips again before maneuvering past him to go and check. He finds the flashy gadget on his side of the beside table. Two missed calls. Dylan Sr. A familiar heavy weight settles in Seth’s gut, twisting him up in a bundle of nerves as he stares at his phone. This always happens when he gets a phone call from one of his family members. What does this one want? The last time that Seth heard from his mom’s uncle was nearly six months ago...or could it be more? 

Seth sighs, he doesn’t want to call. He really doesn’t. Talking to these people always dampens his mood somehow, and this is why he usually prefers to distance himself. He doesn’t need to hear about something new that his mom’s done that their reserved asses think is a disgrace. Or to hear about Dylan’s Jr’s studies at Harvard. He doesn’t need this shit. Not tonight. So Seth returns his phone where he found it and goes back to the kitchen. He finds Roman struggling with the onions and laughs loudly. What’s new? 

“Baby, leave it. I’ll slice the onions.” He skips over to where his man is, previous negativity shedding off easily at the sight of Roman. “Why don’t you start on the sauce for the stir fry?”

Roman rewards him with a beautiful kiss. They work in tandem, joking around, and having fun. The food is done thirty minutes later and they eat in front of the TV that may as well be serving as background noise. With all the questions that Seth is asking Roman. “What do you mean he can’t handle his partners?”

“The guy and the two girls were fighting outside his house in the early hours of the morning. Then they realized it was pointless and worked together to remove Tonga’s tires. Because they were all played for fools anyway.”

Seth blinks at Roman, equally amused and disturbed. “So this is why Miss Garcia called you? To tell you to deal with Tonga?” 

“Partly,” Roman shrugs, running his hand down Seth’s back. “Out of all my cousins, Tama Tonga, he’s the most troublesome. Some sort of bad boy. He’s older than me, but I’m more mature. Out of all of us, I’m the most mature.”

“You must have  _ very _ immature cousins then,” Seth quips playfully. 

Roman narrows his eyes, and then in the blink of an eye, has Seth beneath him. Despite his large form, he’s pressing lightly into the body beneath him, driving Seth insane with his heady foreign scent. Coconut-y and pure masculine. Seth’s tongue darts out to lick at the sensuous lips pressing lightly onto his and grins mischievously at Roman’s surprised expression. His pulse quickens, breaths coming out quick and choppy as Roman leans down – breath on breath, heartbeats synchronized.  _ Please kiss me _ . His body is teeming with desire. 

Roman looks ready to oblige, until...

Seth’s body locks up, eyes widening, and then he struggles against Roman, gasping and then cackling loudly as Roman tickles him. “B-Babe,” a breathless gasp, “that tickles! S-Stop, please s-stop.” He’s flailing, and kicking blindly but Roman isn’t easing up. “D-Daddy,” Seth tries again, “D-Daddy.”

That seems to appease Roman, who stops immediately, and brings a still giggling Seth onto his lap. He’s kissing Seth’s temple, and the young man can feel Roman smile against him. “Next time, I won’t be so lenient.”

Seth sighs, and turns in Roman’s embrace. “And I’ll knee your balls next time.”

Roman laughs, but he says nothing else, just seems content to stare. Seth, himself, has no other words. It’s the silence that’s speaking for them anyway. An intense aura pools around them, their energies feeding off of each other. It’s nothing but positivity. Nothing but beautiful, pure positivity. The feelings are raw and open and intense. Seth keeps his eyes locked on Roman’s inviting ones, allows the intense connection to consume and envelope them.  _ No one but you. You. You.  _ His heart sings, and Seth agrees with it. Yes, no one else but Roman.

* * *

Being at work after spending some time away in heaven is a little weird. Seth woke up to Roman having prepared breakfast already and they had that together before Seth left for work. A lot of eyes have been on him throughout the day and Seth will admit that it’s a little unnerving. There are whispers too and finger pointing that Seth has been doing his best to ignore. He’s spent most of the day wondering how Mandy does it though, how she welcomes the fame and overwhelming attention. 

Speaking of Mandy, she seems highly irritated by him today. Alexa told him that she’s annoyed by how Seth somehow managed to surpass her on social media with regards to followers. Petty much? Seth had cackled and rolled his eyes. Of all the things she could get angry about and followers is what she chooses to settle on? She needs to get her priorities straight. Anyway, they’re having another meeting tonight. To discuss the ‘getting along’ issue. Seth...doesn’t know. Maybe he’s still in such a great mood that literally nothing Mandy could do will dampen his spirits at the moment. He’s very happy, and he’s smiling a lot. The others compliment him on his glow. They say he’s shining, physically and his aura. 

After lunch, he checks in with one of his patient’s parents. Mrs. Novak and her wife have a twenty-four weeker that came to St. Anderson’s a month after she was born for better care. The little girl still has a long road ahead of her. Her organs are still developing and unfortunately suffers from chronic lung disease from being born so early. Currently, the doctors are in talks about a possible surgery for the little one because she had three holes in her heart, two of those healed themselves but the third one is problematic. The little one – Maisie is her name – is doing her best to fight though, and continues to surprise everyone in the Nicu on a daily basis. 

Seth is still buzzing with energy when it’s finally home time. Nothing, absolutely nothing could dampen his spirits today. Throughout the day, he was talking to Roman, about one thing or the other. Seth is still amazed that they just...click. They complement each other so perfectly and Seth loves Roman’s slapstick humor, and lately, they’ve been sending each other a lot of comedic GIFs, and talking, and talking. Seth thinks he’s just gained himself a new best friend. 

“I still didn’t your autograph,” Alexa giggles, as she skips beside him, wrapping her tiny arm around Seth’s longer one. “Before you become too big and we have to pay to see you.”

Seth rolls his eyes. This tiny bitch. “Nice joke, Lex. I don’t want to be a goddamn celebrity.”

“But the attention’s cool, you gotta admit that,” her pale blue eyes are ever knowing, and a tiny smirk is pulling on one corner of her mouth. “It must be nice to have a little recognition. And did you see your Twitter followers? Twenty thousand new ones this morning! That’s like, super cool, princess. I’m still stuck on one thousand. That used to be more than yours at one point!”

Seth shakes his head, pausing at Roman’s car. “I’m not...I don’t care about the fame. That’s not why I’m with Roman, Lex.”

“Of course not,” Alexa rolls her eyes as if that’s obvious, “But he is famous, and the perks, baby. The perks.”

Mandy said something similar a while ago. 

“I – stop confusing me and get in the stupid car, dummy!” Seth instructs because he really is getting confused. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t feel...good to be so recognized, to have been looked at with awe but Seth is not with Roman because of his fame. It’s the furthest from it. He just loves Roman’s aura, his energy, his spirit – the man just oozes good, confidence and kindness. His dominance and good looks are a beautiful bonus. Seth doesn’t care for Roman’s fame. 

“How dare you call this car stupid!” Seth is brought back to earth by Alexa’s melodramatic gasp. He peers over at her to catch her disapproving frown. “This is a Mercedes-Benz AMG G65, dammit! Put some respect on this beauty.”

Seth frowns lightly, looking at his best friend, and then shakes his head, breaking into carefree guffaws with her. This girl’s the craziest human he knows – and Seth loves her so goddamn much! 

****

“Mandy, would you like to address what your issues are with Seth?”

Silence. 

This is how this meeting’s been going for a while now. Roman will ask one of them something and the reply will be a silence akin to that of a sulking teenager. After which, a snarky comment will follow. Seth feels for Roman but look, he can’t help being nasty. Mandy’s the last person he should be sharing Roman with. She just grates his tits and pisses the hell out of him. 

“Romie,” Mandy starts, her fake lashes flapping like crazy, “I don’t have a problem with this...tasteless, classless thing. Why would I? I mean look at—”

“Watch your mouth,” Roman says quietly, the command isn’t hard to miss. A shiver slithers down Seth’s spine, his breath picking up and coming out in little gasps. “Respect is a human right, Ms. Rose, and I will not sit around while you disrespect Seth. I am not going to stand for it. Just like I wouldn’t allow him to disrespect you.”

Good. 

Seth’s dick is purring submissively at the command that was found in the deep voice. He can’t pinpoint what it is exactly about Roman being firm that reduces him into a horny, shuddering mess. Perhaps it’s the fiery aura that is rubbing off on Seth. He clasps his trembling hands, and throws his right leg over the other, to suppress how... _ excited  _ Roman makes him – and lifts his eyes to look at Mandy. 

She seems ready to defy Roman. “Fine,” an eye roll, perhaps she’s changed her mind. “Look, Romie, I don’t think I need a reason to dislike this brat. I just don’t. People don’t need reasons to dislike other people. He’s annoying and tasteless and greasy most of the time. I don’t like him.”

Why, this blond plastic bitch...

“Well, I—”

“Fair enough,” Roman cuts in before Seth can actually insult Mandy. Glaring daggers at his boyfriend, Seth huffs an annoyed breath and looks away. “I, personally, think it’s petty to dislike someone for no reason but realistically, I also know that it’s impossible to be liked by everyone. So perhaps you’re justified – in your disliking of Seth. But I ask that you respect him. Actually, that’s what I want from both of you. You’re both adults, surely you can be civil toward each other. You don’t need to like each other but the respect is a must, that’s a neccesity.”

Silence again. 

Seth looks at Mandy. She looks at him. Neither seems to want to yield first. It’s their stubborn nature and Seth will not back down this time. The fighting is exhausting, yes. And perhaps a little overrated, because Seth wouldn’t be able to actually give you a straight answer about why he dislikes Mandy Rose. Well, that’s not completely true. He hates her attitude, how she thinks she’s above everyone else. She’s just irritating, and shallow. So very shallow. 

An exasperated sigh breaks through the silence. 

“I’m only agreeing to this stupid thing because I really care about you, Roman.” Mandy says, sounding frustrated and resigned at the same time. “Just because I won’t taunt the brat—”

“Mandy—”

“Fine, jeez!” she rolls her eyes again, “He better keep away from me though. We don’t run in the same league, the weirdo and I. If he keeps out of my hair extensions, I promise to keep out of his rat hair.”

“It's still better than those plastic boobs though,” Seth snipes, and then shifts his gaze to Roman who is looking between him and Mandy. The quarterback’s eyes are dark as coal, reminding Seth of how they look just like this when he’s in the throes of a good orgasm.  _ Fuck me.  _ Seth flushes and looks away. 

“Please continue, you’re both earning yourselves some attitude adjustments,” Roman grins, there’s no humor at all in his voice. 

Seth looks at Mandy, even she looks hesitant. 

Silence. 

“It’s settled then. Right here, right now, we’re all agreeing. You both aren’t forced to like each other but you are obliged to respect each other. That means no unnecessary quips or snide remarks. Are we clear?”

The audacity of Roman to talk to them like misbehaving teenagers. 

It only half angers Seth though, it’s also a violent assault on his senses. His dick has gone from half hard to full erection. He doesn’t like this one bit, how his dick betrays him where this man is concerned. But maybe it’s time that Mandy went back home, Seth has more arousing matters that he needs Roman to attend to. “Crystal,” Seth murmurs, already standing to his feet. He tries to hide his erection as best he can. “Mandy will be going home now, right sweetheart?” It’s saccharine sweet, fake smile spreading Seth’s lips.

A barely noticeable glare. “Sure, darling. Walk me out, won’t you?”

“With pleasure.”

“Don’t think you’ve won yet,” Mandy says at the door. “Romie is going to be mine. I’m more patient than you think. Have fun with this...stupid little game of happy family you’re playing while it still lasts. It won’t be forever, Seth.”

A punch in the gut. Seth’s heart refuses the possibility, cowering in fear, he’s doing his best not to show it. “Good luck with that. Roman’s not going anywhere. He wants me to take his last name, he told me.” And with that, Seth shuts the door in the blonde’s face and leans against his door. He won’t leave, Roman won’t leave. The way he talks about Seth says otherwise. The way he looks at Seth says otherwise. The way he touches. His actions. He’s not going anywhere. Not now. Not tomorrow. Seth repeats like a prayer in his mind. 

“Here you are,” Roman penetrates and defeats the fear crawling inside Seth’s mind. When the younger man blinks, he finds his boyfriend standing in front of him, looking down at him with breathtaking tenderness. “What’s wrong, la’u penina?”

“Nothing,” Seth clears his throat, and wraps his arms around Roman’s neck. His boyfriend embraces him immediately, tapping around Seth’s back so that the younger man can wrap his legs around his waist, and cling to him like a monkey. “This, this is not an illusion or a joke we’re playing. We’re together because we care for each other. And Keilani, she’s the beautiful bonus. It’s not an illusion.”

“The furthest thing from an illusion,” Roman murmurs, he’s moving around the house, to the kitchen, and places Seth on the island. “While tomorrow is never really guaranteed, I appreciate what I have with you, right now. And I don’t want to scare you off, but I don’t mind making this a forever thing.”

_ See,  _ the heart croons,  _ it’s love. It has to be love.  _ “I want you forever, too.”

“It’s settled then,” Roman speaks in a way that finalizes matters. “One day, we’ll make it legal.”

A pause. 

Seth searches Roman’s eyes, finds nothing but sincerity. This man regards him like Seth is his rising sun. They’ve been dating for close to two weeks now and maybe it’s a little too soon to be talking about forevers but who’s to question their connection? Or deny them because they haven’t been dating that long? Do the other voices matter anyway? 

As Seth looks at Roman, to find that intent gaze solely focused on him, he decides no. What matters is what he feels. What matters is that Roman feels the same way. Everyone else can go to hell. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
